I can only change myself.

[sunnyme1]

  I have 3 children, the youngest (24) we suspect has BPD.  I have "managed" this daughter her whole life, both to help her and to keep the environment as peaceful as possible.  I need to stop being so in control and hand back to her the responsibility for her life.    After reading about BPD, we now understand her and can have more compassion.   We are very new at all this and are taking bay steps forward in our efforts to help her and in being able to have a life of our own, too.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NorthernGirl]

Hi sunnyme1 and welcome to our community 

I'm glad you've found our site as there are many parents here who have connected to provide each other with ideas and support. You're in the right place to continue to understand more. It's great that you realize you have more compassion as you learn more.

Can you tell us a bit more about what behaviors having you suspect your youngest has BPD? Is she living with you?

Welcome aboard!

[Caredverymuch]

  I have 3 children, the youngest (24) we suspect has BPD.  I have "managed" this daughter her whole life, both to help her and to keep the environment as peaceful as possible.  I need to stop being so in control and hand back to her the responsibility for her life.    After reading about BPD, we now understand her and can have more compassion.   We are very new at all this and are taking bay steps forward in our efforts to help her and in being able to have a life of our own, too.

Hi Sunnyme1 

I join Northerngirl in saying 

I'm sorry to learn of your struggles with your daughter.  Parenting is not easy, no matter, and BPD can make this more challenging to be sure.  This site is a wonderful place of support as so many fellow parents of children with the disorder are here for you 

Please post more when you are able.  We are so glad you are here!

CVM

[SeaSprite]

 

There may always be a little bit of managing the environment... .sort of like if you have a child with a peanut allergy there is always a bit of managing.

But you are probably right, helping her to be more independent will be a good thing. There is a world out there she probably wants to be able to function in. 

I have a sd24 who definitely has traits... .I don't know if she meets criteria but the traits she has make her quite fragile and easily hurt. We treat her much more gently than my ss23 or d20, who don't seem to take things so personally and can handle more personal responsibility. She is getting stronger and more self-aware, less volatile, but we will probably always treat her more gently than her tougher siblings.