Is anger the only way they know how to communicate?

[Tater tot]

So I posted earlier about finally getting some closure with my exBPDbf, in terms of him acknowledging that he didn't care about me. I think what's interesting is that in the last 4 months (all post bu) that only time he engages with me back and forth (all via text) is when I call him out for his behavior or push him to the point of getting pissed. There was no dialouge when I was simply asking about his day, job, etc- just a 1-2 word response. However when I call him out for his behavior (i.e. are you afraid to answer my question? do you think I don't deserve an answer, you ignoring me is cowardly, etc.) always brings back a paragraph response and a back and forth. Our last (and final) conversation was me basically calling him an a-hole, which i'm not proud of/but he is, and him saying goodbye- my response, him saying goodeye again, etc.

Why is that? Has anyone else had the same experience?

[lm911]

I think you have a point. I was able to talk with my ex after the break up only when I pushed her and made her angry otherwise she was behaving like she did not care, but this is only a defence mechanism. When they are provoked, they show you how much crazy they are.

[pieceofme]

So I posted earlier about finally getting some closure with my exBPDbf, in terms of him acknowledging that he didn't care about me. I think what's interesting is that in the last 4 months (all post bu) that only time he engages with me back and forth (all via text) is when I call him out for his behavior or push him to the point of getting pissed. There was no dialouge when I was simply asking about his day, job, etc- just a 1-2 word response. However when I call him out for his behavior (i.e. are you afraid to answer my question? do you think I don't deserve an answer, you ignoring me is cowardly, etc.) always brings back a paragraph response and a back and forth. Our last (and final) conversation was me basically calling him an a-hole, which i'm not proud of/but he is, and him saying goodbye- my response, him saying goodeye again, etc.

Why is that? Has anyone else had the same experience?

i had the same experience. post b/u, even though he attempted several recycle attempts, he was always very short with me... .unless he was angry, then it was a wrath of words coming through my phone. the only way it would stop is if i blocked him.

[Tater tot]

So I posted earlier about finally getting some closure with my exBPDbf, in terms of him acknowledging that he didn't care about me. I think what's interesting is that in the last 4 months (all post bu) that only time he engages with me back and forth (all via text) is when I call him out for his behavior or push him to the point of getting pissed. There was no dialouge when I was simply asking about his day, job, etc- just a 1-2 word response. However when I call him out for his behavior (i.e. are you afraid to answer my question? do you think I don't deserve an answer, you ignoring me is cowardly, etc.) always brings back a paragraph response and a back and forth. Our last (and final) conversation was me basically calling him an a-hole, which i'm not proud of/but he is, and him saying goodbye- my response, him saying goodeye again, etc.

Why is that? Has anyone else had the same experience?

i had the same experience. post b/u, even though he attempted several recycle attempts, he was always very short with me... .unless he was angry, then it was a wrath of words coming through my phone. the only way it would stop is if i blocked him.

Interesting. He always mentioned screaming matches with exes, I told him repeatedly that's not normal... .now I can see why that was or is, their normal.

Wonder why he raged when trying to recycle?

[pieceofme]

my ex told me the same about his ex - screaming matches, physical abuse, stalking, calling the cops on each other, etc. all kinds of crazy dysfunction!

on the other hand, i provided a calm, stable relationship - all of his friends and family told how good i was for him. then, like you said, he created his "normal" in our relationship 

i suspect part of his rage (in his recycle attempts) was because i refused to just hop back in bed with him. i know there are are other underlying causes, as well, but on the surface, my "rejection" [his word] of his advances definitely triggered him.

[Bak86]

Yeah i couldn't have a normal conversation with my ex after our breakup either. When i asked her something it was always like she did not care. She also did not care how i was doing. When i triggered her, i would get long texts full of anger.