I slipped and broke NC. Help

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Recently been NC, for 4 weeks since 6 week split.

Got some texts over the weekend... .

Here they are

Gonna be honest with you... .I'm angry at how you became... .We could have been good and you ruined it... .Being full on and too arrogant... .Pisses me off... .I don't feel I should voice my opinion to people and should except them but in reality my true friends have said I should just tell it like it is... .We could have been good but you messed it up... .But maybe also I should be more honest when I feel uncomfortable etc... .

I'm annoyed cos we could have had a future but you were too controlling and wouldn't give emotionally... .But reality is that your problem / loss... .All I felt from our relationship was you take and me loose... .I tired of that ___... .So I finally said it without loosing anything... .Cos it had already been sucked out of me... .You were wrong... .And it could have been good if you weren't so selfish about it all... .

You use to getting your own way with your doormat of an ex and your mum... .You afraid of what people might say but in reality you are dishonest about who you are... .

That was what she sent before i blocked her.

Stupidly a just replied today (3 days later)

With

'I can understand you are upset and angry'

How do I break myself out of it, she was bad news and I know she is toxic for me.

Feeling down now.

[Startattoo2]

Recently been NC, for 4 weeks since 6 week split.

Got some texts over the weekend... .

Here they are

Gonna be honest with you... .I'm angry at how you became... .We could have been good and you ruined it... .Being full on and too arrogant... .Pisses me off... .I don't feel I should voice my opinion to people and should except them but in reality my true friends have said I should just tell it like it is... .We could have been good but you messed it up... .But maybe also I should be more honest when I feel uncomfortable etc... .

I'm annoyed cos we could have had a future but you were too controlling and wouldn't give emotionally... .But reality is that your problem / loss... .All I felt from our relationship was you take and me loose... .I tired of that ___... .So I finally said it without loosing anything... .Cos it had already been sucked out of me... .You were wrong... .And it could have been good if you weren't so selfish about it all... .

You use to getting your own way with your doormat of an ex and your mum... .You afraid of what people might say but in reality you are dishonest about who you are... .

That was what she sent before i blocked her.

Stupidly a just replied today (3 days later)

With

'I can understand you are upset and angry'

How do I break myself out of it, she was bad news and I know she is toxic for me.

Feeling down now.

[Confused76]

It's OK, you made a mistake in a moment of weakness.  If you want to be NC (it's always your decision), then you just start again.  Like last time, with each passing day, it will get easier.  When the urge to reach out gets strong, I like to take 10 minutes and think to myself "What am I afraid of happening if I don't contact her?".  I just allow my mind to wander around the subject, and see where it takes me.  It seems to help.

Also, make it as hard as possible for her to get ahold of you.  Delete her number and email from everything.  Block her number and email(s) from everything.  Block her on any and all social media.  Don't answer any unknown of blocked phone calls.  You will always have the power of choice.

[GoodThingsToCome]

Hi there,

Firstly, all I can say is block that s**t! That all just sounds like projection to me. I had a similar thing recently, I was about 5 weeks out of the break-up and unfortunately we had some interaction (due to a business we had started together). Needless to say, something about that interaction pissed her off and I received some pretty abusive text messages late one night... .basically stating how the entire relationship was about me, how I was immature and she wanted me and my craziness out of her life - ummm, LOL? The entire content of those messages was basically her projecting onto me.

For some reason I responded (I was just tired of not having a voice and just being on the receiving end) - I basically just told her that I see through all of her words, that she needed to turn a corner in her life but sadly she couldn't see that yet, and that I pray for her daily. Obviously this pissed her off and I received some further abusive emails later on about how I was so controlling and emotionally abusive. I decided that day that enough was enough and I blocked her everywhere... .I'm not going back.

I will tell you that for about a week after those emails I was hit pretty hard... .I felt s**t even though I knew what she said wasn't true. NC is the only way... .as hard as it is... .get that toxic stuff out of your life!

Good luck

[freedom33]

You will be fine. Just start again. No big deal. Here's some good news. With every blocking you will get stronger at it. First time I blocked her from Whatsapp after she sent a ridiculous message, it was like amputating my arm. Then eventually as she was contacting me from all other mediums (skype, viber, insta, fb) and I kept blocking her it became easier and easier almost enjoyable not because I was hurting her but for getting my balls and sense of control back. Hang in there bro. Week 4 was the toughest point for me. Sometime between week 3 - 6 is the peak of darkness. But it gets better after that (depends also how long you 've been with her). Week 9 here and never felt better for a year and a half now!

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Im going on week 3 friday... peak of darkness beginning today. glad i havent faltered tho.

[StayOrLeave15]

Don't beat yourself up too much over it.  We all have moments of weakness.  I was on week 3 of NC and in after a night out of partying I decided to text her.  This was 6 weeks ago - we had a 2 week "honeymoon period" in our recycle and I deluded myself into thinking that things are all better.  All the old behaviors slowly but surely came back and here I am again feeling lost and empty.  I've been posted about my experience recently here in L3.

Think of it as a person on a diet who slips up and has a big juicy hamburger.  Sure, they broke their diet, but that doesn't mean they should go on a pizza, french fries, chinese food and chocolate cake binge over the next days or weeks.  It means get back on the horse and keep going.  Take it from my experience - the temptation of the good feelings that can come from breaking NC and possibly recycling are not worth the bad when all the lows you remember from your relationship begin to resurface.  Be good to yourself and be strong.

[btbh]

Hang in there buddy. We’ve all been through it. Ive just started NC again after a 2nd round of recycling which lasted about 2-3 months after a 5 month NC phase. As everyone’s experience is the same, you think they are better, she even told me she realized why our 2 ½ year relationship didn’t work out which impressed me cause she never ever said such things before. We agreed till we make a decision on the status of our rs/friendship, we would not date/hook up with any mutual friends. Sadly she couldn’t do it and I caught her breaking her promise 3 times in 2 weeks and lied to me each time I confronted her. Apologized after each time but did it again not even 5 days later. So yeah, enough is enough, told her we are done and gonna go NC from now on again. No matter how long the NC period is, until they get into therapy, they are sadly the same broken needy manipulative person inside.

Be strong and take a day at a time!

[Startattoo2]

Thanks folks for the support. Sounds like a lot of you been through the same mind mincing as myself.

It's truly horrible that you thought you had 'it' with it being total connection and love.

Turns out all we had was mermaids.

She did reply yesterday, which surprised me.

Reply was

'Find that a strange reply. Do you actually know what i said/why I was saying it?'

I think she was just out for a reaction, and now I've not given it like many previous victims of hers she's confused.

Got to move on, but you know it's very tough.

[btbh]

Yeah they reply cause they are testing for a response to see if we're still hooked. Probably has no replacement at the moment or things are going downhill with the current one. No contact isnt for everyone and isnt the iron rule. You can always just 'friendzone' and reply whenever you feel like or not at all. Sadly is the way to keep ourselves healthy and refrain from getting back into the toxic relationship.