Ready to move forward

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I am ready to move forward.

I am tired of talking about 'my ex this and my past that'.

I am tired of rehashing, retelling, really reliving the past.

I am ready to drop 'the past' off at the curb for the garbage man to take away... .

And I am ready to start talking about moving forward, making plans, living life.

I want to know what this 'dating' nonsense is all about? Seems like it's all 'online'? Seems weird... .

I am ready to start having discussions about life, positive living, things like that!

[going places]

I am ready to move forward.

I am tired of talking about 'my ex this and my past that'.

I am tired of rehashing, retelling, really reliving the past.

I am ready to drop 'the past' off at the curb for the garbage man to take away... .

And I am ready to start talking about moving forward, making plans, living life.

I want to know what this 'dating' nonsense is all about? Seems like it's all 'online'? Seems weird... .

I am ready to start having discussions about life, positive living, things like that!

[Rifka]

That's great! Yes it's wonderful to get to this point. Now it's time to talk about you!

What are your plans? What do you like to do to be happy. It's a time to self access and not let this drama into your life again. It's time to heal your heart, your soul your self! There are many things and tool and workshops here to help you through the next stages. There are also many people here who are where you are in your thinking and some behind and some ahead!

Your doing great! Time to be selfish and take care of you!

Rifka

I'm not a huge fan of the online dating. I'm two weeks into the dating sites, and wow are the sites full of red flags.

Proceed with caution!

[Panda39]

You go girl! 

I sometimes wish we had a board where no BPD talk is allow... .The "Take a break from BPD Board" were we just chat about what we do, what we want to do, the great recipe we just tried, the fun play we just saw, or the awesome book we just read.  There are some really great, smart and interesting people on this site.

So any way back to you... .Going Places... .Where are you going? What do you want to do that you've been waiting to try?  Do you want to go somewhere special?  Take a class? Take up Fly fishing? Painting? Start a cupcake business?

The world is your oyster

The on-line dating thing was strange to me too.  I was married in 1990 and divorced in 2009 there were barely home computers back when I got married so 20 years later how do you date on one?  I actually quizzed my younger single girl friends about what the rules of the game are?  You might try that too.  Like Rifka said be sure to really read the profiles and I will add really know what you are looking for as well both will narrow down the pool of potential dates.

But before you jump into a new relationship how about some "Going Places Time"... .massage?  get your nails done?  buy that cute pair of shoes... .

[going places]

Once the house sells my plans are to pack up my adult kids, my 2 dogs, and my crap and head to Florida.

I am not a fan of winter, and now, I don't have to endure it if I don't want too.

And I don't want to! 

Once I get to Florida, I will have to get a job (bartender / waitress) and 'establish' myself.

Then I will be on the hunt to buy a home. I figure 9 months - a year of renting is enough time for the banks to know I am legit.

Find a little house 1100-1500 sqft with at least 3/4 of an acre (2 acres would be ideal) so I can have my garden and fruit trees.

Maybe some chickens. I have wanted chickens, for ages.

I really want to open my own restaurant or food truck.

Close to a Military base would be perfect for me.

Something small, with fresh healthy food, at a good price... .a place where folks feel 'comfortable, like home'.

I am a firm believer food brings people together in a unique way!

I would like to volunteer for the Red Cross (get trained and be part of the disaster response team)

And then there's the beach... .being able to get in the car, and drive for less than 30 min, and be, on the Gulf... .

It makes me warm just thinking about it!

SO much life to live... .SO much to do! I am looking forward too it.

I want to live out my day, looking for and living the positives!

As far as dating goes? Maybe it's me... .but it seems so... .freaky.

*I* am not ready for the dating game. I need to discover "me"... .figure out what *i'm* all about... .get my ish together, do it on my own-stand on my own two feet for a while. Besides, my kids would probably lay an egg if I 'dated'.

More from a 'protect the mama from the big ugly world' than any other angle! 

I am excited about life. I am looking forward to living it!

[going places]

I curious if anyone else, picked up, packed up and left the state?

Several folks I have told say one of two things: They are envious that I have the whoohaa's to just pack up and go, or, they look at me like I am insane that I would pack up and go, not knowing anyone or having a job lined up, etc.

I would love to hear stories of those who packed it in and move to a different state!

[Pingo]

Wow, Going Places, you really ARE going places!  I love the idea of the property and the garden and the chickens... .my dream too!  Sounds fantastic!  I love the beach too but I'm at the opposite corner of the continent (Pacific north west).

I curious if anyone else, picked up, packed up and left the state?

Several folks I have told say one of two things: They are envious that I have the whoohaa's to just pack up and go, or, they look at me like I am insane that I would pack up and go, not knowing anyone or having a job lined up, etc.

I would love to hear stories of those who packed it in and move to a different state!

I envy you being able to go, I cannot.  I share custody of my s10 with my first husband so sort of stuck for now.  But the desire to 'run away' was soo strong after I split with my uBPDexh.  20 yrs ago I was involved in a very dyfuncitonal r/s (probably BPD now looking back) and he scared the crap out of me so when we split I did move away 3000 miles to the other side of the country!  Never regretted it for a minute! 

[claudiaduffy]

I moved 12 hours away from my family to start a second college degree - best thing I ever did, packing and moving and starting out somewhere new! I think it sounds like a great thing for you.

(And when it comes time that you want to date again, I'll put in a good word for online dating. I tried meeting guys in other ways, and even dated a few, but I did find that the services you pay for - eHarmony is a good one - do help weed out a lot of the crazy  gers you find on the free dating sites. I ended up marrying my best friend that I met through online dating, though it wasn't until three years after our first date, and two of those years were spent dating other people... .hahaha!)

[Panda39]

I was just happy to sell my house and get my own place once I was divorced (right down the street from my old house) I am an artist so I express myself by making things and the expression of my freedom was to make 100 origami butterflies all different colors.  They go up my bedroom wall and up on the ceiling.  Bright, colorful, happy and represented my metamorphasis from the unhappy me to the new free me!

I like the idea of pulling up stakes and striking out somewhere new too.  Might still do it, but my SO & I both have kids that keep us grounded for now.  I'm really interested in checking out Santa Fe (might be my next vacation) but I also miss the ocean... .not a warm tropical beach but the cold rocky beaches of Northern California... .I can almost smell the sea air and hear the sea lions barking 

I also met my honey on-line 4 years ago (Chemistry.com).  It can be done 

[Pingo]

I was just happy to sell my house and get my own place once I was divorced (right down the street from my old house) I am an artist so I express myself by making things and the expression of my freedom was to make 100 origami butterflies all different colors.  They go up my bedroom wall and up on the ceiling.  Bright, colorful, happy and represented my metamorphasis from the unhappy me to the new free me!

I really love this idea!  When someone dies, we have a funeral, lay wreaths, etc.  We have rituals to help process grief.  When we leave a r/s or have the ending thrust upon us I think it's important to do something like this as a symbol of saying goodbye and moving forward. 

[going places]

I am so thankful that the weather here has been warm, and sunny! It helps so much (since the house has not sold).

Last week I picked up 5 shifts, so all I did was work, but this week, I am going to concentrate on getting this house packed up.

You know, all the 'little' stuff that you don't use day to day, that I can put in a well marked box, into storage!

I am hoping the check comes Monday so I can start the process of getting the roof replaced.

Once that is done, I will drop the price of the house... .and pray it sells.

Staying busy and focused on my goals, has been a God send.

Praying throughout the day, has been my 'bread and water'.

It's beautiful sunny today, so I am going to spend it outside!

[going places]

Yesterday was a tough day.

First snow of the year.

I didn't want to be here when the first flake fell out of the sky, yet, I am here.

The new roof goes on next week.

I will drop the price of the house 5K and pray for a buyer.

My 'tough' days are different today, than they were 2 years ago.

For this, I am thankful!

[Forestaken]

Interesting.

I divorce recently and like you, I have adult children and got the house.  We live on the East Coast.  My S24 is away an in-state college, my D20 plans to go to a west coast college for her major.

My S24 & I plan to move to Hawaii in less than 3 years.  FL is our fallback state. Some where new, scary though, but I don't want to regret not doing it.  I've lived in fear all of my life and want to stop.

[going places]

Interesting.

I divorce recently and like you, I have adult children and got the house.  We live on the East Coast.  My S24 is away an in-state college, my D20 plans to go to a west coast college for her major.

My S24 & I plan to move to Hawaii in less than 3 years.  FL is our fallback state. Some where new, scary though, but I don't want to regret not doing it.  I've lived in fear all of my life and want to stop.

I lived a lie for 22 years... .then in utter devastation for 2 3/4 years... .no more.

I call the shots now.

*I* call the shots.

[talithacumi]

12+ year relationship with my ex-pwBPD - ended in the usual sudden/inexplicable/gaslit/totally devastating way a lot of these r/s seem to end with him getting caught having an affair, and deciding to simply leave/abandon me rather than even try to discuss it. Hung around/strung along for two years after while being subjected to an increasing amount of harassment/stalking/threats by my replacement. Youngest son finally got into a place of his own which gave me the opportunity/freedom to move out of state, go NC, invest full-time in my own therapy/recovery, and build a new life for myself.

Been here two years now - lapping up the sun and peace and quiet - getting to know and really like myself for the first time in my life. Finally bought my own place a few months back. Not much to look at, and still needs a ton of work but I finally feel like I'm home again which is really nice!

Have NOT been interested in dating anyone until VERY recently. Had less to do with me still being hung up on my ex than it did with me feeling like I wanted to make a lot more changes in my self, get comfortable with living that way, and just (selfishly!) enjoy the life I had being alone without anyone else to think/care/worry about in that way for a while.

Looking back, I realize that my decision to move was, like a lot of other things I said/did back then, an attempt to get my ex to f-ing notice, care, pay attention to, react, be effected by, and engage with me in some way. That's probably one of the reasons I felt so insecure/guilty about it - had such a hard time committing myself to actually doing it. I also realize, looking back, that I finally DID do it more out of spite than anything else, and a direct result of yet another promise solemnly made that was immediately broken without any apparent regret/remorse.

Regardless of why I made this decision, it turned out to be the best thing I ever did for myself. I was so attached/so enmeshed. Moving so far away provided the kind of physical distance I needed to really get my head around the fact that I wasn't with this guy anymore - so I could stop ruminating/hoping/allowing myself to be strung along - and start detaching/healing.

Seems to be something a lot of us find ourselves needing/wanting to do.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that your house sells, and that you find yourself basking in the warmth/sun of a Florida winter just as soon as you possible can!

- TC

[Forestaken]

Interesting.

I divorce recently and like you, I have adult children and got the house.  We live on the East Coast.  My S24 is away an in-state college, my D20 plans to go to a west coast college for her major.

My S24 & I plan to move to Hawaii in less than 3 years.  FL is our fallback state. Some where new, scary though, but I don't want to regret not doing it.  I've lived in fear all of my life and want to stop.

I lived a lie for 22 years... .then in utter devastation for 2 3/4 years... .no more.

I call the shots now.

*I* call the shots.

It's *I* call the shots. In bold!   it!

[going places]

TC THANK YOU

Thank you for sharing your victory.

It gives me hope to cling to that it WILL be better!

Thank you!

[Forestaken]

Going Places:

Yesterday my D20 and I needed to go to Philly for her college app process.  While AAA, I picked up maps of Hawaii.  It's now taped to my study desk.  My goal is to continue to gain professional certificates to increase my marketability.

BTW: I'm also a minimalist.  It's refreshing to clear out the junk in MY HOUSE!  Plus less to move in 3 years.  Making a plan and sticking to it is great self-therapy.