weird, weird day...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Wow. What an incredibly weird day yesterday was. Wow.

I had to fire a guy and his wife last week because they didn’t show up for work for an entire week. Apparently they didn’t quit (though in the real world, that’s exactly what you’d think when someone doesn’t show up for work for a week)—they’re just drunks and unreliable. Do pretty good work when they can be bothered to show up, but increasingly undependable. Had enough, fired them.

Yesterday, the guy shows up and launches into the longest, weirdest dance to keep his job I’ve ever seen. The spin got so deep I was afraid of drowning in it. Stuck to my guns and refused to cave in to his barrage of excuses. I mean it was weird—when one story didn’t work, he just flowed right into the next one. He refused to accept that he was fired, just kept blaming anyone, everyone, and everything (especially his wife who didn't come with him)for his irresponsibility, and insisting that he was going to magically become a good employee (even though it isn’t his fault that he isn’t a good employee). It was totally weird.

He also of course wanted to lay a guilt trip on me and try to make me believe I was the one doing something wrong—told me he’d just get back to work and wouldn’t harbor any hard feelings. Gee, thanks, dude—uh, YOU’RE the one who can’t be counted on, and always leave me in a bind; the one who believes that work happens on YOUR convenient schedule! He was insisting he was going to continue with his job, but showed up completely unprepared to work. I think he may have expected to smooth things over easily, then ask for an advance and go back home without working.

It’s never easy or fun firing someone, but this was the absolute weirdest firing I’ve ever seen/been involved in.

Then a couple hours later, my oldest son (32 years old) called me. I haven’t heard a word from him in about 10 years. We had a long conversation that was good, but certainly emotionally intense. While I’m very happy to re-establish contact with both my kids*, it is also a huge can of emotional whoop @ss worms. While I was talking to him, I’m starting to notice that it’s getting pretty late and my younger son (almost 28 years old, staying with me for a while) hasn’t come home from work yet. Since he just got his car running yesterday and drove it to work for the first time, I was concerned that perhaps something happened? Turns out though, that he is driving around the county “interviewing” anyone he thinks may know anything at all about his kidnapping/adoption when he was 3 years old.

When he got back home he wanted to talk. But I’m reeling from my weird day. Older son and younger son have never met—they don’t know each other, only OF each other. And neither is particularly interested in hearing about the other. I’m trying to juggle what is nagging me about the employee firing, as well as thinking about my long conversation with older son, and explain to younger son that if you yank open the door to the past, you better be prepared to face the shrieking pain behind that door, as he insists angrily that he is in fact ready to do that, even though I can easily see that he is already using intense anger as a defense against that pain.

Geez Louise—I’m still trying to sort this all out in my swimming head….

(*long stories about both my sons that I've posted here way back in early posts--neither grew up with me)

[doubleAries]

Wow. What an incredibly weird day yesterday was. Wow.

I had to fire a guy and his wife last week because they didn’t show up for work for an entire week. Apparently they didn’t quit (though in the real world, that’s exactly what you’d think when someone doesn’t show up for work for a week)—they’re just drunks and unreliable. Do pretty good work when they can be bothered to show up, but increasingly undependable. Had enough, fired them.

Yesterday, the guy shows up and launches into the longest, weirdest dance to keep his job I’ve ever seen. The spin got so deep I was afraid of drowning in it. Stuck to my guns and refused to cave in to his barrage of excuses. I mean it was weird—when one story didn’t work, he just flowed right into the next one. He refused to accept that he was fired, just kept blaming anyone, everyone, and everything (especially his wife who didn't come with him)for his irresponsibility, and insisting that he was going to magically become a good employee (even though it isn’t his fault that he isn’t a good employee). It was totally weird.

He also of course wanted to lay a guilt trip on me and try to make me believe I was the one doing something wrong—told me he’d just get back to work and wouldn’t harbor any hard feelings. Gee, thanks, dude—uh, YOU’RE the one who can’t be counted on, and always leave me in a bind; the one who believes that work happens on YOUR convenient schedule! He was insisting he was going to continue with his job, but showed up completely unprepared to work. I think he may have expected to smooth things over easily, then ask for an advance and go back home without working.

It’s never easy or fun firing someone, but this was the absolute weirdest firing I’ve ever seen/been involved in.

Then a couple hours later, my oldest son (32 years old) called me. I haven’t heard a word from him in about 10 years. We had a long conversation that was good, but certainly emotionally intense. While I’m very happy to re-establish contact with both my kids*, it is also a huge can of emotional whoop @ss worms. While I was talking to him, I’m starting to notice that it’s getting pretty late and my younger son (almost 28 years old, staying with me for a while) hasn’t come home from work yet. Since he just got his car running yesterday and drove it to work for the first time, I was concerned that perhaps something happened? Turns out though, that he is driving around the county “interviewing” anyone he thinks may know anything at all about his kidnapping/adoption when he was 3 years old.

When he got back home he wanted to talk. But I’m reeling from my weird day. Older son and younger son have never met—they don’t know each other, only OF each other. And neither is particularly interested in hearing about the other. I’m trying to juggle what is nagging me about the employee firing, as well as thinking about my long conversation with older son, and explain to younger son that if you yank open the door to the past, you better be prepared to face the shrieking pain behind that door, as he insists angrily that he is in fact ready to do that, even though I can easily see that he is already using intense anger as a defense against that pain.

Geez Louise—I’m still trying to sort this all out in my swimming head….

(*long stories about both my sons that I've posted here way back in early posts--neither grew up with me)

[claudiaduffy]

That IS an intense day. What do you do to help nourish yourself when you've had it taken out of you on a day like that? Because that kind of day is like someone waking you up and saying "Surprise! You have to hike 20 miles up and over a mountain range today!" ... .you'd definitely need to treat yourself well to recover from it, even if you got through it with flying colors.

[doubleAries]

well, I'm not so good at taking care of myself. Learning though.

I did sit around the rest of the evening in my softest most favorite pajamas and ate a warm brownie with some cherry amaretto ice cream 

[claudiaduffy]

That sounds like a pretty excellent way to end such a day.