Reaching out to me or only some innocent attempt to reconcile with the team?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So, I opened a thread with the title „Do you think I‘m free already?“ this week. Well, I’m able to answer this question now by myself… NO, I’m not free already.

First the story so far (I’m copying it out of the other thread:

„After the final discard from my exBPDgf with her words „Leave me alone finally.“ (at that point we were already broken up and only friends) I reached out to her one week later via message to only tell her we should behave civil in practice (we were in the same sports team). She didn’t respond, but also was absent that time in practice for six weeks. Afer that I went NC for five weeksa. Then she came back to practice and some weird smearing campaign started. Whenever she had to throw the ball at the goal to score (I am a goalkeeper) she first let slip the ball on purpose or would throw next to the goal on purpose. At some point she just stopped throwing the ball at all and refused to throw it. We are two goalkeepers but she only did it when I was the one standing in the goal. I think this happened as a sort of punishing me because I was being in NC and ignoring her in practice. I didn’t ignore her entirely. I treated her like a team mate, but wouldn’t speak to her or look her in the eyes. I guess that made her mad, also that I wasn’t begging and pleading her to come back anymore (what I did all of the times before and made her come back) – anyhow, when smearing me she didn’t seem happy about doing so, actually she seemed very humiliated and embarrassed. Weird. She also started cutting again after the first week being together in practice again. I felt sorry, reached out one more time and wrote that we could talk, but she didn’t reply. Some days later she left the team because she wasn’t allowed to play a match due to tactical reasons. So the smearing was gone. Thank god.

What pisses me off is that she’s not out of my life entirely: we have a Whatsapp-group-chat and she’s still in it even though it’s none of her business anymore and I don’t understand why she’s still in it – she hated it even when still being part of the team. I think she’s doing it to show me that she’s still around so I can’t ever forget about her, I also think she’s trying to keep tabs on me. [... .]

This week was her birthday and I did not congratulate her. Of course I would’ve liked to (and I even lit a candle and sent wishes to the universe) but I didn’t reach out to her.“

I really thought she got it by me not reaching out to her that I'm done. But I'm not so sure about that anymore. The weird thing is: not only they seem to have a sixth sense (when we have moved on that they are reaching out), I also have some one as well. Today I had a match and I somehow knew she'd be there. I don't know why, I just knew/felt it. The entire week I felt like I'd be seeing her very soon again and today it happened. Thing is: she knew exactly and for a fact that I'd be playing today. Today I started writing in our group-chat again because I didn't want to feel being controlled by her in not writing in it anymore. So they asked who would be there and I wrote that I would. So she knew. The weird thing is: the last time she weas in practice she painted the whole team black by leaving the team and behaved like it was the least thing to do to visit a match. Yet she did... .She anyhow would've left the team because by December she'll be leaving the town for good because of being removed to another post in another city. But today I overheard a conversation between her and another team mate when she said something like "... .yeah, they know I wanted to leave and now there's some difficulty" and the team mate said: "Yeah, I mean, this is stupid... .being in limbo and not knowing when and what's gonna happen... .". I only did get this, I did not eavesdrop, they were just standing right next to me when talking (what a big coincidence... .whatever). So it seems something's not working quite right. This was all she was looking for - leaving the city for good. And now there's some problem about it and she's reconciling with the team? Well, she didn't really reconcile... .she acted like nothing happened. Weird, huh?

I did not talk to her but she altways seemed to be around me and looking in a weird way at me. Like some pedophile watching children play or like some wild animal being on the hunt. At some point I even felt like she wanted to talk to me but decided to not do it.

I just think it's a weird thing to do... .It's been a month now that she's left the team in a very obvious way that she didn't want to be around the team anymore (and no peep from her since) and now she's back at watching the match? The last words before she left the team were "___ty sports club... .". I also think its weird... .If I really am such a bad trigger and an abusive person, if I really am the one to blame for everything bad that happened between the two of us why then coming back? Especially when none from the team acknowledged her birthday in the group-chat (what they always do with others... .but I think they actually just didn't know). Anyway, why do you do such a thing? I don't know if I'm being painted white again but the team is, I guess. I had never believed I would see her again and yet I felt it in my gut... .

No, I'm not free and maybe I'll never be. I was looking forward to her being transferred to another city... .but now I'm not so sure about that happening anymore... .

[misty_red]

So, I opened a thread with the title „Do you think I‘m free already?“ this week. Well, I’m able to answer this question now by myself… NO, I’m not free already.

First the story so far (I’m copying it out of the other thread:

„After the final discard from my exBPDgf with her words „Leave me alone finally.“ (at that point we were already broken up and only friends) I reached out to her one week later via message to only tell her we should behave civil in practice (we were in the same sports team). She didn’t respond, but also was absent that time in practice for six weeks. Afer that I went NC for five weeksa. Then she came back to practice and some weird smearing campaign started. Whenever she had to throw the ball at the goal to score (I am a goalkeeper) she first let slip the ball on purpose or would throw next to the goal on purpose. At some point she just stopped throwing the ball at all and refused to throw it. We are two goalkeepers but she only did it when I was the one standing in the goal. I think this happened as a sort of punishing me because I was being in NC and ignoring her in practice. I didn’t ignore her entirely. I treated her like a team mate, but wouldn’t speak to her or look her in the eyes. I guess that made her mad, also that I wasn’t begging and pleading her to come back anymore (what I did all of the times before and made her come back) – anyhow, when smearing me she didn’t seem happy about doing so, actually she seemed very humiliated and embarrassed. Weird. She also started cutting again after the first week being together in practice again. I felt sorry, reached out one more time and wrote that we could talk, but she didn’t reply. Some days later she left the team because she wasn’t allowed to play a match due to tactical reasons. So the smearing was gone. Thank god.

What pisses me off is that she’s not out of my life entirely: we have a Whatsapp-group-chat and she’s still in it even though it’s none of her business anymore and I don’t understand why she’s still in it – she hated it even when still being part of the team. I think she’s doing it to show me that she’s still around so I can’t ever forget about her, I also think she’s trying to keep tabs on me. [... .]

This week was her birthday and I did not congratulate her. Of course I would’ve liked to (and I even lit a candle and sent wishes to the universe) but I didn’t reach out to her.“

I really thought she got it by me not reaching out to her that I'm done. But I'm not so sure about that anymore. The weird thing is: not only they seem to have a sixth sense (when we have moved on that they are reaching out), I also have some one as well. Today I had a match and I somehow knew she'd be there. I don't know why, I just knew/felt it. The entire week I felt like I'd be seeing her very soon again and today it happened. Thing is: she knew exactly and for a fact that I'd be playing today. Today I started writing in our group-chat again because I didn't want to feel being controlled by her in not writing in it anymore. So they asked who would be there and I wrote that I would. So she knew. The weird thing is: the last time she weas in practice she painted the whole team black by leaving the team and behaved like it was the least thing to do to visit a match. Yet she did... .She anyhow would've left the team because by December she'll be leaving the town for good because of being removed to another post in another city. But today I overheard a conversation between her and another team mate when she said something like "... .yeah, they know I wanted to leave and now there's some difficulty" and the team mate said: "Yeah, I mean, this is stupid... .being in limbo and not knowing when and what's gonna happen... .". I only did get this, I did not eavesdrop, they were just standing right next to me when talking (what a big coincidence... .whatever). So it seems something's not working quite right. This was all she was looking for - leaving the city for good. And now there's some problem about it and she's reconciling with the team? Well, she didn't really reconcile... .she acted like nothing happened. Weird, huh?

I did not talk to her but she altways seemed to be around me and looking in a weird way at me. Like some pedophile watching children play or like some wild animal being on the hunt. At some point I even felt like she wanted to talk to me but decided to not do it.

I just think it's a weird thing to do... .It's been a month now that she's left the team in a very obvious way that she didn't want to be around the team anymore (and no peep from her since) and now she's back at watching the match? The last words before she left the team were "___ty sports club... .". I also think its weird... .If I really am such a bad trigger and an abusive person, if I really am the one to blame for everything bad that happened between the two of us why then coming back? Especially when none from the team acknowledged her birthday in the group-chat (what they always do with others... .but I think they actually just didn't know). Anyway, why do you do such a thing? I don't know if I'm being painted white again but the team is, I guess. I had never believed I would see her again and yet I felt it in my gut... .

No, I'm not free and maybe I'll never be. I was looking forward to her being transferred to another city... .but now I'm not so sure about that happening anymore... .

[misty_red]

Oh and just ot clarify: she did not come back as a team mate. She came to see the match as a guest.