My sister is back

[goingtostopthis]

   Well,  My sister is back and true to form she's right back at it again. 

                            Ive been taking care of all the animals here and doing fine.   Instead of finding me first and saying hello she just goes ahead doing the cat feeding chore as if im not even here.  I was on my way to where they are and there she was sweeping the floor. I just swept the floor yesterday.  I mopped the floor where the dogs are about two days ago,  she'd telling my mother, Ive got to mop the floor in here it's dirty.   It wasnt dirty, Ive been sweeping up fur and rearraging the dogs beds neatly all week. 

                              She cant relax and its really upsetting me again.  Ive been in the barn cleaning stalls because the vet is coming this morning and she knows this,  But it doesnt matter.  She blurts out to me:  " Weve got to take all this stuff in your truck to the land fill now ok?"   That wasnt exactly what she said but very close.  Shes got her friend up here too now.  I dont like her.  She's wierd. and supports my sister's bossiness.   Its awful!   

                            I said,  didnt mom tell you, the vet is coming this morning?  Her answers are so F**k up. " Well, weve got to take this stuff   now,  can we use your truck?  I had all the stuff in my truck because I planned on going tomorrow and I told her that. I still have more things to take and I wanted to take today to do it.     It doesnt matter what I say!

                            Her friend looks at me and says,  Well ,dont you know I come up here every Monday to work with Cheri.  Like she's telling me this is just how it is.    I finally looked at my sister and said,  You are not communicating with me.  You never told me you were coming up here this morning to go to land fill, (like Im suppose to drop everything and do what she wants with out talking to me about it first) 

                      I called my mother again.   Big mistake...   But I have to report this.  She says,  but  my sister is only helping! that's all she's doing.   Am I crazy?     she says, you said your self there is a lot of work to do up there.   Yes, there is,  but if Ihave something invested in it too as well as her,  its not a problem.  Its a beautiful place with so much potential. 

                      I told her that my sister is over doing things in front of me on purpose to cause me to feel inadequate.  I just said it.  My mom:  "Oh No she's NOT... ."     I must be an idiot then to think such a thing, because this is how it feels.

                         I lost it and said,  well ,  the way she treated me last week put me in shock!  something is wrong with her,  and Im telling             

you from now on Im taking my phone with me everywhere and if she does it again Im turning on the camera and video taping this. 


                      Ya!    I said that.   ---silence from my mom. 

                              She at least said to me.  Well,  thats not right that her friend should be insisting on coming up there every Monday because you live there now.  I will have a talk with your sister about that.     Im not counting on it. 

                     The problem is she helping me on her terms and not asking me first.  I didnt want her driving my truck. Its brand new.  Im being ruled by these wierd head trips of hers where there is this silent message of guilt if I dont par take in some job project she wants to do right now!    It makes me sick!

                   

[P.F.Change]

What would you like us to help you with, goingtostopthis?

Have you thought about your specific boundaries (such as who gets to drive your truck) and how you plan to take care of them? Have you checked in with your therapist about this latest conflict?

Wishing you peace,

PF

[sisterofbpd]

                           

Ive been taking care of all the animals here and doing fine.   Instead of finding me first and saying hello she just goes ahead doing the cat feeding chore as if im not even here.  I was on my way to where they are and there she was sweeping the floor. I just swept the floor yesterday.  I mopped the floor where the dogs are about two days ago,  she'd telling my mother, Ive got to mop the floor in here it's dirty.   It wasnt dirty, Ive been sweeping up fur and rearraging the dogs beds neatly all week. 

                      I told her that my sister is over doing things in front of me on purpose to cause me to feel inadequate.  I just said it.  My mom:  "Oh No she's NOT... ."     I must be an idiot then to think such a thing, because this is how it feels.

This is exactly what she is doing.  My BPDsis who had painted my mother and myself black, used to walk into my parent’s house like a damn tornado, cleaning, doing dishes, all while muttering that no one, not even my mother does stuff around the house.  I truly don’t think she can function at their house unless she was doing something to make my mother inadequate.  Once, before she went completely bazerk, she came to my home and scoured my since, then informed me and DH that she expects to see Comet Clenser in our cabinet from now own.  Like she has that control!


                         

She cant relax and its really upsetting me again.  Ive been in the barn cleaning stalls because the vet is coming this morning and she knows this,  But it doesnt matter.  She blurts out to me:  " Weve got to take all this stuff in your truck to the land fill now ok?"   That wasnt exactly what she said but very close.  Shes got her friend up here too now.  I dont like her.  She's wierd. and supports my sister's bossiness.   Its awful!   

                            I said,  didnt mom tell you, the vet is coming this morning?  Her answers are so F**k up. " Well, weve got to take this stuff   now,  can we use your truck?  I had all the stuff in my truck because I planned on going tomorrow and I told her that. I still have more things to take and I wanted to take today to do it.     It doesnt matter what I say!

No, she does not care what you say, only about her agenda as twisted as it is

                         

  Her friend looks at me and says,  Well ,dont you know I come up here every Monday to work with Cheri.  Like she's telling me this is just how it is.    I finally looked at my sister and said,  You are not communicating with me.  You never told me you were coming up here this morning to go to land fill, (like Im suppose to drop everything and do what she wants with out talking to me about it first)

Her friend is likely on her side because of a smear campaign.  I have the same thing with BPDsis, until recently, they literally saw nothing wrong with her.  I turns out, she was saving all her nastiness for her targets, and being perfectly polite around her friends.  She still does that, but I believe they know something is wrong with her now. 

                     

I called my mother again.   Big mistake...   But I have to report this.  She says,  but  my sister is only helping! that's all she's doing.   Am I crazy?     she says, you said your self there is a lot of work to do up there.   Yes, there is,  but if Ihave something invested in it too as well as her,  its not a problem.  Its a beautiful place with so much potential.

-This is like calling the Flying Monkeys to report on the wicked witch.  I’m so sorry you have to deal with both of them   Do you own the property?  Is it possible for you to change the locks?  I have no doubt that it would cause more strife, but you may need to, as it doesn’t seem like she can respect boundaries.

[goingtostopthis]

This is like calling the Flying Monkeys to report on the wicked witch.  I’m so sorry you have to deal with both of them   Do you own the property?  Is it possible for you to change the locks?  I have no doubt that it would cause more strife, but you may need to, as it doesn’t seem like she can respect boundaries. Empathy


   Ha ! Ha!    yes, exactly.   The flying monkeys.   

             She finally comes back with my truck,  the vet hadnt arrived yet, She asks me, have you cleaned out the other horses stalls? I said yes, but if you want to be obsessive go help your self.  Ive got to watch my mouth but I knew she was going to go  into that barn and do it anyways.  And she did.   

I was out there last night for 2 hours and I thought,  I better rake out these other stalls, doing so as I made some important repairs to stall panels.  I did it mainly because I wanted to and to beat her to any chase in case she came in there looking for something to do that I had some how neglected.    Oh my God!  She goes in there with her friend and they start re raking the stalls  I had all ready done.   it was so unnecassary.                   Is it me?   


+She couldnt wait to allow me to load more junk in the back of my truck so we wouldnt have to make two trips. This is what I was going to do today and then go with her tomorrow so I would know how to get there.  She planned it to go with out me, I couldnt, I didnt know exactly when the vet was arriving? I was busy getting my horses stalls ready.  Its almost like a set up so I still have to be dependant on her in order to cart junk out of here because I dont know how to get there.  Im finding out.  Now, I dont know for sure if she is deviously pre planning to manipulate me. I  just think these little inconvienent details   fall in place and they work for her.

      I HAVE TO WAIT A MONTH  before I can see a therapist.   That's how long it's going to take to get in.

The vet came and went and I had a really good experience talking to him,  language she didnt understand and boy did that feel good. She kept her distance the whole time and her friend left and went home. Why? I dont know, my mother didnt have time to speak to my sister about anything yet so I know that didnt have anything to do with it.  It was my understanding her friend was planning on staying the whole day. or maybe my mother did say something with my thoughts and feelings non included of course,,  I dont know,  they dont tell me anything.  I got the impression that because I was making it obvious that what happens in this barn with the horses is more or less my world of knowledge and command and not theirs, beyond them,     so  they left.

                        My mother stayed and really enjoyed the whole show. I got to demonstrate how well trained my mare is being lounged to show the vet,  so he could check her breathing.  She's fine. 

                            I wonder if my sister is jealous of me and resents my talent with horses and everything else I can do.  I really wonder.

I have calmed down now.  I admit I was pretty upset writing my first post about this.  I got so up set I ran into the flying monkeys all right,  this is true.  My mother will never admit that my sister has a problem and is intentionally trying to out do me as it goes to make me look inadequate so she can feel in control.  Its all about control and belittlement of me.   I cant get through this with out support. 

                                                                                                                          I know I cam learn to handle her and not play her victim.  What's happening is that she is triggering me back into old behavior I demonstrated as a younger sister growing up. And her knowing full well that mom and dad are not going to do a thing about it , she's gotten away with it. She's a bully sister who doesnt give a shete about my feelings at all.  and she's a minister,  ya... fathum that!

                                                                       

                                                                           

                         

[goingtostopthis]

Thank you sisterofBPD,


                                            I feel so less alone now with what youve shared.  I had a very strange experience tonight over at the house where my mother and sister live.  My mother, finally in her way made it valid to me that something is not quite right with my sister.  I feel better in one way and horrible in another.

                                           I dont know if it's BPD. I dont know what it is.  Its like she's been brain washed or pocessed by some bad spirit that just wont let her go.  It feels like she wants to sabotage me any chance she gets. Its like she doesnt want me to have anything that either brings me joy or abundance.  She made this mean comment to me tonight over dinner that in my mind was just down right sick,  and I knew by my mothers reaction that all this going on with her towards me now,   is not in my mind. Somethings wrong with her.

                                 My Aunt who was a minister, now sick with a heart condition and dementia, brain washed her in an accult like fashion. and There on the dinning room table are these folded cards with bible passages on them, I guess for her to study for church, yet she stood there over us at the table and said the most toxic, crazy thing to me over a moldy piece of leather left in the barn tack room,that had been there for at least 15 years, saying it would be almost sac religious to my aunt to sell it on e-bay. This place is full of junk. She knows Ive been cleaning out the tack room and getting useless stuff out of there. But now all of a sudden she puts this wierd moral tag on it because I said that I might be able to get 100 dollars for it after I clean it up and oil it.

                                  I have no money. Im starting all over again.  I gave up everything I own to move here to help them out. I dont have a job yet.  If I had not mentioned this piece of leather she would not have ever cared a lick for it.  I swear to God.   She's F**k -in sick!  Im sorry, I have to say it.  F**@@K- IN   SICK!

[sisterofbpd]

Thank you sisterofBPD,

You are very welcome. That is what this board is for 

                                           

I feel so less alone now with what youve shared.  I had a very strange experience tonight over at the house where my mother and sister live.  My mother, finally in her way made it valid to me that something is not quite right with my sister.  I feel better in one way and horrible in another.

-Mom’s are funny.  My Mom has always had narcissistic traits, so she has always been off.  It also takes them a while to process and accept that something is wrong with their child.  My Mom would eventually admit BPDsis had a problem, then completely deny she ever said it in an instant (gaslighting).  It wasn’t entirely clear to me that they both had issues until I got some real space from both of them and associated with normal adults (if there is such a thing as normal).  I would suggest you get as much space as you possibly can from them.  If they insist in butting in, perhaps they can take over it completely and you can move on with your life…if that is what you want anyway?

                                           I dont know if it's BPD. I dont know what it is.  Its like she's been brain washed or pocessed by some bad spirit that just wont let her go.  It feels like she wants to sabotage me any chance she gets. Its like she doesnt want me to have anything that either brings me joy or abundance.  She made this mean comment to me tonight over dinner that in my mind was just down right sick,  and I knew by my mothers reaction that all this going on with her towards me now,   is not in my mind. Somethings wrong with her.

Oh, I can so relate to this and it definitely sounds like BPD, but unless she see’s a doctor there is no telling.  Also, you can’t force her to see one, she has to go on her own.  I learned this the hard way.  My sister never wanted me to be happy either.  She’s 8 years older than me, and when I was a teenager I looked up to her.  She used to say things like she wanted me to be happy and everything, but when I was, she would make me feel guilty for being happy.  When I met DH, I was really close with him and eventually we got married.  She did everything she could to smear him to our extended family (Aunts, cousins that are all addicted to drama) and funnily enough, she was the one that hooked me up with him!  BPDsis also makes veiled nasty comments at me, jabs, “So are you wearing that sweater to hide your big tummy?” and If I say something, it’s “Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it!” Yeah, right.  I also wondered if she was possessed before, .  I really got a ton of relief when she was finally diagnosed with BPD and Schizoaffective (Bipolar and Schizophrenia) It was like proof that, no this is not all in my head.  I’m sure it isn’t in yours either.  Before she was diagnosed, I went to therapy because I didn’t know how to deal with her.  I explained to the therapist, that she has always been off, but things seemed to have gotten worse.  The therapist said that the reason I’m doubting myself and wondering if it’s all in my head is because it happens just like a domestic violence type relationship.  It happens slowly, over time were, yeah we know she’s moody and that is just how she is.  Then it escalates and you think, “well, she’s really moody today.” And so on. Not sure if this helps, but it really helped me to understand and feel better about myself.

                             

   My Aunt who was a minister, now sick with a heart condition and dementia, brain washed her in an accult like fashion. and There on the dinning room table are these folded cards with bible passages on them, I guess for her to study for church, yet she stood there over us at the table and said the most toxic, crazy thing to me over a moldy piece of leather left in the barn tack room,that had been there for at least 15 years, saying it would be almost sac religious to my aunt to sell it on e-bay. This place is full of junk. She knows Ive been cleaning out the tack room and getting useless stuff out of there. But now all of a sudden she puts this wierd moral tag on it because I said that I might be able to get 100 dollars for it after I clean it up and oil it.

Not sure if this is a BPD thing or not, but my sister tries to get all into religion, when it’s convenient for her that is.  She will lecture me about how I should be more into the bible and church, YET she told me that if she ever got pregnant, she would terminate it immediately (not getting into a debate on abortion here, just giving an example).

Her giving the Leather a significance is what hoarders do, so I would still do whatever it is that YOU want to do with it.  Practice medium chill with her as much as you can.  Be civil but don’t ask her advice on something and don’t tell her information she doesn’t need to know.

                                 

I have no money. Im starting all over again.  I gave up everything I own to move here to help them out. I dont have a job yet.  If I had not mentioned this piece of leather she would not have ever cared a lick for it.  I swear to God.   She's F**k -in sick!  Im sorry, I have to say it.  F**@@K- IN   SICK!

It sounds like they like having you in this position, as though they have power over you.  Turning the tables would be great for sure!   

[goingtostopthis]

   Well,  I want to stay because the property here belongs to me too.  I have a good place to keep my horses and when I get a job or a means to make money it's all going to go into this place. 

                  I was told by my mother numberous times if I wanted t I could make this place into a small boarding facility. Im thinking like 3 boarders. I want to do this for many reasons. One reason is to have other people around when I ride and work with my horses.  I used to do this alone at a small farm I owned in Oklahoma and it worked for me but if anything were to happen, there would be no one there to know. I need the social aspect of it too.  The thing is I know full well doing something like this is going to take time.  Im aware the innsurance aspects of it and have been doing research etc. 

                     Well, on my way here driving cross the country with my sister is where the trouble began. She stated telling me that I can not do this because of this and because of that and then proceded to tell me what the property taxes are here, darn... I didnt think she was lying

about the amount.  I think she was lying about everything.  First she said we didnt have the money then later on when we got here she says she would have it after selling a building of hers.   What inferiating me is that this is not her building.  Its my Aunts.  And then she talks about HER account.   Its my Aunts money.  My sister hasnt worked a normal job in 15 years.  In the last ten,  living off what my Aunt made from her church and MY AUNTS Personal Account.   My name was suppose to be on the deed too.  My Aunt specifically told me this with the two of them as witnesses , this was when she was functioning and still preaching.

                        Yes,  Im changing all this,  just give me time.  I have a solution towards the property tax problem which is genious.  This place is going to be an animal sanctuary for abuse and abandoned animals.   It all ready is! Im taking pictures of every animal on tis property and there are a lot.  24 cats,  last count.   So YA!   I have to work around my sister and I will.  My mom loves this idea and she goes,  OH we can let your sister take care of this.  And  Im thinking NO! its my idea,  she wont do it, she will find some bad news indicating how this wont work out, because she doesnt want this to work out,  ,  Ive all ready done all the research and im going right over her head and doing what I was told I could do from the beginning.           

[P.F.Change]

I know I cam learn to handle her and not play her victim.  What's happening is that she is triggering me back into old behavior I demonstrated as a younger sister growing up.

You can't control your sister, but you're right that you can learn ways to control your own responses. What can you do to stay centered when you are feeling triggered so that you can respond rather than react? This workshop may be helpful to you: TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind

Is there anything else you are struggling with that you would like to work on?

[goingtostopthis]

I know I cam learn to handle her and not play her victim.  What's happening is that she is triggering me back into old behavior I demonstrated as a younger sister growing up.

You can't control your sister, but you're right that you can learn ways to control your own responses. What can you do to stay centered when you are feeling triggered so that you can respond rather than react? This workshop may be helpful to you: TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind

Is there anything else you are struggling with that you would like to work on?

Yes, I know I cant control my sister, nor do I have any desire to.  I can influence her and allow her to know that certain treatment from her is something I wont tolerate.  I dont want to be teaching her that the way she talks to me is ok or she's going to keep doing it and Im going to be for ever upset.    

Tonight Im staying home and today is her Birthday. My mother bought her something to be from the both of us and this is good because Im so angry right now I dont want to give her anything. All I want is to be left alone.  I need to work on not feeling guilty about this and many other things my mother and sister spin around me. If I  go over there and act like nothing happened then Im saying Hey! its ok, you have permission to carry on with me any way you want to.  

Im feeling vulnerable right now because I dont have a job yet, no money, bills to pay and so Im dependant on them to help me out until I get a job and receive my retirement pay which wont be until Jan.   Ive worked as a teacher for 15 years, but 3 years too early in my age to receive retirement pay per month.   I was promised  by my mother that with the sell of this church building, which it did, that they would have more then a enough to help me in this interim. I was told they received 100 thousand dollars.  Now they are acting strange and I cant get a clear answer as to how much they have left and what it all went for.  I come to find out today as their stories are all ways changing,  that they did not recieve that amount, it was much less,  I ask about this,  get no answer from my mother.  :)oes she even know?    

What I dont understand is that these ladie's story are all ways changing.  Its driving me nuts. First Im told there is 80 acres here.  Then the truth comes out,  no its only 77 acres.   ok, so thats what it is.  Im at the bank with my mother and she's chatting up the man behind the desk setting up an account for me,  slowing him way down making our stay there way too long,  and she tells him we

have 90 acres.   What the ?  

Does she want to impress him? Why lie?  77 is fair enough for me or any body!    I think I know what this is.  The sooner I get a job and become less dependent on them and do my own thing more or less,  Ill be fine.   All I want to do is get our property tax problem solved and eventually make it clear to my sister that I need to be on the deed as well. And if she gives me problems I know getting my father involved will take care of that.  By this time our Aunt will probably have pass.  I plan on investing money in this place and  a lot of work I have all ready started.  She knows this is my place too.  She says it belongs to all of us and I agree. Of course as I have stated she is saying one thing and recently acting in another way.  Someone mentioned the word hoarder,  its funny but it seems to fit in a way. She is emotionally hoarding this place as if she is protecting it for my Aunt as if my Aunt is still here and so any changes tottally unglue her.

My Aunt terrorized her with the word of God and turned her into a martyr.  She used to be a really good Artist!  Has a huge Morton building set up out side my mom's house with nothing but art stuff, sewing machines,  etc.  She had her own purse business at one point and they were beautiful. Ever since she got involved with my Aunt and her church she changed.  My Aunt was using her to do all the dirty work, all the hard stuff, running around making errands all around down,  all the time... . if she didnt do what my Aunt said she would be chastized by her.  Finally it got to the point where if she said jump , she'd do it. She became all consumed in the church and from there it spread to taking care of my Aunt and her needs.  :)oing her laundry, feeding her cats,  taking care of the house here.  

She stopped doing art, decided the church was her job now.  What did she get paid? Im telling you,  next to nothing if My Aunt even paid her.  I guess this church had given her a sense of importance and purpose but she was sacrificing herself and complaining about how horrible it was at the same time,  but still wouldnt stop.   She still hasnt stopped. My Aunts mind is gone now, and its  like her spirit has pocessed my sister.    She comes to place like a protective mother bear  or mare,  its  almost as if shes saying in her mind,  ":)ont touch anything!  Leave it exactly where I have put it!, Where Mary Anne (My Aunt) wants it!"  Its pretty wierd,  all this and the under minding of me so she can exsert her control and dominance over the place.        

OK,   So with all,  yes,  I need to work on me and how I react or not react, but telling this story for how ever long its going to take is really important to me to fully understand what is going  on,  so if anybody thinks im just making this a RANT FEST,  you are wrong.   Very  Wrong.   Thank You.

[P.F.Change]

OK,   So with all,  yes,  I need to work on me and how I react or not react, but telling this story for how ever long its going to take is really important to me to fully understand what is going  on,  so if anybody thinks im just making this a RANT FEST,  you are wrong.   Very  Wrong.   Thank You.

I'm interested in hearing the ways it is helping you understand. Is it making you more aware of what you can control and change and what you can't? Or do you have specific questions about BPD that you are looking for answers to?

[goingtostopthis]

OK,   So with all,  yes,  I need to work on me and how I react or not react, but telling this story for how ever long its going to take is really important to me to fully understand what is going  on,  so if anybody thinks im just making this a RANT FEST,  you are wrong.   Very  Wrong.   Thank You.

I'm interested in hearing the ways it is helping you understand. Is it making you more aware of what you can control and change and what you can't? Or do you have specific questions about BPD that you are looking for answers to?

              This is helping me to understand in every way.  I think I have demonstrated this in many other of my posts.   Im caught up in a lot crazy making and it's causing me to doubt myself.  Im learning that my reactions is feeding the problem and not solving it.  Buttons in me are being pushed on purpose to get a certain reaction. When my sister gets the reaction she wants this in turns gives her permission to continue to be controlling and manipulative to me.  She is feeding off my insecurties and targeting me in this way so she can feel superior.  If she manages to get me angry she has won and I have lost.

               Its a kind of harassment in a way that she is doing, but she does it under cover so you cant pin point it right away,  its just a feeling you get from certain statements she makes.  The more I feel cornered, the more I feel insecure about my reality and the angrier I get which causes a total spin out.   This is what Ive been doing.

               Hardly any of the work here Ive done so far as been validated. I see my sister as a validation hog. Its like a person who eats too much and gets so fat, then they fall all over everything youve done so it cant be seen. She has taken positive changes here that I have initiated myself and adopted them as if they have all ways been her idea and was doing this all ready before I even came.   Im coining this term.  Validation Hog.    

          Im not feeling appreciated here.  All the appreciation and self importance has to go to her.

Im learning now how to step out of her game and Im doing this by taking a look at myself and knowing that I have a lot great qualities and that the insecurity trip my sister tries to create around me is just an illusion and that there is no reason for me to feel threatened by this at all. These are her issues, and by getting upset with her is in a sense me falling into her trap and this is exactly what she wants. She plays the funniest games.  Im learning how to step back and not get so emotionally entangled in what shes saying to me. She tries to create a self image of me that Im suppose to see and go along with as if it were true. Getting upset, reacting is validation to her and keeps her from having to face herself and keeps her play acting game going.  This is what it is.  I feel better now that Ive been able to clarify for myself what is going on, because sometimes in the middle of it, up close, I get so upset I cant see the forest from the trees as to what is going on.  Its important to me to stay true to myself and listen to what Im feeling.      

[goingtostopthis]

                   Well, I have finally been able to move my horses to the other barn so I can ride now.

Im feeling a lot better now.  It was my mother who told me to go ahead and do this,my sister never really came out and said a word about it until it was all ready obvious I was going to do it.  

                                          I feel so much better now. Im working on painting the tack room today.

                 My mother came over and acted like nothing happened yesterday. Its hard to accept that this is just the way she is going to be. She insults me to core and then comes over and expects me to pretend along side her with a glass of wine. Ii cant imagine why I would still be feeling hurt and insulted especially after being told that everything I told her about  my sister were things I made up.  Why did I make them up? I asked,she says,  because I want to split the family apart.    She thinks she knows what splitting is in terms of BPD because my ex boy friend was and I confided in her about the problem. She doesnt know the first thing about what splitting is and she was a psychiatric nurse. I tried to explain this to her once when I was still with my BPD boyfriend but she didnt listen, she changed the subject or something, she interupts me a lot ,another thing Ive noticed and doesnt allow me to finish a sentense quite often.

                    I saw a counselor today. He was really nice.  I didnt have enough time to tell him everything I wanted to tell.  I expected that. There is just too much of it. He did help me a lot with working on not reacting to them when they says things that are put downs or triggers.  There are so many things  they say and do that I just dont understand.  Its like they are trying to create a false reality around me to make them feel better about themselvse.

                   My mother asked me if all 3 of us could get together each weak and talk about what they can do to help me.    I dont get this? to help me? Im suppose to be here helping them and  have. They have all ready helped me a lot with getting settled here. I cant think of anything else they need to do.  Its all a bunch of projection.

                 I spoke to my dad and he said it would be a good idea if we talked and set up a board stating who is doing what chore so there will be no misunderstandings.  I know he got this infor. from them.  There has never been any misunderstanding about the chores with me!  Ive been fine with it.  My sister has been creating all this as if this is the problem,  when it isnt at all.I keep on telling her over and over , everything is fine... .So who is making things up?  This is so far from the issue,  its no wonder Ive been having a hard time not reacting and getting upset.     The only thing they could find that I had done wrong is one morning I didnt fill up the dogs water bowl fast enough for them when the dogs had a full bowl the night before.     My father agreed with me on this one.  ridiculous!  

                 This is how people do smear campagnes.   So I let my mother say what she said, " to help me," in these so called meetings.  I said ok nicely and walked away.   and that was not easy.   Im working on what I call loving detachment now.  They are both playing a game they arent aware they are playing because they are so soaked up in denial its not even funny.(my mom and her wine)    :)enial and self defence.  Thats all they know. Ive got my barn now as I had been originally promised to have so Im happy.

                         My mother asked me where I was going this morning and  I lied. I went to see this counselor and Im so glad I did it.  (  :

[P.F.Change]

I'm glad to hear you have a counselor. It can be great to have professional support.