Hobbies

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi Family!

Just wanted some responses on our BPD exes and their hobbies. According to a mutual friend of ours - the ex has now taken up photography. Not professionally - just pics he takes with his cell phone and then posts to a Facebook forum dedicated to a certain part of nature. Our friend says that the ex is "over the top" with his constant posting of pics. Says it's morning, noon and night.

I'm wondering - did anyone experience "hobbies" that their BPDex would take up, obsess with for a while, and then lose interest in?  Kind of like how they treated us?   

I have no interest in seeing his new "passion". I finally deactivated my Facebook account and haven't been on in a month (yay!).  Although the "Private Name - Private Number" phone calls have started again since I left FB.

So - thoughts on their "hobbies"?  Long term or short term interest?

[lipstick]

Hi Family!

Just wanted some responses on our BPD exes and their hobbies. According to a mutual friend of ours - the ex has now taken up photography. Not professionally - just pics he takes with his cell phone and then posts to a Facebook forum dedicated to a certain part of nature. Our friend says that the ex is "over the top" with his constant posting of pics. Says it's morning, noon and night.

I'm wondering - did anyone experience "hobbies" that their BPDex would take up, obsess with for a while, and then lose interest in?  Kind of like how they treated us?   

I have no interest in seeing his new "passion". I finally deactivated my Facebook account and haven't been on in a month (yay!).  Although the "Private Name - Private Number" phone calls have started again since I left FB.

So - thoughts on their "hobbies"?  Long term or short term interest?

[Tiepje3]

Yup, can identify. GoPro-camera. Had to watch 15 minutes of him cycling in my neighbourhood (as if I don't know the area... .). Talked to everyone about the camera, everything he was filming. Lasted for about a month... .

[lipstick]

Tie -

A whole month, huh?        From what I've been told - the ex is stopping on his way to work - on his way home from work - and taking pics - and posting them.  Then after he gets home - more pics and more posting. Then he stays up late into the night living on FB. This person is in his fifties!

Just wondering how long the new obsession will last... .he doesn't have any spare $$$$ to obtain a quality camera - it would cut into the booze funds.   

[Algae]

Hi Family!

Just wanted some responses on our BPD exes and their hobbies. According to a mutual friend of ours - the ex has now taken up photography. Not professionally - just pics he takes with his cell phone and then posts to a Facebook forum dedicated to a certain part of nature. Our friend says that the ex is "over the top" with his constant posting of pics. Says it's morning, noon and night.

I'm wondering - did anyone experience "hobbies" that their BPDex would take up, obsess with for a while, and then lose interest in?  Kind of like how they treated us?    

I have no interest in seeing his new "passion". I finally deactivated my Facebook account and haven't been on in a month (yay!).  Although the "Private Name - Private Number" phone calls have started again since I left FB.

So - thoughts on their "hobbies"?  Long term or short term interest?

Excuse my language but... FUUUCKING YES.

She would get new hobbies that would last 2 weeks.  Mostly taking Photos on her cellphone and thinking she's into photography.  She even edited her name onto the photos.  Just pics of plants and rocks.  Amateur stuff.  One time she even told everyone to call her by a new name for about a month. from Kenzie to Rylie.

She'd also try to get into fashion... or drawing art commissions for other people (that ended fast).  Everytime she thinks, "I WANNA TRY THIS!  OR DO THIS!"  I just stopped taking her seriously.  I mean I always supported her saying, "we need to get you a canon camera!"  or "You should go to a fashion school!".  But in the back of my head I always thought, "Wow I wonder how long this phase will last."  It's almost like I have to treat her like a 12 year old.

[lipstick]

Excuse my language but... FUUUCKING YES.

She would get new hobbies that would last 2 weeks.  Mostly taking Photos on her cellphone and thinking she's into photography.  She even edited her name onto the photos.  Just pics of plants and rocks.  Amateur stuff.  One time she even told everyone to call her by a new name for about a month. from Kenzie to Rylie.

She'd also try to get into fashion... or drawing art commissions for other people (that ended fast).  Everytime she thinks, "I WANNA TRY THIS!  OR DO THIS!"  I just stopped taking her seriously.  I mean I always supported her saying, "we need to get you a canon camera!"  or "You should go to a fashion school!".  But in the back of my head I always thought, "Wow I wonder how long this phase will last."  It's almost like I have to treat her like a 12 year old.[/quote]
Algae,

That's funny stuff ! Thx!  My ex has admitted to going thru "phases". From different genres of music, trying to play instruments, blogging, etc... - to, well - now photography!  I'm just kind of curious as to whether he will stick to it or if the obsession will fade and he'll get bored.

OH! And his photos are amateur stuff as well. Our mutual sent me a few. The ex has a good eye - but it's the same stuff over and over and over and over. How many pics of storks and sunsets does a person need to see?     It seem s almost frantic and desperate. Perhaps it is... .

[fred6]

Ummm, yep. She went to a sewing class every week for 2 months and bought all of this sewing stuff. And has used it a handful of times, that $hit cost money damn it. Hell, she couldn't even measure and cut the material after 2 months of classes. I had to measure it out and draw chalk lines so she could cut it. Even then she didn't even cut it straight. Makes me wonder if she even went to sewing classes because she couldn't even do basic things. Looking back now, she could have been out fcuking someone once a week for 2 months and used sewing classes for an excuse.

Not to mention all sorts of other assorted arts and crafts type crap that she talked about doing but never even mustered up the motivation to do. It was always something she wanted to try and do. I have read that these people can't be alone and get bored very easily and need something to occupy their mind and time. In my ex's case, she occupied her time with my replacement, ... .

[Algae]

Algae,

That's funny stuff ! Thx!  My ex has admitted to going thru "phases". From different genres of music, trying to play instruments, blogging, etc... - to, well - now photography!  I'm just kind of curious as to whether he will stick to it or if the obsession will fade and he'll get bored.

OH! And his photos are amateur stuff as well. Our mutual sent me a few. The ex has a good eye - but it's the same stuff over and over and over and over. How many pics of storks and sunsets does a person need to see?     It seem s almost frantic and desperate. Perhaps it is... .

[/quote]
They'll get bored of it and fast.  In my opinion... they're just trying to milk things, whether it be people or experiences, for their 'supply'.  Trying new people and new things to think they're happier in life... and starting fresh.  Changing EVERYTHING up because they think that you and their routine with you was the cause of their depression and sadness.  So they're starting fresh and trying new things.

But little do they know is that soon they'll see that they're still sad... and that you were not the cause of their sadness.  They are the own cause of it.  And once they run out of the supply, whether it be from a replacemement person or a hobby... they'll come back.

[fred6]

... they'll come back.

Not mine, bwahahaha... .

[lipstick]

Fred6 - hilarious ! Thank you for sharing !

Algae - well, mine isn't going to be back. He's back with his longtime partner of 25 years. Has been since he dumped me. We've been No Contact for two years now (other than a feeble attempt at contact on his part last December). According to my friend - the ex is all over FB posting about how amazing his life is! And let's not forget the endless pictures. Apparently, he's practically living on FB these days. This all started at the beginning of October. He dumped me on October 2, 2012.  Hmmmmm... .

Y'all seem to be validating what I thought, though - hobbies are just something else to try and fill the bucket of "need".

[lipstick]

... they'll come back.

Not mine, bwahahaha... .

Fred6 - mine either. I no longer exist to him. He prefers an abusive drunk twelve years his senior to me.

[fred6]

... they'll come back.

Not mine, bwahahaha... .

Fred6 - mine either. I no longer exist to him. He prefers an abusive drunk twelve years his senior to me.

Well, mine is to strong willed and returning to me would show weakness on her part, and she'll never do that. She went younger. She's 41 and replacement is 33. I have read that relationships that start with some type of infidelity have a low percentage chance of working out. Sprinkle in a little mental illness and an age gap and watch the 3 ring circus side show. Unless this guy is a total loser, I can't see him sticking with her with that age gap and her nuttiness. Her looks and body are already starting to go south. As much pain as she has put me through, all I can say is good luck. They're going to need it!

[lipstick]

Fred6,

My ex is 51 and his partner is 63.  She looks like a pi$$ed-off bullfrog. Doesn't seem to matter to him. Their sex life ended about 14 years ago. Now they're just drinking buddies. Again - he seems to think it's Nirvana. At least - that's the image he's crafting on Facebook. And of course - now he's going to be a successful photographer !   

[Tater tot]

Common theme is what they are doing on Facebook... .are they all attention ___s (pardon the language) on Facebook? Mine is on FB 24/7

[Pieter2]

Haha! Oh yes. Belly dancing, studying, classes, charity etc etc. Then drinking and going out, then never going out. Then liking someone, then hating them. Hobbies, opinions, everything changed in the blink of an eye and then... .I was gone. Haha

[hope2727]

Mine only stuck with hobbies if his pwNPD best friend stuck to them. And that friend changes his hobbies like the wind.

First it was martial arts, classes twice a week, competitions, public demos etc. Friend quits... .pwBPD quits. Then it was guitar, friend isn't around the guitar never gets picked up. Then it was driving trips, friend goes pwBPD goes but never without the sidekick. They even go as matching costumes at Halloween. Ever time we went on vacation (even romantic ones) I got I wish NPD bestie was here. It was ridiculous. Its like he didn't exist without this persons approval. I even asked once if there was something more than friendship between them. It was creepy.

[hope2727]

Oh yes and the droning and going out to bars together in their 40s was a constant pain. They looked down their nose at 30 year old women in bars but couldn't see themselves as 40 year old men among the 18 year olds as creepy.

[CareTaker]

Mine thinks she is a 18 year old model. Sure, got a good body at 34, and goes for lots of shootings, but never lands the contract. When I met her she was unemployed, and was doing auditions for a movie star. But no, nothing.

Then she got a job at a call centre. In the first 18 months she took 36 days sick leave, and they told her no more paid sick leave for you.

So she started a model agency, in her part time. But once again, never got a single job. Had a few models on her books, but that was it. The best job she got, was an afternoon at a guys house. They took loads of pics, but I only saw the "swimming pool" shoot on her facebook page. She never showed me those. But she convinced me it was purely professional and I am just too jealous and sensitive.

Ok, then she started a fashion blog. Sat for hours loading crap. But soon got bored. Then she decided it is time to get pregnant, and we can get married early next year. She will stop working, I will pay for some very expensive fashion course, and she will make more money from home. But she will need a car as well. Which obviously, I buy.

I started getting scared, very scared.

But apart from the hobbies, she has this thing about facebook. Where ever we go, I must take pics of her. This she loads on her facebook, so everyone can tell her how lovely she is. Her flat is also covered with pics of herself, every room.

Strange, but I could never she what was written on her facebook. Only she can see that. You may only see, and comment on the pics.

How could I be so dumb... .?

[Pingo]

Threads like these make me question whether my uBPDexh is actually BPD because he had two main hobbies, guns and 'prepping' and that never changed over the course of our 4 yr r/s.  It was all consuming for him, he was very passionate... .me on the other hand, maybe I'm the BPD!  I have many hobbies I've lost interest in over the course of our r/s and I've tried to get back into them, spending money on them, etc and just haven't felt any desire to really do them.  I get started for a bit and lose interest... .hoping this changes with time, I hate lacking all passion.

[RedDove]

Yup, same with my ex BPDbf back when we were together. First it was bike riding. He bought a bike at a yard sale and rode it over to my house. I live 1/2 mile away from him. I had just gotten home from the grocery store and was unloading the car. He snuck up behind me and scared the crap out of me! He was really excited, literally (and figuratively) like a little boy with his first bike! He insisted I buy a bike too so "we" could go on bike rides together. I spent over $100 on a new bike. Believe "we" went on exactly 3 bike rides together. My bike collected dust until I sold it this past summer.

The next hobby was walking! We're gonna go walking every night after work. Okay, sounds like a good way to spend time together and to stay in shape. That lasted 3 days! Yeah, 3 seemed to be the magic number! Lol!

Caretaker, I know you said your ex BPDgf was trying to be a model, or an amateur one. BUT, what I found interesting was the similarity with selfie photo's with my ex BPDbf. He was "always" taking pics of himself with his cell phone and wanting me to take pics of just "him". Always selfies! He's no model. Attractive to me, yes. But he's in his 50's and bald. Never took pictures of us as a couple.

Heres the interesting part... .his living room is "also" covered with framed pictures of "just" him! On our 3rd date he gave me an 8-1/2 x 11 framed photo of himself! I always wondered about the photo's. In that, I thought people suffering from BPD had low self esteem, thinking they are bad, not good enough. So why the trophy rooms full of framed selfies? I get why they post the selfie pics on Facebook... .to garner attention (likes, comments, adoration) and supply. I've often wondered if my ex BPDbf has a comorbidity for Narcissitic Personality Disorder (npd).

[CareTaker]

I don't know RedDove. It could be a combination of various things. BPD I cannot rule out.

Simply because I was the cause of all the problems. She never took any responsibility. When we have an argument about something, she goes way off the point and starts with all my faults from day one. Geez, I heard that a 1000 times. I just couldn't take this pathetic situation any more.

Our last fight I shouted: SHUT THE F***K UP! I just had enough of hearing the same thing over and over. Which had nothing to do about the topic we where fighting about.

She grabbed the bread knife and nearly stabbed me. Obviously it was my fault, as she thought her life was in danger, and she had to defend herself. Geez, we been together for 3 years, and I never laid a finger on her.

I think their pain is deep. Very deep. They need assurance that they are loved. By anybody. I have never said it on this site, but twice she got infections. And believe it or not, (according to her) she got it from me.     

Geez, where was my mind for 3 years?

I personally that in general they all have the same symptoms. But you cannot make a rule and say it is exactly that. There is a variation. But the basics remain the same.

Any way, the new victim is surely in for a surprise. Sooner or later.

[brokenbutalive]

Mine had no hobbies. None. Every night was spent lying up watching crap tv and smoking dope. Sure she'd talk about doing stuff, getting fit, taking up walking etc, it never happened. Even when I used to take her away on weekends she rarely wanted to leave the hotel room. I'd take her to stunningly beautiful places and she'd refuse to get out of the car.

She really wasn't a very interesting person in hindsight, which is ironic because her favourite insult was to tell me I was no fun to be with.

[Popcorn71]

My ex took up hobbies relating to whichever crowd he was trying to fit into at the time.  Generally these lasted around a year or so and then he would just stop socialising with the people and move on to a new group of 'friends'.  When he was involved in whatever hobby was flavour of the month, he would buy all the clothes, etc and be really involved.  He even changed the way he spoke.  Then all of a sudden it would be a total change to fit in with something else.

The most drastic 'hobby' led to us splitting up.  He became obsessed with a particular group of people, even calling them his 'new family'.  He wasn't happy until he secured a replacement from that group and went off to live in a caravan with her.  He also totally changed his accent, clothes and way of life.  He didn't have to drop his old friends, because they dropped him first this time!

[lipstick]

Hi all,

Well, I can see by your responses that "hobbies" are a common theme among our exes.  Short-lived hobbies from what I'm reading here.   

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex's only hobby was blowing guys she just met, and she was very good at it.  Beyond that, she would get into things, bicycling, rock climbing, painting, because her current conquest was into it, so it was an extension of mirroring, to be abandoned along with the conquest.  I thought about her today, first time in a while; it's Halloween and her costumes were varied, but whatever it was had 'sexy' in front of it.  Some guy's gonna get a treat that turns into a trick tonight, hope this guy makes her happy for a while.

[Infern0]

I think mines only hobby was buying clothes haha.

Nah she certainly used to burn through fads at an impressive rate.

Gym junkie

Religious fanatic

Photography

Vegan cooking

Can't think of the rest but there are more.  She would always tell me all excited and happy about some new interest that was so cool,  then within about two weeks she wouldn't be doing it anymore and if I asked about it she'd say it was dumb.  I'd be like "but you seemed really interested in it" I can't even remember her responses,  would have been some nonsense for sure