A Day in the Life of a uBPDm Daughter

[jmanvo2015]

I am in my 40s and have been living back home with my uBPDm for the past two months. I would like to share this post about what it's like to live with a BPD.  Curious to see what others' experiences are... .

Day in the Life of a Non-BPD Living with A uBPD Mother

7am - My mother is in the kitchen.  I go in. She says, "good morning." (Hmmn, I think. She's not in a bad mood... .)

7:30am - She feeds my diabetic cat and gives him his insulin shot and talks very sweetly to him  (Nice. She loves my cat. He's very lovable :-)

8:30am - complete change of voice tone and posture.  Now she is agitated and angry.  She tells me, "You live in a home with two other people. We can't afford to be sick.  :)o whatever you need to do to get rid of this cold" (I didn't get a cold intentionally, I think oy :-(   )

10am - "TOO LOUD!," she screams from the living room referring to my TV (oy)

11:30am - I am making lunch in the kitchen.  She is in the next room. "You are a VERY loud person. Have some consideration... .," She screams (I want to fight back, defend myself. I'm not a loud person, but I let it go and just let her rant... .)

1pm - "What is that smell?" She comes into the guest room sniffing.  "Get that Cinnamon thing out of here. It's ruining my lavender scent... ."  (Nice, mom. Nice way to speak to me... .)

2pm She comes out on the terrace where I am sitting. "You know we are very tight with money.  I am very stressed right now... .We are on the verge of bankruptcy... ." (oy... .)

3pm - "You need to get CAT washed and trimmed," she tells me and is very agitated and her tone is very unnerving.  "My allergies are killing me. I can't live like this.  It's just too much for me... ."

4pm - I am on the terrace with BPDm and NPD stepfather. They are telling me to take the job with less money,even after I just offered to take the offer for more money.  "No, don't worry about the money... ." they tell me (Huh?)

6pm - "Here," she says and leaves $25 in cash on my dresser.  "For gas... ."  (Very nice, but I thought we were on the verge of bankruptcy... .?)

7:30pm - She comes into my bedroom.  "Hi," she says smiling and happy.  Then she starts talking to my cat, "Well, hello baby... ." ( I am kinda unresponsive because, frankly, my head is still spinning from all her moods )

9pm - totally different tone of voice. "JmanVo! MOVE YOUR CAR INTO THE driveway... .godammit... .have some consideration for other people... .stop being so selfish... ."

9:30pm - I drift off to sleep... .feeling powerless... .head spinning from all the different emotions my mother has gone through today.

If this were not my life - it would be a great comedy skit on SNL

[clljhns]

Hi jmanvo2015,

I think it does help to have a sense of humor about your situation. I often find humor in some of the situations with my mother.

I was planning a trip to New York City for my daughter's graduation gift. My mother was adamant that two women could not go to NYC alone. We would be killed! She had to chaperone.   This was humorous to me. How would one more woman, 25 years my senior help? What could she possibly do?

What she did do was make out trip miserable. She complained about the size of the room, the food where we ate, her new shoes that she wore which rubbed blisters on her feet, the temperature in the city, on and on. She actually had a tantrum on the sidewalk in the middle of China Town. She was jumping up and down and screaming at me that I didn't know what I was doing. I was going to get us all killed. I kept walking acting as if I didn't know her. In NYC, it's easy to do this and no one seems to care what a person is doing. She then followed us and continued to berate me. Later that evening after we arrived back at the room, she suggested that we all go down to Times Square and go shopping, at 9 pm. Huh? She was her jolly old self again.

I can really relate to your account of your day with your mom. Sounds all too familiar.

Peace and blessings.

[Ziggiddy]

Hahahaaa oh dear. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry ( at those two anecdotes.

I travelled recently with my uBPDm for a 4 day trip to attend a convention.

I was all trussed up with tools and boundaries and taser for when the boundaries would be trashed.

we start out on 'holiday' in this tense frame.

Now I have a large car - a truck really. My one proviso for the last 16 years has been "I'll take you shopping but please don't overload the car. I need to be able to see in the city. I need to be able to stop safely."

So she hoardingly clutteringly and disrespectfully overloads.

My response was to leave her stuff unpacked as we were leaving.

Instead of feeling annoyed that she had breached my request a-GAIN, I was ridiculously grateful that she had only exceeded by 150% instead of 800%

When we got home she offered me some money toward the cost of the trip. I declined saying it  was all taken care of.

Did she say thank you? I thought she would. Did she say "That's very kind of you?" or "No no I insist."

No. She said "Oh. You don't want my money so you can go and talk about me."

I realised my development hasn't come nearly as far as I wished because that made me feel miserable.

I guess a sense of humour is really the only way to cope sometimes!

Maybe I should have chosen just one or two features to 'tackle'

I also learned that I have a compulsive need to please her which has nothing to do with rationale.

jmanvo - do you find yourself engaging in the emotional turmoil? Do you feel like it is related to you? Or is it something that would happen in your Mum's head whoever was around?

[zxmct98]

I was planning a trip to New York City for my daughter's graduation gift. My mother was adamant that two women could not go to NYC alone. We would be killed! She had to chaperone.   This was humorous to me. How would one more woman, 25 years my senior help? What could she possibly do?

What she did do was make out trip miserable. She complained about the size of the room, the food where we ate, her new shoes that she wore which rubbed blisters on her feet, the temperature in the city, on and on. She actually had a tantrum on the sidewalk in the middle of China Town. She was jumping up and down and screaming at me that I didn't know what I was doing. I was going to get us all killed. I kept walking acting as if I didn't know her. In NYC, it's easy to do this and no one seems to care what a person is doing. She then followed us and continued to berate me. Later that evening after we arrived back at the room, she suggested that we all go down to Times Square and go shopping, at 9 pm. Huh? She was her jolly old self again.

Oh wow... .this reminded me of a trip to NYC I took many years ago with my mom, a friend and her mom. This was the very first time I just had a completely HUH? moment with my mom, before I knew anything about BPD or had really realized at all what kind of crazy childhood I had. I think I was about 19 or 20 on this trip.

We were sight-seeing and doing all kinds of things, and my friend really wanted to go to Tavern on the Green for dinner. I can't remember all the surrounding details but we were busy and it was close to 10pm before we even left for dinner. I had a hotel room with my mom and my friend and her mom had a separate room. So my mom and I were in our room and I was getting ready for dinner when my mom threw a huge temper tantrum and was screaming about how late it was and how it was unacceptable, etc, etc. She ultimately refused to come to dinner and I was just absolutely bewildered like ? Yeah it's late and we would rather have eaten earlier, but... .oh well? Get over it? I couldn't believe she threw a fit like that while we were on a trip with other people.

I remember going out to my friend and her mom like umm, well, I guess it's just going to be us for tonight. My mom isn't coming... .They were worried, thought she was sick or something. I can't remember what I said, but we went and had a nice time at dinner!