When you want to leave but can't

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been a tough year, specially the last six months. Afters 7 years in this relationship, I'm so tired. And to be honest, I don't want to be in this relationship; and I've felt like this for a very long time. I do care about my h, but I don't love him; I mean, how can I love somebody who treats me like garbage most of the time? I just feel bad for his suffering, but at the same time I resent him very much for all the pain and the trauma he has caused me.

I'm writing this now because I have the opportunity to do so since he's out of the house for a couple of hours, otherwise he spends most of the time with me... I mean almost physically all the time together! And he's controlling, he wants to know what I'm doing or who am I talking to. I feel oppressed.

I wish I could just leave him, but it's not easy for me... I'm not independent economically, we have a child together, I don't have any family or friends in this country; so I'm very isolated, and he wants to keep it that way because he knows I would leave him in a heartbeat if I had the means.

And that's my point in all this. I think he sincerely hates me (he told me several times, followed by "b*tch", "___", etc). He just stays with me because it would be very difficult for him to find another person, specially someone so easy to control.

In a way, compared to most people in this forum, I think I'm lucky I don't have feelings of love for my SO... It will make the leaving process a lot easier. But at the same time, I don't see any hope for leaving the relationship in the near future since I don't have any way to do so.

[lena7]

It's been a tough year, specially the last six months. Afters 7 years in this relationship, I'm so tired. And to be honest, I don't want to be in this relationship; and I've felt like this for a very long time. I do care about my h, but I don't love him; I mean, how can I love somebody who treats me like garbage most of the time? I just feel bad for his suffering, but at the same time I resent him very much for all the pain and the trauma he has caused me.

I'm writing this now because I have the opportunity to do so since he's out of the house for a couple of hours, otherwise he spends most of the time with me... I mean almost physically all the time together! And he's controlling, he wants to know what I'm doing or who am I talking to. I feel oppressed.

I wish I could just leave him, but it's not easy for me... I'm not independent economically, we have a child together, I don't have any family or friends in this country; so I'm very isolated, and he wants to keep it that way because he knows I would leave him in a heartbeat if I had the means.

And that's my point in all this. I think he sincerely hates me (he told me several times, followed by "b*tch", "___", etc). He just stays with me because it would be very difficult for him to find another person, specially someone so easy to control.

In a way, compared to most people in this forum, I think I'm lucky I don't have feelings of love for my SO... It will make the leaving process a lot easier. But at the same time, I don't see any hope for leaving the relationship in the near future since I don't have any way to do so.

[Panda39]

Could you call a women's shelter in your area?  Just to talk with someone and get some advice?

I'm sorry you're feeling so stuck. 

[Mutt]

Hi Lena7,



I'm sorry to hear that you're going through some difficulties and feeling hopeless. Panda39 makes a very good point.

If he has the need to be with you all of the time and not giving you personal space. He's very controlling. That being said, do you have a window of opportunity where you can make a call or visit a shelter to get information, plan and help? It sounds like he's always around and controlling.