How do you make these horrible feels go away

[Left broken and confused]

I am having a really weak moment from having a good few hours earlier to now feeling like I need to pick up the phone and call him.  I went from ok to hurting so bad again within a few hours. I don't understand why I am waiting for him to come back to me when now I know he is sick. I still have it in the back of my head that I can help him with this and we can be happy again. The worst part is in his mind he may think I did something wrong. We ended a 4 year relationship without even a break up or an explanation. It is just all crazy to me and he has moved on with his life and I am stuck trying to pick up the pieces of my heart. No closure no explanation!

[Aussie0zborn]

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. It's hard isn't it?

When we're caught up in the idealisation we can't accept that it didn't work when it SHOULD have worked. The fact is it can't work no matter how much we want it to or how much love, care and compassion we offer. We are really not qualified to help and apart from learning techniques to deal with a pwBPD there is nothing you can do to maintain the "happy" part of the relationship. In the mind of pwBPD it's always the other person's fault and you can't change that. 

When closure is not offered, you need to find it yourself. I found the lack of closure made it hard. By reading everything here I came to understand BPD better and this gave me the closest thing to closure that I was going to get.

These feelings subside over time. The trick is NC, keeping busy, and looking at what kept you in it for four years. Therapy might be good at this stage. In the meantime, hang in there - it does get better.

[Left broken and confused]

Thank you for giving me some hope.  I called a therapist today and I am hoping it will help. I was in a serious car accident in September so I'm not working and all I have is time to think. Sometimes the depression paralyzes me and I feel like I can't do anything. I wish I could hate him but instead I love him and feel terrible for him. He is a lost sole and he doesn't deserve the pain he has everyday.