Could he be stalking me?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It has only been 3 days since my last contact with my bf but all contact has been through text very cold but pleasant. This confuses me because he can be brutality hurtful and yet he hasn't been that way at all. He is short and to the point.  Does that mean I am painted black or not?  Last night I got a call from a blocked number and they just let me say hello a few times before they hung up. This left me wondering if it could be him just wanting to hear my voice. The reason that came to my mind right away is because I am not friends with him on fb but a friend of mine is and she happen to send me an invitation to go to happy hour which I accepted. He is with someone else so not sure why something like that would bother him especially if I am painted black?

[Left broken and confused]

It has only been 3 days since my last contact with my bf but all contact has been through text very cold but pleasant. This confuses me because he can be brutality hurtful and yet he hasn't been that way at all. He is short and to the point.  Does that mean I am painted black or not?  Last night I got a call from a blocked number and they just let me say hello a few times before they hung up. This left me wondering if it could be him just wanting to hear my voice. The reason that came to my mind right away is because I am not friends with him on fb but a friend of mine is and she happen to send me an invitation to go to happy hour which I accepted. He is with someone else so not sure why something like that would bother him especially if I am painted black?

[Raybo48]

Being painted black doesn't mean they don't get jealous.  I ran into that several times with my BPDx when I was in 'the black' and she was getting supply from someone else.  She saw that I was flirting with someone on my FB and she flipped her lid and acted like I was the worst person in the world.  Double standards is very common in my opinion with them.

[Left broken and confused]

I am so confused I am not sure what color I am or what color I want to be anymore. I figured if I was truly black he wouldn't answer or would be very rude

[Raybo48]

You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.  Not all BPD behave the same way and have the same traits triggering all the time.  My BPDx has a sister that is definitely BPD, but she acts totally different much of the time.  I've been able to observe her from afar and in some ways she is much more dangerous than my BPDx.   

Just work on you and stay NC until you are comfortable is the best advise I can give.

[Deeno02]

It has only been 3 days since my last contact with my bf but all contact has been through text very cold but pleasant. This confuses me because he can be brutality hurtful and yet he hasn't been that way at all. He is short and to the point.  Does that mean I am painted black or not?  Last night I got a call from a blocked number and they just let me say hello a few times before they hung up. This left me wondering if it could be him just wanting to hear my voice. The reason that came to my mind right away is because I am not friends with him on fb but a friend of mine is and she happen to send me an invitation to go to happy hour which I accepted. He is with someone else so not sure why something like that would bother him especially if I am painted black?

Mine just had a fake text chat with me using her sons phone. I didnt realize it at the time, until I found out he had his phone taken from her as punishment, then poof! Randon text. Neighbors said she has been walking her dog past my house too... .yay me.

[Raybo48]

It has only been 3 days since my last contact with my bf but all contact has been through text very cold but pleasant. This confuses me because he can be brutality hurtful and yet he hasn't been that way at all. He is short and to the point.  Does that mean I am painted black or not?  Last night I got a call from a blocked number and they just let me say hello a few times before they hung up. This left me wondering if it could be him just wanting to hear my voice. The reason that came to my mind right away is because I am not friends with him on fb but a friend of mine is and she happen to send me an invitation to go to happy hour which I accepted. He is with someone else so not sure why something like that would bother him especially if I am painted black?

Mine just had a fake text chat with me using her sons phone. I didnt realize it at the time, until I found out he had his phone taken from her as punishment, then poof! Randon text. Neighbors said she has been walking her dog past my house too... .yay me.

That doesn't surprise me... Mine used to hand her phone to random guys and either have them call me or text me pretending to be with her.    The emotional maturity they have is beyond childlike when they are trying to get attention.   You just opened up a bunch of memories I have of that BS, which makes me glad I don't have to deal with that insanity anymore.

[thatwasthat]

In regards to being painted black and them still being jealous... .

There were a two girls she hated with a passion, she almost obsessed over them. She sometimes brought them up out of nowhere going on rants about how stupid they are and still think they are special just because they study law etc. Even sent me pictures she found of them online making remarks about how gross/fat etc they were.

Right after the break up I tried to find out everything about... .everything. Back then I checked a guys FB. I knew he was one of her ex boyfriends (but she never talked about him.)

Guess what. One of the girls she hated so much was with him in his profile picture. They had just gotten engaged.

As a side note. She was a very "emancipated" woman, yet she had the very strong opinion that women shouldn't go to med school and that they would be horrible doctors etc. Guess who went to medschool?

My ex that she obsessed over and tortured me with.

[Left broken and confused]

My ex was super jealous of my ex husband which is ultimately what I think ended our relationship.  He couldn't deal with hearing or being there for me when it came to my ex husband.

[Deeno02]

My ex was super jealous of my ex husband which is ultimately what I think ended our relationship.  He couldn't deal with hearing or being there for me when it came to my ex husband.

My gf, strangely enough, jealous of my daughter.weird

[FlyingAway]

Last night I got a call from a blocked number and they just let me say hello a few times before they hung up.

How did you get a call from a blocked number? Curious, because my pwBPD is blocked. I expect never to get a call from her.

[Raybo48]

My ex was super jealous of my ex husband which is ultimately what I think ended our relationship.  He couldn't deal with hearing or being there for me when it came to my ex husband.

My gf, strangely enough, jealous of my daughter.weird

My gf, was jealous of my 82 year old mother... Why? Because I (I'm and only child) bring groceries to her every Sunday and make sure everything is ok with her because she lives alone.  It took time away from her and she so much as told me that.  How selfish is that? 

[Deeno02]

My ex was super jealous of my ex husband which is ultimately what I think ended our relationship.  He couldn't deal with hearing or being there for me when it came to my ex husband.

My gf, strangely enough, jealous of my daughter.weird

My gf, was jealous of my 82 year old mother... Why? Because I (I'm and only child) bring groceries to her every Sunday and make sure everything is ok with her because she lives alone.  It took time away from her and she so much as told me that.  How selfish is that? 

My daughter moved back home to attend a closer college. Things were cool while she was up in Milwaukee, once she moved back, I noticed a pattern of slight resentment begining by my gf against my daughter. She called my daughter a cock block.And I was so whipped, I didnt say a damn thing, even when she acidly said, "do you have a problem with that?" I stayed silent. I feel horrible for that. I never said a damn thing about her 5 kids crawling all over us when we tried to spend time together, not once.

[Raybo48]

My ex was super jealous of my ex husband which is ultimately what I think ended our relationship.  He couldn't deal with hearing or being there for me when it came to my ex husband.

My gf, strangely enough, jealous of my daughter.weird

My gf, was jealous of my 82 year old mother... Why? Because I (I'm and only child) bring groceries to her every Sunday and make sure everything is ok with her because she lives alone.  It took time away from her and she so much as told me that.  How selfish is that? 

My daughter moved back home to attend a closer college. Things were cool while she was up in Milwaukee, once she moved back, I noticed a pattern of slight resentment begining by my gf against my daughter. She called my daughter a cock block.And I was so whipped, I didnt say a damn thing, even when she acidly said, "do you have a problem with that?" I stayed silent. I feel horrible for that. I never said a damn thing about her 5 kids crawling all over us when we tried to spend time together, not once.

I've come to the conclusion that the attention they seek is all encompassing and absolutely has to revolve around them.  Any attention directed toward someone else (family, friends, even a pet) is a big inconvenience for them and I think it has everything to do with the fact they have a severe (to put it mildly) lack of empathy. 

My pbdx told me once "you're mother is kind of on the heavy side right? She doesn't need to eat today so you can stay with me".  I didn't say a damn thing when she made that comment either.  I think I was more stunned then anything else that someone would actually be ignorant enough to even think that let alone say it.   

[Left broken and confused]

It was blocked like someone did *67 and it shows on Caller ID as blocked / unknown

[Raybo48]

It was blocked like someone did *67 and it shows on Caller ID as blocked / unknown

My ex did that more than once. 

[Left broken and confused]

It is all just so hurtful all the games they play with us.  Why can't they just tell us what is in their mind and why they are afraid then we can just talk them off the ledge when they need it.  The worst part is I haven't even brought up any of my feelings to my ex because he says it is too painful for him to talk about and I was afraid if I pushed I wouldn't ever hear from him again. Now I know he has BPD and no way I will get answers. I almost had my sister call to get answers for me. This is just like your heart has been ripped out and smashed in pieces.

[Raybo48]

It is all just so hurtful all the games they play with us.  Why can't they just tell us what is in their mind and why they are afraid then we can just talk them off the ledge when they need it.  The worst part is I haven't even brought up any of my feelings to my ex because he says it is too painful for him to talk about and I was afraid if I pushed I wouldn't ever hear from him again. Now I know he has BPD and no way I will get answers. I almost had my sister call to get answers for me. This is just like your heart has been ripped out and smashed in pieces.

I'm reasonably certain they don't know what's on their own mind most of the time OR they don't have the ability to convey their feelings without shame and rage.  They seem to do everything in life from the seat of their pants and never take into account any repercussions that they may cause, hence 'accountability'.  I've stated this before in other threads, but in the 3+ I knew and was with my ex she never once took accountability for anything major or trivial when it came to us or everyday life events she was going through.   

[Bak86]

Mine actually never called/texted, but she still does her little thing at work. I guess that's safe for her.

[Left broken and confused]

The odd thing about mine is we would fight not talk for sometimes weeks but he would finally text me and say he was sorry. I do really believe he was sorry he would say I don't know why I do the things I do. I wish I could just hate him but I  can't he is sick

[Raybo48]

The odd thing about mine is we would fight not talk for sometimes weeks but he would finally text me and say he was sorry. I do really believe he was sorry he would say I don't know why I do the things I do. I wish I could just hate him but I  can't he is sick

Sort of like the theory of reverse remorse that they talk about with BPD.  I really think there is something to it because my ex would call weeks later too feeling down and "missing me".  I have trouble believing it was all just some manipulation tactic or a lie just to get me to talk to her.  I think when she called it was her way of apologizing without actually saying those words... Then, if the conversation didn't go well or she didn't get the response from me (rarely did) she was looking for it didn't take her long to rage on the phone and hang up.    I don't hate her, but I resent the countless things she did to me with little regard for the consequences.

[thatwasthat]

I've come to the conclusion that the attention they seek is all encompassing and absolutely has to revolve around them.  Any attention directed toward someone else (family, friends, even a pet) is a big inconvenience for them and I think it has everything to do with the fact they have a severe (to put it mildly) lack of empathy.    

It's so weird. We always talked about getting another dog (she already had an older one,) also as a companion and "stimulant" for the old one.

Towards the end (I was oblivious to the fact how close I was to the end) she absolutely pressed for getting that second dog. I thought it's a bit weird that now out of nowhere it is SO important.

We got an absolutely sweet and loving dog from the shelter. After only 3 days of having the dog she constantly criticized me caring for the dog, she even said i was "obsessed" with it (What the heck.) I just told her: "Sure I spend a bit more time with her than I will in the future, but we just got her. And I think she needs to build trust." (she is a very cautious dog.)

Oh, and the new dog wasn't even allowed to enter the kitchen, while her dog sat next to the table and got fed from it. It seemed she tried to use the dog to exert power on me... .But she miscalculated that move... .

Haha. A week after we got her we had planned to leave for the weekend. I told her that as much as it sucks also for me I will stay at home. We just got this pup a week ago and he needs to learn that he is part of a pack, at least now. That there is no way in hell I will after less than a week bring him to a dog boarding place. Mind you, the weekend we had planned was a sport activity which took place in a large group. So yeah, it's not perfect that I wasn't there, but she could have fun without me there (and we trained together every weekend anyways.) Also it was her idea to get a dog now.

She freaked out. I was adamant about staying.

That weekend was one of the nails in the coffin. She also got to know some guy at this event which she used to triangulate (not the actual replacement. She dropped this one abruptly for unknown reasons.)

Anyways. After this weekend she resented the dog. Everything I did was wrong. You walk her too much (an hour to two a day.) The way you train her is wrong (but nothing about how to do it right.)

I still hear her sarcastic tone: "Oh. Are you a dog expert now?" So hurtful. I had dogs since I was five. I know a bit about them. Definitely more than her, that had a dog for ten years that never gets walked, stays to rot alone at home all day and gets to go out 3 minutes and poop in the yard when she gets home from work. And I told her so.

The dog was a huge source of strength. I couldn't stand up for myself anymore, but for her I could. Towards the end, when I wasn't allowed in the bedroom anymore my dog slept with me on the couch. To this day we have the strongest bond I have ever seen with a dog.

She basically kicked me and my dog out. Although the dog added a whole different set of difficulties it was out of question to give her away.

This dog has done more for me than she could have ever done.

Sorry for the long rant. But I had to let it out.