Hello losthero
I have lost my own goals and dreams and now realize I have sabatoged myself as well over the last few years because I now feel like such a failure that I could not figure out how to set or enforce boundaries, or fix her problems, or save her.
I am very sorry you feel this way yet since I was raised by an uBPD mother myself, I can also very much relate to what you've expressed here. I do wanna say though that dealing with someone who has BPD is greatly challenging, even for people who were raised by 'healthy' parents and only had to deal with people with BPD in their adult lives. The knowledge and skills required to handle BPD, aren't things we are borne with. We gotta learn this as we go along, often through a process of trial and error. What works with one person with BPD, doesn't necessarily have to work with others. Also keep in mind that we can't change people with BPD if they don't want to, no matter how many changes we make in our own behavior, we can't make them change if they don't want to themselves. Perhaps it might help to not judge yourself by the outcome of what you've done to deal with your mother, but by the effort you've put into it. You may not have achieved the desired results, but you certainly did your best trying and that can definitely be considered a huge success
You've reached your limit now and I totally understand after all the stress your mother put you through. Your own mental and emotional well-being is most important and I think you realize that too now. You say that you need a long break to find yourself again and I believe the steps you've taken so far by distancing yourself from your mother and exploring your feelings here, have put you on the right track to do so.
