Things my expartner said that hurt my feelings

[Depression = 72% of members]

Here are some of the worst:

(1). "You make me sick.  You're disgusting.  You make me so sick I can't even look at you."  -- said when I forgot to have my 2.5 year old son pick up his toys before bed.

(2.). my uBPDw told me I was "certifiably crazy," had a "psychological Illness" and she was uncomfortable with me being around our 2 year old son because I thoughr he should get a speech evaluation.

(3). When I said I wanted to move closer to my parents so we could have more support and I could take over a very successful family business, my uBPDw said that I was "brainwashed" by my parents, that my parents "should have warned" her about me and that she had ruined her life by marrying me.

(4.). When I said I thought she was depressed during pregnancy and should move up her next doctor appointment so she could talk to someone about it, she berated me for an hour saying that I was a "horrible husband" and she never should have married me and that I am a horrible father and that the kids are unlucky to have me as a dad.

I wouldn't say this type of garbage to even my worst enemy... .

[terranova79]

Here are some of the worst:

(1). "You make me sick.  You're disgusting.  You make me so sick I can't even look at you."  -- said when I forgot to have my 2.5 year old son pick up his toys before bed.

(2.). my uBPDw told me I was "certifiably crazy," had a "psychological Illness" and she was uncomfortable with me being around our 2 year old son because I thoughr he should get a speech evaluation.

(3). When I said I wanted to move closer to my parents so we could have more support and I could take over a very successful family business, my uBPDw said that I was "brainwashed" by my parents, that my parents "should have warned" her about me and that she had ruined her life by marrying me.

(4.). When I said I thought she was depressed during pregnancy and should move up her next doctor appointment so she could talk to someone about it, she berated me for an hour saying that I was a "horrible husband" and she never should have married me and that I am a horrible father and that the kids are unlucky to have me as a dad.

I wouldn't say this type of garbage to even my worst enemy... .

[CareTaker]

Hoping this will join up to the post just below, as to what is the worst thing ever said to you.

Mine had her favourites. Like while we sitting in a restaurant, she would start and argument from no where. Like this is the best time to tell me what a loser I am. Geez, so embarrassing. People looked in amazement.

Just to add, we ate at restaurants twice a week. You have no idea of the money I spent in 3 years.

Then 6 months before B/U I bought a sports car. I raced to her flat, as this was a huge surprize. I told her to get ready we going for dinner. She never even noticed the car. Just said, oh its nice. But once at the restaurant, started telling me what an ___hole I was for not rather buying her the car I had promised. Really, I would have, all she had to do was get her licence. Now try explain that to a 3 year old.

Probably the best was my birthday. I booked a table at the most expensive restaurant in town. While having dinner, she decides that we should rather go pub crawling after dinner, instead of having the wine, dine and dance.

Like it is MY birthday, and I am also paying for it.     

So we end up having a fight in the restaurant, and we leave early.

So during the week I explained that it was rather rude, the way she behaved. As her birthdays where always parties and happy times. She agreed, and the following weekend we where back at the same place. While having supper for some reason she found the band not really playing nice music. She suggested we rather go pub crawling after supper. I flipped, and she got up and walked out the restaurant, while we still eating.

Geez, I never felt such a fool. I could carry on but think that is enough for now.

And to think, I just kept going back for more, and I actually miss her,   

[Algae]

Probably, F you or, I hope you die, or you have problems and need help.  Theres much worse but I can't think of them right now.

Ive become desensitized to bad language and offensive remarks because she uses them so much... so now when someone says, "F you, you piece of S"  I think of it like, "You butthead."

[CareTaker]

Mine never really swore that much. She is a converted Catholic. But she had this way of telling you what an ___hole and looser you are, for reasons one cannot imagine.

I think the worst was coming home in the evenings. I would sit down to relax for 10 minutes, and she would politely ask, Have you taken your shower yet?

Day after day. Like I was a child that needed to be told what to do. It drove me nuts.

[Pieter2]

Always had to insult me like I'm an absolute fool in public the moment the attention wasn't on her. Went to a pub. I work in investment banking/stockbroking and some of our friends asked me about markets. I told them what I knew and we had a great conversation (She couldn't join in as she didn't know much about the subject, so it wasn't about her). When they left and we were left alone, she proceeded to tell me what an absolute fool I am and how I know nothing about markets (I am a VP in markets at one of the biggest banks in the world). She also shouted at me in front of everyone at the pub and told me that she has "Fvcked every type of engineer there is". Engineers, of course are so much better than stockbrokers according to her. She also told me that someone inside the pub flirted with her earlier and she "should go and fvck him". This is one example of what happened numerous times. Had no more friends as she couldn't go anywhere without embarrassing me the moment the attention is not on her. Weddings, nights out, concerts, theaters - You name it! It was terrible. Don't miss it at all!

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Ok breaks up with me on valentines day. im upset so i vent to a friend about some things i never told her... one of which my ex wishing forbme to be "more pale" and constantly joking about it. the reason why that was so hurtful,as he knew, was bc it was a secret in my family that i was half black for many years... .and traumatizing for me.

well she gets pissed and messages him on fb... .tells him he "shouldnt be calling me names" it was a misunderstanding... at that point he had never called me names. And i NEVER told her that. well i just had a feeling sh* hit the fanso when he called i let it go to vm. he told me he hoped i would die... .and a string of other names. It was extremely hurtful... .so ibjust chose to ignore it. a week later i look on his fb... .he was smear campaigning me (like he always does this was the first time) well i fell for the trap and messaged him. nicely asking for him to stop and explained the misunderstanding. I believe deep down he knew i didnt do it. myfriend had even called him to clarify the misunderstanding when it happened. well at that point he took it upon himself to GO OFF like i had NEVER seen before. i was in tears begging him to stop. he insulted my parenting... .my character... .you name it. every name in the book i didnt play back just cried begging and pleading explaining i didnt do what he said. i mistakenly had an affair once with an acquaintances of mine... a boyfriend of a girl i casually hung out with. completely against my morals and it was a low time for me.

my ex then told me he was the doller of justice and that he messaged my old friend and told her (i had told him when we were supposedly close friends) at first i didnt believe bc i have NEVER had someone betray my trust so badly. until he started sending my screen shots. then the threats from her started coming. he put my life in danger... this was not the kind of people you mess with. all tho it was extremely messed up what i did... i trusted him with it.

it was traumatizing! i felt betrayed and CRIED all night. it was thelat night i realized you could never truly trust anyone. what i did. what he did all sh*  it was cruel... the lowest of cruel.


Btw i was extremely in love w him at the time and none of this was called for. next day i get a message "maybe i went a little over board" like it was a f*ing joke! not even an apology!

i eventually took him back (i know) and he would joke about doing that and said thats how he deals with his shame and pain about it! would joke! omfg! he was so cruel at times.

then recently has the nerve to call me a psychopath publicly on fb?really? i say projection at its core.

[Deeno02]

List is to long to mention, but, in the begining, they were very slight digs, ones you could laugh off and not realize it until later how hurtful they were. As the r/s was circling the drain, while I desperately hung on, things like treat me special or lose me, you have no emotion, you think the kids and I are pains in the asses, etc. the real pain was not so much the words, but the actions. Cut out of her schedule, cut out of the kids schedule, yelled at for trying to help feed her kids during dinner, yelled at for taking out trash, yelled at for trying to put in a trash bag in the can, etc. couldn't do a damn thing right. Planned something, wrong. Didn't plan anything, wrong again. Then she started to direct it towards MY kids. Called my daughter a cock block, called her my wife, said I was an enabler to them. Finally, the day she dumped me (via text) I was told I was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless, that she finally knows what she wants, I didn't fight for her, I blamed sex problems on her(?), I never bought her anything, I didn't take her on vacation, didn't spend any time with her, and on and on. Damaged the hell out of me. Good luck new guy, hope your smarter than I was.

[Popcorn71]

He said plenty of mean things throughout our relationship.  But the worst was when he calmly told me 'I used to love you but I don't now'.  No explanation, no care, just a cruel, taunting, sneering, statement.

I don't believe he ever loved me.  He just used me.

[Raybo48]

I honestly can't sensor it enough to elaborate here.  At one time or another she called me every name you can think of and when she was drinking it was far worse.  I'd get hundreds of texts and phone calls calling me names over and over again while she was intoxicated, and her binges usually lasted anywhere from 5-10 days.  It got so bad at times she would be sober maybe 3 or 4 days out of a 30 day period so the abuse I took from her was non-stop. 

She was also very capable of saying the most cruel things to me regarding me, my personality, my friends, and my mother when it suited her.  Basically anytime attention was diverted away from her I was a target for a verbal tirade to make me feel guilty, and a sub-human. 

There really isn't enough room on the post for me to get into detail about what she said and did to me in a three year period.   

[Mr.Downtrodden]

After getting pregnant by her co-worker via a totally drunken encounter ("a grave excerise of poor judgement was the afterward response), myBPD exGF , during that revelation phone call to me, said: "Our relationship doesn't have to change... ."

Me, the understanding, co-D guy that I unfortunately am, then received more revealing news via another 3rd party, informing me of many other guys who my ex was spending time with, in positions horizontal.  I was really shattered, and lashed out, threatening to be done with us for good.  Her response was quite controlled, devoid of typical hysterical emotion , and delivered in terse fashion, like a mom reprimanding her young child:

"You will do or say what you want.  I don't want to lose you. Because when I make an investment, I expect a return."

Cold.

The day I met her in person for our first 'date', we discussed some past relationship issues.  One thing i distinctly recall her telling me: "I hate a liar".  Had I known about BPD then I could have rationalized that she is exactly the same person she hates.

[parisian]

There were never expletives or awful/derogatory name calling, thankfully. Just lots of put-downs and criticisms. 'You're hard to buy for, you don't like anything' - on my birthday. Ouch.

[Raybo48]

After getting pregnant by her co-worker via a totally drunken encounter ("a grave excerise of poor judgement was the afterward response), myBPD exGF , during that revelation phone call to me, said: "Our relationship doesn't have to change... ."

Me, the understanding, co-D guy that I unfortunately am, then received more revealing news via another 3rd party, informing me of many other guys who my ex was spending time with, in positions horizontal.  I was really shattered, and lashed out, threatening to be done with us for good.  Her response was quite controlled, devoid of typical hysterical emotion , and delivered in terse fashion, like a mom reprimanding her young child:

"You will do or say what you want.  I don't want to lose you. Because when I make an investment, I expect a return."

Cold.

The day I met her in person for our first 'date', we discussed some past relationship issues.  One thing i distinctly recall her telling me: "I hate a liar".  Had I known about BPD then I could have rationalized that she is exactly the same person she hates.

My BPDxgf was huge on saying "I hate liars" and "I hate cheaters".  She was one of the worst offenders I've ever seen on both of those issues.  I'd love to know if they don't view themselves that way; meaning they really believe the BS they preach OR is it to convince others that they are not like that full well knowing it's the exact opposite.  I always wondered.

[going places]

www.narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/

What was done to me was sinister... .

Adolf Hitler used to have a low tone sent thru the speakers where he was about to give a speech.

This low tone was 'not heard' by the sound, but it was 'felt'... .and it's purpose was to aggitate, irritate, arouse anger in the crowd... .so that when he got on stage, (and the tone was turned off)  and spoke in a soothing voice and told them how he was going to make everything wonderful; they responded they way he wanted them too.

They felt that his WORDS calmed them down, when really, they were being 'gaslit'... .to the extreme.

He lead a nation to commit genocide for heavens sake.

He would push me to the edge of insanity (especially the last 3 years) and *I* would lose my mind.

Either in a fiery screaming swearing way

Or I would lay on the couch and contemplate removing my worthless self from the face of the earth.

Evil. Pure, evil.

Now?

What he said is a reflection of himself, not me.

What he says today is a reflection of himself, not me.

His words, have no effect on me anymore.

I don't care what he says and to whom he says it to.

God, my kids and myself know the truth.

The rest of the world can go pound salt.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

After getting pregnant by her co-worker via a totally drunken encounter ("a grave excerise of poor judgement was the afterward response), myBPD exGF , during that revelation phone call to me, said: "Our relationship doesn't have to change... ."

Me, the understanding, co-D guy that I unfortunately am, then received more revealing news via another 3rd party, informing me of many other guys who my ex was spending time with, in positions horizontal.  I was really shattered, and lashed out, threatening to be done with us for good.  Her response was quite controlled, devoid of typical hysterical emotion , and delivered in terse fashion, like a mom reprimanding her young child:

"You will do or say what you want.  I don't want to lose you. Because when I make an investment, I expect a return."

Cold.

The day I met her in person for our first 'date', we discussed some past relationship issues.  One thing i distinctly recall her telling me: "I hate a liar".  Had I known about BPD then I could have rationalized that she is exactly the same person she hates.

My BPDxgf was huge on saying "I hate liars" and "I hate cheaters".  She was one of the worst offenders I've ever seen on both of those issues.  I'd love to know if they don't view themselves that way; meaning they really believe the BS they preach OR is it to convince others that they are not like that full well knowing it's the exact opposite.  I always wondered.

Yes, my exGF used to pepper conversations with "I am not a cheater". It's like these people operate from their own imagination as well as their own reality, which is, of course, non-linear.

I think "I hate cheaters" + "I hate liars" translates to "I hate myself"

[Raybo48]

After getting pregnant by her co-worker via a totally drunken encounter ("a grave excerise of poor judgement was the afterward response), myBPD exGF , during that revelation phone call to me, said: "Our relationship doesn't have to change... ."

Me, the understanding, co-D guy that I unfortunately am, then received more revealing news via another 3rd party, informing me of many other guys who my ex was spending time with, in positions horizontal.  I was really shattered, and lashed out, threatening to be done with us for good.  Her response was quite controlled, devoid of typical hysterical emotion , and delivered in terse fashion, like a mom reprimanding her young child:

"You will do or say what you want.  I don't want to lose you. Because when I make an investment, I expect a return."

Cold.

The day I met her in person for our first 'date', we discussed some past relationship issues.  One thing i distinctly recall her telling me: "I hate a liar".  Had I known about BPD then I could have rationalized that she is exactly the same person she hates.

My BPDxgf was huge on saying "I hate liars" and "I hate cheaters".  She was one of the worst offenders I've ever seen on both of those issues.  I'd love to know if they don't view themselves that way; meaning they really believe the BS they preach OR is it to convince others that they are not like that full well knowing it's the exact opposite.  I always wondered.

Yes, my exGF used to pepper conversations with "I am not a cheater". It's like these people operate from their own imagination as well as their own reality, which is, of course, non-linear.

I think "I hate cheaters" + "I hate liars" translates to "I hate myself"

Gotta remember that one because it's very true.   She loathes herself, that much I know.  I pity her for that.

[Painterly2014]

I sat here and tried to think of one thing that stuck out for me and I would have say it was being called a pig when he didn't think I had cleaned the house well enough. he was a clean freak so he would zero in on anything that was not up to standard and then make those under the breath comments and that was a favorite for him.

[Infared]

Here are some of the worst:

(1). "You make me sick.  You're disgusting.  You make me so sick I can't even look at you."  -- said when I forgot to have my 2.5 year old son pick up his toys before bed.

(2.). my uBPDw told me I was "certifiably crazy," had a "psychological Illness" and she was uncomfortable with me being around our 2 year old son because I thoughr he should get a speech evaluation.

(3). When I said I wanted to move closer to my parents so we could have more support and I could take over a very successful family business, my uBPDw said that I was "brainwashed" by my parents, that my parents "should have warned" her about me and that she had ruined her life by marrying me.

(4.). When I said I thought she was depressed during pregnancy and should move up her next doctor appointment so she could talk to someone about it, she berated me for an hour saying that I was a "horrible husband" and she never should have married me and that I am a horrible father and that the kids are unlucky to have me as a dad.

I wouldn't say this type of garbage to even my worst enemy... .

Yeah... .I feel this.

Can't sit here and type the hurtful utterances... .it would just give them more life... .but I really agree with your final statement:

"I wouldn't say this type of garbage to even my worst enemy... ."

It's scary what goes on inside their heads.

[Deeno02]

List is to long to mention, but, in the begining, they were very slight digs, ones you could laugh off and not realize it until later how hurtful they were. As the r/s was circling the drain, while I desperately hung on, things like treat me special or lose me, you have no emotion, you think the kids and I are pains in the asses, etc. the real pain was not so much the words, but the actions. Cut out of her schedule, cut out of the kids schedule, yelled at for trying to help feed her kids during dinner, yelled at for taking out trash, yelled at for trying to put in a trash bag in the can, etc. couldn't do a damn thing right. Planned something, wrong. Didn't plan anything, wrong again. Then she started to direct it towards MY kids. Called my daughter a cock block, called her my wife, said I was an enabler to them. Finally, the day she dumped me (via text) I was told I was unlovable, incapable of love, emotionless, that she finally knows what she wants, I didn't fight for her, I blamed sex problems on her(?), I never bought her anything, I didn't take her on vacation, didn't spend any time with her, and on and on. Damaged the hell out of me. Good luck new guy, hope your smarter than I was.

Oh, and I wasn't over my ex wife, said the person who still stalked her ex on FB and Instagram and b___ing about who he was with or where he was eating.