Understanding mental/emotional disorders

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey guys/gals. 

I have found this post on a forum dedicated to bipolar r/s (my ex was BPD and Bipolar co-morbid with other issues) but it applies to BPD as well. After sharing my story, reading most of your stories and evolving on my quest to understand such disorders so i dont get caught in such relationship again, I though I'd share this with you.

This isn't my story but it describes my ex very well. I did not make this post and take no credit for it.

For my bipolar ex, people were secondary. To feel "happy" (manic) in our case, idealization phase, she always needed to experience "life events". Getting a dog, buying a car or house, falling in love, getting engaged -- you know -- the BIG experiences. People mattered to her only if they were necessary for the experience.

I realized that it was the experience, and not the status, that made her happy. For example, she wanted the experience of a wedding, but she didn't want to be married. She wanted to be pregnant and have a baby, but being a mother didn't bring her any happiness. She wanted to FALL in love, but BEING in a loving relationship just wasn't the same thrill.

Once I understood that about her, then all her behavior -- her behavior before me, during my relationship with her, and what has happened to her afterward -- made sense. For her, once the novelty of falling in love wears off, then she's on a search for the next big LIFE EXPERIENCE. Maybe its an engagement, or maybe she leaves and fall in love again. Or both. That's why -- in the twelve years I've known her -- she's on her third engagement (and second marriage).

Bipolar Borderlines in Idealization phase partners are fun, but don't kid yourself about it ever being a long term thing. If they don't leave you for a new thrill, then they will screw up the relationship with other thrills -- liking, drugs, and cheating. And THEN they leave.

It's not worth it. At best, you're just a supporting actor in their show. They don't really love YOU For Borderline, I think they do love you until the devaluation phase; they just need you to be a part of their thrill ride.

[Zpinal]

Hey guys/gals. 

I have found this post on a forum dedicated to bipolar r/s (my ex was BPD and Bipolar co-morbid with other issues) but it applies to BPD as well. After sharing my story, reading most of your stories and evolving on my quest to understand such disorders so i dont get caught in such relationship again, I though I'd share this with you.

This isn't my story but it describes my ex very well. I did not make this post and take no credit for it.

For my bipolar ex, people were secondary. To feel "happy" (manic) in our case, idealization phase, she always needed to experience "life events". Getting a dog, buying a car or house, falling in love, getting engaged -- you know -- the BIG experiences. People mattered to her only if they were necessary for the experience.

I realized that it was the experience, and not the status, that made her happy. For example, she wanted the experience of a wedding, but she didn't want to be married. She wanted to be pregnant and have a baby, but being a mother didn't bring her any happiness. She wanted to FALL in love, but BEING in a loving relationship just wasn't the same thrill.

Once I understood that about her, then all her behavior -- her behavior before me, during my relationship with her, and what has happened to her afterward -- made sense. For her, once the novelty of falling in love wears off, then she's on a search for the next big LIFE EXPERIENCE. Maybe its an engagement, or maybe she leaves and fall in love again. Or both. That's why -- in the twelve years I've known her -- she's on her third engagement (and second marriage).

Bipolar Borderlines in Idealization phase partners are fun, but don't kid yourself about it ever being a long term thing. If they don't leave you for a new thrill, then they will screw up the relationship with other thrills -- liking, drugs, and cheating. And THEN they leave.

It's not worth it. At best, you're just a supporting actor in their show. They don't really love YOU For Borderline, I think they do love you until the devaluation phase; they just need you to be a part of their thrill ride.

[neverloveagain]

Bipolar Borderlines in Idealization phase partners are fun, but don't kid yourself about it ever being a long term thing. If they don't leave you for a new thrill, then they will screw up the relationship with other thrills -- liking, drugs, and cheating. And THEN they leave.

Very true mine did too, it hurts like hell to watch her tornado disapearing but im also glad im not in it anymore.

[CareTaker]

Bipolar Borderlines in Idealization phase partners are fun, but don't kid yourself about it ever being a long term thing. If they don't leave you for a new thrill, then they will screw up the relationship with other thrills

When I realized my ex had a personality disorder, I went searching on the net and found the answers. I studied the disorder, and tried my best to work things out. But you get to a stage when you just give up. You never can have a normal relationship with these people.

Best advice I can give anyone, is just walk out and move on. I completely erased 3 years of my life. From pics to emails, cell numbers to presents. Clothes to friends, every memory I have of this toxic woman.

I sincerely hope she finds a guy who is willing to give her that baby she so desperately wants, but I realize that that baby will not be the fulfilment of her life. There will always be a list of demands, like there always has been. And I will not willingly put a child through the hell of having a mother with a personality disorder. The child will grow up with even more serious disorders. So I moved on.

[enlighten me]

This is something I have thought about a lot. I realised a few weeks back that we are all just fulfillers. We fit their current needs and then when happiness isnt sustained they seek new sources. Whether its new partners, facebook fan base, drinking, drugs or whatever else they will always seek new supply and always go forward.

what a sad life to lead where you never find contentment.