Do ex's ever stop?

[Oh_Help]

I have posted here before (you can refer to my back story from my previous post) . My ex and I have been apart for 9 months which is the longest we have ever not spoken.

A few weeks ago she had contacted me from a blocked number several times at 2am (she was drunk and does have a substance abuse problem -functioning alcoholic) and sent a drunken 'selfie' with an I miss you attached. This isnt the first time this has happened, probably around the 30 mark in 1.5 years.

I ignored it and did not respond.

However, this past weekend she called me again. This time I did reply because my girlfriend was with me and it just has to stop. She said she wanted me to come over and sneak theough her window to be with her. (She is in her 30's and lives at home with her parents whom hate me for calling off our wedding because she cheated on me)

I told her no and if she had something to say to me she could say it to my face.

It turns out she has a boyfriend, a serious commited relationship, and not only sending me measages but sending my best friends boyfriend (whom she dated a few weeks) messages (small world huh).

I responded to her after finding this out the following day just asking her why she consistently reaches out to me/ never follows through. I also told her (because I do feel this way) that I felt sorry for her that she has to try to make me unhappy because she is unhappy in various aspects of her life.

My question is: will this ever stop? Why can't she just let me go (no children or mutual friends)?

I blocked her phone permanently but we live 5 minutes from each other (she is more bark than bite so I think I am ok). My best friend is concerned that she has a very unhealthy fixation on me (after 2 years apart and four months of giving it another try)

My girlfriend is very supportive and I am very greatful but no ine can put up with this if it continues.

[Rifka]

I have posted here before (you can refer to my back story from my previous post) . My ex and I have been apart for 9 months which is the longest we have ever not spoken.

A few weeks ago she had contacted me from a blocked number several times at 2am (she was drunk and does have a substance abuse problem -functioning alcoholic) and sent a drunken 'selfie' with an I miss you attached. This isnt the first time this has happened, probably around the 30 mark in 1.5 years.

I ignored it and did not respond.

However, this past weekend she called me again. This time I did reply because my girlfriend was with me and it just has to stop. She said she wanted me to come over and sneak theough her window to be with her. (She is in her 30's and lives at home with her parents whom hate me for calling off our wedding because she cheated on me)

I told her no and if she had something to say to me she could say it to my face.

It turns out she has a boyfriend, a serious commited relationship, and not only sending me measages but sending my best friends boyfriend (whom she dated a few weeks) messages (small world huh).

I responded to her after finding this out the following day just asking her why she consistently reaches out to me/ never follows through. I also told her (because I do feel this way) that I felt sorry for her that she has to try to make me unhappy because she is unhappy in various aspects of her life.

My question is: will this ever stop? Why can't she just let me go (no children or mutual friends)?

I blocked her phone permanently but we live 5 minutes from each other (she is more bark than bite so I think I am ok). My best friend is concerned that she has a very unhealthy fixation on me (after 2 years apart and four months of giving it another try)

My girlfriend is very supportive and I am very greatful but no ine can put up with this if it continues.

File a stalking/harassing report with the police or tell her you will do this if she ever contacts you again. Let her know she means nothing to you, not to be mean but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Your new girlfriend is a keeper!

[Oh_Help]

I did say I dont want you anymore.

I just cant be with someone who lies and cheats. To ask someone to sneak through your window at 31 is very very strange.

[Rifka]

I did say I dont want you anymore.

I just cant be with someone who lies and cheats. To ask someone to sneak through your window at 31 is very very strange.

Yes and she will always lies and cheat! It's their nature!

[OutOfEgypt]

Do they ever stop?  Hard to make a blanket statement about every BPD person, but in my experience No.  It sounds like you don't share children with her.  That is awesome.  It means you really have no reason to be in contact at all.  I have to be in contact with mine because we share young children, and no it does not stop.  You try to disengage, and then there is always some kind of explosion trying to grab your attention and pull you back in, even if just to hate them.

[Rifka]

Do they ever stop?  Hard to make a blanket statement about every BPD person, but in my experience No.  It sounds like you don't share children with her.  That is awesome.  It means you really have no reason to be in contact at all.  I have to be in contact with mine because we share young children, and no it does not stop.  You try to disengage, and then there is always some kind of explosion trying to grab your attention and pull you back in, even if just to hate them.

Try not to hate, it's too much bad energy, try to just love yourself more and appreciate that it's not your problem, it's hers.

Maybe some tools to learn how to defuse in your own mind would make the outbursts better, maybe viewing it as a child having a temper tantrum. It makes it easier to process and easier on us not taking it personal, because it's not. It's about them!

[Oh_Help]

I just do not understand this behavior. Being 31, living at home (not

Paying any bills, etc), drinking all the time, etc.

I'm not angry. I told her this 'i can't imagine what it's like feeling so hollow inside, trying

To make me miserable to make yourself feel better'. It's very sad that she was a shell of someone I once knew. She never responds, nor can she now. I'm hoping that the 'I dont want you anymore' statement clicks.

I really dont want to be involve in a love triangle/pentagon or future Paternity test.

[Raybo48]

I just do not understand this behavior. Being 31, living at home (not

Paying any bills, etc), drinking all the time, etc.

I'm not angry. I told her this 'i can't imagine what it's like feeling so hollow inside, trying

To make me miserable to make yourself feel better'. It's very sad that she was a shell of someone I once knew. She never responds, nor can she now. I'm hoping that the 'I dont want you anymore' statement clicks.

I really dont want to be involve in a love triangle/pentagon or future Paternity test.

My BPDxgf is a major functioning alcoholic and in my humble opinion alcohol will exacerbate the disorder 10 fold and telling them you don't want them won't stick for long if she was drinking when you told her that.  If she's anything like my ex she will likely contact you when she's drinking and throw all caution to the wind every single time.  They are nearly impossible to control or reason with while sober, but when they are drinking heavily forget about it.  My ex also used to black out (or so she said) much of the time so what they say and do while under the influence isn't even remembered once they get sober.

I also told myself if I ever hear from my BPDxgf again it will be when she's drinking and that's proven to be true the last two times in the last few weeks.   

My best advice is to go totally NC in every way shape and form.  Eventually she will see there is no connection and move on to someone else.  Each time you communicate with her it will give her a negative or positive connection and she will continue.   

[Oh_Help]

I did go NC for good. Blocking her number permanently.

I dont know if my ex has BPD but her behavior seems to indicate BPD.

It's comical when she contacts me because it usually goes as such

2am: i miss you come over/some sad tale of whoa

Me: no.

2am: pleeeeeease

Me: explanation of why ... .(Waste of time) if u want to say something then say it to my face

2am: ill call you tomorrow and set up a time

Next day/week/month: nothing.

Rinse/repeat

[WhatTheFrank]

Warn her that you will pursue harassment charges, document it, then document anything she does to break this boundary.

Life's too short for their excrement.

[Craydar]

It's been 2 months, mine hasn't started

[Deeno02]

Do they ever stop?  Hard to make a blanket statement about every BPD person, but in my experience No.  It sounds like you don't share children with her.  That is awesome.  It means you really have no reason to be in contact at all.  I have to be in contact with mine because we share young children, and no it does not stop.  You try to disengage, and then there is always some kind of explosion trying to grab your attention and pull you back in, even if just to hate them.

Im 2 months almost 3 in to the b/u and have not been contacted by her at all. Shes with the new guy so Im sure shes all giddy with Idealization going on. I hope she stays a bridge burner and leaves me alone. However, I am apprehensive about the up coming Volleyball season as she coaches my son, so my T and I have been preparing for this as best as we can. She hasnt seen me since September and boy have I changed for the good. Just gotta get through the season... .