Book recommendation

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello everybody. My 15 year old daughter has BPD, and is with a dbt therapist who doesn't accept insurance and who is 1.5 hrs away. My d really likes her so we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep her therapy going. The pproblem is affording the family dbt therapy for us. Between the out of pocket therapist and dietician (she has an eating disorder developed from the BPD), cross country residential programs, our finances are drained. Our local family therapist doesn't know dbt but is very good and is willing to work with us through a book on dbt and how to best respond to our daughter. I know that it is not the best arrangement but we live to far from the dbt family therapist and also could not afford the out of pocket fee for our daughter and us both.

We are trying to throw everything we can at this. D constantly tells us she is just waiting for that magical day when she turns 18 and doesn't have to do any of this anymore... .no more therapy or meds and can binge and purge all she wants. What is the best book you all found to teach parents validation/dbt skills?

[Amal]

Hello everybody. My 15 year old daughter has BPD, and is with a dbt therapist who doesn't accept insurance and who is 1.5 hrs away. My d really likes her so we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep her therapy going. The pproblem is affording the family dbt therapy for us. Between the out of pocket therapist and dietician (she has an eating disorder developed from the BPD), cross country residential programs, our finances are drained. Our local family therapist doesn't know dbt but is very good and is willing to work with us through a book on dbt and how to best respond to our daughter. I know that it is not the best arrangement but we live to far from the dbt family therapist and also could not afford the out of pocket fee for our daughter and us both.

We are trying to throw everything we can at this. D constantly tells us she is just waiting for that magical day when she turns 18 and doesn't have to do any of this anymore... .no more therapy or meds and can binge and purge all she wants. What is the best book you all found to teach parents validation/dbt skills?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Amal

I am sorry your daughter has BPD, raising a child with this disorder isn't easy. She is still quite young though, professionals are often very reluctant to diagnose such young people with BPD. Has your daughter been officially diagnosed with this disorder?

DBT has been proven to be effective for many people with BPD so it's very good that she is getting this help. You really want to keep this going but also mention that the costs are draining your finances.

Are you familiar with the website DBT SelfHelp? This site contains a lot of great information about DBT and all the very effective DBT skills. The interesting thing about this website is that it was set up by people who have actually been through DBT themselves. If you aren't familiar with DBT SelfHelp yet, I suggest you check it out. Perhaps it can be of some help to you and your family as you try to deal with your daughter's problems.

[Amal]

Yes, 5 months after her suicide attempt we put her in one of the top five child psychiatric hospitals in the U.S. so that we could have a proper diagnosis. We wasted so much time with other hospitals and therapists. They all diagnosed her with schizophrenia to bipolar and had her on all types of medication at very high doses.  One dr would say one thing and another would completely disagree. It wasn't until we went to the hospital that diagnosed her with BPD and changed her meds did we see a difference.

Thank you for the website recommendation. I will definitely check it out.

Amal

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Amal,

What a runaround with getting the diagnosis... .Unfortunately it is common to first get a host of different diagnoses before getting to BPD.

My 15 year old daughter has BPD, and is with a dbt therapist who doesn't accept insurance and who is 1.5 hrs away. My d really likes her so we are willing to do whatever it takes to keep her therapy going.

This is great that your dd seems to be willing to work with this therapist - a good therapist fit and the patient's motivation to work hard are the key.

Our local family therapist doesn't know dbt but is very good and is willing to work with us through a book on dbt and how to best respond to our daughter. I know that it is not the best arrangement but we live to far from the dbt family therapist and also could not afford the out of pocket fee for our daughter and us both.

You are definitely doing all you can, and this just might work. The website that Kwamina gave you is a good one, I hope you and your therapist find it helpful.

If you are looking for resources on validation, this is my favorite video in this topic:

https://bpdfamily.blogspot.com/2013/06/validation-encouraging-peace-in-BPD.html

There are other ones on validation and a lot of other resources in the right-hand panel TOOLS and LESSONS --->

(Let us know if you are interested in more resources on validation, DBT or other topics)

[Amal]

Thanks for this... .the link for the validation video didn't work, but I had watched this video on the NEA BPD website. It is a good one that I watch over and over to remind myself. It is so easy for me to slip into anger or be hurt by my d's actions. Validation helps me as much as it helps her.

Amal

[pessim-optimist]

Thank you for letting me know about the link. (It should work now if anyone else is interested.)

I had watched this video on the NEA BPD website. It is a good one that I watch over and over to remind myself.

Alan Fruzzetti is a really good communicator, isn't he? I like his delivery - he is very informative and at the same time even entertaining... .

It is so easy for me to slip into anger or be hurt by my d's actions. Validation helps me as much as it helps her.

Oh, that is so true. It is a constant work to regulate one's own emotions and keep one's self-worth intact around a child w/BPD isn't it?