Hello, marie1057 & I'd like to join
Kwamina in welcoming you to this site... .He's given you some very good
links to read, and I would like to encourage you to check them out. I'd also like to recommend that you check out every single
link to the right-hand side of this page, the
TOOLS and
THE LESSONS can really give you a handle on understanding how your son's mind works, and how to deal with him better. I've found that learning those things were the first step in improving my relationship with my adult (37) son who was diagnosed with BPD in April of 2013.
There is no way we can "make" our adult children with BPD get treatment, but there are some things we can do to help them on their journey to help and recovery... .The
Feature Articles linked to under the 4 photos at the top of the threads on this (the Parenting a Child with BPD) Board give very good advice. Even when your child is not already in Therapy, every single one of those Articles is enlightening and helpful.
One of those Articles is
How to get a Borderline into Therapy, and though the whole Article is pertinent to your situation and you should read the whole thing, I found this excerpt for you:
Amador describes what it is like to work with someone who does not believe they are ill. One patient he encountered was paralyzed on his left side and he had problems writing. "When asked to draw a clock the patient thought he did fine", Amador recalls. However, when he pointed out to the patient that the numbers were outside of the circle, the patient became upset. "The more I talked to him [about the drawing], the more flustered he got... . Then he got angry and pushed the paper away, saying, 'it's not mine-it's not my drawing.'"
In mental health, we all believe ourselves to be "ground zero" for normalcy and measure everyone else based on our standard. The only way a person knows that they are different is based on the feedback and reactions of others - and this is complex information to process. Imagine, for example, if someone told you that the sky was not blue - that you perceived it differently than everyone else. What would it take for you to believe this?
Granted, it's often a hard concept to wrap our hands around, but guiding a loved one with a mental illness into treatment is a goal, not a given.
What Can I Do for a LovedOne with Borderline Personality Disorder Traits?
Most families are not prepared to cope with a loved one who has a mental illness. It can be physically and emotionally trying, and it can make us feel vulnerable to the opinions and judgments of others. If you think you or someone you know may have a mental or emotional problem, it is important to remember there is hope and help. With proper care and treatment many individuals learn to cope or recover from Borderline Personality Disorder.
What can we do for a loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder traits?
If we want to help a loved one to get into therapy and, more importantly, to embrace the therapy, we need to "plug in" and understand both the perceptual filters that our loved one has, and their motivations. This generally requires a great deal of listening.
Studies show that there are three areas that are most productive for family members to focus on.
Building trust. Not blaming or not finding fault, but rather respecting our loved one's point of view, listening without telling them that they are wrong - especially regarding their point of view that they are not ill if that is their thinking. Amador says that family members and clinicians should listen carefully to the loved one's fears. "Empathy with the patient's frustrations and even the patient's delusional beliefs are also important", remarked Amador, who said that the phrase "I understand how you feel" can make a world of difference.
Reinforcing the developing awareness. Reinforce the struggles that the loved one perceives as concerning. One of the most difficult things for family members to do is to limit discussions only to the problems that the loved one with the mental illness perceives as problems - not to try to convince them of others. Work with what you have. It is important to develop a partnership with the loved one around those things that can be agreed upon.
Our belief that the loved one will benefit from treatment. Our loved one may be happy with where they are and moving them from this position is as much art as it is science - and it may take time.I really would like to encourage you to check out the whole thing, and also the other 3 Articles at the first link above... .Please tell us more of your story, and ask your questions; we would like to help, marie1057
