resisted breaking NC to write a letter to uBPDexgf to make her "see the light"

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

2 months of limited contact, with the last several weeks being no contact.

I have cancelled my facebook account so that I cannot check her page.  I have cancelled my pinterest account so that I am not tempted to see what memes she is posting about our break up.  She is blocked on my emails and phone.

I am still angry with her over how she behaved and made me feel.  She acted in a way that eroded trust and forced me to end things.  It only helps slightly to realize that she did not do any of these things on purpose and she did not actively wish me harm or try to hurt me.

I am angry that she thinks she was only partly to blame and that the way I viewed things were off and not typical.  For instance, she thought it fine to flirt with other men in front of me and did not even realize half the time when she was being flirtatious.

I wanted very badly to write her a long letter last night and email it to her.

In it, I was going to outline the entire chronology of the relationship from my perspective and all the difficulties and how things appeared to me and how I felt.

I did not write or send this letter.

I realized that no good could come of it.  I thought of a few scenarios.

1. I don't hear back from her.  This will leave me without answers or closure and likely leave me feeling guilty about possibly hurting her again.

2. I hear back and she writes me things that actually sound nice somewhat.  I am then in danger of a recycle by her or more confusion on my end.  The lines of communication will then be open, and that could end badly.

3. I hear back and she is very hurt.  I will feel guilty and again might be recycled.

4. I hear back and she agrees that she was a crappy GF that broke my trust, made me feel horrible, and ruined our relationship and drove me away.

The only thing that will keep me safe and give me closure would be #4 above.  And I'm very unlikely to get that.  And I'd probably still feel bad afterwards.

I just need to maintain NC.  Thanks for reading.

[raisins3142]

2 months of limited contact, with the last several weeks being no contact.

I have cancelled my facebook account so that I cannot check her page.  I have cancelled my pinterest account so that I am not tempted to see what memes she is posting about our break up.  She is blocked on my emails and phone.

I am still angry with her over how she behaved and made me feel.  She acted in a way that eroded trust and forced me to end things.  It only helps slightly to realize that she did not do any of these things on purpose and she did not actively wish me harm or try to hurt me.

I am angry that she thinks she was only partly to blame and that the way I viewed things were off and not typical.  For instance, she thought it fine to flirt with other men in front of me and did not even realize half the time when she was being flirtatious.

I wanted very badly to write her a long letter last night and email it to her.

In it, I was going to outline the entire chronology of the relationship from my perspective and all the difficulties and how things appeared to me and how I felt.

I did not write or send this letter.

I realized that no good could come of it.  I thought of a few scenarios.

1. I don't hear back from her.  This will leave me without answers or closure and likely leave me feeling guilty about possibly hurting her again.

2. I hear back and she writes me things that actually sound nice somewhat.  I am then in danger of a recycle by her or more confusion on my end.  The lines of communication will then be open, and that could end badly.

3. I hear back and she is very hurt.  I will feel guilty and again might be recycled.

4. I hear back and she agrees that she was a crappy GF that broke my trust, made me feel horrible, and ruined our relationship and drove me away.

The only thing that will keep me safe and give me closure would be #4 above.  And I'm very unlikely to get that.  And I'd probably still feel bad afterwards.

I just need to maintain NC.  Thanks for reading.

[myself]

That 'eroding of trust' very often becomes the final nail, doesn't it?

>> 5. She turns it all back around, blaming you for everything, really laying into you about you're a horrible this or that, never did this or that, calling you the crazy one, whatever. Which could put some dents in your self esteem, or hurt you (even more intentionally this time than in the past), or get you caught in a cycle of trying to prove you're none of those things, etc.

It's best to just know your own truth and continue becoming the best person you can be. The way through this is focus on You. Write the letter, if you feel it could be a healthy way for you express some of this stuff. But then delete it. Burn it. Put it in the bottom of a birdcage and be done with it. Because when it's really over, you can't hit rewind on this. Keep going.

[Suzn]

I have cancelled my facebook account so that I cannot check her page.  I have cancelled my pinterest account so that I am not tempted to see what memes she is posting about our break up.  She is blocked on my emails and phone.

Good for you for setting boundaries for yourself here. Knowing yourself enough to know seeing things from her right now would only hurt more is a good start. A couple of weeks isn't long at all, things are still very raw.

Writing a long letter rarely goes well. It's like writing a list of chores for a four year old to follow. The meaning gets lost fairly quickly. Good for you choosing instead to maintain your course.

I just need to maintain NC.  Thanks for reading.

Glad you are here posting and talking this through. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's painful.