Red flags

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ok so I have doing a lot of work on myself lately and it has led to attracting some very nice ladies into my life. One of the main reasons I have been able to do this is I have recognised the red flags in a couple of these crazies and dropped them before they could get me enmeshed in their web of craziness (AKA Drama).

So here are red flags that I look out for in no particular order.

1. She has been single for a very long time

This is by no means a reason to run for the hills but proceed with caution. Good looking people rarely have a lack of potential suitors so there may be a reason she is being avoided.

2. Long distance dating.

Did you meet her long distance? Again not a reason to give up on its own but girls who are always dating long distance are usually so bat ___ crazy they have already burned through their dating pool and need to go further afield.

3.  Neediness / jealousy

The biggest red flag of them all. She doesn’t want you to go out with your female work colleague that you knew way before you met her. She doesn’t want you to see your friends. She wants you to change your facebook status to “in a relationship”. She calls and texts you constantly throughout  the day. She falls in love with you WAY too quickly. This will all cause extreme drama and never ends well. Not to mention it is completely unattractive.

4. Has nothing but negative stories about her ex-boyfriends and tells you how “bad they treated her”. This happens now and again but if she has a long line of them and doesn’t take ANY responsibility then this is a big red flag. If you were to chat to the ex BF you will not be surprised to get a different story. Also expect to be added to this list in her crazy head no matter how much you plead it was her fault.

5. Has more guy friends than girlfriends.

If she doesn’t get on with the same sex she will usually have more guy friends as the male / female dynamic makes it easier for her to get along with them.

6. Has a lot of drama at work

Everybody has that awkward person at work but when she is calling you 2/3 times a day to tell you how she had another argument with Kelly and Jim and Sandra are ganging up on her because they don’t like that she has done more sales than them. Alarm bells should start to ring.

7. Too kinky too quickly.

Sex is something that you need to let breath like a fine wine. It gets better as you both start to feel comfortable with each other and learn what each other likes through communication. If your first sexual encounter involves her putting on her rubber gloves and high heels and treating you to displays of contortionism that you didn’t think was possible. Then don’t be an idiot. She has obviously done this 1000 times before and has ZERO inhibitions in the bedroom. This will be the hardest thing to pull away from when it’s time to go. Also you will notice she can’t wait to jump into bed with you.

8. Gets very angry very quickly.

I don’t think I need to explain this on a BPD forum.

9. She chases YOU.

I know there are some confident women out there who don’t mind making the moves but the crazies ALWAYS do the chasing. This is one of the main reasons men with low self-esteem end up getting with a crazy b*tch because she was the willing to sexually escalate the encounter. Normal women will usually want you to text them for date. For you to decide where to go and for you to lead the interaction. If she leans in to have the first kiss, texts you to go out and chases you then she is desperate. Watch out!

10. Always crying over stupid things

Boo hoo hoo… I have to do my house work and take the dog out and go out to dinner with friends later and work is stressing my out boo hoo hoo my life is so bad boo hoo hoo. I know women are emotional and they like to have a bit of a cry when things get on top of them sometimes but if the tears are always flowing then they are usually of the crocodillion variety and designed to control you more than her letting out her emotions.

11. Drama

Another huge red flag that is intertwined with most of the points above. Drama at work, drama with family. Drama with friends, drama with you, drama while driving. Drama drama drama drama drama. It will be exciting at first but grows old really quickly. Its why things go so quiet when you leave them and you go through a bit of a “boring phase when they are gone. This passes of course and life becomes calm.

12. Alcohol / drugs

Although I don’t do them myself I’m not completely anti-drugs and a lot of people go through a phase in their younger years. Also I don’t think there is anything wrong with your partner getting to drunk now and then as we all do it. But if she is reliant on it ot have a good time and gets drunk all the time then she has some very deep issues that are not easily solved. Also becomes angry / abusive when drunk.


This is female focused as I am a man but I would be interested to hear what females look out for in men.

Also if anybody would like to add to the list I would be interested to hear.

[Visitor]

Ok so I have doing a lot of work on myself lately and it has led to attracting some very nice ladies into my life. One of the main reasons I have been able to do this is I have recognised the red flags in a couple of these crazies and dropped them before they could get me enmeshed in their web of craziness (AKA Drama).

So here are red flags that I look out for in no particular order.

1. She has been single for a very long time

This is by no means a reason to run for the hills but proceed with caution. Good looking people rarely have a lack of potential suitors so there may be a reason she is being avoided.

2. Long distance dating.

Did you meet her long distance? Again not a reason to give up on its own but girls who are always dating long distance are usually so bat ___ crazy they have already burned through their dating pool and need to go further afield.

3.  Neediness / jealousy

The biggest red flag of them all. She doesn’t want you to go out with your female work colleague that you knew way before you met her. She doesn’t want you to see your friends. She wants you to change your facebook status to “in a relationship”. She calls and texts you constantly throughout  the day. She falls in love with you WAY too quickly. This will all cause extreme drama and never ends well. Not to mention it is completely unattractive.

4. Has nothing but negative stories about her ex-boyfriends and tells you how “bad they treated her”. This happens now and again but if she has a long line of them and doesn’t take ANY responsibility then this is a big red flag. If you were to chat to the ex BF you will not be surprised to get a different story. Also expect to be added to this list in her crazy head no matter how much you plead it was her fault.

5. Has more guy friends than girlfriends.

If she doesn’t get on with the same sex she will usually have more guy friends as the male / female dynamic makes it easier for her to get along with them.

6. Has a lot of drama at work

Everybody has that awkward person at work but when she is calling you 2/3 times a day to tell you how she had another argument with Kelly and Jim and Sandra are ganging up on her because they don’t like that she has done more sales than them. Alarm bells should start to ring.

7. Too kinky too quickly.

Sex is something that you need to let breath like a fine wine. It gets better as you both start to feel comfortable with each other and learn what each other likes through communication. If your first sexual encounter involves her putting on her rubber gloves and high heels and treating you to displays of contortionism that you didn’t think was possible. Then don’t be an idiot. She has obviously done this 1000 times before and has ZERO inhibitions in the bedroom. This will be the hardest thing to pull away from when it’s time to go. Also you will notice she can’t wait to jump into bed with you.

8. Gets very angry very quickly.

I don’t think I need to explain this on a BPD forum.

9. She chases YOU.

I know there are some confident women out there who don’t mind making the moves but the crazies ALWAYS do the chasing. This is one of the main reasons men with low self-esteem end up getting with a crazy b*tch because she was the willing to sexually escalate the encounter. Normal women will usually want you to text them for date. For you to decide where to go and for you to lead the interaction. If she leans in to have the first kiss, texts you to go out and chases you then she is desperate. Watch out!

10. Always crying over stupid things

Boo hoo hoo… I have to do my house work and take the dog out and go out to dinner with friends later and work is stressing my out boo hoo hoo my life is so bad boo hoo hoo. I know women are emotional and they like to have a bit of a cry when things get on top of them sometimes but if the tears are always flowing then they are usually of the crocodillion variety and designed to control you more than her letting out her emotions.

11. Drama

Another huge red flag that is intertwined with most of the points above. Drama at work, drama with family. Drama with friends, drama with you, drama while driving. Drama drama drama drama drama. It will be exciting at first but grows old really quickly. Its why things go so quiet when you leave them and you go through a bit of a “boring phase when they are gone. This passes of course and life becomes calm.

12. Alcohol / drugs

Although I don’t do them myself I’m not completely anti-drugs and a lot of people go through a phase in their younger years. Also I don’t think there is anything wrong with your partner getting to drunk now and then as we all do it. But if she is reliant on it ot have a good time and gets drunk all the time then she has some very deep issues that are not easily solved. Also becomes angry / abusive when drunk.


This is female focused as I am a man but I would be interested to hear what females look out for in men.

Also if anybody would like to add to the list I would be interested to hear.

[Indyan]

I've been wondering about this too, and gathered the    I should have spotted right from the start.

(Some are the same as yours):

1) Nothing's his fault, his boss is a stupid b***** and his ex is a NPD.

2) Talks badly about his exes (one was stupid, the other is cruel... .)

3) Talks about love very very soon.

4) Makes comments/critics that I find a bit shocking.

5) Gets annoyed really easily.

6) Doesn't drive/lives at his parents/doesn't have a stable job at 38 yrs old.

7) Has moments when "he needs to be alone" out of the blue.

[clydegriffith]

Here are my red flags:

1) Immediate Love Bombing. If someone starts getting clingy right away and god forbid utter say the "L" word after knowing me for a couple of weeks then that is the cue to run far away.

2) "just broke up" or  "about to breakup" with someone. If someone is in one of these stages + does the Lovebombing thing the first thing that comes to my mind now is i'm being set up as a replacement.

[Indyan]

Ah yeah, and I forgot (unusual from a man I think): "I'm the one who's always left my ex gf's" 

[billypilgrim]

Here are my red flags:

1) Immediate Love Bombing. If someone starts getting clingy right away and god forbid utter say the "L" word after knowing me for a couple of weeks then that is the cue to run far away.

2) "just broke up" or  "about to breakup" with someone. If someone is in one of these stages + does the Lovebombing thing the first thing that comes to my mind now is i'm being set up as a replacement.

Both of these.  These are so obvious to me now but the love bombing really does cloud your judgement when it comes to the other, deeper issues.  In regards to the clingy/needy, mine actually point blank said to me "I'm really needy" after sex one night.  I said "That's cool."  LULZ - What the heck was I thinking? 

I'll also add:

3. History of revisiting old relationships (recycles)

4. Family history.  The apple did not fall far from the tree in the case of my ex. 

5. Lack of boundaries - I knew her life story in the matter of a few weeks. 

How did I marry this person?

[Targeted]

Some key words are now red flags for me,  my exGF always said the word drama. Drama this drama that.  Soulmate is now another key word when used I will run, I would see many others use this word on dating sites  Everytime I had to go on there to see if my ex was on there again. There is a reason why she is single and on a dating site overage 15 using the word soulmate. I think dating sites are another red flag, not that everybody on there is probably bad but I believe your chances are much greater finding somebody was burned out there dating pool  around them on one of the sites and has to look for somebody that does not have any clue who they are Or may know people that know them.

[Indyan]

4. Family history.  The apple did not fall far from the tree in the case of my ex. 

Oh yes, this.

But they won't tell use straight away.

[Indyan]

I'll also get suspicious if someone tells me "they never felt this way before".   

[clydegriffith]

I'll also get suspicious if someone tells me "they never felt this way before".   

LOL. This was one of the BPDx's favorite phrases. She said to me all the time and i found the same thing in love letters she was sending out to diffrent guys. The crazy thing is i think she meant it each time she was writing it to each different guy.

[billypilgrim]

4. Family history.  The apple did not fall far from the tree in the case of my ex. 

Oh yes, this.

But they won't tell use straight away.

True, this took some time.  But at least I know the types of behaviors to look out for.

[billypilgrim]

I'll also get suspicious if someone tells me "they never felt this way before".   

Oh sweet jesus yes. 

I'll also add these phrases to the grab bag (there is a prerequisite that all of these are said in the wee early stages of the r/s):

"You don't love me as much as I love you."

"You make me feel so alive." (she even wrote this in her journal and showed it to me, like some sort of proud 10 year old)

"I've never felt more connected to anyone in my life."

"That was the best (fill in the blank with whatever, sex, experience, event, etc) I've ever had because it was with you."

I remember each and everyone of these vividly because of the effect her words had on me.  I immediately had a profound sense of obligation to her.

Additionally, I'll add attempts to isolate me from friends, specifically platonic lady friends.  This is a big red flag of insecurity and she wanted no part of me hanging out or talking to them, despite my history with them or feelings toward them.

[Infern0]

The main ones I saw and ignored

1. Self harm,  visable cuts

2. Annorexia

3. Over sharing "I've been raped" just casually thrown into conversation

4. Always having big fall outs with friends,  parents etc but then making up. "I love her, I hate her she's a b___"

Those were the things I found odd from the start but I blew them all off pretty much

[FrenchConnection]

Great posts!  It's amazing all of y'alls red flags are the ones i encountered.  Some of them made me laugh because they are exactly what was said to me by my ex.

[parisian]

Here's mine:   

1.  Over-communicating early on - I don't need to be contacted by text or email multiple times a day.

2.  Sending photos of herself to me via text, after 4 weeks. And then that becoming a daily habit.

3.  I didn't get the 'I love you', I got 'you've captured my heart'. That was about a month in.

4.  Excessive drinking - being drunk multiple times a week is not okay

5.  Insomnia problems - staying up late on the computer EVERY night in bed, and then waking up around 4am to do the same. Every day.

6.  Too many childhood tokens around (cartoon / comic book character references)

7.  Evidence of hoarding (it was neat, but a whole room devoted to 'stuff'. Cat statues / cat minatures / cat everything.

8.  Being told she hates talking on the phone.

9.  Extreme awkwardness with meeting new people

[going places]

Red Flags



1. Everyone else is "stupid". HE is a 'super genius'.

2. Rules do not apply to him. Zero respect for authority

3. Stands in front of the TV screaming, stomping his feet, throwing things, and swearing at the referree... .and then for the rest of the day he is in a foul mood because his team lost.

4. Determines that his team is either getting ripped off by the refs or the league; or that they are incompetient fools that need to be discarded and replaced after one bad game. Blames them for ruining HIS good time by losing.

5. Says things like ":)on't you wish you could be 17 again", and means it.

6. Vague. All verbal communication is "open ended" as to leave him an escape / or / words are carefully selected so that you can be "confused" as to what he really means... .loosely translates to; he can do whatever he wants and then BLAME YOU for 'not understanding'.

7. Has to constantly be entertained.

8. Pouts like a child when things don't go his way.

9. Has NO idea what compromise is.

10. Changes jobs once a year, and the excuse is the same; employer is 'stupid' / company is 'stupid' / it's no fun to work here / too many rules (like showing up on time, taking a 1 hour lunch not 4 hour lunch, staying until 5pm).

[antelope]

SOULMATE

^^this word... .is a massive... .red... .flag!     

[Targeted]

SOULMATE... .

Antelope-----  I started a thread on that and it got moved to the senior members board!

Funny how many agree!

[Indyan]

Oh yes, I remember he sent me mails calling me "my soul" and I got scared. He got a bit upset when i said it was too much... .

[peiper]

The biggest    for me is when I feel something is wrong in my heart, deep down something is wrong. I really think God talks to us that way. The times I've ignored it never turned out well.

[parisian]

The biggest    for me is when I feel something is wrong in my heart, deep down something is wrong. I really think God talks to us that way. The times I've ignored it never turned out well.

Good point peiper. Alot to be said for listening to your intuition. Possibly lots of people on these boards felt that nagging feeling of something not quite right (me included!) and pushed it down and ignored it... .

[whythisgirl]

WOW! I wish I read the flags earlyon. The guy I am dating would say:

1. His last relationship was 9 years ago. He also broke up with the women. He also had over 50+  sexual partners (not sure how true that was).

2. He can do what he wants whenever he wants. Double standard! But get angry if I don't do what he wants.

3. He kept saying he took care of himself since he was 8. When we first met he got in a big argument with his father and they haven't spoke in 6months. After finally speaking the father told him he couldn't deal with him. Thought that was very strange.

4. His mother told him once that she was going to call me (she lived put of state so I only spoke to her when he was holding the phone to my ear) Anyhow, he screamed on her for saying that and told her she has no permission to call me. Thought that was very strange.

5. He always had to have alcohol daily and smoke cigars. I don't do either so its unusual being around someone who needs it everyday.

6. Become angry for the smallest things if i didn't answer a question with details that paints a picpicture for him. He would become very angry and tell me I'm hiding something and that "not telling everything is still considered a lie.".

7. He would constantly accuse me of sleeping with my ex or talking to me ex. Its was so crazy he was so obsessed with my ex.

8. My nickname was liar. Cause in his convoluted mind I was lying about everything.

9. Big red flag: he would say you are going to leave like everyone else did.

10. I asked him about his so called friends he had when we first startedttalking (BTW I never met them  but this older guy that is like a father to him) he would say he deal with people on his time. He doesn't call anyone a friend.

[Splitblack4good]

This is spooky I think pretty much all of the above my ex came out with within the first 6 months

Told me she loved me 4 weeks in

Asked me to move in within 3 months

Asked me to marry her 4 months in

Her favourite saying was do you promise you won't leave me .or I'd go to work and she would say you are coming back Arnt you ?

Endless calls and texts while I was at work love you I miss you what time are you going to be back

Would hissy fit if I said il be home by 5 but turn up at 5.10

Got angry and upset when I said we need to slow the relationship down abit and let things develop naturaly and in due course she looked at me like maducer and turn me to stone !

Loves and craves chaos and drama ! Had a habit of staying awake realy late a history of cocaine abuse.

[Tater tot]

Yes to so many of these things. I think it's so helpful to share and read these flags. I continue to struggle with "radical acceptance" and that my ex has BPD, but when I read others flags, I see that there are too many similarities. That he is disordered and that as much as I care about him, I can't change or "fix" him.

Some of the flags I ignored:

1. Telling me he was going to marry me within 3-4 weeks

2. Every ex was crazy, cheated on him, never appreciated anything he did, physically abused him.

3. Bragging about his skills in the bedroom, having over 60 girlfriends and over 100 sexual partners (sometimes I want to slap myself for overlooking this- he's in his early 30's)

4. Sharing personal trauma with 24 hours

5. Sharing stories about his violence against others (punching friends in the face, assaulting strangers who he thought disrespected him) as if it was totally normal (again a slap in that face flag I ignored)

6. Every ex cheated on him- he said it must say something about him

7. He doesn't have emotions like normal people, doesn't feel happiness/joy/excitement/has never cried/that I could never hurt him (emotionally)

8. Doesn't have any life long friends even though he's lived in the same city his whole life

9. works 80 hours a week, rarely has a day off, disrespects his boss and thinks everyone else that he works with are idiots

10. said that the closer he gets to a person and the more comfortable he feels in a relationship the more distant he becomes

11. total love bombing - hundreds of texts and messages a day, all day, every day.

[whythisgirl]

Some of the flags I ignored:

1. Telling me he was going to marry me within 3-4 weeks

3. Bragging about his skills in the bedroom, having over 60 girlfriends and over 100 sexual partners (sometimes I want to slap myself for overlooking this- he's in his early 30's)

5. Sharing stories about his violence against others (punching friends in the face, assaulting strangers who he thought disrespected him) as if it was totally normal (again a slap in that face flag I ignored)

7. He doesn't have emotions like normal people, doesn't feel happiness/joy/excitement/has never cried/that I could never hurt him (emotionally)

8. Doesn't have any life long friends even though he's lived in the same city his whole life

Tatortot - if it wasn't for the age, I would of thought we dated my exBPD. Lol... just totally insane especially sleeping with that many women. My eBPD admitted to sleeping with over 50 women but only been in one relationship when he was 18. That was a red flag for me...

[WhyMe?]

4. Family history.  The apple did not fall far from the tree in the case of my ex.  

Mine told me his entire family was dysfunctional. Except him. If I only knew!

After we split, I kept in touch with his mom, and she got into a new r/s. Sometimes she'd send me a text that she had sent her bf, for my opinion. But she wouldn't tell me, I'd just get it out of the blue. And I'd have a panic attack thinking it was from my exbf because it was EXACTLY LIKE WHAT HE':) SEND ME! "I do so much for you, you don't deserve me, I'm going to find someone that does, etc etc".

My T said that was incredibly unusual and it suggested writing patterns could be genetic. He said they'd make a good case study. Obviously, I didn't pass that on

My exbf also said his exw and exgf both abused him. One physically, both emotionally. That threw up red flags but I ignored them. I felt bad for him because he seemed so sweet (in the beginning). As the r/s progressed and turned to hell, I wondered why neither of them had seriously harmed him.

I should feel good though, by the time the news of my breakup got back to me, the story was that we had abused each other.

[whythisgirl]

Mine told me his entire family was dysfunctional. Except him. If I only knew!

Hilarious!

It makes me wonder about my xBPD's mom. He would tell me partial stories about her that seem very strange. To this day he kept saying when his mom went away but told me that's her story that she must tell. I always thought where did she go? Apparently she abandoned him throughout his childhood. I guess I will never know that story.

[downwhim]

Red flags:

i

1. He had no friends in our city yet had lived here 8 years and worked here for 11.

2. Every relationships he had ended with the women in love with him and him calling it off.

3. Lied about a second marriage until well into our relationship.

4. Said second wife he was friends with and built her up, lied they fought and she was truly trailer trash!

5. Family thanked me for staying with him.

[Visitor]

Red flags:

5. Family thanked me for staying with him.

Hahahahaha 

I had a the same thing. The family acted as if she was treated like ___ by all the other guys and I was different. I wonder how they felt when I also turned out to be YET ANOTHER devil boyfriend that treated her terribly.

You know sometimes I read things on this board and it's almost as if I'm reading a comedy sketch.

[whythisgirl]

Red flags:

i

1. He had no friends in our city yet had lived here 8 years and worked here for 11.

2. Every relationships he had ended with the women in love with him and him calling it off.

3. Lied about a second marriage until well into our relationship.

4. Said second wife he was friends with and built her up, lied they fought and she was truly trailer trash!

5. Family thanked me for staying with him.

This is so crazy how similar our stories are! My xBPDbf said the same thing that he ended every relationship no one has ever broken up with him. I think that the story is BOGUS! I can imagine they jumped ship when they found out how crazy he was. Also his mom kept thanking me for being with him so he wasn't lonely. Huh strange don't you think? Then he would say to me that his mother always reasoned with me all the time and that was because she wanted him to have a girlfriend. 

[BethRoberts]

Him: When I was little, there were times when my parents couldn't understand why I was upset. They would just say "He needs a good cry." Did your parents say that about you?

Me: Nope.

[mywifecrazy]

For me the biggest    that I ignored and the one that all the other     Revolved around:

*Stories of being abused... .Sexually, physically and emotionally by family and others. This was/is her main weapon to manipulate people into thinking she's a poor damsel in distress. I was young and naive and bought it hook line and sinker. I just didn't think a person would lie about such a thing. Boy was I wrong! When I first discovered bpdfamily My jaw dropped when I read story after story so similar to my experience.

MWC... .

[Tater tot]

For me the biggest    that I ignored and the one that all the other     Revolved around:

*Stories of being abused... .Sexually, physically and emotionally by family and others. This was/is her main weapon to manipulate people into thinking she's a poor damsel in distress. I was young and naive and bought it hook line and sinker. I just didn't think a person would lie about such a thing. Boy was I wrong! When I first discovered bpdfamily My jaw dropped when I read story after story so similar to my experience.

MWC... .

My ex also spoke about abuse, not his own, but his child's at the hands of his father. While it was truthful, the fact that he shared that information with 24 hours was a flag. It also was a powerful disclosure that really tugged at my heart and made me feel so much empathy for what he and his child had been through.

[power thru]

Wow, thinking back I must have been completely insane to have just dismissed the signs. Intuition was always there but I chose to ignore. Some of mine were... .

-  Family abuse, both sexual and physical

-  Making me promise to everything she said "you promise you will always love me?"

-  Falling in love way to quickly

-  Telling me I was the best lover she ever had

-  The greatest porn star sex right out of the gate... .willing to do anything! I have to admit this was flattering but questionable at the same time.

-  Coming home everyday with a story about how everyone at work hates her and is out to get her. (at three different jobs I might add)

-  Constant ailments that are incurable

-  No female friends, all male. Says she cant really relate to females... .hmmmm

-  just about anytime she went out to the store by herself, she told me that some guy tried to hit on her... .almost as if to try and make me jealous

-  When I first met her she said she hated drama... .hahahaha... .wow... .totally missed the mark on that one.

-  Abusive, cheating ex's

-  Feelings were hurt if I didn't hold her hand when we went shopping together... .even at the grocery store

I could seriously write 20 more lines... .so glad I'm done with that.

[WhyMe?]

-  Feelings were hurt if I didn't hold her hand when we went shopping together... .even at the grocery store

I had an AFFAIR with mine and he was STILL hurt if I didn't want to hold his hand or kiss him in public IN TOWN! I mean really hurt, tears in the eyes hurt. He'd tell me he understood why we needed to act "like friends" at times like that - till the next time it happened of course.

Every once in awhile the word "delusional" would flash across my brain, but I dismissed it.

And here's another story, 2 distinct times I remember but I'm sure it happened more than that:

- Before we were dating, when we really were "just" friends... .I was sitting at my desk one morning at home, getting some quotes out before heading to my part time job. I used to chat with a few people online occasionally so I typically had iChat open. He came online and asked what I was doing. When I told him, he said, but I made pancakes for you. Remember, we were having breakfast? (at his place). I had NO recollection of that, but everyone forgets now and then. I apologized for forgetting and asked if I could do a rain check as I really needed to get the quotes out and get to work. He got really agitated and I couldn't talk him out of it. I really feel this incident set the whole tone of the following years with him, but I really felt bad that I forgot (I now realize I didn't forget anything, he made it all up). I ended up going over there, all was well with him and I barely made it to work on time. This would've been late 2006.

Fast forward 2 years to late 2008. My exh had just moved out of the house and I was trying to rediscover myself after 2 years of being pushed and pulled all over. I was hoping that "belonging" to the exbf would settle him down more - this was 6 months before I learned of BPD. Just day to day activities were not easy for me, exh was still in a lot of contact with me and exbf also wanted ALL my time. I get home from work and field a very angry call from him, after he learns I just want to hang out at home - alone. He tells me that he had put pizza in the oven, enough for both of us, and it would be ruined if I didn't get over there asap. In addition, not going over there would prove that I had no care for him. Again I tried to get out of it but there was no reasoning with him (I lived many days and nights telling myself "there's always tomorrow". It takes me 10 minutes to drive over there, and those pizzas take 10 minutes to bake. I pack up and head out. His front door is unlocked and he's in the shower. I check on the pizza expecting it to be ready to come out of the oven. THEY WERE STILL FROZEN! He had just put them in before getting in the shower, well AFTER we hung up. I questioned him on it when he got out of the shower, realizing he had completely lied to me that time, but he just brushed it off.

[workinprogress]

With regards to my wife, she told me a couple of weeks to a month after we started dating that she loved me.  She was stunning to look at, and I felt kind of honored that a woman like her would fall in love with me so quickly.

She loved bombed me all the time.

She did have a quick temper.  She could make a joke about herself, and if I jokingly said the same thing later she would get angry at me.

She told me the sex we had was the greatest. 

During our marriage she told me that I was the best sexually, then, suddenly after that, sex stopped.

She talked about herself non-stop.  I thought it was a cute little quirk at the time.

[Kwamina]

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