Did your exBPD crave attention?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Looking back on my relationship I saw how much my ex craved attention from people. She called herself an attention ___ an would feel unloved if I didn't compliment her enough. But especially toward the end of the relationship when I complemented her a lot she told me they didn't mean anything anymore. She was always posting pictures on social media sights trying to get the most people to call her pretty. If she wasn't the center of attention she would get in an angry mood or become very silent and sad. She even manipulated guys to give her things and do things for her with her looks while we dated.

Toward the end of the relationship one of the many reasons she gave to me for why she was leaving me was that I didn't give her enough attention. I didn't do anything for her anymore, or compliment her enough. One of her biggest pet peeves was when I ignored her. Like if I didn't pick up a call or anything like that, the next time I talked to her she would be screaming at me for "ignoring her".

Did anyone else experience anything like this with their exBPD? And could the things I described be possible HPD symptoms?

[antonio1213]

Looking back on my relationship I saw how much my ex craved attention from people. She called herself an attention ___ an would feel unloved if I didn't compliment her enough. But especially toward the end of the relationship when I complemented her a lot she told me they didn't mean anything anymore. She was always posting pictures on social media sights trying to get the most people to call her pretty. If she wasn't the center of attention she would get in an angry mood or become very silent and sad. She even manipulated guys to give her things and do things for her with her looks while we dated.

Toward the end of the relationship one of the many reasons she gave to me for why she was leaving me was that I didn't give her enough attention. I didn't do anything for her anymore, or compliment her enough. One of her biggest pet peeves was when I ignored her. Like if I didn't pick up a call or anything like that, the next time I talked to her she would be screaming at me for "ignoring her".

Did anyone else experience anything like this with their exBPD? And could the things I described be possible HPD symptoms?

[clydegriffith]

Yes, many of the things she did were pretty much "look at me" things. A news worthy event happened locally with one of the guys she was sleeping with and she called the news station and went on TV to talk about her affair with a married guy. She did an entire sit down interivew with the local news. In my apartment nonetheless with my kid there.

[antonio1213]

Yes, many of the things she did were pretty much "look at me" things. A news worthy event happened locally with one of the guys she was sleeping with and she called the news station and went on TV to talk about her affair with a married guy. She did an entire sit down interivew with the local news. In my apartment nonetheless with my kid there.

I am honestly at a loss of words on that one….

Mine did insane stuff to get attention but I don't think anything that extreme. She did make scenes wherever we went

[Deeno02]

Oh yea... .

Single mom of 5 who was cruelly left by her no good husband

Mom of 5 got the constant"oh, how do you do it! Wonder woman!"

College Volleyball D-1 School athlete! Plenty of records!

Masters degree!

I coached college VB!

Theres plenty more... .but, yawn... .

[clydegriffith]

Yes, many of the things she did were pretty much "look at me" things. A news worthy event happened locally with one of the guys she was sleeping with and she called the news station and went on TV to talk about her affair with a married guy. She did an entire sit down interivew with the local news. In my apartment nonetheless with my kid there.

I am honestly at a loss of words on that one….

Mine did insane stuff to get attention but I don't think anything that extreme. She did make scenes wherever we went

LOL. This may not even crack the top 10 list of crazy things she did in the 2 years i was with her. This woman was really the worse of the worst even by borderline standards.

[Xidion]

Looking back on my relationship I saw how much my ex craved attention from people. She called herself an attention ___ an would feel unloved if I didn't compliment her enough. But especially toward the end of the relationship when I complemented her a lot she told me they didn't mean anything anymore. She was always posting pictures on social media sights trying to get the most people to call her pretty. If she wasn't the center of attention she would get in an angry mood or become very silent and sad. She even manipulated guys to give her things and do things for her with her looks while we dated.

Toward the end of the relationship one of the many reasons she gave to me for why she was leaving me was that I didn't give her enough attention. I didn't do anything for her anymore, or compliment her enough. One of her biggest pet peeves was when I ignored her. Like if I didn't pick up a call or anything like that, the next time I talked to her she would be screaming at me for "ignoring her".

Did anyone else experience anything like this with their exBPD? And could the things I described be possible HPD symptoms?

Absolutely.  She would talk to other guys behind my back, then blame me for it by saying that it happened because I didn't give her enough attention.  Even though I spent every second with her. She also is a selfie addict. Always posting pics hoping people call her pretty.

[Bak86]

Oh absolutely. She makes complete false statements about sex and exes around coworkers for instance. They all think she's a sexy fox, but she's an absolute prude in the bedroom. Or she claims to have a lot of knowledge about a topic, which she has absolutely zero knowledge of. Very annoying.

And the ailments she has, always try to get sympathy from others. That one always gets me riled up. STOP BEING A PHONY.

[jammo1989]

Sounds just like my ex, yeah i would say she sounds more HPD rather than BPD.  Shes craving the attention from her childhood, she knows deep down that shes worthless, because thats  what she was brought up to believe by her parents, if she suffered trauma as a child, for example daddy issues.  While growing up she began to realize that. using certain assets towards others, like seductive behavior towards men she could get what she wanted from them.  Furthermore, she also realized that in order to hide her self worthless image attention from others can soothe that emotional anxiety, on a short term basis.  So why do these woman crave male attention?  Is it because shes a slut? the reason she does it is, if shes had abusive parents, or was abandoned by her father, she is sub consciously looking for a father figure, that at the time she feels can fufill the role of the father she never had.  Shes almost saying if (insert name) didnt want me (insert name will)  Personally, I feel HPDs are worse than BPDs because, even though BPD is like an on and off switch of push and pull behaviour, the HPD comes across more in control and for longer periods of time, not to mention the fact that pretty much all HPDs cheat on their other half, as well as not understanding boundaries.  My HPD would walk down the street and be like wow hes f ucking gorgous while holding hands with me.  They will do ANYTHING for attention, lieing about pregnancy, starting rumors, even accusing you of cheating to get a reaction of jealousy from you, Hpds will also test your loyalty towards them on a constant basis.  If anything just like the BPD will always portray you as the father figure she never had, she will expect you to pay for EVERYTHING, listen to her when shes down, and will always make sure you give them all of your attention.  

My ex was 25 with 2 children on benefits, as soon as i started working and promised her a brighter future she started to distance herself towards me, why was this? because if if working, whos going to give her attention 24/7? and now my replacement doesn't have a job, and lives the same boring life she does.  You have to remember that HPDDs are the female version of Narcs, and if your ex like mine was below you financially, lifestyle, family and everything else we are all competitive at, then she will cut you off without a single care in the world.  Why do they do this? Its solely down to the fact, that the HPDs with no family, no money, and no future tend to get their ego from their image.  For example, id be in a pub with my ex, and id go to the bar, as soon as i came back she would say,  I just got told that i had sexy legs, (attention seeking).  When the HPD feels that they cant control you anymore, because your more in control of your life than they are, they will cut you off, they cant let others see her as anything less than perfect.  So when you stop creating the image that shes on your level, by buying her expensive jewelry, taking her out to nice restaurants and other luxuries, she will soon catch onto this, and as punishment you will be thrown away as if you meant nothing to them.  For example, towards the end i stopped paying for everything, i refused to buy her a £18 teddy bear, she threw it on the floor in a public place, made a scene (attention) and expected me to follow her round for the next 30 minutes.  Then out of no where, the switch had flipped and she was all like, where do you want to go now baby before reaching for my hand.

As you can see ive done extensive research on HPDs I hope this has helped with HPD behavior



Some things to think about

How can a HPD relationship work, when she expects nice things like rings if you dont work? but if you work they get bored, frustrated and in some cases cheat

You will never win with HPDs, for example during the pull. push behavior, if they try to make you jealous (which they will) if you react and grovel at their knees, portraying your utter devotion towards them, they will see you as weak, and in their eyes thats something they wont stand for.  Or if you dont react, and stay emotionally strong, they will start to panic because their expecting you to chase even while in the relationship, and by not reacting to their stupid behavior, they start to think hes going to abandon me, hes going to leave me.  They then go into a state of panic, and will make sure to leave you before you leave them, in order not to trigger their fear of abandonment.          

[antonio1213]

Sounds just like my ex, yeah i would say she sounds more HPD rather than BPD.  Shes craving the attention from her childhood, she knows deep down that shes worthless, because thats  what she was brought up to believe by her parents, if she suffered trauma as a child, for example daddy issues.  While growing up she began to realize that. using certain assets towards others, like seductive behavior towards men she could get what she wanted from them.  Furthermore, she also realized that in order to hide her self worthless image attention from others can soothe that emotional anxiety, on a short term basis.  So why do these woman crave male attention?  Is it because shes a slut? the reason she does it is, if shes had abusive parents, or was abandoned by her father, she is sub consciously looking for a father figure, that at the time she feels can fufill the role of the father she never had.  Shes almost saying if (insert name) didnt want me (insert name will)  Personally, I feel HPDs are worse than BPDs because, even though BPD is like an on and off switch of push and pull behaviour, the HPD comes across more in control and for longer periods of time, not to mention the fact that pretty much all HPDs cheat on their other half, as well as not understanding boundaries.  My HPD would walk down the street and be like wow hes f ucking gorgous while holding hands with me.  They will do ANYTHING for attention, lieing about pregnancy, starting rumors, even accusing you of cheating to get a reaction of jealousy from you, Hpds will also test your loyalty towards them on a constant basis.  If anything just like the BPD will always portray you as the father figure she never had, she will expect you to pay for EVERYTHING, listen to her when shes down, and will always make sure you give them all of your attention.  

My ex was 25 with 2 children on benefits, as soon as i started working and promised her a brighter future she started to distance herself towards me, why was this? because if if working, whos going to give her attention 24/7? and now my replacement doesn't have a job, and lives the same boring life she does.  You have to remember that HPDDs are the female version of Narcs, and if your ex like mine was below you financially, lifestyle, family and everything else we are all competitive at, then she will cut you off without a single care in the world.  Why do they do this? Its solely down to the fact, that the HPDs with no family, no money, and no future tend to get their ego from their image.  For example, id be in a pub with my ex, and id go to the bar, as soon as i came back she would say,  I just got told that i had sexy legs, (attention seeking).  When the HPD feels that they cant control you anymore, because your more in control of your life than they are, they will cut you off, they cant let others see her as anything less than perfect.  So when you stop creating the image that shes on your level, by buying her expensive jewelry, taking her out to nice restaurants and other luxuries, she will soon catch onto this, and as punishment you will be thrown away as if you meant nothing to them.  For example, towards the end i stopped paying for everything, i refused to buy her a £18 teddy bear, she threw it on the floor in a public place, made a scene (attention) and expected me to follow her round for the next 30 minutes.  Then out of no where, the switch had flipped and she was all like, where do you want to go now baby before reaching for my hand.

As you can see ive done extensive research on HPDs I hope this has helped with HPD behavior



Some things to think about

How can a HPD relationship work, when she expects nice things like rings if you dont work? but if you work they get bored, frustrated and in some cases cheat

You will never win with HPDs, for example during the pull. push behavior, if they try to make you jealous (which they will) if you react and grovel at their knees, portraying your utter devotion towards them, they will see you as weak, and in their eyes thats something they wont stand for.  Or if you dont react, and stay emotionally strong, they will start to panic because their expecting you to chase even while in the relationship, and by not reacting to their stupid behavior, they start to think hes going to abandon me, hes going to leave me.  They then go into a state of panic, and will make sure to leave you before you leave them, in order not to trigger their fear of abandonment.          

From the sound of it she may of had HPD coexisting with her BPD. But I don't think she had HPD instead of BPD. She had strong BPD signs and now that I think about it strong HPD signs as well. But a therapist that saw her said she had BPD and my own counselor came to the same conclusion after me talking about the behavior.

And she defiantly had daddy issues. He is a mean grumpy old man who use to physically abuse her mother and hurt my ex as well. The last month we were together she told me he never said he loved her before, and that he never seemed to be satisfied with her and always cuts her down.

But back to the HPD... she defiantly had strong symptoms of that. She had a need to be the center of attention. She always wanted all eyes on her. She was very very attractive and when she would go a while without a compliment she would put up a fit.

[jammo1989]

Sounds just like my ex, yeah i would say she sounds more HPD rather than BPD.  Shes craving the attention from her childhood, she knows deep down that shes worthless, because thats  what she was brought up to believe by her parents, if she suffered trauma as a child, for example daddy issues.  While growing up she began to realize that. using certain assets towards others, like seductive behavior towards men she could get what she wanted from them.  Furthermore, she also realized that in order to hide her self worthless image attention from others can soothe that emotional anxiety, on a short term basis.  So why do these woman crave male attention?  Is it because shes a slut? the reason she does it is, if shes had abusive parents, or was abandoned by her father, she is sub consciously looking for a father figure, that at the time she feels can fufill the role of the father she never had.  Shes almost saying if (insert name) didnt want me (insert name will)  Personally, I feel HPDs are worse than BPDs because, even though BPD is like an on and off switch of push and pull behaviour, the HPD comes across more in control and for longer periods of time, not to mention the fact that pretty much all HPDs cheat on their other half, as well as not understanding boundaries.  My HPD would walk down the street and be like wow hes f ucking gorgous while holding hands with me.  They will do ANYTHING for attention, lieing about pregnancy, starting rumors, even accusing you of cheating to get a reaction of jealousy from you, Hpds will also test your loyalty towards them on a constant basis.  If anything just like the BPD will always portray you as the father figure she never had, she will expect you to pay for EVERYTHING, listen to her when shes down, and will always make sure you give them all of your attention.  

My ex was 25 with 2 children on benefits, as soon as i started working and promised her a brighter future she started to distance herself towards me, why was this? because if if working, whos going to give her attention 24/7? and now my replacement doesn't have a job, and lives the same boring life she does.  You have to remember that HPDDs are the female version of Narcs, and if your ex like mine was below you financially, lifestyle, family and everything else we are all competitive at, then she will cut you off without a single care in the world.  Why do they do this? Its solely down to the fact, that the HPDs with no family, no money, and no future tend to get their ego from their image.  For example, id be in a pub with my ex, and id go to the bar, as soon as i came back she would say,  I just got told that i had sexy legs, (attention seeking).  When the HPD feels that they cant control you anymore, because your more in control of your life than they are, they will cut you off, they cant let others see her as anything less than perfect.  So when you stop creating the image that shes on your level, by buying her expensive jewelry, taking her out to nice restaurants and other luxuries, she will soon catch onto this, and as punishment you will be thrown away as if you meant nothing to them.  For example, towards the end i stopped paying for everything, i refused to buy her a £18 teddy bear, she threw it on the floor in a public place, made a scene (attention) and expected me to follow her round for the next 30 minutes.  Then out of no where, the switch had flipped and she was all like, where do you want to go now baby before reaching for my hand.

As you can see ive done extensive research on HPDs I hope this has helped with HPD behavior



Some things to think about

How can a HPD relationship work, when she expects nice things like rings if you dont work? but if you work they get bored, frustrated and in some cases cheat

You will never win with HPDs, for example during the pull. push behavior, if they try to make you jealous (which they will) if you react and grovel at their knees, portraying your utter devotion towards them, they will see you as weak, and in their eyes thats something they wont stand for.  Or if you dont react, and stay emotionally strong, they will start to panic because their expecting you to chase even while in the relationship, and by not reacting to their stupid behavior, they start to think hes going to abandon me, hes going to leave me.  They then go into a state of panic, and will make sure to leave you before you leave them, in order not to trigger their fear of abandonment.          

From the sound of it she may of had HPD coexisting with her BPD. But I don't think she had HPD instead of BPD. She had strong BPD signs and now that I think about it strong HPD signs as well. But a therapist that saw her said she had BPD and my own counselor came to the same conclusion after me talking about the behavior.

And she defiantly had daddy issues. He is a mean grumpy old man who use to physically abuse her mother and hurt my ex as well. The last month we were together she told me he never said he loved her before, and that he never seemed to be satisfied with her and always cuts her down.

But back to the HPD... she defiantly had strong symptoms of that. She had a need to be the center of attention. She always wanted all eyes on her. She was very very attractive and when she would go a while without a compliment she would put up a fit.

one strong trait of HPD is attractiveness, and they thrive on it, If you would like to know how a HPD actually thinks in different situations, I red an amazing topic on a forum called the HPD handbook, Nons (no disordered) were asking them questions and some of the answers from a HPD mind set was a little un settling at times.  Personally I dont think she go out to hurt or punish us, its just their emotional level lacks the same maturity as an adults.

[DangIthurts]

I would notice an uptick in attention seeking during BAD times... .SO when things were great hardly any time on social media accounts and really disinterested in what other people were doing... .When things were bad though, constant posting, pictures, etc. Its one thing that got me so mad, and now I understand is probably attributed to all the stuff I found out too late.

I hated it and got so frustrated because I picked up on the pattern so when I'd notice it was starting up I'd almost panic because I knew something wasn't right.

This was true of the so called "friends" or the few people she saw regularly, they were only of importance when things were bad so she'd want to go hang with them if things were bad, but if they were good totally irrelevant.

[Trog]

Yes, I don't believe in 7 years we ever had a weekend without other people around. She once told me a story about how she phoned everyone in her phonebook and no one would speak to her, she needs constant attention positive or negative, if she cant get it IRL she's annoy people and troll on the internet. And it doesn't matter who it is, she could argue for days over things that don't matter with people on the net and sulk about it for days. WOW, why do we bother with this loons.

[parisian]

She also is a selfie addict

Selfie addict on social media as well as sending me a pic of her - everyday.

I think mine had some NPD co-morbidity rather than HPD. She did not have tantrums if wasn't shown attention, but would follow up asking if something was wrong.

The level of social activity was frantic, almost manic  - it wore me out although I was only invited to a small portion of it. There was NEVER a week when she did not socialise at least three days in that week. That would be a slow week.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Oh yes. I mean if there was a way to get the attention put on her at work, she was there. She wasn't originally like this. It just seemed to emerge in the last 5 years. And she never took a picture of herself that she didn't love. We weren't on FB, but I can tell you with all the pics she took of herself doing this that or the other, she'd crash the servers!

My favorite was when she texted me 2 different pics of her doing one-armed push-ups from different angles. You can all collectively roll your eyes... .

[billypilgrim]

 yeah she did.  About everything.  If she didn't feel "included" (even if she was specifically invited to do something) then it was an awful experience. It's like if people didn't go out of their way to make her feel comfortable or happy, then a bad mood and a crappy ride home were guaranteed.  She would even cut friends out over a "bad" night out if she didn't feel like they talked to her enough.  

Don't even get me started on social media.  It had almost gotten to a point in which we couldn't eat a meal without a photo or go anywhere without a photo.  I even asked her at one point, "Can we not just BE?  :)o we really have to document everything?"  But she had to show people her life and how happy she thought she was in it.  Blerg.  Looking back, that's what I wished we could have done together.  I wish we could have just been.  No next big thing, no next trip, no next car/toy/kid (dodged a bullet there).  It could have never been just us, that just wasn't good enough.

Even her wedding day - the day in which e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. was all about her, it still wasn't enough.  Nothing will ever be enough.  

[Blimblam]

My ex craved attention and acceptance. She would even change her personality to adapt to the person she was trying to get acceptance from. When she would do this she would often hurt the person who was a primary attachment like the joke was on them. For a while there them was me.

[Pingo]

Yes, mine liked attention.  But not in a histrionic way.  He wanted all of my attention.  I could never provide enough.  He wanted to 'own' me basically.  He saw me as an object of affection I believe.  I could hug him thirty times a day, greet him at the door when he came home, snuggle up to him in bed, make love to him... .still wasn't enough.  He always wanted more!

As far as around other people, he was quiet unless he was with his buddies.  He really enjoyed one on one attention though.  He loved to tell people about his brain injury and all the life turmoil that revolved around that.  He loved to talk about anything that induced empathy.  He loved the pity and attention they would show him.  I guess it made him feel special.  When he was with his buddies he loved being Mr. know-it-all.  He figured he was the smartest, most knowledgeable about everything and they should look up to him as a God I think.

[Trog]

One of the most hurtful comments my ex made and when I knew I was in trouble was only a day after the wedding when she told me she didn't marry me for love just wanted to have a big party with all her friends! Cheers biatch!

[misty_red]

Not in a way she would push herself to the fore. She was really shy and withdrawn in general. But she still needed much attention from me because she always craved some kind of reaction. I guess she's a mixture of a waif and hermit. She hated occupying center stage when there were lots of people. But when we were alone she made sure I met her needs. She is a passive-aggressive one. So I always got the silent treatment. Maybe that counts as causing a lot of attention? It sure did when I reached out to her when getting the ST.

[Bulgakov]

Constantly. I've actually moved out and get it more than ever now.

[Bulgakov]

I wish we could have just been.  No next big thing, no next trip, no next car/toy/kid (dodged a bullet there).  It could have never been just us, that just wasn't good enough.

This, so many times over. She always asked why I never planned anything with her. Besides the fact that she was so mean about it sometimes that trying to plan anything likely triggered some kind of post-traumatic stress, she was always looking for 'the next thing' so much that I couldn't get anything in there for us or myself.

[Deeno02]

I wish we could have just been.  No next big thing, no next trip, no next car/toy/kid (dodged a bullet there).  It could have never been just us, that just wasn't good enough.

This, so many times over. She always asked why I never planned anything with her. Besides the fact that she was so mean about it sometimes that trying to plan anything likely triggered some kind of post-traumatic stress, she was always looking for 'the next thing' so much that I couldn't get anything in there for us or myself.

Oh, it was always about her. Everything. Maybe every now and again I would get to chose a restaurant or movie. Id plan something, wasnt good enough, I didnt plan anything, Im a fu*k up. Kept me from her friends for the most part. Whatever... .Hopefully the new guy is more presentable than I was...

[Bulgakov]

For sure. Same here. I found that it gave me horrible decision anxiety and made me not want to make plans at all. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I understand they have a lot of misguided anger and need a place to direct it, but it is amazing how damaging it is to be their sole target.

[Deeno02]

For sure. Same here. I found that it gave me horrible decision anxiety and made me not want to make plans at all. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I understand they have a lot of misguided anger and need a place to direct it, but it is amazing how damaging it is to be their sole target.

Exactly... .^^^^^^^^

[OutOfEgypt]

Yup... .always looking for attention.  Always wanting to be noticed, always in the middle of some drama that demands full allegiance to her, and always having some new "project" (usually a person) whom she would help and invest a ton of time and effort into, while her children and I were pretty much abandoned.  Even now, she befriends our older children's friends, like they are buddies, and tells them private things and eventually pits them against our children, driving them more to favor her over our kids.

BPD, NPD, and HPD, along with Antisocial PD, are (or were, in DSM IV) all part of the same personality disorder cluster, so there is clearly a lot of overlap.  I can easily see how my ex could be NPD or HPD, also.  In fact, sometimes she seems more NPD than BPD.

[RedDove]

I would notice an uptick in attention seeking during BAD times... .SO when things were great hardly any time on social media accounts and really disinterested in what other people were doing... .When things were bad though, constant posting, pictures, etc. Its one thing that got me so mad, and now I understand is probably attributed to all the stuff I found out too late.

I hated it and got so frustrated because I picked up on the pattern so when I'd notice it was starting up I'd almost panic because I knew something wasn't right.

This was true of the so called "friends" or the few people she saw regularly, they were only of importance when things were bad so she'd want to go hang with them if things were bad, but if they were good totally irrelevant.

Yup, yup, double yup! My exBPDbf was the same! Barely anything on social media when he had attention & supply (multiple women). But, during bad times, angry times, on FB posting selfies and commenting on others posts non-stop. He had no pics of his sons on his FB. Never took a photo of the two of us together in 4 years! I posted a photo I took of us from a summer vacation together on My FB and tagged him. He removed the tag so the photo would not appear on his FB page! Can't let the OW find out about the OW!

I ended the encounter (craziness) with him and went NC back in June. He broke NC via a dating site, them an email, and texts. One of the texts was a selfie pic (of course!). The text said "pic was taken by a woman he went on a few dates with from the dating site 5 minutes before she revealed she was bisexual. Needless to say, never went out with her again." Typical double  standard... .I (women) had to be pure as the driven snow whilst he was likely cheating on me the entire time! Also, obviously trying to garner my sympathy! And who does that? You've just started dating and ask your date to take a selfie of just you? Can you say Narccisist? That shoulda set off major alarm bells and red flags! She doesn't know how lucky she was to not end up with him. That's "IF" his story is even true (he's a pathological liar).

[Deeno02]

I would notice an uptick in attention seeking during BAD times... .SO when things were great hardly any time on social media accounts and really disinterested in what other people were doing... .When things were bad though, constant posting, pictures, etc. Its one thing that got me so mad, and now I understand is probably attributed to all the stuff I found out too late.

I hated it and got so frustrated because I picked up on the pattern so when I'd notice it was starting up I'd almost panic because I knew something wasn't right.

This was true of the so called "friends" or the few people she saw regularly, they were only of importance when things were bad so she'd want to go hang with them if things were bad, but if they were good totally irrelevant.

Yup, yup, double yup! My exBPDbf was the same! Barely anything on social media when he had attention & supply (multiple women). But, during bad times, angry times, on FB posting selfies and commenting on others posts non-stop. He had no pics of his sons on his FB. Never took a photo of the two of us together in 4 years! I posted a photo I took of us from a summer vacation together on My FB and tagged him. He removed the tag so the photo would not appear on his FB page! Can't let the OW find out about the OW!

I ended the encounter (craziness) with him and went NC back in June. He broke NC via a dating site, them an email, and texts. One of the texts was a selfie pic (of course!). The text said "pic was taken by a woman he went on a few dates with from the dating site 5 minutes before she revealed she was bisexual. Needless to say, never went out with her again." Typical double  standard... .I (women) had to be pure as the driven snow whilst he was likely cheating on me the entire time! Also, obviously trying to garner my sympathy! And who does that? You've just started dating and ask your date to take a selfie of just you? Can you say Narccisist? That shoulda set off major alarm bells and red flags! She doesn't know how lucky she was to not end up with him. That's "IF" his story is even true (he's a pathological liar).

My gf never posted a pic of us on facebook, never changed relationship status. Go figure.