New to the Group- Breakup less than 2 months.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am new to the group and new to BPD; I recently ended a relationship (one that came back to me after 5 years of not speaking) with a woman I feel exhibits traits of this disorder.  I am not interested in re-engaging with her however I am left with many confusing thoughts and have actually been in counseling and taking anti-anxiety medication to cope.  I miss her and the children- I miss my hopes for what we would've/should've had.  I am angry she's already in another relationship after not even two months (went back to a previous lover) and, in my anger, I want her to feel emotional pain.  How did I not see this?  Is this a result of a horrific trauma she endured months ago or might this be her personality that contributed to her traumatic event? Will I manage to get through the holidays?  Will she come back?  I have anxiety about her return and my response.  I've done much reading in the last two days and it appears she suffers from this disorder; how do I continue to put myself first while letting go of her and her two young children?  Is it best to consider everything loving thing she said to me a lie?  Especially upon saying these things over multiple years in multiple circumstances? 

I look forward to engaging with the group.

[drzag21]

I am new to the group and new to BPD; I recently ended a relationship (one that came back to me after 5 years of not speaking) with a woman I feel exhibits traits of this disorder.  I am not interested in re-engaging with her however I am left with many confusing thoughts and have actually been in counseling and taking anti-anxiety medication to cope.  I miss her and the children- I miss my hopes for what we would've/should've had.  I am angry she's already in another relationship after not even two months (went back to a previous lover) and, in my anger, I want her to feel emotional pain.  How did I not see this?  Is this a result of a horrific trauma she endured months ago or might this be her personality that contributed to her traumatic event? Will I manage to get through the holidays?  Will she come back?  I have anxiety about her return and my response.  I've done much reading in the last two days and it appears she suffers from this disorder; how do I continue to put myself first while letting go of her and her two young children?  Is it best to consider everything loving thing she said to me a lie?  Especially upon saying these things over multiple years in multiple circumstances? 

I look forward to engaging with the group.

[Mutt]

Hi drzag21,

I would like to welcome you. I'm sorry to hear your ex is in a relationship with another person. That's tough.  I can relate. I understand wanting to make the other person feel emotional pain when we are hurt deeply. You may have been invalidated and your voice not heard when the relationship ended.

Do you have kids together? What connections have you made with the disorder and her?