Getting off on SO's hospitalization

[Hawk Ridge]

Man... .painful week.  My expwBPD was in my community as her current SO, my replacement, had to have surgery.  My ex seemed to really be riding high in her role as the white knight after having gone through a period of what appeared to be devaluation.  Is that common?

[fromheeltoheal]

The only way a borderline can feel OK with their mental predicament is to be in total control in the relationship, and it's pretty easy to be in control when you're the one doing the caretaking for someone who had surgery; she's probably enjoying the buzz for now, but just wait 'til he recovers.

[Hawk Ridge]

Thank you for explaining this. I wondered... .thank you

[Mercury2Pluto]

Yes.  My ex felt much more comfortable when I was ill.  She was afraid that when I got better I wouldn't need her any more.  She definitely perked up when there was an opportunity for caretaking.  She would ask me to say the words "I need you" which I felt very uncomfortable about and wouldn't say because it wasn't true.  She felt that relationship security, which for her is the same thing as self worth, came through mutual neediness.  Her self worth was based on caretaking.  If she wasn't taking care of someone, she felt worthless.