NC now Unique relationship for her. What can I expect now?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Our relationship failed In true BPD fashion and I told her now five months later because she is not willing to get help and continues to taunt me with other men that I hope she made a good choice and he is the one. Also told her that her continued contact with her exes very much was a factor in the destruction of our relationship and I don't want to ruin her chances on this one so I will be blocking all contact. I did that 3 days ago finally and feel ok about it but I am still sad a little by her choices to not listen and get help and just pick a new temporary doormat. You all on these boards are helping me a lot to overcome that though. The Uniqueness of our relationship for her is what I am questioning now, to put it in perspective, most all of her relationships begun and ended in months generally with new people who she did not get to know first-- dating sites mostly, this has been about the last 20 years of her life. I do not know  if the fact that our relationship because it  was totally different in its begining for her than she is used to will have a different effect on her detachment process with me? Basically in a nutshell, she is used to meeting somebody she doesn't know yet, quickly idolise then devalue and discard. I was the only relationship for her that actually started in a slower more normal pace of meeting, becoming acquaintances, developing a friendship, developing a emotional bond without sexual tension, and eventually leading to A intimate relationship over the course of 7 1/2 years before it happened. This definitely had a affect on the length of our relationship for her and she has only made it 2 1/2 years with one other person in her life, it is mostly the 3–5 month cycle, since the beginning of July while we had LC she would keep telling me that because we've known each other for so long she's not over me yet in between all the hate messages so my thoughts today are?

1- was her attachment to me possibly different than the others because we had a strong emotional bond before the relationship for many years and this may cause a different detachment process for her? 

2-  if her attachment is different? Now that I have gone strictly NC what can I be in store for now from her?

3- what have others experienced that had a relationship this long after you decided to go NC totally?

4- knowing their lying capabilities not only to partners but themselves as well, would it be more plausible to believe there is no attachment and I am only a storage locker for need?

Now that I am not totally oblivious to her disorder any more I know in five months she has had plenty of time to have another full cycle of a relationship begining to end if not two, with the cheating that goes on in between, I have to be honest and say I still have feelings for her and I am still a little addicted to her, I am working on getting over that still though, I am Full steam ahead detaching but not at the angry stage yet, most likely because of the allowance of LC.  We have already recycled quite a few times but those break-ups were only days and I think the longest one was 10 and each breakup got progressively worse and more hateful reactions out of her so I am trying to keep the recycle of a break up in my mind instead of the recycle of a relationship. Reading on here that even if she committed to therapy 100% it could take 2–4 years for improvement, THATS A LOT MORE BREAK UPS!  But I still feel because IM a compassionate person and still a little addicted to her that if she sucker punched my weak side at the right time and way someday there is a small possibility I would cave and I would like to prevent that now that I have come this far. One reason I could cave as well is the fact I have a hard time comprehending that she is really at this point incapable of attachment and commitment in the way I am. I always thought that came natural to people in love.

[Targeted]

Our relationship failed In true BPD fashion and I told her now five months later because she is not willing to get help and continues to taunt me with other men that I hope she made a good choice and he is the one. Also told her that her continued contact with her exes very much was a factor in the destruction of our relationship and I don't want to ruin her chances on this one so I will be blocking all contact. I did that 3 days ago finally and feel ok about it but I am still sad a little by her choices to not listen and get help and just pick a new temporary doormat. You all on these boards are helping me a lot to overcome that though. The Uniqueness of our relationship for her is what I am questioning now, to put it in perspective, most all of her relationships begun and ended in months generally with new people who she did not get to know first-- dating sites mostly, this has been about the last 20 years of her life. I do not know  if the fact that our relationship because it  was totally different in its begining for her than she is used to will have a different effect on her detachment process with me? Basically in a nutshell, she is used to meeting somebody she doesn't know yet, quickly idolise then devalue and discard. I was the only relationship for her that actually started in a slower more normal pace of meeting, becoming acquaintances, developing a friendship, developing a emotional bond without sexual tension, and eventually leading to A intimate relationship over the course of 7 1/2 years before it happened. This definitely had a affect on the length of our relationship for her and she has only made it 2 1/2 years with one other person in her life, it is mostly the 3–5 month cycle, since the beginning of July while we had LC she would keep telling me that because we've known each other for so long she's not over me yet in between all the hate messages so my thoughts today are?

1- was her attachment to me possibly different than the others because we had a strong emotional bond before the relationship for many years and this may cause a different detachment process for her? 

2-  if her attachment is different? Now that I have gone strictly NC what can I be in store for now from her?

3- what have others experienced that had a relationship this long after you decided to go NC totally?

4- knowing their lying capabilities not only to partners but themselves as well, would it be more plausible to believe there is no attachment and I am only a storage locker for need?

Now that I am not totally oblivious to her disorder any more I know in five months she has had plenty of time to have another full cycle of a relationship begining to end if not two, with the cheating that goes on in between, I have to be honest and say I still have feelings for her and I am still a little addicted to her, I am working on getting over that still though, I am Full steam ahead detaching but not at the angry stage yet, most likely because of the allowance of LC.  We have already recycled quite a few times but those break-ups were only days and I think the longest one was 10 and each breakup got progressively worse and more hateful reactions out of her so I am trying to keep the recycle of a break up in my mind instead of the recycle of a relationship. Reading on here that even if she committed to therapy 100% it could take 2–4 years for improvement, THATS A LOT MORE BREAK UPS!  But I still feel because IM a compassionate person and still a little addicted to her that if she sucker punched my weak side at the right time and way someday there is a small possibility I would cave and I would like to prevent that now that I have come this far. One reason I could cave as well is the fact I have a hard time comprehending that she is really at this point incapable of attachment and commitment in the way I am. I always thought that came natural to people in love.

[Splitblack4good]

Our relationship failed In true BPD fashion and I told her now five months later because she is not willing to get help and continues to taunt me with other men that I hope she made a good choice and he is the one. Also told her that her continued contact with her exes very much was a factor in the destruction of our relationship and I don't want to ruin her chances on this one so I will be blocking all contact. I did that 3 days ago finally and feel ok about it but I am still sad a little by her choices to not listen and get help and just pick a new temporary doormat. You all on these boards are helping me a lot to overcome that though. The Uniqueness of our relationship for her is what I am questioning now, to put it in perspective, most all of her relationships begun and ended in months generally with new people who she did not get to know first-- dating sites mostly, this has been about the last 20 years of her life. I do not know  if the fact that our relationship because it  was totally different in its begining for her than she is used to will have a different effect on her detachment process with me? Basically in a nutshell, she is used to meeting somebody she doesn't know yet, quickly idolise then devalue and discard. I was the only relationship for her that actually started in a slower more normal pace of meeting, becoming acquaintances, developing a friendship, developing a emotional bond without sexual tension, and eventually leading to A intimate relationship over the course of 7 1/2 years before it happened. This definitely had a affect on the length of our relationship for her and she has only made it 2 1/2 years with one other person in her life, it is mostly the 3–5 month cycle, since the beginning of July while we had LC she would keep telling me that because we've known each other for so long she's not over me yet in between all the hate messages so my thoughts today are?

1- was her attachment to me possibly different than the others because we had a strong emotional bond before the relationship for many years and this may cause a different detachment process for her?  

2-  if her attachment is different? Now that I have gone strictly NC what can I be in store for now from her?

3- what have others experienced that had a relationship this long after you decided to go NC totally?

4- knowing their lying capabilities not only to partners but themselves as well, would it be more plausible to believe there is no attachment and I am only a storage locker for need?

Now that I am not totally oblivious to her disorder any more I know in five months she has had plenty of time to have another full cycle of a relationship begining to end if not two, with the cheating that goes on in between, I have to be honest and say I still have feelings for her and I am still a little addicted to her, I am working on getting over that still though, I am Full steam ahead detaching but not at the angry stage yet, most likely because of the allowance of LC.  We have already recycled quite a few times but those break-ups were only days and I think the longest one was 10 and each breakup got progressively worse and more hateful reactions out of her so I am trying to keep the recycle of a break up in my mind instead of the recycle of a relationship. Reading on here that even if she committed to therapy 100% it could take 2–4 years for improvement, THATS A LOT MORE BREAK UPS!  But I still feel because IM a compassionate person and still a little addicted to her that if she sucker punched my weak side at the right time and way someday there is a small possibility I would cave and I would like to prevent that now that I have come this far. One reason I could cave as well is the fact I have a hard time comprehending that she is really at this point incapable of attachment and commitment in the way I am. I always thought that came natural to people in love.

wow thats sounds really familiar to what just happened to me I knew my now ex for 4 years before we got together and all her relationships were short lived except me and the dad of her kids . It is guy wrenching when they make stupid choices to everyone else we can see it but they can't its like my ex has got with someone that she had known a week . He is trouble bee in prison 2/3 times etc I always tried to steer her clear of trouble just like you but they won't have it ive been no contact now for 2 weeks it does get easier Id say if you really care for her then let it run its cause and if you do go back lay down very tight boundaries if your Mr nice guy I like me it's hard to do but toughen up be a strong man and you even gain certain respect from  them Id stay NC and let her come to you but stay firm.

[Splitblack4good]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

[guy4caligirl]

I am living exactly the same , I try NC LC and I fail , yes I am still addicted to her after five months of B/U, like just right now i texted her , I went two days without it's pretty hard, I don't understand the fact that she can text me whenever she likes and I can't ?

Everyone on here says the best thing is NC you gain her respect , I want to gain her heart back , and help her heal from this disorder

How can I let someone I spent 5 years with go down a painful path for ever ?

Does anyone knows the answer ?

Other than NC ?

[Splitblack4good]

I am living exactly the same , I try NC LC and I fail , yes I am still addicted to her after five months of B/U, like just right now i texted her , I went two days without it's pretty hard, I don't understand the fact that she can text me whenever she likes and I can't ?

Everyone on here says the best thing is NC you gain her respect , I want to gain her heart back , and help her heal from this disorder

How can I let someone I spent 5 years with go down a painful path for ever ?

Does anyone knows the answer ?

Other than NC ?

yes it's called stay no contact ! I was in your position just a week ago ! But during that week every time I was tempted I thought about how crap she made me feel when I saw her with a new guy and knowing they sleeping together and telling the new guy loads of lies about you NC is your way of taking control back in your hands don't chase them if my ex text me right this second I would ignore it then she would text again then ignore it put the pain in them ! Every time they text you and you reply they know they can have you anytime they choose its just a game to them stay strong man up !

[Targeted]

She could not get a message to me by her phone because I blocked it, she cannot text me either. I have two different email accounts and blocked her in those now as well, in the past five months she would repeatedly say we are done, i'm moving on, and blah blah blah. So I would send a message back and say ok, then there is no need to continue contact! She would agree and then email me again within 2–4 days.  I never initiated contact at all, All of her other relationships being so short lived mostly probably limited to dates and dinners and a romp or 3 in a hotel room, those relationships I would imagine are a extremely easy discard for somebody like this because there is zero history, she told me that when she breaks up with somebody she never looked back but now here I a.m. five months later And I had to go NC because she won't stop with me. A lot Of her recent short term failed relationships before me where are never a problem in our relationship because there was never any contact with those people, looking back it was only the exes that she had that she knows she can still get something out of that we're a  problem. WOW!  I just had a five-minute pause after writing that last sentence, I just blew my own mind. In questioning whether or not she still had a attachment for me and that is why she kept contacting me I think I can cut that down to only half of the reason if at all,  because I just realised the other half of the reason is definitely she wants to see if she can still get anything out of me. I always went the extra mile for her And kept going, I always found a way to get her the $100 she needs when I only had 70!

[Infern0]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

Don't go back as a friend.  It doesn't work and in many ways it's harder to watch them keep messing up their lives and you aren't able to do much for them. Also they like it when you want them so they will play games and say things to plant hope in your mind,  then go home to their new boyfriend.

It's really awful

[guy4caligirl]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

Don't go back as a friend.  It doesn't work and in many ways it's harder to watch them keep messing up their lives and you aren't able to do much for them. Also they like it when you want them so they will play games and say things to plant hope in your mind,  then go home to their new boyfriend.

It's really awful


She told me early this week you "need me to need you" !

[Infern0]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

Don't go back as a friend.  It doesn't work and in many ways it's harder to watch them keep messing up their lives and you aren't able to do much for them. Also they like it when you want them so they will play games and say things to plant hope in your mind,  then go home to their new boyfriend.

It's really awful


She told me early this week you "need me to need you" !

Yeah that's called projection. I've been told the same thing.

In truth what I "need" is her to ___ off out of my life and stop contacting me. 

[Splitblack4good]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

Don't go back as a friend.  It doesn't work and in many ways it's harder to watch them keep messing up their lives and you aren't able to do much for them. Also they like it when you want them so they will play games and say things to plant hope in your mind,  then go home to their new boyfriend.

It's really awful

yer maybe your right ther I have ups and downs one min I miss her like mad and realy hurts she with someone else then I'm relieved I don't feel emotionally drained she is so erratic she wants to recycle me when freinds dump her on her own then she meets a new group and dumps me on my ass leaving hurt but then make out its ur fault coz you want them to be with you but every other person comes first that's why I'm staying no contact if she texts me not that she has for while I ignore them it's hard but the only way

[Infern0]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

Don't go back as a friend.  It doesn't work and in many ways it's harder to watch them keep messing up their lives and you aren't able to do much for them. Also they like it when you want them so they will play games and say things to plant hope in your mind,  then go home to their new boyfriend.

It's really awful

yer maybe your right ther I have ups and downs one min I miss her like mad and realy hurts she with someone else then I'm relieved I don't feel emotionally drained she is so erratic she wants to recycle me when freinds dump her on her own then she meets a new group and dumps me on my ass leaving hurt but then make out its ur fault coz you want them to be with you but every other person comes first that's why I'm staying no contact if she texts me not that she has for while I ignore them it's hard but the only way

This is how it goes with me, if she is having trouble with her boyfriend she will come to me for a pick me up,  I'll support her etc and basically I'm just nursing her back to health and then she goes back to him and I don't hear from her as much.

At the end of the day she then calls me a lousy friend because I'm tired of being an emotional tampon.  Well I'm fine being friends with anyone but she's too tiring and too draining. The amount of effort required to keep her happy isn't worth it when in a relationship to be honest let alone as friends.

I've had enough

[Splitblack4good]

Also you have to remember they think like children and you are the parent it took me time to get my head around it just in a few days I'm more and more thinking against going back if she wanted me back Id be her freind but that's it . If you go back later you will have to spend the rest of your life keeping the boundaries in place it's frustrating and emotional drain ! Just concentrate on you for now and see what happens later and to how you feel.

Don't go back as a friend.  It doesn't work and in many ways it's harder to watch them keep messing up their lives and you aren't able to do much for them. Also they like it when you want them so they will play games and say things to plant hope in your mind,  then go home to their new boyfriend.

It's really awful

yer maybe your right ther I have ups and downs one min I miss her like mad and realy hurts she with someone else then I'm relieved I don't feel emotionally drained she is so erratic she wants to recycle me when freinds dump her on her own then she meets a new group and dumps me on my ass leaving hurt but then make out its ur fault coz you want them to be with you but every other person comes first that's why I'm staying no contact if she texts me not that she has for while I ignore them it's hard but the only way

This is how it goes with me, if she is having trouble with her boyfriend she will come to me for a pick me up,  I'll support her etc and basically I'm just nursing her back to health and then she goes back to him and I don't hear from her as much.

At the end of the day she then calls me a lousy friend because I'm tired of being an emotional tampon.  Well I'm fine being friends with anyone but she's too tiring and too draining. The amount of effort required to keep her happy isn't worth it when in a relationship to be honest let alone as friends.

I've had enough

Funny this post I put on here that she hadn't text in a while I had one come through an hour ago.

Can you come over and take a look at the sky tv box

I ignored it she couldn't figure out how to reset it I always did it I was tempted to text back saying get your new bf to do it but then again u thought it was a strange thing to text anyway prob just looking for a reaction as I've been NC

[Infern0]

Yeah its hilarious.  Get the new sucker to do it for you.

When she asks me to do her favors maybe I should start asking what she's going to do for me in return if ya know what I mean.

[Splitblack4good]

Yeah its hilarious.  Get the new sucker to do it for you.

When she asks me to do her favors maybe I should start asking what she's going to do for me in return if ya know what I mean.

They are just emotionial leaches waiting till you are weak so they can grab hold and suck every last single emotion out of you make you paranoid whilst ripping your heart out ! And don't care what or hurt they cause us to get ther need ther fix! They are empty and black inside splitting us black like a Devils incanate and when they are done with you they will throw you in the corner all broken ! Then go and seek out more prey !

[Targeted]

Investments deserve a return!

[hope2727]

Investments deserve a return!

Wow ain't that the truth. I know it seems cold and analytical but yes what we put in we should get out. No doubt about it.

[downwhim]

Let's face it. No contact is hard! So many times I have wanted to make that call but I don't. One of the main reasons is I know he will be mad and go off on me. It has been almost 2 months. He is with rebound and I know he would be in attack mode. Now if it was him being mr. nice guy and contacting me, he would think that was ok.

I truly feel he has moved on and that is making it easier for me.

[Targeted]

Investments deserve a return!

Yes!   My feelings on that are that I invested my heart, my time, my money, my domestic skills, my caring for her children as well,  my labour In fixing things around her house, and none of which produced a return, I did not have a return on her heart because she was always on a dating site, no return on time because we always do what she wanted and never what I wanted to, I invested my money and not that I would expect a woman has to give me money but if I am giving her mine it should have a return of making it easier for both of us to live, all this did was make it easier for her and I became broke, about the children, she never even acknowledged my children's birthdays or did anything for them for Christmas except write them a small check and put it in a card once but said the next day that they cannot cash them. She never did cook for me and never did clean so a return on domestic skills was a loss.  As far as labour goes,  at least while I am labouring and doing what she needs done she could have at least acknowledged my children and did something with them while their father was taken away from their attention due to her needs.