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Author Topic: Miniscule things that caused BPD rage  (Read 5986 times)
Deeno02
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« Reply #60 on: December 11, 2014, 02:32:16 PM »

"Lunchables"? BAHAHAHAAA!

My uBPDh definitely had childlike tastes in food--hot dogs and beans, that sort of thing. Which is okay occasionally... .

"Food under her plate" That totally seems like something that could happen with my h--but he much preferred complaining on and on and on... .One time I made chicken breasts and he must have said he was tired of eating "big chunks of chicken" nine or ten times during the meal! I was having trouble not laughing.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"Never piss off the cook"--TRUTH!

":)on't breathe." ?

So interesting. So self-centered.

If I ever commented on how I felt that day (aching, tired) i'd get the whole rage about how HE aches and HE is tired and HE has to go to work! Yes, i'm on disability, so I guess i'm a much lesser person who is not allowed to feel pain, chronic condition or not. Apparently even pain is a contest he must win.

With my ex/gf's fibromyalgia, I heard it all the time how she was so in pain and body on fire, Anxiety, emergency xanax runs, rub her legs, blah,blah,blah... .I was there in a flash for her. I pass out because of flu related dehydration, bounce my head off my desk and all I get is, are you ok? Via text no less. No Oh my god are you all right, do you need anything, what did the Dr. say, nothing. Guess who was expected to come over and she her that evening? Yep, I went. Feeling like sheot, but I went like a good little boy. What the heck... .
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Elpis
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« Reply #61 on: December 11, 2014, 02:37:52 PM »

OH NO! I've had that flu related dehydration and it is a HORRIBLE feeling! (but not as bad as my fibromyalgia--just kidding! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) )

That was sweet of you to rub her legs and everything... .I would have appreciated just a "i'm sorry, babe!" when I was in a bad flare, but nope--
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Pingo
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« Reply #62 on: December 11, 2014, 02:47:55 PM »

If I ever commented on how I felt that day (aching, tired) i'd get the whole rage about how HE aches and HE is tired and HE has to go to work! Yes, i'm on disability, so I guess i'm a much lesser person who is not allowed to feel pain, chronic condition or not. Apparently even pain is a contest he must win.

Oh my goodness!  This is what I experienced also!  A contest he must win!

OH NO! I've had that flu related dehydration and it is a HORRIBLE feeling! (but not as bad as my fibromyalgia--just kidding! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) )

Bwahahahaha! You're cracking me up today Elpis!  I needed this today!
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Deeno02
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« Reply #63 on: December 11, 2014, 02:53:33 PM »

If I ever commented on how I felt that day (aching, tired) i'd get the whole rage about how HE aches and HE is tired and HE has to go to work! Yes, i'm on disability, so I guess i'm a much lesser person who is not allowed to feel pain, chronic condition or not. Apparently even pain is a contest he must win.

Oh my goodness!  This is what I experienced also!  A contest he must win!

OH NO! I've had that flu related dehydration and it is a HORRIBLE feeling! (but not as bad as my fibromyalgia--just kidding! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) )

Bwahahahaha! You're cracking me up today Elpis!  I needed this today!

You guys... .Sheesh Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Meadowslark
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« Reply #64 on: December 11, 2014, 02:55:53 PM »

This is my uBPDsister:

- Texting too loudly, even though my phone was on silent

- Sitting "weirdly" on the couch

- Having my bedroom door open?

- Getting groceries  :|

- Cooking. Cooking anything set her off. She insisted that she would cook for the both of us and then... .did, but extremely rarely (like twice a month). I suck at cooking so I bought those boxed pasta things and added meat, veggies, etc to make it a meal. Nope, that was wrong. Somehow by me cooking, it implied that she couldn't/was terrible at it and it would be worse if she didn't like the particular box I made. I'm allergic to certain things, so I bought her a box of the stuff she liked and a box of the stuff I was able to eat. If I didn't cook the box of the stuff she liked (and I was physically unable to eat), then the world was ending.

- Driving too slowly (meaning at or below the speed limit/aka not speeding)

- Decorating. Seriously, especially if it was my own personal space. She just took offense to the fact that I was becoming comfortable in my room or something, who knows. She'd berate me about how she didn't like the decor... .in a room that wasn't hers.


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Elpis
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« Reply #65 on: December 11, 2014, 03:18:47 PM »

If I ever commented on how I felt that day (aching, tired) i'd get the whole rage about how HE aches and HE is tired and HE has to go to work! Yes, i'm on disability, so I guess i'm a much lesser person who is not allowed to feel pain, chronic condition or not. Apparently even pain is a contest he must win.

Oh my goodness!  This is what I experienced also!  A contest he must win!

OH NO! I've had that flu related dehydration and it is a HORRIBLE feeling! (but not as bad as my fibromyalgia--just kidding! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) )

Bwahahahaha! You're cracking me up today Elpis!  I needed this today!

You guys... .Sheesh Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

WE MUST LAUGH! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Meadowslark, those are some really weird things that I can't even begin to see how they would bother someone... .altho my roommate had a fit because she said as I nested in the apartment when I moved in (she was here first) it made her feel less settled! And it was quite a fit she had... .My uBPDh would tell me, if I tried a new recipe or made something for dinner that sounded good to me, "Why can't you just make stuff YOU like when i'm not here?" Sure, i'll cook myself a full dinner for lunch, and then make a dinner for YOU when you get home! Sounds like a plan! It was always an insult if I didn't feel well enough to make a big dinner, or he'd want "choices" of what i'd make instead of accepting what I had planned. So many problems, so little time!
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Meadowslark
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« Reply #66 on: December 11, 2014, 03:43:53 PM »

WE MUST LAUGH! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Meadowslark, those are some really weird things that I can't even begin to see how they would bother someone... .altho my roommate had a fit because she said as I nested in the apartment when I moved in (she was here first) it made her feel less settled! And it was quite a fit she had... .My uBPDh would tell me, if I tried a new recipe or made something for dinner that sounded good to me, "Why can't you just make stuff YOU like when i'm not here?" Sure, i'll cook myself a full dinner for lunch, and then make a dinner for YOU when you get home! Sounds like a plan! It was always an insult if I didn't feel well enough to make a big dinner, or he'd want "choices" of what i'd make instead of accepting what I had planned. So many problems, so little time!

It's so true, isn't it? Someone else here on the board said that living with someone who has BPD is like traversing a minefield where the mines keep moving. I'm SO glad my sister is gone now. So much stress that I didn't need in my life!

It's always about them. BPD people are the most selfish individuals I've ever met.

Elpis, I don't know why you didn't produce a menu just for your uBPDh. Where's your consideration?  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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mstnghu
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« Reply #67 on: December 11, 2014, 03:51:10 PM »

I actually have too many triggers to even list here. I walk on eggshells on a daily basis. My wife gets mad about everything.

As one very minor example, just this morning my wife got all pissy about something that any normal person wouldn't. She took the day off from work today and when she woke up she told me she was going to McDonald's to get some iced coffee before I left. Our son was still in bed and I couldn't leave for work until she got back. Obviously, since he's 3 he can't stay home by himself, therefore I'd have to wait for her to get back before I could leave for work.

I was about ready to leave for work and I very nicely and calmly informed her that I needed to leave very soon and that if she wanted to go get herself some coffee she needed to hurry up and leave so she could get back ASAP. Of course, she went ballistic about me telling her that. Never mind the fact that I actually have a job that I need to get to and need to earn a living and pay for all the things she wants!

She has no respect for my time but expects me to have complete and total respect for hers. Then, as I was leaving for work she told me to get home early today because she'd be going crazy at that point from having to deal with our son all day. Soo, basically she kept me from getting to work on time and then wanted me to leave early... .because you know all employers just love when their employees do that. Of course my wife's desires take top priority though in her mind, regardless of how irresponsible they are.
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terranova79
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« Reply #68 on: December 11, 2014, 03:54:10 PM »

1.  Giving my son (2.5 years old at the time) a bath rather than a shower.

2.  Not being able to have facetime (video chat) between her and our son due to a poor internet connection for one day when I took my son to my parents' lake house.

3.  Sleeping in the guest bed one morning so that my snoring wouldn't bother her, but before changing the sheets since our last guest left.

4.  Buying two containers of yogurt rather than just one.

Numbers 1-3 resulted in yelling and screaming--even threats of separation and threats to call the cops for number two.  Number 4 was just a really bad fight, but the situation was so ridiculous it warrants mentioning.
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mstnghu
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« Reply #69 on: December 11, 2014, 03:59:16 PM »

Reading all this ___ and I just have to wonder. What the heck is wrong with us?

I seriously laughed out loud when I read this!

We were the frog in the kettle where the heat kept getting turned up slowly so we didn't notice, then suddenly we're frog legs.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I think I've learned some important lessons here--don't touch their stuff--unless they want you to touch their stuff. Don't talk to their kids--unless they want you to talk to their kids... .And if they insist you take your shoes off immediately and line them up with the others, run like helllllll! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

YES! Why the hell do we put up with this? I have a pretty strong and determined personality... .yet somehow I've allowed myself to be manipulated to the point that I find almost all my waking hours being consumed with this crazy behavior. It's ridiculous!

My wife has all these short-lived moments of being a really great person with a great personality. During those "eye of the hurricane" moments everything seems good in the world. Then all of a sudden the crazy comes back again and I remember that I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE!. It's so infuriating and sucks the life out of us!
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whythisgirl
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« Reply #70 on: December 11, 2014, 04:08:54 PM »

[quote author=Elpis link=topic=238446.msg12540180#msg12540180 date=141!

With my ex/gf's fibromyalgia, I heard it all the time how she was so in pain and body on fire, Anxiety, emergency xanax runs, rub her legs, blah,blah,blah... .I was there in a flash for her. I pass out because of flu related dehydration, bounce my head off my desk and all I get is, are you ok? Via text no less. No Oh my god are you all right, do you need anything, what did the Dr. say, nothing. Guess who was expected to come over and she her that evening? Yep, I went. Feeling like sheot, but I went like a good little boy. What the heck... .

Deeno - my xBPDbf was extremely selfish and apathetic if I were sick. Once time I caught a head cold and wanted to get some rest to recoup and he demanded I come to his place to see him. I told him I didn't want to get him sick and he said oh my immune system is strong you can come by. So I gave in and slept

ver and became more sick. He didn't even have any medicine nothing to take care of me. It would had been nice for him to even go to the store to pic me up some items but he rather i jump in my car and drive him to the store to get me medicine... smh

Anorher time I got an eye infection and he had the never to say you must have been around dirty people and that my ex gave it to me

Once he came down with the flu and he blamed me for giving it to him. This was a month after I had a head cold. I told the idiot I don't have the flu so you didn't get it from me.
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mstnghu
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« Reply #71 on: December 11, 2014, 04:17:02 PM »

[quote author=Elpis link=topic=238446.msg12540180#msg12540180 date=141!

With my ex/gf's fibromyalgia, I heard it all the time how she was so in pain and body on fire, Anxiety, emergency xanax runs, rub her legs, blah,blah,blah... .I was there in a flash for her. I pass out because of flu related dehydration, bounce my head off my desk and all I get is, are you ok? Via text no less. No Oh my god are you all right, do you need anything, what did the Dr. say, nothing. Guess who was expected to come over and she her that evening? Yep, I went. Feeling like sheot, but I went like a good little boy. What the heck... .

Deeno - my xBPDbf was extremely selfish and apathetic if I were sick. Once time I caught a head cold and wanted to get some rest to recoup and he demanded I come to his place to see him. I told him I didn't want to get him sick and he said oh my immune system is strong you can come by. So I gave in and slept

ver and became more sick. He didn't even have any medicine nothing to take care of me. It would had been nice for him to even go to the store to pic me up some items but he rather i jump in my car and drive him to the store to get me medicine... smh

Anorher time I got an eye infection and he had the never to say you must have been around dirty people and that my ex gave it to me

Once he came down with the flu and he blamed me for giving it to him. This was a month after I had a head cold. I told the idiot I don't have the flu so you didn't get it from me.

My wife is "sick" all the time. In fact supposedly she's at home right now with a fever of 101. I sent her a text this morning asking how her day at home with our son is going and she instantly texted back about how terrible things were and that she's sick with a fever. When I left for work this morning everything seemed perfectly fine.

Now, when I get sick, I purposely try to not make it a big deal because the second she senses something's wrong, she'll bug me to no end about how I'm feeling and what my symptoms are. If I tell her exactly how I'm feeling, suddenly she'll have all the same symptoms too. I never make it a big deal when I'm sick and actually downplay it to her. She'll insist that I tell her all about my sickness though and then matches all the symptoms and will then start saying how our she and our son are also sick... .Then, after all that drama she'll tell everybody else how I'm so dramatic when I'm sick and how I make such a big deal about it! It's unreal. Now, the only time I'll let her be aware that I might be sick is if I'm throwing up in the toilet, otherwise I just keep my mouth shut and suck it up.
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BethRoberts

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« Reply #72 on: December 11, 2014, 07:34:21 PM »

These are all one-offs, and they all definitely caused a rage.

1. On a cold night I opened the bedroom window too wide, by about half an inch. Apparently this was evidence of how little I had ever cared about him.

2. I made him wait for the bathroom for five minutes. This was also evidence of how little I had ever cared about him.

3. I opened the boot of the car and he hit his head on the door. He claimed it was because I hadn't opened it wide enough (I'm short). Within earshot of our elder son and his student friends, he shouted "Why are you always such a burden?"

4. He claimed I had deliberately given him the wrong phone number for an Indian take-away that he wanted to visit on his way home from work. (More likely, he was just too drunk to key the number in to his phone.) He stormed into the house and chased me upstairs threatening to kill me. When I retreated into our elder son's room and locked the door, he went back downstairs and threw the TV on the floor and broke it. Our son was 7 at the time, and he still remembers it.

5. On Christmas morning he was on the phone to his sister, and suggested that she should come to stay the following weekend. I interrupted to remind him that my parents were coming to stay that weekend. He ranted at me for two hours about how I always give my family preference over his, and insisted that he would divorce me if I interrupted him on the phone ever again. We had to throw away the Christmas dinner.

6. He always flies into at least one rage on holiday because he finds leaving home stressful. He usually cobbles together a justification, such as the stress of paying inflated prices for holiday cottages, or the stress of driving 300 miles, or the stress of spending a week with our feisty teenage daughter. But last summer, I had paid for the cottage, I had driven us all the way there, and our daughter was being very mellow. So on the first morning he ranted at me for an hour about how he hadn't been able to have breakfast because nobody had done the washing up, and this showed how little I cared about him.

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Mutt
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« Reply #73 on: December 11, 2014, 08:48:17 PM »

Staff only

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