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Author Topic: Miniscule things that caused BPD rage  (Read 1013 times)
HowCouldYou

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« Reply #30 on: December 10, 2014, 04:03:26 PM »

Not hanging Christmas tree ornaments correctly 
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« Reply #31 on: December 10, 2014, 04:03:56 PM »

being in a joking mood ... .because my mind reading skills were off that day ... .did not know it was grumpy time

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) grumpy time.

They really are toddlers!
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« Reply #32 on: December 10, 2014, 04:11:14 PM »

I think a combination of her being on SSRI's with me being quick to please her and her being a certain kind of BPD kept the rages pretty minimal.  She would throw tantrums

Yeah, mine was like that. But when she quit taking the Zoloft I thought that I was living in nuttytown. It seems like antidepressants keep some of these people "somewhat" stable. However, when off the meds it turns gruesome. She's undiagnosed, but I know that someone having just depression doesn't cause the stuff that I saw happen. It may not be BPD, but she's a couple short of a 12 pack upstairs in some kind of way!  
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« Reply #33 on: December 10, 2014, 05:54:30 PM »

We went for a walk in the country side one day and I had picked route to follow from a book, about 2 miles into the walk we had to cross a main road, this caused a full blown tantrum and lots of tears... .she told me I was a F*****g idiot and must F*****g retarded if I think a road is peace and quiet and how dare I ruin our day out ... .then walked off crying and shouting... .

Getting home from work and talking to the cat before saying hello to her would set her off, even if the cat was by the door and she was sat in the house somewhere... .LOL !
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« Reply #34 on: December 10, 2014, 06:06:27 PM »

1. He was so upset over a pack of cigarettes,  he told me he thought we weren't right for each other and shoved me twice on his way out.

2. If I used a new word/phrase sometimes he'd claim I had never talked like that before. He would get all paranoid. Hard to explain why, but the best I could gather was he thought I was hanging with someone new and had picked up the word or phrase from them.

3. If I ever mentioned how much he was drinking.

4. When I did not read his mind and fulfill his every need.

5. He once called me at work to complain my 17 year old son did not say good morning. He said "you just don't have my back" when I told him that's normal morning teenager behavior. He hated it when I asked him if he said good morning to my son. The truth was neither of them said good morning.

5. If I talked to his step mom without his permission. 
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« Reply #35 on: December 10, 2014, 06:25:35 PM »

Tried to reschedule a getaway with her... .ended up not going. She was pissed. Never let me forget that either

complained I didnt buy her anything as I looked at her coach purse, i guess it must have grown there.

you never spend time with me as i to rush over there at 8,9,10 at night just to see her, maybe make love over the bathroom sink because her 5 kids running all over the place.

I dont know why i bothered. Holy hell. I fell for this ___. Damn
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« Reply #36 on: December 10, 2014, 06:43:48 PM »

Mine doesn't necessarily rage but he has this pi$$y grumpy stomp off like a child thing that he does. Here are some things:

-One time, he walked out of the door when we were at my parents house and my dad blew the horn on his cab over truck. WOW, you would have thought somebody had attacked him the way he responded.

-There was an incident one time when we needed to do some work on the AC unit in the attic. He was up there yelling and screaming at everyone to be quiet so he could concentrate and talk to me if he needed to. Well, when he was coming out of the attic, he feel through the ceiling. I had to go back up in the attic and finish the job. While he was in the hall listening for me, he was listening to his radio rather loudly and telling the kids to be quiet. When I told HIM to turn off his radio and be quiet, he got mad. I still laugh at the ridiculousness of that evening.

-Any time I have tried to do his chores for him, he has gotten mad and pouty and yelled at me because "I was going to do that. You just didn't give me a chance." On one occasion, I changed the cat box. He had just finished telling me the day before that he would like it if I would do it on occasion. I did it and BAM, he got upset. One time, he didn't mow the yard for a month so I mowed it myself. Pi$$ed him off bad.

-My oldest daughter and I were laughing and talking and joking and he got up and stomped off. Our daughter looked at me and wanted to know what was up. I found out that he stomped off because he thought we were making fun of him.

-If I leave the radio up too loud when I turn off the car, he gets upset.

-One time, I left the AC in the car on full blast. A cold front came through over night so when he turned on the car he got a blast of cold air. He came home complaining about it.

Really, there are too many things to list because he can get defensive, pouty, grumpy, whatever over just about anything. Asking a simply question about something mundane can lead to an argument at times.
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« Reply #37 on: December 10, 2014, 06:45:58 PM »

The timing of this post is great!  I just read a thread the other night about making a list of things that were not working or difficult in the relationship.  Reading this has been so helpful in naming and identifying those issues which I found untenable but forgot in my grief and denial.  Thank you!
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« Reply #38 on: December 10, 2014, 07:27:45 PM »

I changed the cat litter before she was ready for it to be changed once. 

She was in the middle of going down on me when she noticed.  She punished me by not finishing.  Not joking.  She got mad and sullen and pouted. 

Unreal.

So funny!  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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whythisgirl
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« Reply #39 on: December 10, 2014, 09:51:37 PM »

Reading all this ___ and I just have to wonder. What the heck is wrong with us? I NEVER would have tolerated any of this ___ when I was 25. What the heck happened to me over the years? Jeez, what the hell... .Im just as warped putting up with it and other things... .

Amen to that brother! There's no way I'd tolerate this ___ now or in the future.

Wow this ___ is quite funny!  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I just remember by xBPD got upset with me once because I could not sleep. When we met I told him I suffer from insomnia and its difficult for me to sleep in places other than my own bed. So when I slept over his place he would accuse me of thinking of my ex boyfriend and that's why I couldn't sleep. So crazy can't do anything but laugh out loud right now.
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« Reply #40 on: December 10, 2014, 11:17:27 PM »

I just had to add one more to my post. I am laughing at these and the audacity we had to do all of these horrible thing... .

One time I tried to help him with the dishes (understand it is his kitchen and his rules). I cleaned my plate and was putting it in the dishwasher when he appeared out of nowhere in a complete meltdown rage... .!

I had the nerve to put pasta down the disposal. What an idiot I was to not know pasta was sure to cram up the disposal and clog the line through the entire plumbing system... .I am half Italian and had never heard of this before. I thought disposals did their job and chopped, I got an entire lecture on how plumbing works and pasta expands.
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« Reply #41 on: December 10, 2014, 11:59:32 PM »

I put tomatoes in the stew.

I referred to the fact that I was glad for a good bed on vacation because I have fibromyalgia.

I had fibromyalgia.
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« Reply #42 on: December 11, 2014, 01:06:14 AM »

ok but in all fairness tomatoes in stew is unforgivable no matter of mental condition 
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« Reply #43 on: December 11, 2014, 01:17:29 AM »

Speaking of food, mine would get really agitated every time I would make a pot roast. He would go on and on about how horrible his mother's pot roast was and how much he hated pot roast. He would eat mine and tell me how good it was but not without raging about his mother's pot roast for most of the day. It sucks because pot roast is my favorite!

And don't get me started on all of the times that I have tried to introduce new foods! He'd gripe and moan and maybe take a tiny bite and then proclaim that he didn't like. I don't think he got a big enough bite to even taste it but he would insist that he didn't like it.
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« Reply #44 on: December 11, 2014, 01:29:52 AM »

1.Literally hitting a "bump in ther road." It was 12/31. I went over a speed bump in the crowded shopping center and then someone stepped off the sidewalk and infront of me so unexpectedly I had to stop abruptly: raged from 4pm on and off until after midnight. The time in between she was smoldering  with hatred and self pity. RUINED New Years.

2. She had two glasses of wine with dinner; did not like what she had ordered and was served. Said she did not want to take it home. Waitress boxed it and I carried it out but tossed it into the first garbage can we came to. Exploded and continued on. When we got home I told her I was leaving "to get away from the abuse." She ran after me and out into the crowded sidewalk BAREFOOT. Very embarrassing.

Sadly, there have been hundreds of these over the years.

Comment: In my wife's case the anti-depressant Paxil worked like a charm. For the five years she used it I was married to a normal loving woman... .the woman I married originally. Theo
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« Reply #45 on: December 11, 2014, 01:31:05 AM »

The first one I have no clue what set her off. We'd just started going out. I took her to Durango Colorado to site see. On the way back something triggered her. She said she was sick and to leave her alone. We got back to my place and she went in the bedroom and layed down. I went in in a bit to check on her and tell her I was going to cook and asked if she wanted some. She blew up. So I went in the kitchen to cook. She followed me in raging and cussing. So I very bluntly told her to flock off, nobody talks to me like that in my house. Turns out she wasn't all that I'll as she drove home two hundred miles.
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« Reply #46 on: December 11, 2014, 01:37:26 AM »

One of the last times we were in Maui walking on the side of the road. She kept trying to walk on the outside, so I had to tell her no that's my job. I'm the man and it's my job to protect you. She blew up, saying I was a controlling SOB !
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« Reply #47 on: December 11, 2014, 03:40:20 AM »

Man I could write a book about this! Here are a few ones:

- saying "good night, sleep well and I'll talk to you tomorrow" when he went to bed after he worked the night. He felt rejected and said it already was tomorrow so he thought I would talk to him the day after tomorrow   I tried to explain, but he was already raging, accusing me of cheating and not loving him enough... .Ehhh what?

- whenever I would plan to meet my friends... .Full on rage, accusations Im a lesbian and cheating on him.

- I drove past a billboard once saying the temptations would be in concert here. (We were long distance) We were on the phone at that moment and I just happened to see it and comment on it. Again rage... .I should go with my friends, I didnt love him, ofcourse I was cheating.

- I was in the shower when he texted me. I came in the living room 15 min later to a phone with almost 40 messages where the ___ I was... .Obviously I was cheating.

- I came over to his country and after diner he asked me when I was going back home... .I said monday... .He had received the bookingforms so thought he knew it was a week from monday. He threw the best tantrum ever, threatninh to kill himself, took a knife, I tried to take it from him and in the end I ended up flying threw the room, bruised all over... .

- My favorite: at the end of a text conversation I had sent him emoticons kisses and hugs and a flower. He replied "really... .You dont send a dude a flower". Then he send me "the middle finger by mistake" to which I replied: "you talk about a flower, yes the middle finger is soo much better!" With a smiley behind it. Didnt get a text back so I went to bed. The next morning I woke up to 150 texts how I had offended his manhood, by saying my fingers were so much better... .: What the heck? I explained and explained but he was convinced I was trying to offend him and tell him he sucks in bed. This blew up way out of proportion and he broke up with me. (Got back together a couple of weeks later,... .Dont ask me why!)
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« Reply #48 on: December 11, 2014, 06:09:35 AM »

He suggested we'd have a reunion somewhere with a mutual female friend of ours. I pointed out how angry he would get if it was me suggesting the same thing with a male friend. He didn't talk to me for two days because I kept "screwing things up in our relationship".

He was out late with a mutual (male) friend of ours. I woke up in the morning to find my phone full of messages from my ex saying "are you talking to xxx?" Apparently this guy had been messaging with someone and my ex naturally concluded it must have been me. 

I wanted to visit a village where I used to work. He started screaming at me that I wanted to have an affair with my former boss, who by the way is absolutely repulsive.

Once I didn't pick up my phone because I was busy. I tried to call him back but he wouldn't pick up anymore because I had made him feel stupid.

There are so many more... .Absolutely crazy.


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« Reply #49 on: December 11, 2014, 08:42:52 AM »

ok but in all fairness tomatoes in stew is unforgivable no matter of mental condition 

I hope you and my h will be very happy together! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #50 on: December 11, 2014, 08:44:16 AM »

I put tomatoes in the stew.

Oh Elpis, this made me choke on my coffee this morning!  I can soo relate to this craziness (I put chick peas in the chili! How dare I!)

I forgot one.  We were planning a weekend away camping in April and it's still quite cold in April here and I'm chronically cold so I asked if maybe we should bring the duvet off the bed as an extra blanket *just in case*... .Well you would have thought I had shot his dog!  How dare I not trust that he had all aspects of our camping trip covered!  I woke up the next morning and said camping trip is off, ___ this!
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« Reply #51 on: December 11, 2014, 08:48:08 AM »

Man I could write a book about this! Here are a few ones:

- saying "good night, sleep well and I'll talk to you tomorrow" when he went to bed after he worked the night. He felt rejected and said it already was tomorrow so he thought I would talk to him the day after tomorrow   I tried to explain, but he was already raging, accusing me of cheating and not loving him enough... .Ehhh what?

- whenever I would plan to meet my friends... .Full on rage, accusations Im a lesbian and cheating on him.

- I drove past a billboard once saying the temptations would be in concert here. (We were long distance) We were on the phone at that moment and I just happened to see it and comment on it. Again rage... .I should go with my friends, I didnt love him, ofcourse I was cheating.

- I was in the shower when he texted me. I came in the living room 15 min later to a phone with almost 40 messages where the ___ I was... .Obviously I was cheating.

- I came over to his country and after diner he asked me when I was going back home... .I said monday... .He had received the bookingforms so thought he knew it was a week from monday. He threw the best tantrum ever, threatninh to kill himself, took a knife, I tried to take it from him and in the end I ended up flying threw the room, bruised all over... .

- My favorite: at the end of a text conversation I had sent him emoticons kisses and hugs and a flower. He replied "really... .You dont send a dude a flower". Then he send me "the middle finger by mistake" to which I replied: "you talk about a flower, yes the middle finger is soo much better!" With a smiley behind it. Didnt get a text back so I went to bed. The next morning I woke up to 150 texts how I had offended his manhood, by saying my fingers were so much better... .: What the heck? I explained and explained but he was convinced I was trying to offend him and tell him he sucks in bed. This blew up way out of proportion and he broke up with me. (Got back together a couple of weeks later,... .Dont ask me why!)

Your expwBPD sounds like mine. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Is his initials DDD? Wow my experiences are so similar to yours. I was accused of cheating all the time. If I did something nice he got ticked off cause it questioned his manhood. He would get upset with me at night over a text or call. Then send a Good morning baby! In the morning like nothing happened the previous night. He always compared his country to the US and said how bad the people here were. I could go on and on and on. .
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Elpis
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« Reply #52 on: December 11, 2014, 08:49:06 AM »

Pingo, it was seeing your reply about the chickpeas in the chili that reminded me! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) They're lucky they didn't get WORSE things in their food... .
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« Reply #53 on: December 11, 2014, 09:07:15 AM »

Breathing too loudly   

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« Reply #54 on: December 11, 2014, 09:26:50 AM »

Hey whythisgirl!

No similarities in initials I am afraid! It keeps amazing me how many similarities some of our stories have! The constant accusations of cheating, not loving him, prefering my friends over him where exhausting! I always tried to talk sense into him, but it never worked... .In the end I would just let him rage, puy my phone on silent and try yo ignore it till he snapped out of it.

Never ever cheated on anyone in my life... .His accusations were projections, he cheated... .

Man I could write a book about this! Here are a few ones:

- saying "good night, sleep well and I'll talk to you tomorrow" when he went to bed after he worked the night. He felt rejected and said it already was tomorrow so he thought I would talk to him the day after tomorrow   I tried to explain, but he was already raging, accusing me of cheating and not loving him enough... .Ehhh what?

- whenever I would plan to meet my friends... .Full on rage, accusations Im a lesbian and cheating on him.

- I drove past a billboard once saying the temptations would be in concert here. (We were long distance) We were on the phone at that moment and I just happened to see it and comment on it. Again rage... .I should go with my friends, I didnt love him, ofcourse I was cheating.

- I was in the shower when he texted me. I came in the living room 15 min later to a phone with almost 40 messages where the ___ I was... .Obviously I was cheating.

- I came over to his country and after diner he asked me when I was going back home... .I said monday... .He had received the bookingforms so thought he knew it was a week from monday. He threw the best tantrum ever, threatninh to kill himself, took a knife, I tried to take it from him and in the end I ended up flying threw the room, bruised all over... .

- My favorite: at the end of a text conversation I had sent him emoticons kisses and hugs and a flower. He replied "really... .You dont send a dude a flower". Then he send me "the middle finger by mistake" to which I replied: "you talk about a flower, yes the middle finger is soo much better!" With a smiley behind it. Didnt get a text back so I went to bed. The next morning I woke up to 150 texts how I had offended his manhood, by saying my fingers were so much better... .: What the heck? I explained and explained but he was convinced I was trying to offend him and tell him he sucks in bed. This blew up way out of proportion and he broke up with me. (Got back together a couple of weeks later,... .Dont ask me why!)

Your expwBPD sounds like mine. Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Is his initials DDD? Wow my experiences are so similar to yours. I was accused of cheating all the time. If I did something nice he got ticked off cause it questioned his manhood. He would get upset with me at night over a text or call. Then send a Good morning baby! In the morning like nothing happened the previous night. He always compared his country to the US and said how bad the people here were. I could go on and on and on. .

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peiper
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« Reply #55 on: December 11, 2014, 09:47:24 AM »

Pingo, it was seeing your reply about the chickpeas in the chili that reminded me! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) They're lucky they didn't get WORSE things in their food... .

Old proverb, never piss off the cook.
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« Reply #56 on: December 11, 2014, 09:52:09 AM »

Breathing too loudly   

Bro I know these feels.

She wouldn't rage, but if I fell asleep with my head burried in her neck, she'd wake me up to tell me "don't breathe."
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« Reply #57 on: December 11, 2014, 09:55:49 AM »

Pingo, it was seeing your reply about the chickpeas in the chili that reminded me! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) They're lucky they didn't get WORSE things in their food... .

Old proverb, never piss off the cook.

The cooking thing was something that I hadn't thought about in this regard.  I did the vast majority of the cooking (shocking, I know  ).  It was almost as if I was under some kind of pressure each time I cooked.  If it didn't turn out, she'd pout.  She show her disappointment.  She'd pick at it like a 5 year old.  She was also particular about all kinds of food.  :)eli meat from behind the counter was considered "too gamey."  But Lunchables (yes Lunchables) were a favorite of hers.  Chicken had to be absolutely dry in order for her to eat it.  And there were whole genres of food that were just off limits.  Seriously, the appetite and temperament of a 5 year old.

Surprised I never found food hidden under her plate.  

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« Reply #58 on: December 11, 2014, 10:06:29 AM »

Pingo, it was seeing your reply about the chickpeas in the chili that reminded me! Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) They're lucky they didn't get WORSE things in their food... .

Old proverb, never piss off the cook.

The cooking thing was something that I hadn't thought about in this regard.  I did the vast majority of the cooking (shocking, I know  ).  It was almost as if I was under some kind of pressure each time I cooked.  If it didn't turn out, she'd pout.  She show her disappointment.  She'd pick at it like a 5 year old.  She was also particular about all kinds of food.  :)eli meat from behind the counter was considered "too gamey."  But Lunchables (yes Lunchables) were a favorite of hers.  Chicken had to be absolutely dry in order for her to eat it.  And there were whole genres of food that were just off limits.  Seriously, the appetite and temperament of a 5 year old.

Surprised I never found food hidden under her plate.  

I had my GF over and I cooked dinner for her and my daughter before I flew out of town the next day. All seemed well, we ate, daughter talked with us before going to her room and her and I were going to have a nice evening together at home, and, out of nowhere, my GF blows up at me "is this all I get? Dinner with you and your daughter? Fu*k this, Im out" and left me standing there in disbelief. She tried to apologize, via text of course, but I ignored it, said nothing, and went on my business trip. I texted her when I landed, didnt mention a thing about the blow up, never did mention it, but I was not very communicative during my trip. I was out in the sticks anyway, so I had phone issues. Just part of the pattern of weirdness.
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« Reply #59 on: December 11, 2014, 02:20:21 PM »

"Lunchables"? BAHAHAHAAA!

My uBPDh definitely had childlike tastes in food--hot dogs and beans, that sort of thing. Which is okay occasionally... .

"Food under her plate" That totally seems like something that could happen with my h--but he much preferred complaining on and on and on... .One time I made chicken breasts and he must have said he was tired of eating "big chunks of chicken" nine or ten times during the meal! I was having trouble not laughing.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

"Never piss off the cook"--TRUTH!

":)on't breathe." ?

So interesting. So self-centered.

If I ever commented on how I felt that day (aching, tired) i'd get the whole rage about how HE aches and HE is tired and HE has to go to work! Yes, i'm on disability, so I guess i'm a much lesser person who is not allowed to feel pain, chronic condition or not. Apparently even pain is a contest he must win.
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We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



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