Do BPDs lie about pregnancy?

[christoff522]

Okay, I was lurking on my BPDx's instagram, and she's put a couple new pics up. One is a christmas tree picture and the hashtags (she loves hashtags) read like this:

So it #begins #Christmas #Christmastree #tree #decorations #happiness #love #Noel #Catholic #red #silver #green #lights #secrets #excited #fun #merrychristmas #pregnant xx

As you can imagine, pretty confused, she told me she was getting an implant (over a month ago), and now she's pregnant with the new guys baby? I guess its the next step, if she wants to feel like he'll never leave she'll have to get pregnant, I guess it explains what she meant when she was saying that he wanted to get pregnant, get married, and live together... I guess she wanted all that to keep him hooked, step one complete?

Or is she just lying? trying to bait me into speaking to her? I guess nobody here can know, but thats knocked me for six. I knew I would never go back but it still hurts a little.

[Mutt]

christoff522 I went through this with my ex in our marriage. She got pregnant from the other guy. Was lying and trying to hide it.

It's tough. How are you feeling? Granted no one knows for sure.

[slimmiller]

Reality for many BPDs is abstract. If the new supply mentions wanting to be pregnant she may take on that role and 'want' to be pregnant. There is little difference in her being pregnant and wanting to be pregnant (in her mind)  If she wants to become pregnant she may say she is. Thats her reality.

In all honesty, count your blessings if its not your child. I have three with me exBPD and consequently will have to deal with her in some form the rest of my life for the kids.

Best thing you can do is move on. No more lurking on social media, it only rubs salt in the wound. I know I used to do it too now shes blocked completely

[billypilgrim]

I've has r/s with 2 ladies with BPD. The first one was in highschool.  It was my first serious-ish relationship.  She loved to play the "I'm pregnant" game and waiting for Aunt Flow to visit each month turned into quite the merrygoround.  She would lie often about being pregnant.  Convincing herself that she was pregnant (boobs are big, nauseous, spotting, threatening to tell my parents, etc etc.) each month, almost pattern-like.  There were even some months that she still played that game and we hadn't even been sexually active in the corresponding timeframe.  

Now on to the wife - we had a number of scares in which she pretty much convinced herself that she was pregnant.  Often times she didn't want me to get tests for her to check - never really understood why but I guess it could have taken the attention off of her if she wasn't preggers.  Over the last few months, she had gotten of B/C because "we" decided we wanted children.  Her cycle was all sorts of whack and this led to even more scares.  We weren't actively trying yet and luckily for me, she left a bit before when we decided we want to start trying. But  

As for your situation, don't take this the wrong way but I don't think it's about you at all.  They don't think like that. It's all about what they can do to make themselves feel better.  Often times it's impulsive and I know mine never thought about potential consequences of her actions.  All they want to do is feel better now.  If this guy said he wanted a kid, a marriage, and live together, then that's what she has convinced herself will finally bring her happiness.  She'll act it out for a while but when (not if) that life doesn't live up to her expectations, out she goes (unless she drives her mate away first). 

If yours is anything like mine, you were painted black because you failed (in their eyes, not in reality) to make them happy/live up to their unattainable expectations.  :)on't worry, this guy will too.  Just like all the guys before you did as well.  Rinse repeat.  I would try not to dwell on it (easier said than done, trust me) and thank your lucky stars that you don't have a kid with that woman.  I would also try to stop the lurking.  :)o you really want to see that stuff?  Especially if you've made the conscious decision that you don't want to go back with her (you shouldn't) - why do that to yourself?

[christoff522]

Thank you all for your replies.

I'm feeling like I need a cigarette. Its kind of tempted me to text her just to find out, but I'm resisting.

I've never known her so publicly declare something like this, its new for me so I guess it means she is pregnant, although - only the word is there not the statement so she can say "they're trying", or whatever, or I guess she could even say it being something about Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus. Theres plenty of possibilities as to what it could mean.

I try not to lurk on SM, but I tend to check see if theres anything new, I guess (even though I left) its to see if they've broken up yet. I guess when I am seeing someone else, I will no longer bother checking. Til then I just resist the urge.

I can go whole days now without thinking about her at all. I'm getting there.

If it does turn out she's pregnant, It will become even more real to me that we'll never get back together, although it was my decision to end contact anyway. I guess its just what life is like with them, hook someone in, marry them, suck them dry and then cheat. I do feel lucky that I don't have kids with her, It would be such a struggle to get full custody.

[Mutt]

If there's one thing I learned about BPD.

Take away the words. Look at the actions. The truth lies there. What I see are words coming from a pwBPD.

Only time will tell. Be mindful of the present.

[christoff522]

If there's one thing I learned about BPD.

Take away the words. Look at the actions. The truth lies there. What I see are words coming from a pwBPD.

Only time will tell. Be mindful of the present.

Ah yes, mindfulness, detachment and awareness.

I like it, just wait and see. I guess right now it's 50/50, dealing with a disordered mind, someone who told me she was going to get 'the implant' so that she didn't get pregnant at such a tender age. I guess this could just be fantasy, and the same hell I went through this new guy is going through significantly more. I need to just keep away, and maybe in 4 or 5 months I will get the answer as to whether or not she is pregnant, however, the chances are that this is bull, and an attempt to cause me to contact her, just like all the other times she has done so, claims of injury, mean texts, popping up out of nowhere. Considering how finally I have cut off contact this time, it would make sense that when she's upset with bf she would pop onto instagram or smule, and say crazy stuff, knowing that her bf of 4 months has no idea that these social media profiles even exist.

Thanks Mutt, I think you're right.

[Mutt]

christoff522.

“Letting go is the lesson. Letting go is always the lesson. Have you ever noticed how much of our agony is all tied up with craving and loss?" -Susan Gordon Lydon,

Give it thought and let go. It's her choice if she wants to be pregnant or not. You'll find someone meant for you. Raising a child with a disordered person is not fun. Find someone healthy.

[christoff522]

christoff522.

“Letting go is the lesson. Letting go is always the lesson. Have you ever noticed how much of our agony is all tied up with craving and loss?" -Susan Gordon Lydon,

Give it thought and let go. It's her choice if she wants to be pregnant or not. You'll find someone meant for you. Raising a child with a disordered person is not fun. Find someone healthy.

Thanks, I couldn't imagine the torment someone separated from a BPD with children goes through. I actually can't imagine what it would be like to spend any significant amount of time with one, the rape and abuse allegations, the TROs, the psychotic obsession, having been very lucky in not having such things focused at me, I feel I was lucky, and every time I went back I risked such situations, well - I haven't escaped the obsession... but everything else... phew. Not gonna count my chickens.

[Mutt]

I think everyone's person with BPD in their life is different. Some are more ill than others. The distortion campaign was hell. I think for myself there's only one way to make it work for now. Parallel parenting. She parents her way on her time. I parent my way on my time. No input from either parents, one's responsible for school and the other for doctors. If there's an opportunity for conflict she'll seize it.

Take for example something as simple as making an appointment is havok. The person in my life changed after she left. I don't feel like I'm looked at as a co-parent but as an enemy. The emotional baggage she had for me is still there. It's not what I anticipated for parenting after divorce or I didn't think I'd be like this.

You have to put a system in place or it's hell. Have a court order with no ambiguity in the wording. Spell everything out clearly in black and white. It's easier now than when I had no court order. You can't have verbal agreements. Last year a time was set for the pick-up for kids on a Friday. We agreed on a time.  She's impulsive and doesn't care about my needs or the kids. So I'm working and she wants to drop the kids off ASAP. I told her I can't. She had a render-vou with the replacement. She drove my kids 30 minutes to my brothers.

What irked me, I get a call from my brother. He was fine with it because he hadn't seen the kids for awhile. She just showed up at his door and she had no one else to watch them but me - later that day. I didn't get a call from she was doing this. I'm working and she's altering times on a whim and not concerned with my life. She's emotionally immature and lacks impulse control and can't think or see the bigger picture. This is the job that provides for the kids.

My kids and especially the eldest my daughter are a blessing. There's no feeling like having your first kid and being a dad. What I'm saying your lucky. If you want a family make it a goal. Settle down and find who's right for you. If your ex is trying to goad and provoke you. Not a nice person. Find a nice woman.

[christoff522]

I think everyone's person with BPD in their life is different. Some are more ill than others. The distortion campaign was hell. I think for myself there's only one way to make it work for now. Parallel parenting. She parents her way on her time. I parent my way on my time. No input from either parents, one's responsible for school and the other for doctors. If there's an opportunity for conflict she'll seize it.

Take for example something as simple as making an appointment is havok. The person in my life changed after she left. I don't feel like I'm looked at as a co-parent but as an enemy. The emotional baggage she had for me is still there. It's not what I anticipated for parenting after divorce or I didn't think I'd be like this.

You have to put a system in place or it's hell. Have a court order with no ambiguity in the wording. Spell everything out clearly in black and white. It's easier now than when I had no court order. You can't have verbal agreements. Last year a time was set for the pick-up for kids on a Friday. We agreed on a time.  She's impulsive and doesn't care about my needs or the kids. So I'm working and she wants to drop the kids off ASAP. I told her I can't. She had a render-vou with the replacement. She drove my kids 30 minutes to my brothers.

What irked me, I get a call from my brother. He was fine with it because he hadn't seen the kids for awhile. She just showed up at his door and she had no one else to watch them but me - later that day. I didn't get a call from she was doing this. I'm working and she's altering times on a whim and not concerned with my life. She's emotionally immature and lacks impulse control and can't think or see the bigger picture. This is the job that provides for the kids.

My kids and especially the eldest my daughter are a blessing. There's no feeling like having your first kid and being a dad. What I'm saying your lucky. If you want a family make it a goal. Settle down and find who's right for you. If your ex is trying to goad and provoke you. Not a nice person. Find a nice woman.

Just hearing that, that inconsistency all the time, I completely understand what you're saying. Your kids ARE a blessing, the only good things to come out of that relationship. But if you could have had them with a nice woman that would have been the icing on the cake. I feel for you sir, and am happy for you at the same time. My ex is far too immature, and far too disordered for me to ever want children with her. I feel sick for that potential child, I hope she isn't pregnant, I mean she's been in a relationship 4 months with this guy. I also feel glad for her ex before me, they were together for 2/3 years, and she used to complain to me that he wouldn't let her use condoms (such lovely conversations right?) amazing that he wouldn't allow condoms all that time yet no pregnancy, she gets with a new guy and potentially is pregnant.

This is not a girl I ever, ever want a relationship with, let alone a family.