understanding my own part in this

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Not sure where to start.  After 11 years of a relationship with BP "boyfriend", I think we have both finally realized that it's too toxic and "triggering" for both of us.  I'm weary.  I'm done.  I think he is too.  But in order

to really move on I feel a need to understand and heal the cause of my still very strong attachment to him.  I have some notions about this:  needing to "save" a miserable person in order for them to be able to love me (as I couldn't save my own mother from her depression and suicide when I was young).  Want to finally heal from THAT old wound!  It is about time!  Also, although I have very good and understanding friends and family, no one I know has had a close with relationship with a BP man, and I think I would find some solace in knowing my experiences and my feelings are experienced by others.  That's it for now.  I never joined a forum or chat group before.  I don't hang out on the computer much.  But desperate times call for... . 

[jankaren]

Not sure where to start.  After 11 years of a relationship with BP "boyfriend", I think we have both finally realized that it's too toxic and "triggering" for both of us.  I'm weary.  I'm done.  I think he is too.  But in order

to really move on I feel a need to understand and heal the cause of my still very strong attachment to him.  I have some notions about this:  needing to "save" a miserable person in order for them to be able to love me (as I couldn't save my own mother from her depression and suicide when I was young).  Want to finally heal from THAT old wound!  It is about time!  Also, although I have very good and understanding friends and family, no one I know has had a close with relationship with a BP man, and I think I would find some solace in knowing my experiences and my feelings are experienced by others.  That's it for now.  I never joined a forum or chat group before.  I don't hang out on the computer much.  But desperate times call for... . 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey jankaren, I think it's true that most people have no concept of what it's like to be in a r/s with a pwBPD, because the disorder is so far beyond what most have experienced.  It's OK, though, because those of us on this site really get it.  Others have definitely been down this path before you, so you are not alone, believe me.  I can relate to the emotional exhaustion that you describe and it sounds like you are in a difficult place.  The starting point, in my view, is with yourself: taking better care of yourself, recognizing your needs and allowing yourself a chance to heal, perhaps with the help of a T.  It sounds easy, but I understand that it's hard.  Hang in there, LuckyJim

[momtara]

Well, many of us are codependent here.  But you may just be a deep person who is drawn to the emotional side of him.  Or maybe you feel safer with someone whose issues you are aware of.  Who knows.  Welcome!