Triangulation: My daughter has done this for years with her dad and I

[Lacey Mae]

WOW... .I have read a couple of post... .what a leap i have taken.  Triangulation.  My daughter has done this for years with her dad and I.   My mother-in-law is narrsistic and has done this for years with everyone she has come in contact with.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Lacey Mae & 

I'm glad you found us, and hope that the information you read on this site helps you figure out how to understand and deal with your daughter. Please check out the links to the right-hand side of this page, and the Feature Articles linked to under the 4 photos at the top of the threads listing. And though your daughter is not in Therapy for anything at this time, please read the Article about "Supporting a Child in Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder" because it is loaded with great, practical information about how to make things better.

What behaviors are troubling you right now? How is she triangulating her loved ones? How is your husband dealing with her? Does your daughter live with you? How old is she? Do you have any other children--and if so, how do they get along with their sister? Please tell us more of your story; we would love to get to know you, Lacey Mae 

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Lacey Mae, 

Was this a good and helpful insight you had about triangulation, or did it simply give you a chill?

In any case, when you feel like it, tell us more about your new discovery or whatever you are dealing with currently, we are here for you.

[Lacey Mae]

MY daughter is in therapy.  She has been seeing a Dr. for two and a half years. We have never met him but he has my daughters trust and there has been some improvement.  My husband is the rescuer and I the victim.  These roles have made me feel terrible, however, it has kept my daughter going forward.  It was chilling to put a name on the triangle. however, it did provide some better understanding of why?  Nevertheless,I still live everyday with a broken heart that my relationship with my daughter is an emotional nightmare.  Her anger at me?  I have only had a few times where she has trusted me with her  meaningful information.  It felt good only to go back to her hateful ways toward me.  Sometimes my husband is also the victim , however, this is a rare occurrence.    At the age of 10 my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.  She stayed in the hospital for a couple of extra days due to brain swelling.  The Dr. said she was fine and released her.  I saw changes in my daughter and thought it was because of becoming a J diabetic.  HOWEVER, as i look back, that is when i began to see BPD. As time went by she kept getting worse.  Tantrums, anger, running away from home, hitting. breaking things, cutting, adderal, eating disorder,suicide thoughts.  Went through a few drs.   Then she read a book and found this dr. she is with.  She sees him about 3 times a week. She knows she has BPD.  She takes cloxapin? It helps with her anxiety.  She does have relationship problems.  She did graduate from college and has started her first professional job.  I wish BPD would go away.  For her sake and for me

[Lacey Mae]

Any ideas about J. diabetics and BPD?  Also, the use of cloxapin meds and BPD?

[pessim-optimist]

That's really good news that your daughter knows and accepts her BPD diagnosis. Is she going to therapy specifically for BPD? Are you seeing improvement over time?

I am sorry I do not have much to comment on the medication or J diabetes, even though adult onset diabetes runs in my SD's family - but that could be a coincidence (there are many diabetics out there and the number is on the rise). The one thing that contributes as a problem though is that when a person's blood sugars are out of normal range THAT causes mood problems - depression or irritability.

Are you saying that you think the swelling of her brain had something to do with her later changes?

As for the triangulation, I am very sorry you have, and continue to suffer much in this relationship... .Knowledge is power though, and so in time, as you learn more you might be able to start making changes in your responses to your daughter and step out of the position of victim and not let her victimize you any more... .How would that sound?

[Lacey Mae]

Yes, she has been seeing her Dr. for Bpd for about 2years.  He does specialize in BPD.  She has made great improvement. Was suicidal and non functional when she started with him.  She has finished college and has a profession. She is doing well in that arena.  However, her personal life is still filled with anger tantrums, name calling, silence treatments etc.   I guess Rome wasn.t built overnight. .     About the diabetes,  my son and my daughter use to be very close.  They are only about 2 years apart.  He has also stated that when she became Type 1 diabetic at the age of nine, he too noticed that she had a personality change.  ?  He loves his sister but trying to keep his space from her.   He has come to this site to get additional info to better understand what the heck she is doing.  I am so happy for my daughters improvement, however, she still inflicts pain to people who are in her personal life.  All of us are taking baby steps forward.  May be one day we all will be able to walk out of this nightmare.

[pessim-optimist]

That really sounds like she has made a lot of progress so far! That is wonderful.

All of us are taking baby steps forward.  May be one day we all will be able to walk out of this nightmare.

That's the best way to look at it... .Little by little it will get lighter until one day, you will realize the nightmare is over.

Have you had much chance to look at validation and boundaries? What's your experience with those so far? Those two tools are the staples I would say in supporting our loved one, while protecting ourselves from their harmful behaviors.