Taking a Long Break

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi everyone,

I decided that I'm going to take a long break from the group.  Essentially, I've noticed how much being in here triggers my obsessing about all of this.  I've reached a point where I realize how I've held onto a lot of these things because I believed I had to -like I had to continue to carry it in order for it to mean something, and in order for me to be able to help other people out of what I've been through.  But I don't need to carry that burden, and I don't want to.  There are other people out there to help, and I really owe it to myself to move on with my life.  

The reality of my situation is that I will have to deal with my BPD ex and the effects of her disorder for years to come.  I am already dealing with how to bring the facts to bare with my older children.  That is difficult enough.  I do not need to add insult to injury by also carrying the inner, emotional burden that is both evident in and supported by my obsessing and rehashing and trying to be a "help" to everyone.  Coming in here, at this point, is like being a recovering alcoholic who is trying to help other alcoholics who are still sitting at the bar, slurping the bottom of empty shot-glasses to try and keep the taste in their mouths.  I mean no disrespect to anyone with those words, either, because I've been there.  There are very few things more difficult in life, I'm convinced.  But that is basically what it is.  It's obsess-ville, here.  I gained a TON from this group and from the articles and lessons here, but If I want to get well, and I mean free, one of the things I need to do is leave the bar and not return.  It's time.

Good luck, everyone!

[OutOfEgypt]

Hi everyone,

I decided that I'm going to take a long break from the group.  Essentially, I've noticed how much being in here triggers my obsessing about all of this.  I've reached a point where I realize how I've held onto a lot of these things because I believed I had to -like I had to continue to carry it in order for it to mean something, and in order for me to be able to help other people out of what I've been through.  But I don't need to carry that burden, and I don't want to.  There are other people out there to help, and I really owe it to myself to move on with my life.  

The reality of my situation is that I will have to deal with my BPD ex and the effects of her disorder for years to come.  I am already dealing with how to bring the facts to bare with my older children.  That is difficult enough.  I do not need to add insult to injury by also carrying the inner, emotional burden that is both evident in and supported by my obsessing and rehashing and trying to be a "help" to everyone.  Coming in here, at this point, is like being a recovering alcoholic who is trying to help other alcoholics who are still sitting at the bar, slurping the bottom of empty shot-glasses to try and keep the taste in their mouths.  I mean no disrespect to anyone with those words, either, because I've been there.  There are very few things more difficult in life, I'm convinced.  But that is basically what it is.  It's obsess-ville, here.  I gained a TON from this group and from the articles and lessons here, but If I want to get well, and I mean free, one of the things I need to do is leave the bar and not return.  It's time.

Good luck, everyone!

[Caredverymuch]

Hi everyone,

I decided that I'm going to take a long break from the group.  Essentially, I've noticed how much being in here triggers my obsessing about all of this.  I've reached a point where I realize how I've held onto a lot of these things because I believed I had to -like I had to continue to carry it in order for it to mean something, and in order for me to be able to help other people out of what I've been through.  But I don't need to carry that burden, and I don't want to.  There are other people out there to help, and I really owe it to myself to move on with my life. 

The reality of my situation is that I will have to deal with my BPD ex and the effects of her disorder for years to come.  I am already dealing with how to bring the facts to bare with my older children.  That is difficult enough.  I do not need to add insult to injury by also carrying the inner, emotional burden that is both evident in and supported by my obsessing and rehashing and trying to be a "help" to everyone.  Coming in here, at this point, is like being a recovering alcoholic who is trying to help other alcoholics who are still sitting at the bar, slurping the bottom of empty shot-glasses to try and keep the taste in their mouths.  I mean no disrespect to anyone with those words, either, because I've been there.  But that is basically what it is.  It's obsess-ville, here, and our goal is eventually to let go.  I gained a TON from this group and from the articles and lessons here, but If I want to get well, and I mean free, one of the things I need to do is leave the bar and not return.  It's time.

Good luck, everyone!

Best of luck to you always OOE. Your feedback and support here has helped many.  We arrive here broken and find strength from a group of unique strangers who somehow instantly understand.  That which is so difficult to understand and heal from.  Revisiting the whys and emptying all the emotions here is like emptying a huge well of much that none of us want to continue to carry.  I agree it can be triggering to be here as I read so much of what I endured.  But, it also helps me get further to depersonalizing so much from the experience. This site truly saved my life. I believe it has played the same role for many. We stay for as long as we need to.  Its different for us all. Takes longer for many.   Everyone plays a role in getting someone a bit farther to believing in themselves once again. When members leave, its with a full heart that we wish them well and thank them.  I send that abundantly to you with gratitude.  Be well!

[peiper]

Your posts were a great help. Sorry to see you leave, though I've been wondering the same. Good luck

[Blimblam]

I understand Ooe


But man you helped me a lot. Thanks.

[Mr Hollande]

I can identify with how too much of this place acts as a trigger. Some of your posts here helped me during some of my darkest hours. For your great service to everyone here you deserve your holiday. Take care and all the best.

[OutOfEgypt]

Thanks to all of you.  We've all been part of each others journey, and that makes us family in a way.  And even the fact that being in here became a obsessing trigger for me has been part of the journey, too -pushing me ever-forward.  Thanks to all of you!

[lovethebeach]

You've helped me more than I could ever say. Thank you for taking the time to respond and guide me through this difficult process.

I wish you the best of the luck in the future! You've come so far and I know more greatness lies in store!

Take care and Happy Holidays!

[HappyNihilist]

OutOfEgypt, I wish you the best on your journey.   You've done a lot of healing, and helped a lot of people along the way. I admire and appreciate that a lot.

Only you know what is best for you to heal.  

I decided that I'm going to take a long break from the group.  Essentially, I've noticed how much being in here triggers my obsessing about all of this.  I've reached a point where I realize how I've held onto a lot of these things because I believed I had to -like I had to continue to carry it in order for it to mean something, and in order for me to be able to help other people out of what I've been through.  But I don't need to carry that burden, and I don't want to.  There are other people out there to help, and I really owe it to myself to move on with my life.  

Obsessing over things we can't control isn't healthy, and I understand how being here can trigger that. I don't blame you for wanting to remove yourself from unnecessary triggers. That's a good, healthy move.

Coming in here, at this point, is like being a recovering alcoholic who is trying to help other alcoholics who are still sitting at the bar, slurping the bottom of empty shot-glasses to try and keep the taste in their mouths.  I mean no disrespect to anyone with those words, either, because I've been there.  But that is basically what it is.  It's obsess-ville, here, and our goal is eventually to let go.  I gained a TON from this group and from the articles and lessons here, but If I want to get well, and I mean free, one of the things I need to do is leave the bar and not return.  It's time.

I am sorry you feel that way. You're right, it's certainly no good to stay in a place that puts you in that headspace.

We need different things at different times. I definitely understand the need to take a break. These boards helped me in ways I can't even begin to describe right after the breakup. But then I came to a place where I needed to take a break, too -- and that was helpful for me. I'm in a different place now, and being here is healing again, in a different way.

Yes, there is a lot of obsession and rumination here. A lot of people come here freshly out of relationships, when obsession is par for the course. And not everyone heals at the same pace, or in the same way. Even people who've been doing well for a while have bad days. And sometimes, instead of discouraging obsessing and encouraging self-reflection, it's easy to join in... .and sometimes we just need to vent.

I firmly believe that this forum overall encourages healing and self-focus. But I also completely understand how it can be triggering. You have to take care of you.  

Thank you for everything you've done here, and best of luck on your continued healing.  

[guy4caligirl]

Good luck to you OOE , I was always impressed with your posts, you  will be missed , your time has come ,wish you tons of happiness and contentment.

[sweetheart]

Hi OOE,

Your decision to leave the boards for all the reasons you have outlined are so healthy, not that you need anyone to tell you that I'm sure.

For some people continued involvement with the boards really works and for others it is a means to them finding whatever resolution they can.

I took a break recently because I became unwell and felt overwhelmed by all things to do with BPD. Ironically all this coincided with me being offered and accepting a role of ambassador, what the break helped me realise is that I didn't want to take on this role, I didn't want to formally support anyone, I realised I was running on empty. It was a major eye opener for me, so now I am slowly withdrawing.

Thank you for the support you offered me in the past and for allowing me to read your story.

Happy Christmas and may you and your family have many calm and healthy New Years to come.

[fred6]

OOE, I want to personally thank you for your helpful posts on this board. Your participation will be greatly missed, but your journey will move forward at this point and you're taking the next step to better yourself. I wish you the best of luck and hope that your life gets better by the day. Don't be a stranger, stop in sometime to say hello and let us know how you are doing. Take care and good luck 

[Caramel]

Thanks OOE. Your wise words helped me a lot too.

Good luck on the rest of your journey.