Struggling Today

[Depression = 72% of members]

So I have been away with absolutely no contact with my BPD ex for about 4 months (Blocked her from everything). She has a new partner/ victim which is to be expected. She's had just enough therapy to understand how to manipulate people and sitations but underneath there is still serious BPD. I can't imagine how she can live her frantic, chaotic lifestyle. I am so thankful to be out.

For some reason, I saw a recent picture of her (on accident) and went into a complete tail spin. I LITERALLY punched my phone. I guess I am not over it and have some real anger. I'm struggling today. I can't eat, I just want to go home and cry. I ahte her so much, I just want her to see what she does to people. To maybe be an adult for a second.

Things are going well for me and I do not want to have anything to do with her. I am second guessing myself today. That may be she truly is happy. May be I was the reason for her ___hole/absuve behavior. She has no idea that she is an abusive narcissist. My friend told me "she's just trying to get at you through Facebook," etc. I know my ex doesn't have a care in the world and hasn't thought twice about me. Does karma ever really come back to them? Does anyone have something that they do when they get consumed with anger? How can I still have these feelings for someone who is just so crappy? LOL

JRav

[JRav59]

So I have been away with absolutely no contact with my BPD ex for about 4 months (Blocked her from everything). She has a new partner/ victim which is to be expected. She's had just enough therapy to understand how to manipulate people and sitations but underneath there is still serious BPD. I can't imagine how she can live her frantic, chaotic lifestyle. I am so thankful to be out.

For some reason, I saw a recent picture of her (on accident) and went into a complete tail spin. I LITERALLY punched my phone. I guess I am not over it and have some real anger. I'm struggling today. I can't eat, I just want to go home and cry. I ahte her so much, I just want her to see what she does to people. To maybe be an adult for a second.

Things are going well for me and I do not want to have anything to do with her. I am second guessing myself today. That may be she truly is happy. May be I was the reason for her ___hole/absuve behavior. She has no idea that she is an abusive narcissist. My friend told me "she's just trying to get at you through Facebook," etc. I know my ex doesn't have a care in the world and hasn't thought twice about me. Does karma ever really come back to them? Does anyone have something that they do when they get consumed with anger? How can I still have these feelings for someone who is just so crappy? LOL

JRav

[Pingo]

Hi JRav, I hope you didn't break you phone .  It's understandable to have that anger.  But I just want to note, no one makes someone an ___hole/abuser.  People make choices in life.  Hers was to abuse.  That's not on you, that's on her.  Best Karma is to have the best life you can!  In the end you have the chance to be happy and find peace.  If she is BPD and/or a narcissist then she probably never will.

[JRav59]

No broken phone, then I really would have been hurting.  I have read so many books, meditated myself to sleep for months, seen (still seeing) a therapist every other week. I have worked so hard and thought I was doing well. It was like some sort of PTSD reaction to a picture. I didn't think someone/ something could make me react like that.