NC is torture

[Beach_Babe]

3 days NC not my choice. I want to make contact so badly. Please someone stop me.

[Xidion]

Don't do it! I'm 17 days no contact. It does get easier... .I promise. You're already 3 days in... .keep going strong. You will either get ignored or get a response that will make you feel even worse. Do not give him power and control over you!

[evilpepsi]

Yeah. It does get easier. If they try to make contact and you resist, it's very empowering. Breaking nc means that you continue to give them the power to hurt you. If you break nc then you'll never get off of the train that I call the nonstop to nowhere... .

[Wanna Move On]

BB, Zidion is correct. Do NOT contact the BPDex under any circumstances! You are incredibly vulnerable right now. If BPD wants to hurt you by saying something painful, you have ZERO emotional defenses in place right now.

Please do anything other than contact your ex!

[evilpepsi]

You'll do less damage to yourself by French kissing a rattlesnake bro... .

[peiper]

Contact would make your last three days of pain for nothing. Plus you'd be giving up your control.

[H Hi]

Don't do it!

The response you are hoping for is not the one you will get. You will either get totally ignored or be abused. It's either emotional shut down for them or Raging.

I wrote my ex a really nice letter 17 days a go saying how much I cared for her and that I had some lovely memories of being together. I told her that I would always love her and for her to take care. No reply at all. Most emotionally balanced people would reply and want the closure as well.

[Beach_Babe]

Don't do it! I'm 17 days no contact. It does get easier... .I promise. You're already 3 days in... .keep going strong. You will either get ignored or get a response that will make you feel even worse. Do not give him power and control over you!

Wow, 17 days I can't even go a week without crumbling. Good for you. Who initiated it?

If you break nc then you'll never get off of the train that I call the nonstop to nowhere... .

"The nonstop to nowhere," love that ! Lol. Sadly that's about it. We've had so many drawn out "discussions" (which always involve me taking most of the blame) I think I'm going to vomit. Nothing ever changes.

Please do anything other than contact your ex!

Hmmm, where is that rattlesnake? Lol

Contact would make your last three days of pain for nothing. Plus you'd be giving up your control.

See and that's the thing. To him, it's all about "winning" and "losing". He even said so once himself. He needs control, and gains it by any means necessary. This almost seems like a twisted game. I don't comprehend this at all. To me, relationships are about compromise and give and take.

Don't do it!

The response you are hoping for is not the one you will get. You will either get totally ignored or be abused. It's either emotional shut down for them or Raging.

This is very true. His raging is so cold and cruel it rips into my soul. He alternates that with silent treatment and idealization. so I never know where I stand.

I'm sorry you got no reply, how hurtful =(  Would it have been worse though if you got one that was nasty?

[Blimblam]

Only you can't stop yourself. If you can't stop yourself that's ok and nothing to be ashamed of.  Be aware though a pwBPD has difficulty handling their own emotions much less the person that they hurt. If your looking for validation from a pwBPD at this stage it will trigger you and the pwBPD. Contact will validate that and that alone.

[Beach_Babe]

True =(  I just don't want to hurt.

[hope2727]

Stay strong beach babe. NC is for us not them. It sucks shut allows us to have some time and space to heal. Breathe. Read. Eat the expensive ice cream. It has therapeutic qualities. You will get through this. I promise. 

[Faith1520]

If you break nc then you'll never get off of the train that I call the nonstop to nowhere... .

"The nonstop to nowhere," love that ! Lol. Sadly that's about it. We've had so many drawn out "discussions" (which always involve me taking most of the blame) I think I'm going to vomit. Nothing ever changes.


Yep. There were SO many text message arguments where I would spend excessive amount of time (sometimes 30+ minutes) putting my thoughts together, trying to respond to him clearly and make sure I explained myself well enough so that there'd be no misunderstanding... .Little did I know that it didn't matter how kind, loving, and clearly I wrote it, there would always be an issue. I spent so much time watching what I said to him and in return I would typically get an impulsive, often hurtful response based solely on his out of control emotions. He would just fire things off at me, not taking the time to process what I said. Once I learned about BPD I stopped arguing with him. I knew there was no point. I would state my point one time and after that just say that I understand how he could see it his way. Of course he didn't like that response either - I guess an argument would have made him feel better so he could prove he was right? Another thing that was really interesting to me was learning about their lack of object consistency (reading actions of people as if there were no prior context) It explained why I rarely was given the benefit of the doubt (yet I always gave it to him).

I'm sorry Beach babe, I know it is hard. The first time I had to ignore my ex, it was really hard. He was texting me terrible and hurtful things that weren't true and I wanted to defend myself, but I had to resist. I knew responding would only add fuel to the fire. I agree that you will probably not receive the response you are hoping for. It will likely turn into something completely different (you know how well they can twist things) It seems they like to go back and forth arguing, which seems crazy but if you think about it it makes sense... .They don't want to be abandoned and will do anything to avoid it. Even if it is negative and hurtful interactions, to them it's better than no interaction at all. They need to have you on their radar or else it's abandonment and rejection.

I am 20 days NC and each day I think that I heal a little more. I'm hoping to never again see or hear from him as I think if I did I would have to start back at square one with my healing. I really believe that you can't begin heal as long as you're having contact with them. They are too toxic. Good luck and stay strong!