I DO NOT want to loss my integrity or my values...

[NYMike]

Today was very very tough on me.I cryed,yelled and was very angry as a packed all her stuff neatly and marked it for her.

I was going to burn it or toss it in the river.The more I thought about I am a great guy.Yes,i have ''issues'' but I am such a good man.I DO NOT want to loss my integrity or my values because some crazy chic thinks of me in the opposite mannor.And refuses to VALIDATE ME.

So I did the right thing and I feel proud of myself even though as I packed I cryed so hard and felt like I was going to die or puke.Now I am waiting for police to call so they can be an escort to her and get this S---- OUT OF HERE... !

Why do I love and care so much for a woman who treats me so badly and is Disordered and will never have a solid life... ?... .why do I hurt so deep and cry so hard.?

Why do I BLAME myself for this and torture myself.?

[4kidz]

GOOD FOR YOU FOR CONJURING UP THE STRENGTH TO DO THAT... ! For myself the reason I think I hurt SO much is because of all of the effort we put into the relationship. All of the putting up with the craziness, trying to make sense of it all . Protecting them from not only themselves but from others. For me the good times have been great and the bad times just down right awful ( I am sure we all relate). However to relaize that it is or may be over is extremely painful given all of the sacrifices we make/made. Just my take... .

     Good luck to you. Stay strong!

[Panther123]

I am so very glad you kept to your integrity and values.  Good job!

I know what you mean.  I had many thoughts about vengeance and like you they were only thoughts that I did not act on.  This is a normal part of being a mature adult.  Have an emotional reaction, feel it, understand it, measured reaction to it.

The BPD'ers in our life act on their strong emotions which is the nature of their affliction.

GOOD JOB, proud of you!

[guy4caligirl]

Panther123

I think you are absolutely right , it's like we invested  so much effort and time empathy love for nearly nothing .

[Targeted]

Hi NYmike,

I read your other thread on what happened how this came out of nowhere and it keeps me wondering, I am five months out with 17 days NC and for some reason after all the lies and cheating and abuses of me and lack of validation like you said I do not know why I had a small piece of my brain thinking that if she was willing to someday do the proper therapy I would entertain this again but that would be the only way, even after our last break up where she call child services on me in a attempt to get my children from a previous marriage taken away from me for some reason I was even willing to look past that and blame it on the disorder if she got therapy, after reading what happened to you I do not think I have that feeling anymore, in the past five months every time she contacted me and wanted to meet, she would email me to just go to her house and F her and other emails saying lets just meet for closure I had a gut feeling only something bad is going to come out of it my way, so I never caved and I never saw her, but for sometime after I was still willing if there was therapy and I think your post here just killed that for me,  thank you for helping to kill the last piece of hope that I held onto in the back of my mind so I can further protect myself from future abuse. You got really hurt and I am sorry that you did! But just know you are also helping somebody!--_ME.

[NYMike]

The police just called me and they did contact her.They told her that the rest of her stuff is ready to be moved out.The police will contact me on sat or sun(if she follows through) to escort her to get some things.

I wonder if this will be her wake up call to what she did to the guy that loved her to death.?... .This makes it very real for her.I wonder how she will react to this reality.She has had the revolving door for 6 months.Push/Pull and In and Out.I wonder what this is doing to her to give so much up and a good man.

She is giving up a lot to go back to poverty conditions and a world of financial struggle.I wonder if she will even show up.

So sad to see her take this course of action.She is giving up a wonderful,loving,comitted,loyal,faithful partner who does not do drugs nor drinks.She is giving up a man that has a beautiful home and my life is paid for.She never had it so good and so much love in her life.But what can I do.?.I have done everything I could to stop this from happening.

I yelled,got angry and cryed my eyes out in front of her.I would want to think deep inside  they no what they just gave up on and tossed away... .Most woman would prolly like a guy like me.Problem is I love CRAZY WOMAN... .LMAO... .That's why I am going to T.I am a magnet to woman with many many issues.