Did you have a BPD ex or was it just life?

[neverloveagain]

Yep its true its late here im smashed out my face. What are we all looking for? Why are we here? Did you have a BPD ex or was it just life? Half chances and bad people and liars. I wonder a lot about ny ex then i wonder about me for sure im probably as bad as her inside. Am i bad or evil i dont think so, but deep down neithier is she

Maybee we alled up people looking for some peace of mind.

[HappyNihilist]

What are we all looking for? Why are we here? Did you have a BPD ex or was it just life? Half chances and bad people and liars.

I think these are extremely important questions, neverloveagain. We can't truly understand ourselves unless we ask questions like that of ourselves... .what are we looking for?

There are reasons we become (and stay) involved with disordered people and toxic relationships. Our relationships are telling us important truths about ourselves. We must ask these questions, we must examine our own patterns and choices. What needs of ours were these relationships fulfilling?

I wonder a lot about ny ex then i wonder about me for sure im probably as bad as her inside. Am i bad or evil i dont think so, but deep down neithier is she

I like your point about your exgf not really being bad or evil. 

It's human nature to wonder about ourselves, especially after a relationship with a pwBPD. You are not bad or evil, either. You are caring, compassionate, and thoughtful. We all have bits of ourselves that we're not proud of, and act in ways that make us question ourselves later. That doesn't make us bad.

Maybee we all ****ed up people looking for some peace of mind.

Isn't every human? 

I'm being very serious. Everyone is "broken" in some way. We are all doing our best to survive and make sense of our world. We all want love, acceptance, peace of mind. And we all deserve this, because we are all worthwhile.

That's why these types of relationships can be so life-changing, if we take the opportunity to really listen to what they're telling us.

I know you're in pain, and I'm sorry.   You're asking good questions. 

[Elpis]

Happy Nihilist, those are all such great points!

Indeed we are all broken people. My particular brokenness fit very well with my husband's brokenness. I wanted to make everything okay for him, and he wanted someone to make everything okay for him--but then he was still miserable underneath.

Neverloveagain,

The main thing that defines the difference between "was our partner BPD or was it just life" for me is that my uBPDh of 38 years had such a different set of values and deeply held beliefs. where most of us think "i will love them and they will reciprocate" the person with BPD is looking at it from a totally self-protective viewpoint: "what is it they're trying to get from me by loving me?" It's just an entirely different orientation in the way they view people and view the world. I know my h has a very paranoid way of seeing things that happen to him in his work life, where he assumes immediately that the other person is trying to do something to him rather than just acting out of their own insecurities or whatever.

The difference is the lens through which we each view the world. So I guess that makes my experience both-- it was life and it was the way he viewed the world as someone with BPD traits. And my own brokenness of course.

[guy4caligirl]

Happy Nihilist, those are all such great points!

Indeed we are all broken people. My particular brokenness fit very well with my husband's brokenness. I wanted to make everything okay for him, and he wanted someone to make everything okay for him--but then he was still miserable underneath.

Neverloveagain,

The main thing that defines the difference between "was our partner BPD or was it just life" for me is that my uBPDh of 38 years had such a different set of values and deeply held beliefs. where most of us think "i will love them and they will reciprocate" the person with BPD is looking at it from a totally self-protective viewpoint: "what is it they're trying to get from me by loving me?" It's just an entirely different orientation in the way they view people and view the world. I know my h has a very paranoid way of seeing things that happen to him in his work life, where he assumes immediately that the other person is trying to do something to him rather than just acting out of their own insecurities or whatever.

The difference is the lens through which we each view the world. So I guess that makes my experience both-- it was life and it was the way he viewed the world as someone with BPD traits. And my own brokenness of course.

Very well said !

[whythisgirl]

What are we all looking for? Why are we here? Did you have a BPD ex or was it just life? Half chances and bad people and liars.

I think these are extremely important questions, neverloveagain. We can't truly understand ourselves unless we ask questions like that of ourselves... .what are we looking for?

There are reasons we become (and stay) involved with disordered people and toxic relationships. Our relationships are telling us important truths about ourselves. We must ask these questions, we must examine our own patterns and choices. What needs of ours were these relationships fulfilling?

I wonder a lot about ny ex then i wonder about me for sure im probably as bad as her inside. Am i bad or evil i dont think so, but deep down neithier is she

I like your point about your exgf not really being bad or evil. 

It's human nature to wonder about ourselves, especially after a relationship with a pwBPD. You are not bad or evil, either. You are caring, compassionate, and thoughtful. We all have bits of ourselves that we're not proud of, and act in ways that make us question ourselves later. That doesn't make us bad.

Maybee we all ****ed up people looking for some peace of mind.

Isn't every human? 

I'm being very serious. Everyone is "broken" in some way. We are all doing our best to survive and make sense of our world. We all want love, acceptance, peace of mind. And we all deserve this, because we are all worthwhile.

That's why these types of relationships can be so life-changing, if we take the opportunity to really listen to what they're telling us.

I know you're in pain, and I'm sorry.   You're asking good questions. 

I agree, excellent point!