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Author Topic: Music and emotions  (Read 340 times)
Mie
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: Living together since Dec 2004
Posts: 120


« on: December 19, 2014, 05:26:14 PM »

Just realised something.  Idea

I have thought my uBPD SO is 'obsessed' by 'happy music'. I was playing Billie Holiday at the cafe the other day, and he went angry and gave me a lecture of not playing negative music because that would depress customers and would be very bad for business. I wanted to say: When I work here I play exactly what I want to, but I just said: Ok, help me to make nice playlist. He didn't have any suggestions (which irritated me, but I bit my lips), so I started guessing: 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams? Bingo. 'Lovely day' by Bill Withers? Yes! We went on and came up with a nice playlist which I called happy music.

I like to play different kinds of music, also 'sad'. We used to have 'self pity music sessions' with a friend of mine, listening to 'sad' and dramatic music - and we found it empowering, taking our sadness away.

However, person with BPD (at least him) may be deeply affected by music in a different way than I am: blues make them blue, 'Happy' makes them happy. I have to respect that. Like I love peanut butter but would not give it to a person who is allergic.


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maxsterling
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« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2014, 06:00:18 PM »

Interesting topic that I haven't seen discussed here too much - music and the pwBPD.

I can't say if my wife likes happy or sad music.  She's complained about sad movies being depressing or triggering for her.  She's complained about certain songs being triggering for her (I assume because of associations with bad times in her life).  But as to whether the music is happy or sad - IDK.  But I do know she tends to like artists who have had personal troubles, committed suicide, or drug addicts. She's even said as much.  Other art she tends to like paintings that are more abstract, clothes that are darker colors, and comedy that is vulgar and negative. 

And related to this subject, she's never taken any interest in what I listen to.  She actually has no idea except for what I was listening to the first time she came over to my house.  The few times since I have listened to something at home or in the car, she will make some sort of comment within a few minutes indicating her irritation and wanting me to turn if off and pay attention to her, or want to change it to something she knows.  We went on a long road trip after only being together a few months, and I brought a case of CDs as did she.  After she got tired of hers, she wanted to look through mine.  She looked through, in hostile fashion declared that she didn't know who any of them were except one and that would be the only one she would want to listen to.  Let's not mention 75% of what was in her music case I was not familiar with, but was eager to listen to Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Mrs.Mclost

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« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2014, 06:02:55 AM »

My uBPDh reacts to music he's listening too. We don't disagree as much with music as we do on what kind of movie to watch. Seems like he gravitates toward movies of someone struggling or going through some kind of dark torment or hell, whereas I go for "mindless,light or funny" "chick flicks". Something I don't have to figure out or stay too focused. He on the other hand, wants to be distracted by thinking about or watching (or both) difficult, problematic, dark situated flicks. I think with the music he will look for songs (in a huge genre) that describe the way he's feeling at the moment. Sometimes to me it looks like loathing, because I tend to do the exact opposite.If I'm in a sour mood, I look for good mood music,if he's in a sour mood he would look for tunes that would describe the sourness. Whatever works, I quess~
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