Sick of yearning for her

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I went out tonight on a xmas works evening. I found it hard but forced myself to go. All night, all I can think of is her and wanting to be with her even though when we were together it was normally difficult and we clashed. I was so tempted to contact her and tell her I want to take her away for the weekend, sort everything out and start again.

I know this is bull___ and will never happen. Why the hell do I miss her and want to be with her. She was never that nice to me apart from the infatuation stage. Oh man was that good! Even if I was suspicious and uncomfortable.

I just want to start living my life and not having my head in her life and what she might be doing.

Any suggestions would be very welcome

[H Hi]

I went out tonight on a xmas works evening. I found it hard but forced myself to go. All night, all I can think of is her and wanting to be with her even though when we were together it was normally difficult and we clashed. I was so tempted to contact her and tell her I want to take her away for the weekend, sort everything out and start again.

I know this is bull___ and will never happen. Why the hell do I miss her and want to be with her. She was never that nice to me apart from the infatuation stage. Oh man was that good! Even if I was suspicious and uncomfortable.

I just want to start living my life and not having my head in her life and what she might be doing.

Any suggestions would be very welcome

[billypilgrim]

Postponement has helped me.  I try to designate a time in the day that I will allow myself to think about her or the r/s or my guilt/rejection issues and I stick to that time. I try not to cheat if I can.  It was tough at first but after a few times it became easier and easier to just say, I can think about that tonight when I get home.  Or I'll think about that at 7.  And often times when I would get home or when the designated time rolled around, I wouldn't need to concern myself with those thoughts.  Or even better, I wouldn't even remember that I said I would think about it later.  It also helps to remind myself that no person is worth concerning myself this much over.  The only person I should think this much about right now is myself.

[felix22]

       I try to walk every day. Breathing fresh air and moving outside are incredible stabilizers for the mind and body.     

     My therapist said a while back that I'd probably eventually reach a point where I was ready to go. I think I'm getting there. It takes time though.

     At some point, maybe last winter, she left me, yet again. I went to the doctor and started on anti-depressants. And, got an anti-anxiety pill for an as-needed basis. Normally, I take a very small amount. This time, when she left, I increased my dosage of the anti-depressant. I am not feeling the physical pain that I usually get in my heart when relationship conflicts reach their peak. A couple of times in the last couple of weeks, I've also taken the anti-anxiety when I was freakin' out, or worrying too much. This has helped me separate from my body itself being upset. That makes it easier for mind to think clearly about her.

     Hang in there, keep up your boundaries and a sense of your self.

[parisian]

All night, all I can think of is her and wanting to be with her even though when we were together it was normally difficult and we clashed.

It's hard H Hi, but will get easier. I realise that doesn't help with where you are right now.

Make a BIG list of all the terrible and awful things she did. Every single one, every single time. Whenever she feel like you are missing her, go and read that list and remind yourself you don't miss any of that behaviour, because that is what you will keep getting if you are with her.

Stay strong x

[Pingo]

It is really an addiction H HI, and as such you will feel better as time goes on and you get through the withdrawal.  That is why NC is so helpful in your healing, just like any other addiction.  All the advise here is spot on.  I like the idea Billypilgrim has about scheduling a time to think about her and sticking to it.  I do something similar.  I also will avoid any triggers at all costs, such as songs we both liked, places we shared, etc.  And now that I'm 6 mths out I can actually listen to some of the songs and they aren't triggering me anymore.  Give it time and take care of yourself.  It gets better!