JADE and boundaries... what happened tonight? Confused.

[michel71]

Hello all. My uBPDw disregulated tonight. I tried to practice JADE but also stated my boundaries. I am not sure if I am getting this down right.

Here is the gist of things. She was mad because I asked to her to move the couch pillows that she always dumps on my side. Nicely. Sort of in a funny way, saying that I always have to fight with them ( they are big) and I am going to leave them to her to move ( as I am moving some to her side). Not really a big deal or so I thought. It set her off. BIG TIME.

She flipped out and said " I don't want to be in your company right now" and headed upstairs. I said nothing. NO emotion.

In about 30 minutes she came downstairs. Because she is a toddler having a melt down, I acted like nothing happened I asked if we were going to watch some TV now. At first she said yes and then she came over to where I was sitting and started to rage. She said that she is going to just take her cushions ( well, they are her cushion covers) and I won't have to deal with them anymore; that I can buy some more and then I won't have to complain about them, bla bla bla and then the name calling started. I told her that I will not be called names and when she is ready to talk to me in a calm manner then we can talk. I went into the kitchen and got my cord for my computer and she boxed me in so that I couldn't leave. She kept disregulating, telling me that i am going to listen to her. When I told her that I was not going to discuss anything with her and started to move forward to step aside from her she wouldn't let me and kept pushing me with one hand back to my position. I told her "please stop pushing me, don't touch me" and she said ' YOU ARE PUSHING ME". And I said "WHAT"? And I just stood there and turned my body to the side and would not look at her as she went on and on. I knew that she had a break with reality. I got called more names. Finally she let me pass and as I was going upstairs to retreat, she called me quite a bad name. I then couldn't take it anymore and told her that she is very emotionally unstable and she gives me a headache.

She wanted to engage me so that I would lose my cool, get upset, argue with her and give her a reason so that she could play the victim.

I feel like this was a bit of a personal victory for me on one hand because I tried to practice some things that I learned. I didn't rage back at her. It felt like a one sided emotional breakdown. I didn't get caught up in it this time. Yet I do feel that my boundaries were violated. I didn't like her pushing me either, intimidating me and getting in my face raging and calling me names.

Did I remain too calm? I mean, she pushed me back several times and wouldn't let me pass all so that she could rage and call me names. Should I have called the police?

I am upstairs now writing this. I thought I would get it all down before I forget some details. I tend to block things out these days to the point that I can't remember what she even raged about. My therapist said that it is typical of someone being abused.