If you want to detach seriously go NC no question asked

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The only solution Is NC , you can think of her ,love her, detach ,be angry, wish her good or bad, fantasize anything you think of it Does not matter .

Use their survival method it's proven Don't look back .

[guy4caligirl]

The only solution Is NC , you can think of her ,love her, detach ,be angry, wish her good or bad, fantasize anything you think of it Does not matter .

Use their survival method it's proven Don't look back .

[myself]

Use their survival method it's proven

You mean hurt the ones I supposedly love because I'm feeling out of control, even though I have constant chances to do something about it? In effect continually choosing to sabotage my own life? Demand I get what I so desperately need and want and then discard/denigrate it? You mean project and run? To not respect someone else's boundaries when they've had to go NC as a last resort/to heal from having been with me, because I abandoned them? Covering my shame with more shame? No thanks.

[fromheeltoheal]

Use their survival method it's proven

You mean hurt the ones I supposedly love because I'm feeling out of control, even though I have constant chances to do something about it? In effect continually choosing to sabotage my own life? Demand I get what I so desperately need and want and then discard/denigrate it? You mean project and run? To not respect someone else's boundaries when they've had to go NC as a last resort/to heal from having been with me, because I abandoned them? Covering my shame with more shame? No thanks.

Whoa, songbook pretty much summed up the ol' borderline in one paragraph; extra ugly when condensed like that.

Although NC is not a survival method for a borderline, necessarily.  Sure, if a borderline gets too close to someone they feel engulfed so they need to create distance, and once there's distance they feel abandoned so they come back, ye olde push/pull.  And if they stay away it's because of shame, since a borderline never wants to lose an attachment, their lifeblood.  Sure, they can get others, and usually maintain several concurrently, minimizes that pesky abandonment that is always an issue, but they don't like to let go of any of them, in fact they're convinced they'll always be left, even when they're doing the leaving.  Crazy man.

Never say never.  I was with mine the first time in 1987, thought we were exclusive but turns out I was one of many, same old sht, she got married and moved away, and I heard from her every few years, randomly, until she found me on Facebook in 2012, and off to the races we went again, because I thought she'd 'changed' (silly me), but alas, same old sht.  Never say never, they don't like to let go all the way, it's a replaying of that earliest abandonment, or lack thereof, that created the disorder to begin with.

[evilpepsi]

I'm 7 days into nc, although her narcissist bf continues to blow my phone up. I think that it's due to the fact that his frail ego knows that he doesn't measure up and I have pretty much pointed it out to him whenever he does text me.

I'm thankful in that I'm strong emotionally and have focused my anger and pain into productive measures, like busting my hump in the gym. I'm chasing my old goal of catching up to the rock again. 20lbs separates us. I'm also back to training muay Thai again, which gives me peace.

I'm also losing myself in music. Not sad and sappy stuff, but high energy aggressive rock along the lines of avenged sevenfold and papa roach.

When I find myself thinking about her, I just throw on some headphones and drown out the thoughts. It works for me.

I have to remain nc with her because I know that this turdhole will hit her again and then I'll be in jail for breaking both of his arms. Guys that hit women just disgust me and he makes a habit of it in front of her kids.

Nd is the only way for me for now. She knows that she cannot come back unless she starts dbt... .

[antelope]

nc for a non is about detaching psychologically by creating distance from a dysfunctional situation/person... .we do nc to detach permanently

nc for a BPD is simply a petulant combo of running away and silent treatment... .BPDs do nc as a manipulative game

[Skip]

The only solution Is NC , you can think of her ,love her, detach ,be angry, wish her good or bad, fantasize anything you think of it Does not matter .

Use their survival method it's proven Don't look back .

So why do you keep texting her - even when she is not responding and telling you that she has moved on?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I lost respect for mine.  I don't see any other alternative.  NC it has to be. She left me for another man.  What more is left?