Odd behaviors

[Beach_Babe]

My exbf had many odd behaviors while stressed or disregulated: rocking back and forth, wringing his hands, hitting his head, grunting. One time while on a psych hold the doctor said he urinated into a bucket. Is this a common thing? Did anyone else's do weird stuff like this?

[billypilgrim]

Mine had a bunch of childish behaviours.  From the food that she ate (lunchables for one) to a lot of her actions.  For instance, her food couldn't touch on the plate.  She wouldn't eat a lot of her food if it was touching.  She would pout, make a face, put things in separate dishes.  She would always turn the shower/bath on when using the restroom.  Did she really never feel comfortable enough with me after 6 years?  She could not use public restrooms.  To the point that we often had to come home early or take a detour in order to get home for her.  She would beg me to rub her to sleep very often.  If I didn't, I didn't love her enough and she would pout.  Heaven forbid I ask for her to return the favor.  She constantly needed attention, she hated being alone, and she grew bored of things very easily.  Nothing really kept her attention long.

[Beach_Babe]

Sounds like mine and yours are a match made in heaven, billy!

[Infern0]

Mine had a bunch of childish behaviours.  From the food that she ate (lunchables for one) to a lot of her actions.  For instance, her food couldn't touch on the plate.  She wouldn't eat a lot of her food if it was touching.  She would pout, make a face, put things in separate dishes.  She would always turn the shower/bath on when using the restroom.  Did she really never feel comfortable enough with me after 6 years?  She could not use public restrooms.  To the point that we often had to come home early or take a detour in order to get home for her.  She would beg me to rub her to sleep very often.  If I didn't, I didn't love her enough and she would pout.  Heaven forbid I ask for her to return the favor.  She constantly needed attention, she hated being alone, and she grew bored of things very easily.  Nothing really kept her attention long.

It's weird because mine would do things like go to the toilet while on the phone to me after we'd only been talking for a couple of weeks and tell me she was taking a dump.

Should have been a red flag

[rollercoaster24]

LOL great thread

Hmmmm

Once after my mobile rang one night, BP started to dysregulate and began punching himself in the face and ranting on crazily, whilst standing in his parents car-port. His elderly parents were inside their house and were unaware, but I witnessed this special piece of crazy!

And I hadn't even answered the phone!

I tried to reassure him after he had done this to himself, and said he was welcome to answer my phone if he wanted to. Eventually he did, and of course, it was a work call. It was Security, calling to see if I was on site and could lock up because they were running late again. I had to tell them that 'No I couldn't as I wasn't on site (45 minutes drive away at that time) so they would have to get there and secure the site as soon as they could, or reach out to another employee who might be in the area at that time.'

After BP had answered the phone and asked who it was, (then passed my phone back to me) he sat there staring into space, pretending he was traumatised by it all. I recall how manipulative he was at putting on acts of craziness at different times, so underneath I didn't always truly feel sympathy for him, because he could easily switch from a dribbling zombie to a level headed intellect (so sharp it could kill you in a matter of minutes).

He could kill me with just a couple of words and a look actually.

On another occasion, he ran off outside at night completely naked, and walked around in circles on my driveway staring up at the sky and waving his arms around. I felt like this was yet another act, so I wasn't particularly moved by it all, (but I had to be a pretty good actor too!).

He would also do this weird swaying thing, and a lot of pacing around up and down and backwards and forwards, and he would pretend (I think at times) that he had completely lost his marbles and was in need of a straightjacket.

Funnily enough, he would put on this act during times when I was asking him about lies I had found out, and was trying to get to the bottom of. Pretending he was insane usually worked, and the conversation ended 

I could go on... .

[Beach_Babe]

Anyone else see Red flags they should have run from?

[soar]

The red flag that always springs to mind for me... .

Context: It was early in the relationship and neither of us had said I love you.

I can't remember exactly what she said but it was a long the lines of... ."If you told me you loved me, regardless of if I felt the same or not, I would just tell you that I did".

[JQ]

Hey Group 

Reading these post I can relate to them for example exBPDgf would deregulate on an occasion or two and start to hit herself in the head. Of course I would stop her, but the look in her eyes was damn right scary! She didn't recognize me, where she was and in a short period of time when this moment had past I asked her what just happen? She had no clue that she was gone ... .she had no clue that she was hitting herself in the head. I've read that studies have been conducted and there are times that they truly don't remember events or things that happen to them or what they might have done.

One time she got out of bed in the middle of the night and went downstairs. She sat in the chair completely naked and put on my flight helmet mumbling ... .I got her back upstairs to bed where she went out like a light. In the morning when i told her where she was flying off to she had no idea what I was talking about.  I've seen the look of an innocent child in her eyes & a giggle of a child when she watches funny adult tv shows.

So after I read all of these & could relate to a lot of them as most of us could I saw a what looks like a pattern that is concerning. It's like they read from the same BPD crazy script of how to act. But this should concern anyone in a BPD relationship. Some of the behavior is quite destructive and dangerous. We have to remember, they have more then likely have some traumatic events in their childhood that has really damaged who they are at their core. It's caused them to put bad events in locked boxes deep in their sub consciences and that part of the brain can be confusing to even the best head doc. The behavior they have escapes and runs amuck causing these things. It can be funny at times but when you really look at it it's scary that they can do some things and not remember.

Billy's BPD has a bunch of childish behaviors and had certain eating habits like that of a child. Remember they have the behaviors of a 3 year old toddler and that sounds exactly what a child would do isn't it? Perhaps in her childhood there were events that surrounded eating at the table and this is what she reverts back to ... .a safe place for her. Does it make sense? NO but then we all know that ANYTHING ... .behavior, thoughts, events, emotions of a BPD at times doesn't make sense ... .it's what someone stuck in a 3 year old behavior would do.

As far as getting naked & running outside ... .how many times have we seen a toddler get naked while we change their diaper and they run around naked with us chasing them while they giggle, talk to no one that is there and wave their hands? I have from more then one toddler. Have you ever saw a child rock back and forth on the couch or chair on the floor? Perhaps its their way to take them back to a time when they felt safe for just a moment in someones arms that rocked them and told them everything is going to be okay after a traumatic event?  I've seen toddlers get so mad because they didn't get their way and they would look at you with blood red eyes and say something and everyone would swear they saw the demon child of Satin himself ... .then 5 minutes later they were giggling laughing and playing just fine with the other children.

Billy you would have to on occasion rub your BPD to sleep ... .how many times have we done that to a child or seen it done ... .if they're to big to rock in your lap you would rub their back or chest to keep them calm ... .to reassure them that you were there ... .the basic human need for touch ... .she never was able to let that go for whatever reason ... .it makes her feel safe ... .it makes her feel loved ... .

As far as the lies ... .how many of you have babysitter or have a toddler and you caught them in a lie ... .you knew it was a lie but they stuck with it. Again it's a learned behavior of survival for them ... .I mean I watched a toddler climb the drawers in the kitchen from a hiding place, watch them as they crawled along the counter to the cookie jar ... .pull out two cookies and climb back down the drawers ... .only to turn around and see me standing there ... .panic in their eyes because they knew they had been caught.

I asked them what are you doing? And the story just kept building and building ... .it was harder then hell not to laugh ... .but when I asked what was in their hands behind their back and they said I don't got nothing and looked away because they knew they were lying ... .I got down on their level and asked again ... .then the story changed ... .I have two cookies for you ... ."FOR ME?" "YEAH ... .I thought you might want two cookies" ... .soo ... .I put out my hand and said can you give them to me ... .and they looked at the cookies, they looked at my hand, they had this look in their eyes that was so ... .they reluctantly put both cookies in my hand and bowed their head. I said thank you that was very nice of you. They said "You welcome" and I got up and started to walk away ... .at which point they trotted after me with an excited voice ... ."can ask sum thing" ... .so I stopped and came back down to their level and said what would you like to ask me?  Would you share your cookies with me please" as they looked down in shame ... .embarrassment and full of guilt ... .and I said sure ... .one cookie for you ... .one cookie for me and he said thank you and trotted off with a smile. 

Now how many of your BPDs have done something similar in behavior to that incident? Mine has ... .and I have to remember that it's NOT a game ... .it's NOT a trick ... .they are truly damaged people who are surviving the best way they know how with the demons in their head each and everyday. I have to remind myself that I'm dealing with a very smart intellectual person that sometimes has the behavior of a 3 year old toddler ... .does it make sense ... .OH HELL NO ... .but it is what I'm facing if I stay with her.

JQ

[CharWood]

My BPD ex of 4 years has some very odd behaviors. Childlike for sure. Keep in mind she is 28 years old when reading this: She drinks mostly soda, dr. Pepper to be exact and when finished, leaves soda cans laying around the house rather than throwing them away. She likes junk food a child would eat: chips, Mac and cheese, lunchables, sour gummies, stouffers lasagna, frozen pizza, ice cream... .she cannot do simple things an adult should figure out, like order a new bank card, pay a bill online, print a plane ticket, get a document notarized, speak to a business on tbe phone about a product she ordered or bill she owes, get her taxes done, etc. without asking either me or her mom how to do it or to do it for her. She gets upset in large crowds of people and averts eye contact and looks at the floor complaining that people are judging her... she burps In front of friends and family (at least not mine, just hers) like an uncouth child some times... she watches lots of reality tv and is addicted to social media... she has issues with object constancy and can minimize a relationship with a fsmily member and me as well if they upset her or are not in her life constantly (example: I saw my estranged spouse today and she asked if I still call our pet we have had for 2 years the nickname I've always called her, like I would stop after only 4 weeks of her being out of the house). She spaces out in the middle of a conversation and then begins preening or looking at Facebook... or looks at whomever she is talking to with a blank face when they ask if she was listening and says "huh"... .if she takes something someone says the wrong way she either a) shuts down and gets completely quiet on them and tries to walk away as soon as possible if she doesn't know them well or b) erupts in anger and goes off on them in a matter of seconds if she knows them well. When she dysregulates, her pupils enlarge and she begins biting her nails, getting frustrated and going back and forth between being easily angered and asking questions like a scared child. If she is driving, it's reckless. she needs a cigarette when she doesn't even really smoke. The worst possible thing in tbe world just happened or could happen or will happen to her even if it's the smallest thing she is stressed about. She has a problem with drinking at times and, though she can take alcohol or leave it and doesn't drink all the time, she has a hard time setting limits and can easily become belligerent, especially when she is triggered and drinking due to dysregulation. She becomes agressive or extremely emotional out of nowhere and starts making strange noises when drinking... .it's pretty nutty. Why I put up with this? I have no idea. She can be very normal at times and goes through stretches where she is a wonderful, functioning woman and, whether of not that may be an illusion attributed to mirroring or not, I still think there is a good part to her deep down that I loved and continue to care about, even though she is completely out of touch with reality and sometimes her indifference and detachment, whether intentional or not, is downright abusive. The push pull and lack of boundaries, contradictory impulsive behavior... .that's odd to me.

They seem to, at times, be pre-teens and teenagers in an adult body.

[disillusionedandsore]

Mine told me he urinated on his car windscreen early one frosty morning before work, to clear the frost and because I wouldn't let him use the toilet in the house in case he made noise! He managed to freak me out and blame me for it all at once.  I was speechless.  I remember thinking,  not for the first time, What the heck?