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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: My ex just called saying she almost killed herself  (Read 1004 times)
Joshuaua

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« on: December 29, 2014, 02:28:26 AM »

Not 30 minutes after posting about wanting to snapchat my ex she called on a private number crying asking if I can get her a job. "She needs it". She finally looked up what I had sent her about BPD and "isn't willing to admit fully" but knows it was her that's destroyed relationships. She tried killing herself tonight and wrote a letter to her parents. She's off on a vacation right now with her sister in Banff... .  This is so ___ing random... Is she coming to me cause I'm te first person who's figured out what her issue is? What the ___ is all of this? She ditched me last week after cheating on her new bf with me for a week. Saying to never contact her again.
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Infern0
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« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2014, 02:36:10 AM »

Christ.

This is the sort of thing I dread,  are you doing ok bro?

Alright so she is on vacation right?

Imo you should break nc in this case. 

Say something like "don't kill yourself,  just try and relax and enjoy your holiday and we can talk when you get back"

That will buy you some time at least
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2014, 02:43:54 AM »

Christ.

This is the sort of thing I dread,  are you doing ok bro?

Alright so she is on vacation right?

Imo you should break nc in this case. 

Say something like "don't kill yourself,  just try and relax and enjoy your holiday and we can talk when you get back"

That will buy you some time at least

man I'm kind of in shock because she never talked like this the whole time we where together. Then the other weak when I was the side guy for her she talked about how she thinks of doing it everyday.  Which totally caught me off guard.   But ya she's on vacation with her sister...   I'm trying to find out how to trace a private number.  I have no way of knowing if she's ok.  But I think bringing to light her disorder and all the problems it's caused might have hit her hard. This is ___ty... There goes my plans of being a hard ass when she called next.
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2014, 02:48:32 AM »

Christ.

This is the sort of thing I dread,  are you doing ok bro?

Alright so she is on vacation right?

Imo you should break nc in this case. 

Say something like "don't kill yourself,  just try and relax and enjoy your holiday and we can talk when you get back"

That will buy you some time at least

should I be calling her parents right now? I literally don't know what I should do.
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Lolster
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« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2014, 03:04:47 AM »

should I be calling her parents right now? I literally don't know what I should do.

Yes, otherwise you run the risk of getting dragged back into the abyss without her actually moving forward and dealing with any of this.  This was exactly what I did with my ex years ago.  It's great that she acknowledged it, but it doesn't mean she will actually do anything about it and she may just be using it as a means to get back under your skin.  She's on holiday with her sister right?  Let the sister deal with it, or call her parents and tell them to contact the sister to see what's going on.  Try not to  worry too much, I suspect that is her aim.

The fact that her primary focus appears to be on you getting her a job rings alarm bells that she is not really facing anything.  Most people on the verge of killing themselves aren't worrying about needing a job, in my experience.
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Infern0
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« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2014, 03:18:21 AM »

should I be calling her parents right now? I literally don't know what I should do.

Yes, otherwise you run the risk of getting dragged back into the abyss without her actually moving forward and dealing with any of this.  This was exactly what I did with my ex years ago.  It's great that she acknowledged it, but it doesn't mean she will actually do anything about it and she may just be using it as a means to get back under your skin.  She's on holiday with her sister right?  Let the sister deal with it, or call her parents and tell them to contact the sister to see what's going on.  Try not to  worry too much, I suspect that is her aim.

The fact that her primary focus appears to be on you getting her a job rings alarm bells that she is not really facing anything.  Most people on the verge of killing themselves aren't worrying about needing a job, in my experience.

You are talking sense,  the job thing is highly suspicious.

Also regarding her knowing she's BPD making any difference. ... .nope

Mine knew she had BPD,  when I began to suspect it I asked her if she had ever been diagnosed and sure enough she had with BPD.

She knew less about it than I do,  thought she could "beat it herself" without therapy.  Although she did do cbt for a little while but decided to leave because she didn't like it.

It's so complicated bro,  you can't talk sense into them,  belive me I tried until I got a sore throat.  They just don't get it,  they are "crazy" to use the colloquialism.

There is some hope that they can get better but they need to realise on their own that they need help and want it.

Maybe the best thing to do is tell her the treatment avaliable and recommend it,  and if she wants some support then maybe give some.

Be careful though,  mine texted me asking for "help" because she was depressed etc and I did a load of research,  found a DBT place,  offered to talk to her parents to see if they would pay for the DBT etc etc.  All that happened was she lured me into triangulation.  As soon as I was in her company and she was giving me the eyes I forgot myself and ended up sleeping with her.

At that point my "help" became useless,  she stopped listening, didn't want to go to DBT anymore and I had to gtfo
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2014, 03:21:35 AM »

should I be calling her parents right now? I literally don't know what I should do.

Yes, otherwise you run the risk of getting dragged back into the abyss without her actually moving forward and dealing with any of this.  This was exactly what I did with my ex years ago.  It's great that she acknowledged it, but it doesn't mean she will actually do anything about it and she may just be using it as a means to get back under your skin.  She's on holiday with her sister right?  Let the sister deal with it, or call her parents and tell them to contact the sister to see what's going on.  Try not to  worry too much, I suspect that is her aim.

The fact that her primary focus appears to be on you getting her a job rings alarm bells that she is not really facing anything.  Most people on the verge of killing themselves aren't worrying about needing a job, in my experience.

You are talking sense,  the job thing is highly suspicious.

Also regarding her knowing she's BPD making any difference. ... .nope

Mine knew she had BPD,  when I began to suspect it I asked her if she had ever been diagnosed and sure enough she had with BPD.

She knew less about it than I do,  thought she could "beat it herself" without therapy.  Although she did do cbt for a little while but decided to leave because she didn't like it.

It's so complicated bro,  you can't talk sense into them,  belive me I tried until I got a sore throat.  They just don't get it,  they are "crazy" to use the colloquialism.

There is some hope that they can get better but they need to realise on their own that they need help and want it.

Maybe the best thing to do is tell her the treatment avaliable and recommend it,  and if she wants some support then maybe give some.

Be careful though,  mine texted me asking for "help" because she was depressed etc and I did a load of research,  found a DBT place,  offered to talk to her parents to see if they would pay for the DBT etc etc.  All that happened was she lured me into triangulation.  As soon as I was in her company and she was giving me the eyes I forgot myself and ended up sleeping with her.

At that point my "help" became useless,  she stopped listening, didn't want to go to DBT anymore and I had to gtfo

she just called me back saying she looked into BPD and that it took her off guard by how it fits her to a T. She said "thank you" for making her aware of it. I guess she wants a job so she can pay for therapy she said... .  This is very unlike this girl to ever accept her own flaws and mistakes. I'm speechless
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Infern0
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« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2014, 03:30:16 AM »

Just stay on red alert is all I can say.

I was full of optimism when mine contacted me asking for help,  I thought wow maybe there is some hope for her. I'll never know if she really did want help at that time or if it was just an elaborate rouse to pull me back in. The end result is the same anyway as it always is with them. Me split black as the bad guy.
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #8 on: December 29, 2014, 03:33:21 AM »

Just stay on red alert is all I can say.

I was full of optimism when mine contacted me asking for help,  I thought wow maybe there is some hope for her. I'll never know if she really did want help at that time or if it was just an elaborate rouse to pull me back in. The end result is the same anyway as it always is with them. Me split black as the bad guy.

oh ya I'm definitely going to be helping from a distance. I'll point her in the right direction and tell her some of the stuff I've learned about BPD. And won't spend any face to face time unless it's sitting in the office of a shrink together Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). Just very strange to hear the girl say she's "sorry". Only heard that word once or twice after prying it out of her.  I'm on high alert tho.  I've played this game with her before where I convince myself she's changed and it just sets me up for an even swifter kick in the sack. 
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MrConfusedWithItAll
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« Reply #9 on: December 29, 2014, 03:39:13 AM »

Just stay on red alert is all I can say.

I was full of optimism when mine contacted me asking for help,  I thought wow maybe there is some hope for her. I'll never know if she really did want help at that time or if it was just an elaborate rouse to pull me back in. The end result is the same anyway as it always is with them. Me split black as the bad guy.

oh ya I'm definitely going to be helping from a distance. I'll point her in the right direction and tell her some of the stuff I've learned about BPD. And won't spend any face to face time unless it's sitting in the office of a shrink together Laugh out loud (click to insert in post). Just very strange to hear the girl say she's "sorry". Only heard that word once or twice after prying it out of her.  I'm on high alert tho.  I've played this game with her before where I convince myself she's changed and it just sets me up for an even swifter kick in the sack. 

Last time my ex tried to recycle she said sorry for cheating on me.  First time for everything I thought.  It turned out to be a bait and dump job.  They don't change.  Suggest the Samaritans to your ex - they are good with this sort of thing.
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Infern0
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« Reply #10 on: December 29, 2014, 03:42:46 AM »

I got a "sorry"

In this case it was "sorry if it was because of me" in regards to me almost losing my job. She knows it was because of her ffs.

It's right they don't change.
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #11 on: December 29, 2014, 03:48:35 AM »

I got a "sorry"

In this case it was "sorry if it was because of me" in regards to me almost losing my job. She knows it was because of her ffs.

It's right they don't change.

do you think if they say sorry for the hurt they caused and then seem therapy thereby acknowledging their mistakes that they can change? Or will this BPD always be right below the surface.
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Blimblam
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« Reply #12 on: December 29, 2014, 04:07:27 AM »

If you knew she was BPD Joshua and you decided to sleep with her again even though she has a bf currently you decided to enter back into her drama. 
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.cup.car
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« Reply #13 on: December 29, 2014, 12:58:29 PM »

Christ.

This is the sort of thing I dread,  are you doing ok bro?

Alright so she is on vacation right?

Imo you should break nc in this case. 

Say something like "don't kill yourself,  just try and relax and enjoy your holiday and we can talk when you get back"

That will buy you some time at least

should I be calling her parents right now? I literally don't know what I should do.

lmao no, dont get her folks involved. Never know if theyre going to be in full denial and claim youre some crazy ex trying to interfere with their lives.

even tho youre clearly not.
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Blimblam
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« Reply #14 on: December 29, 2014, 01:16:28 PM »

There is some literature on this site about pwBPD and suicide please read it.  When a pwBPD threatens suicide please take it seriously. You decided to sleep with her then go nc.  She is expressing how hurtful this was to her.  PwBPD actually are suffering a great deal that isn't a manipulation.

I know this must be really difficult for you too. I know it's fun to get caught up in the ra ra I'm not going to take abuse anymore but.  They are human beings too, very sensitive ones and get hurt very very easily. 
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #15 on: December 29, 2014, 02:20:30 PM »

There is some literature on this site about pwBPD and suicide please read it.  When a pwBPD threatens suicide please take it seriously. You decided to sleep with her then go nc.  She is expressing how hurtful this was to her.  PwBPD actually are suffering a great deal that isn't a manipulation.

I know this must be really difficult for you too. I know it's fun to get caught up in the ra ra I'm not going to take abuse anymore but.  They are human beings too, very sensitive ones and get hurt very very easily. 

ive definitely learned that while you think they're off with this new guy and maybe they'll never think of you again that they're actually off living in their own personal hell that's MUCH worse then what they let on.
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MrConfusedWithItAll
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« Reply #16 on: December 29, 2014, 02:24:44 PM »

There is some literature on this site about pwBPD and suicide please read it.  When a pwBPD threatens suicide please take it seriously. You decided to sleep with her then go nc.  She is expressing how hurtful this was to her.  PwBPD actually are suffering a great deal that isn't a manipulation.

I know this must be really difficult for you too. I know it's fun to get caught up in the ra ra I'm not going to take abuse anymore but.  They are human beings too, very sensitive ones and get hurt very very easily. 

ive definitely learned that while you think they're off with this new guy and maybe they'll never think of you again that they're actually off living in their own personal hell that's MUCH worse then what they let on.

Yes.  This is a reason the break up is so hard.  I saw the suffering and wanted to help somehow.  But it gets worse and eventually they ditch you for another and you are powerless to help.  It is so sad.
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Joshuaua

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« Reply #17 on: December 29, 2014, 09:33:40 PM »

There is some literature on this site about pwBPD and suicide please read it.  When a pwBPD threatens suicide please take it seriously. You decided to sleep with her then go nc.  She is expressing how hurtful this was to her.  PwBPD actually are suffering a great deal that isn't a manipulation.

I know this must be really difficult for you too. I know it's fun to get caught up in the ra ra I'm not going to take abuse anymore but.  They are human beings too, very sensitive ones and get hurt very very easily. 

ive definitely learned that while you think they're off with this new guy and maybe they'll never think of you again that they're actually off living in their own personal hell that's MUCH worse then what they let on.

Yes.  This is a reason the break up is so hard.  I saw the suffering and wanted to help somehow.  But it gets worse and eventually they ditch you for another and you are powerless to help.  It is so sad.

just to update... She randomly hangup in the middle of her call last night cause her sister came in the room. Haven't heard from her since... Was a private number so all I can do is sit and wait I guess. Which doesn't but me nearly as much as it would've even just a week ago. I'll help her when she calls and eventually if we keeps coming and good I'll let her know I'm not just around at her disposal when she feels like it and to stop disappearing and stop the one way contact. But for te next few weeks I'll be playing it very distant. I don't trust this situation.
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