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Author Topic: It's the holidays , time for forgiveness  (Read 2994 times)
hurting300
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« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2014, 09:40:29 AM »

I need an advice here please , her last text to me was on Christmas eve at 7 pm wishing me a merry Christmas , I replied same to you .

I sent  a few texts in the next day or two no response .

I am going NC for a while , should I text her and wish her the best and say , I am moving on too just like she mentioned a day before Christmas  , yes I want her back for one more chance ,

Would that help or not , should I send her a text stating I am moving on , I don't like playing games , when it comes to a relationship But it looks like I have to ,any final text suggestion before I go NC ?

no man, she's ignoring you. Mine ignored me too. You just need to stop contact. Get it out of your mind that she'll forget about you. They never forget anyways. Just disappear.
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
guy4caligirl
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« Reply #31 on: December 28, 2014, 09:49:34 AM »

Hurting

Why is it that she responds only when  I say I am letting you go ?

I have being out for 5 months , she had plenty of chances to change her number , but never did why is that ?
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dobie
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« Reply #32 on: December 28, 2014, 09:52:53 AM »

OK you go NC ignore everything how you supposed to get them back?
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guy4caligirl
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« Reply #33 on: December 28, 2014, 09:58:42 AM »

OK you go NC ignore everything how you supposed to get them back?

Good question ! I struggle with that too .
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Skip
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« Reply #34 on: December 28, 2014, 07:23:38 PM »

OK you go NC ignore everything how you supposed to get them back?

Good question ! I struggle with that too .

You don't contact her.  Let her contact you.  Respond only when contacted.
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guy4caligirl
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« Reply #35 on: December 29, 2014, 06:46:02 AM »

After 5 months B/U 5 years R/S we kept LC , she is in a different state , so no way to bump into her .

She texted me on Christmas eve , then nothing , till last night , she has stated many times to have moved on as I should too.

I have told her in a prior text like two days ago  that I need another chance at the relation , she didn't respond to that.

At least we had a conversation that she was sick for two weeks now .

I was validating her , concerned about how she's making it , she never worked before and has no job.

she said remember I can make it . she is going to a doctor today , I know she will text and let me know how it went .

Now .

How to break it gently to her , and open the relation question if she is still wanting to reconnect ?

I really don't want to scare her off as I feel that the texts last night like breaking the ice and had asked her in earlier ones to regain confidence in me .

I really don't want to blew it out this time I did before and the answer was too late she said .

Can I ask her to go up to her state and take care of her hoping she I will win her heart again.

I can't read her mind and no one can but I have  A 50 % chance at  it .

Please any advice is cordially appreciated I love that girl , I confess I did my share to let and asked her to leave, we both wanted to break, she left when the chance opened up didn't want to but I did not stop her at that time, when on the road she texted me don't contact me anymore , I was very sad and shocked and started wanting her back , but till now we are still apart but the texting thing opened up a little , maybe I have a better chance to test the water ,I am keeping the hopes down but praying hard for a miracle .

Any Suggestion how to go on with the conversation to lead her to coming back ?

I am not very sure if there is a replacement or no , I think more like yes but they don't live together .But again she lied so much about that for months , I don't have a boyfriend , to I found a man that respect me so I really not sure .

Guy .

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Skip
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« Reply #36 on: December 29, 2014, 07:18:18 AM »

I have told her in a prior text like two days ago  that I need another chance at the relation , she didn't respond to that.

At least we had a conversation that she was sick for two weeks now.

Slow down.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

She is not responding to the question so don't keep serving it up.

Let her contact you.  Respond to what she wants to talk about - don't jump ahead.
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Ripped Heart
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« Reply #37 on: December 29, 2014, 08:06:03 AM »

Slow down.  Smiling (click to insert in post)

She is not responding to the qestion so don't keep serving it up.

Let her contact you.  Respond to what she wants to talk about - don't jump ahead.

As skip has mentioned on a number of threads, clingy and needy are huge turn off's especially for a pwBPD. "Need" is a word you might try best avoiding in this situation. Why is it that you "need" another chance?

Think of it like 2 magnets, you put the same ends together and they repel against each other. pwBPD is all about "Need" so you add that to the mix on your side and creates the push effect.

You only have control of yourself, not other people and that stretches not only to pwBPD but anyone else too. It's very frustrating and can be very painful too and I know how it feels to just want the right answers there and then but the truth is there is no magic answer. All you can do is be yourself, keep moving forward and gain strength in you. Takes a lot of time and patience, which sometimes we don't have but that's the only way forward. Keep working on you and if it's meant to be, things will find a way of working themselves out.
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Rise
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« Reply #38 on: December 29, 2014, 12:09:51 PM »

I have told her in a prior text like two days ago  that I need another chance at the relation , she didn't respond to that... .

How to break it gently to her , and open the relation question if she is still wanting to reconnect ?

Any Suggestion how to go on with the conversation to lead her to coming back ?

Guy, Skip is right. You've got to chill out a bit. You've already told her that you're interested and that you care. She hasn't forgotten that in two days. You did your part and let her know how you feel, now it's her call whether or not she wants to reach back out to you.

I wonder, with all this time spent focused on trying to get her back, how much time have you spent on your issues? Have you been working on you? Are you ready for this relationship if she does change her mind? Because if you haven't, things are just going to end up the way they did before.
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guy4caligirl
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« Reply #39 on: December 29, 2014, 02:32:37 PM »



After 5 months B/U 5 years R/S we kept LC , she is in a different state , so no way to bump into her .

She texted me on Christmas eve , then nothing , till last night , she has stated many times to have moved on as I should too.

I have told her in a prior text like two days ago  that I need another chance at the relation , she didn't respond to that.

At least we had a conversation that she was sick for two weeks now .

I was validating her , concerned about how she's making it , she never worked before and has no job.

she said remember I can make it . she is going to a doctor today , I know she will text and let me know how it went .

Now .

How to break it gently to her , and open the relation question if she is still wanting to reconnect ?

I really don't want to scare her off as I feel that the texts last night like breaking the ice and had asked her in earlier ones to regain confidence in me .

I really don't want to blew it out this time I did before and the answer was too late she said .

Can I ask her to go up to her state and take care of her hoping she I will win her heart again.

I can't read her mind and no one can but I have  A 50 % chance at  it .

Please any advice is cordially appreciated I love that girl , I confess I did my share to let and asked her to leave, we both wanted to break, she left when the chance opened up didn't want to but I did not stop her at that time, when on the road she texted me don't contact me anymore , I was very sad and shocked and started wanting her back , but till now we are still apart but the texting thing opened up a little , maybe I have a better chance to test the water ,I am keeping the hopes down but praying hard for a miracle .

Any Suggestion how to go on with the conversation to lead her to coming back ?

I am not very sure if there is a replacement or no , I think more like yes but they don't live together .But again she lied so much about that for months , I don't have a boyfriend , to I found a man that respect me so I really not sure .

Guy .



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EaglesJuju
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« Reply #40 on: December 29, 2014, 02:53:04 PM »

Guy,

You need to take it slowly.  Do you think it is wise at this time to talk about something that might trigger her? 
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"In order to take control of our lives and accomplish something of lasting value, sooner or later we need to Believe. We simply need to believe in the power that is within us, and use it." -Benjamin Hoff
hurting300
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« Reply #41 on: December 29, 2014, 06:52:53 PM »

I would have to agree with eagle juice and skip. Take this thing SLOW buddy. Just go no contact for awhile and cool off. If she texts you text back something simple.   
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In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
Ripped Heart
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« Reply #42 on: December 29, 2014, 07:19:44 PM »

Something bothers me about your previous message guy.

She lied, she cheated, she's shown a lack of respect towards you but you want her back. Its definitely not the makings of a healthy relationship for either of you.

Don't get me wrong, we have all sat in that position and some have gone on to successful reconciles, others have decided not to get back on the rollercoaster. Here is something to keep in mind, the advice skip has given might not be what you want or need to hear right now. Its so painful waiting and wondering, our own insecurities come in to play too and it becomes a mess. However, the advice skip has given is your best chance. It doesn't mean things will work either, you only have control of yourself nobody else. You can't make her come back any more than anyone here can tell you what to write.

You come over as needy or clingy and you will probably lose out. Its the pwBPD who has all the control right now and then only way to change that is to change yourself. If you are in an unhealthy place and chasing, the wait will drain you even more. Each time it happens you drain further and further so if she does come back, she just sees a shell of a person and that's not appealing to her.

Use all that energy you have right now trying to chase her down and turn it back on yourself. You deserve that and if you want her to fall into your arms, you have to give her a person she knows can take care of her. You can't possibly take care of pwBPD if you can't take care of yourself so that's your start point. The more focus you put on yourself, the less time you have to think about it, and the faster the time goes by. If she sends a text, respond in the same way you would do a friend and keep it to the topic they raise. Her coming back will be her decision and there is nothing you can do or say to influence that. Keep it slow, keep it neutral and friendly but avoid anything that could trigger her.
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