What does she feel after the breakup?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Trying to understand my breakup. Its 3 months later and I have not spoken with her after she disappeared when I went out of town on business. She blocked me from contacting me in every conceivable way. What could be so traumatizing to them if they were contacted by their victims? Mine told me in past recycles that her episode was over upon sight of me.

Since I was dehumanized by her as I understand BPD, much of what I have read indicates that I am simply evil and without value... .and that she insists to family and friends that she was somehow the victim, real or not. She will make up whatever she has to (as BPD are skillful liars I am sure that I am a baby killer or whatever). This would support the idea that she gives me, after two yeas, as much regard as a piece of clothing that no longer suited her needs or fancy and can be thrown away without sentiment.

But it vexes me to understand what fuels her anger? If she has no feelings for me (and has not been crying herself to sleep, or a nervous wreck), why the continued anger? Wouldn't she just be indifferent? Along those lines, if absence makes the heart more cold, why is she expected to reappear at some point in time (as she has done before). What motivates this behavior?

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

[JRT]

Trying to understand my breakup. Its 3 months later and I have not spoken with her after she disappeared when I went out of town on business. She blocked me from contacting me in every conceivable way. What could be so traumatizing to them if they were contacted by their victims? Mine told me in past recycles that her episode was over upon sight of me.

Since I was dehumanized by her as I understand BPD, much of what I have read indicates that I am simply evil and without value... .and that she insists to family and friends that she was somehow the victim, real or not. She will make up whatever she has to (as BPD are skillful liars I am sure that I am a baby killer or whatever). This would support the idea that she gives me, after two yeas, as much regard as a piece of clothing that no longer suited her needs or fancy and can be thrown away without sentiment.

But it vexes me to understand what fuels her anger? If she has no feelings for me (and has not been crying herself to sleep, or a nervous wreck), why the continued anger? Wouldn't she just be indifferent? Along those lines, if absence makes the heart more cold, why is she expected to reappear at some point in time (as she has done before). What motivates this behavior?

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

[hurting300]

I'm sorry your going thru this. I came home from work to find my soon to be wife and baby gone. It's been eight months now. She completely disappeared without a word. Haven't heard from her. They are evil as far as I'm concerned. You need to work on yourself and keep posting. She is not happy buddy. She can't be. Think about it, she dumped you without a word.

[fred6]

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

Mine had problems sleeping. Especially when alone. Her son slept in the bed with her until 13 yo. And now I'm sure she has her 6 yo daughter sleeping with her most of the time, but I don't know for sure... .

[Hawk Ridge]

I have wondered what she was thinking.  Did she regret her decision? Did she miss me? Did she really think badly of me?  It's been 9 months of self-growth... .pain, shock, tears, to mostly acceptance and kind of an avoidance of wanting to be with her again even though I often begged God to bring her back.  What she thinks is, as we say in alanon, none of my business.  Her head is so filled with painful thoughts and negativity that, yeah, I bet she feels some guilt but I think she is also feeling that now towards my replacement.  When we were together, all I ever heard about was her ex, how she did her wrong.  I should have noticed that she painted her white.  I have been painted white and I keep a friendly supportive distance.  She's still with my replacement and I am now trying to move on.  I have less thoughts of her and, when I get to that place where I wonder if she's thinking of me, I try to remember I am free and not so tense anymore.  I can know my thoughts, not hers.  As much as I read about pathology, patterns of behavior here, I try not to generalize as i just get my hopes up.  I have wastedd the last 9 months of my life getting my hopes up.  It's time to live ... .and to not think she is the only source of my happiness, that being tense and scared all the time is worth taking on again, that not being able to trust is a way to live.  Freedom... .freedom

[hurting300]

Mine can stay gone. The only thing she good at is sex. No job, old car, failed college. Yeah he can have that.

[Caredverymuch]

Trying to understand my breakup. Its 3 months later and I have not spoken with her after she disappeared when I went out of town on business. She blocked me from contacting me in every conceivable way. What could be so traumatizing to them if they were contacted by their victims? Mine told me in past recycles that her episode was over upon sight of me.

Since I was dehumanized by her as I understand BPD, much of what I have read indicates that I am simply evil and without value... .and that she insists to family and friends that she was somehow the victim, real or not. She will make up whatever she has to (as BPD are skillful liars I am sure that I am a baby killer or whatever). This would support the idea that she gives me, after two yeas, as much regard as a piece of clothing that no longer suited her needs or fancy and can be thrown away without sentiment.

But it vexes me to understand what fuels her anger? If she has no feelings for me (and has not been crying herself to sleep, or a nervous wreck), why the continued anger? Wouldn't she just be indifferent? Along those lines, if absence makes the heart more cold, why is she expected to reappear at some point in time (as she has done before). What motivates this behavior?

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

The anger is detached protector mode.  There is deep shame and a very fragile sense of self. Projection allows her to rid herself of the guilt and shame she is unable to own or confront.  Dissociation splits reality of the r/s and she remembers things very differently than they occurred.

PBPDs are always the victim.  Distortion campaigns about us are the pinnacle of a full storm of projection.  Imagine her speaking all those words in a mirror.  It is a full out unloading of the shame, that what she cannot carry, so she unloads it on you.  It's a disorder.

The disorder motivates the behaviors.  Not you.  These are maladaptive coping mechanisms based in black in white thinking.

[JRT]

I'm sorry your going thru this. I came home from work to find my soon to be wife and baby gone. It's been eight months now. She completely disappeared without a word. Haven't heard from her. They are evil as far as I'm concerned. You need to work on yourself and keep posting. She is not happy buddy. She can't be. Think about it, she dumped you without a word.

WOW Brother... .this is horrible! I cannot imagine your pain... .hugs and prayers to you!

[JRT]

Trying to understand my breakup. Its 3 months later and I have not spoken with her after she disappeared when I went out of town on business. She blocked me from contacting me in every conceivable way. What could be so traumatizing to them if they were contacted by their victims? Mine told me in past recycles that her episode was over upon sight of me.

Since I was dehumanized by her as I understand BPD, much of what I have read indicates that I am simply evil and without value... .and that she insists to family and friends that she was somehow the victim, real or not. She will make up whatever she has to (as BPD are skillful liars I am sure that I am a baby killer or whatever). This would support the idea that she gives me, after two yeas, as much regard as a piece of clothing that no longer suited her needs or fancy and can be thrown away without sentiment.

But it vexes me to understand what fuels her anger? If she has no feelings for me (and has not been crying herself to sleep, or a nervous wreck), why the continued anger? Wouldn't she just be indifferent? Along those lines, if absence makes the heart more cold, why is she expected to reappear at some point in time (as she has done before). What motivates this behavior?

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

The anger is detached protector mode.  There is deep shame and a very fragile sense of self. Projection allows her to rid herself of the guilt and shame she is unable to own or confront.  Dissociation splits reality of the r/s and she remembers things very differently than they occurred.

PBPDs are always the victim.  Distortion campaigns about us are the pinnacle of a full storm of projection.  Imagine her speaking all those words in a mirror.  It is a full out unloading of the shame, that what she cannot carry, so she unloads it on you.  It's a disorder.

The disorder motivates the behaviors.  Not you.  These are maladaptive coping mechanisms based in black in white thinking.

Interesting... .so if she is in a certain mode, does that mean that there are other modes or components of a continuum that she will cycle through? What comes next? (any links you can send to me to better undertand these stages?) Having said this, it seems as if she has insulated herself from ANY sentimental or favorable memories; its all black - I am bad, bad, BAD. Having sabotaged all of her relationships, I wonder at what point her friends and relatives (all that she has recycled as well) end up pushing back. I wonder if thats when things get REALLY interesting.

[JRT]

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

Mine had problems sleeping. Especially when alone. Her son slept in the bed with her until 13 yo. And now I'm sure she has her 6 yo daughter sleeping with her most of the time, but I don't know for sure... .

Mine had SERIOUS problems sleeping... .sometimes Ambien couldn't knock her out! I wonder now it that was her wrestling with her conscious at night.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

Mine had problems sleeping. Especially when alone. Her son slept in the bed with her until 13 yo. And now I'm sure she has her 6 yo daughter sleeping with her most of the time, but I don't know for sure... .

Mine too. Both of her kids, now 12 and 14 are probably still sleeping with her. I bet if her exH realized that he'd be ballistic to the point of taking her back to court. And she had nights of insomnia. Over the years I would get emails of all hours of the night because she couldn't sleep.

Wonder if her new bf wonders that it's strange she sleeps with her kids when he's not around. Im pretty sure whomever she might be with, if anyone permanently, would be surprised at many of the things about her.

[JRT]

I have wondered what she was thinking.  Did she regret her decision? Did she miss me? Did she really think badly of me?  It's been 9 months of self-growth... .pain, shock, tears, to mostly acceptance and kind of an avoidance of wanting to be with her again even though I often begged God to bring her back.  What she thinks is, as we say in alanon, none of my business.  Her head is so filled with painful thoughts and negativity that, yeah, I bet she feels some guilt but I think she is also feeling that now towards my replacement.  When we were together, all I ever heard about was her ex, how she did her wrong.  I should have noticed that she painted her white.  I have been painted white and I keep a friendly supportive distance.  She's still with my replacement and I am now trying to move on.  I have less thoughts of her and, when I get to that place where I wonder if she's thinking of me, I try to remember I am free and not so tense anymore.  I can know my thoughts, not hers.  As much as I read about pathology, patterns of behavior here, I try not to generalize as i just get my hopes up.  I have wastedd the last 9 months of my life getting my hopes up.  It's time to live ... .and to not think she is the only source of my happiness, that being tense and scared all the time is worth taking on again, that not being able to trust is a way to live.  Freedom... .freedom

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have just been through only 3 months of this hell and its bad, I empathize. On the 24th, I figured that she calmed down enough for me to call her; I wanted closure. I called from my hotel while on vacation (she blocked my phone even before I knew we had broken up). I said hello and she hung up... .the next call I got was from the cops!

The incident pissed me off for the first time and worked to push me into another dimension of the sage. What kind of a POS would besmirch me legally on top of the pain that she seemed to be happy to inflict for the sake of maximum pain? I know my pastor would not like for me to say this, but I hope for the worst things to happen to her (they always seem to anyway) and the maximum associated pain. I KNOW that I will see her again... .in a month a year or 5 and it will be under the auspices of 'help me'. I LOOK FORWARD to that day.  

[JRT]

Not necessarily related but has anyone noticed insomnia, sleeplessness or other sleep related problems with BPD's?

Mine had problems sleeping. Especially when alone. Her son slept in the bed with her until 13 yo. And now I'm sure she has her 6 yo daughter sleeping with her most of the time, but I don't know for sure... .

Mine too. Both of her kids, now 12 and 14 are probably still sleeping with her. I bet if her exH realized that he'd be ballistic to the point of taking her back to court. And she had nights of insomnia. Over the years I would get emails of all hours of the night because she couldn't sleep.

Wonder if her new bf wonders that it's strange she sleeps with her kids when he's not around. Im pretty sure whomever she might be with, if anyone permanently, would be surprised at many of the things about her.

d


WOW Thats messed up!

[fred6]

I have wondered what she was thinking.  Did she regret her decision? Did she miss me? Did she really think badly of me?  It's been 9 months of self-growth... .pain, shock, tears, to mostly acceptance and kind of an avoidance of wanting to be with her again even though I often begged God to bring her back.  What she thinks is, as we say in alanon, none of my business.  Her head is so filled with painful thoughts and negativity that, yeah, I bet she feels some guilt but I think she is also feeling that now towards my replacement.  When we were together, all I ever heard about was her ex, how she did her wrong.  I should have noticed that she painted her white.  I have been painted white and I keep a friendly supportive distance.  She's still with my replacement and I am now trying to move on.  I have less thoughts of her and, when I get to that place where I wonder if she's thinking of me, I try to remember I am free and not so tense anymore.  I can know my thoughts, not hers.  As much as I read about pathology, patterns of behavior here, I try not to generalize as i just get my hopes up.  I have wastedd the last 9 months of my life getting my hopes up.  It's time to live ... .and to not think she is the only source of my happiness, that being tense and scared all the time is worth taking on again, that not being able to trust is a way to live.  Freedom... .freedom

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have just been through only 3 months of this hell and its bad, I empathize. On the 24th, I figured that she calmed down enough for me to call her; I wanted closure. I called from my hotel while on vacation (she blocked my phone even before I knew we had broken up). I said hello and she hung up... .the next call I got was from the cops!

The incident pissed me off for the first time and worked to push me into another dimension of the sage. What kind of a POS would besmirch me legally on top of the pain that she seemed to be happy to inflict for the sake of maximum pain? I know my pastor would not like for me to say this, but I hope for the worst things to happen to her (they always seem to anyway) and the maximum associated pain. I KNOW that I will see her again... .in a month a year or 5 and it will be under the auspices of 'help me'. I LOOK FORWARD to that day.  

What did the cops say? I'm not sure they could do too much for just calling her once or twice.

[JRT]

I have wondered what she was thinking.  Did she regret her decision? Did she miss me? Did she really think badly of me?  It's been 9 months of self-growth... .pain, shock, tears, to mostly acceptance and kind of an avoidance of wanting to be with her again even though I often begged God to bring her back.  What she thinks is, as we say in alanon, none of my business.  Her head is so filled with painful thoughts and negativity that, yeah, I bet she feels some guilt but I think she is also feeling that now towards my replacement.  When we were together, all I ever heard about was her ex, how she did her wrong.  I should have noticed that she painted her white.  I have been painted white and I keep a friendly supportive distance.  She's still with my replacement and I am now trying to move on.  I have less thoughts of her and, when I get to that place where I wonder if she's thinking of me, I try to remember I am free and not so tense anymore.  I can know my thoughts, not hers.  As much as I read about pathology, patterns of behavior here, I try not to generalize as i just get my hopes up.  I have wastedd the last 9 months of my life getting my hopes up.  It's time to live ... .and to not think she is the only source of my happiness, that being tense and scared all the time is worth taking on again, that not being able to trust is a way to live.  Freedom... .freedom

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have just been through only 3 months of this hell and its bad, I empathize. On the 24th, I figured that she calmed down enough for me to call her; I wanted closure. I called from my hotel while on vacation (she blocked my phone even before I knew we had broken up). I said hello and she hung up... .the next call I got was from the cops!

The incident pissed me off for the first time and worked to push me into another dimension of the sage. What kind of a POS would besmirch me legally on top of the pain that she seemed to be happy to inflict for the sake of maximum pain? I know my pastor would not like for me to say this, but I hope for the worst things to happen to her (they always seem to anyway) and the maximum associated pain. I KNOW that I will see her again... .in a month a year or 5 and it will be under the auspices of 'help me'. I LOOK FORWARD to that day.  

What did the cops say? I'm not sure they could do too much for just calling her once or twice.

As I understand restraining orders and such, she didn't have the grounds for filing one. She had a lawyer friend send me a threatening letter right after the 'disappearance' when I tried to contact her. If she were serious, she would have contacted him and had him file the necessary paperwork.  So she either fell out of favor with the lawyer, or knew that she had no grounds for a ppo and went the cops with a cock and bull story knowing that they would at LEAST call and insist that I abide by her wish for no contact (which is what happened). Of course, she could have just answered the call and simply told me herself... .