Harassment by Documentation

[Iforget]

So I finaley got a court date.  It is 3 1/2 months from the officale sepperation date.  The lawyer said max time would be 90 days.  I am going through my savings trying to keep the heat on, pay the rent and feed the kids.  STBX is giving me some money.  About what he would have to pay in child support.

So the request for documents was exchanged.  The reason for starting legal proceedings was stbx would never provide any documents during the 6 months we attempted mediation.  It is like being in the house together again.  Every time I look at the list I start to hyperventilate and burst into tears.  So far I have submitted around 500 pages of information.  Most of the information requested I don't even have access to as stbx has cut off my access to the accounts.  My L sent a letter stating the request were too broad and beyond the scope... .We lost a great deal of our belongings during hurricane Katrina.  So any material from before then is gone.  I don't understand why my college transcripts from 30 years ago is needed.  He is also requesting tax returns for 10 years.  They are all in his possession as he has hid them from me.  The accountant of the past three years stated that I will need to supeona them. When I sent the first batch of documents with the interrogatories I repeatedly stated, "no access to account information, has been blocked by Mr. Iforget."  It is the same with the muatal funds and IRA's.  The account manager won't release any statements except from my personal IRA which I have cashed in to pay the L.

I am just venting... .is there going to be legal implications against me for not handing over information I have no access to?

[ForeverDad]

The format of interrogatories or request for documents is filled with all sorts of legal mumbo jumbo and scary consequences.  I haven't heard of a single person who suffered any consequences for not supplying what wasn't available.  So don't hyperventilate.

I recall when ex's lawyer sent a huge list of requests.  We had already been divorced for 2 years and I was then seeking custody.  We didn't have discovery during the divorce.  But my lawyer said to try, while simultaneously reaching out to ex's L.  He didn't respond.  So while I sent some 600 pages and the rest marked N/A (not available or not applicable), my peeved lawyer wrote up his own set of discovery demands and then them out.  Guess what?  Zero response.  Nothing came of it, neither lawyer was out to push the issue.

Odds are nothing much will come of your failure to respond with records either.  However, you do need his information and you know he has it.  Maybe you can get a court order or subpoena to be sent to the banks and other institutions to cough up the records.  If he won't tell you which are the banks and accounts then likely a credit check on his SSN ordered by the court will find many of them for you.  (I think that is one reason a Special Master or forensic accountant is hired.)  Things you can't get and your lawyer can't get really can be gotten when a lawyer writes up a subpoena.  However, probably it will come up against a brick wall if ex is hoarding the records and no one else has them.  Family court is not likely to physically raid his hidey holes for a civil matter.

[Iforget]

Forever Dad,

I hope your wrong about what family court will/will not do.  Stbxh basically terrorized me till I left last November.  He had cut me off financially, removing my cash, credit cards, and checks from my purse.  I have been a stay-at-home mom for 18 years.  I gave up a good career as a nurse for his more lucrative career.  It was a joint decision.  He worked massive hours and traveled constantly for the past 20 years.  I took care of everything for the four kids and house.  This all resulted in a really good income for stbxh, salary, savings, investments.  Two years ago I found the hidden accounts, hidden tax returns, stocks, etc.  I wasn't suffering financially, but living a very frugal life style while he socked away money.  I have a 15 year old truck with over 160K miles on it and it needs work.  So now, due to serious health issues I am no longer employable in any manner in which I can support myself, much less my kids.  He has decided to drag all of this out, I am thinking he is hoping I will run out of money and give up.  I can't let him have the kids.  He's emotionally abusive and an alcoholic.  So the kids and I have rama noodles at home.  As my 15ds says, "dad has suddenly developed a great sense of generosity and interest in us kids."  He really spent some money on them for Christmas this year. 

His greed and anger... .it still amazes me every day.  It was like one day he had enough and wanted to move on.  That I wasn't what he wanted anymore and he was ready to discard me.  The past two years has been a campaign of lies to all of our freinds/neighbors/family.  Getting me to leave was a great advantage for him, now he gets to play the poor me card.  It is sick.

[ForeverDad]

Your lawyer should file for a good forensic accountant to be hired and paid by ex.  Even if his fees are paid out of marital money, you should be able to come out ahead.  Lawyers will only do so much before they have to farm something out to the specialists.  CPS and/or social services handles child abuse allegations, custody evaluators handle custody evaluations, etc.  Most cases don't need additional experts.  Our cases, well, we need to fetch the various experts who can get things done.

[whirlpoollife]

Over two years ago I got my stack of interogotories to answer. I panicked because h wanted it completed in twenty days.   My then lawyer wasn't much help but after begging that is impossible , she got an extension.   So the first go through was much on my own , long tedious hours.  He wanted my history of employment 25 yrs ago, who paid for the house , who paid for flight tickets,  and questions that were/are of no value.

I answered all of it, then got new L , and went over and over them again.

H got his questions /interogotories ... .90% of his answers... ." The wife has the answer"   No consequences for him.

My L used my information to better understand what this divorce case was going to entail.  So try to look at it as providing info to your L so he can defend you.   If h has the info then write that down. 

I used a spiral notebook, numbered the questions on it and wrote the answers.  Then went back over it a few times. 

Tonight I'm going to go back to look them over and use some of that info that I provided, a nice paper trail. I have a pretrial conferance coming up and even though all this info is at L 's office I am putting it together again to save time when I meet with L prior to the conferance.  What info h demanded  two years ago can very well backfire on him now.

For custody, h became the Disneyland dad prior to those hearings. When he got his extra nights , that ended.   

Document everything in detail what you do as a parent. 

And separately the work you did to better himself for his work. 

[livednlearned]

My ex also asked for excessive documentation. My L responded simply, "This request is excessive and my client will not comply with this and that and the other thing. She will provide x, y, and z."

Unfortunately, not all Ls are on their game. You have to advocate for yourself and point out things to your L, who should have a strategy for you. Ask "Is this reasonable? Do I need this?"

I'm so sorry to hear that your health is failing. I really believe that the chronic stress can break us down.

Do you think there is any reason to hire a forensic accountant? Do you think your ex might be hiding funds?

[ObviouslyOblivious]

Forever Dad,

I hope your wrong about what family court will/will not do.  Stbxh basically terrorized me till I left last November.  He had cut me off financially, removing my cash, credit cards, and checks from my purse.  I have been a stay-at-home mom for 18 years.  I gave up a good career as a nurse for his more lucrative career.  It was a joint decision.  He worked massive hours and traveled constantly for the past 20 years.  I took care of everything for the four kids and house.  This all resulted in a really good income for stbxh, salary, savings, investments.  Two years ago I found the hidden accounts, hidden tax returns, stocks, etc.  I wasn't suffering financially, but living a very frugal life style while he socked away money.  I have a 15 year old truck with over 160K miles on it and it needs work.  So now, due to serious health issues I am no longer employable in any manner in which I can support myself, much less my kids.  He has decided to drag all of this out, I am thinking he is hoping I will run out of money and give up.  I can't let him have the kids.  He's emotionally abusive and an alcoholic.  So the kids and I have rama noodles at home.  As my 15ds says, "dad has suddenly developed a great sense of generosity and interest in us kids."  He really spent some money on them for Christmas this year. 

His greed and anger... .it still amazes me every day.  It was like one day he had enough and wanted to move on.  That I wasn't what he wanted anymore and he was ready to discard me.  The past two years has been a campaign of lies to all of our freinds/neighbors/family.  Getting me to leave was a great advantage for him, now he gets to play the poor me card.  It is sick.

Oh my gosh, our stories are so close it's eerie!  Twenty-five years of marriage, gave up my career to support him and follow him around the country from assignment to assignment, homeschooled the kids to give them some stability in their education, and suddenly I'm not what he wants. He emptied our safe deposit box, drained our joint accounts, cashed out our joint trading account, took all my jewelry out of the safe and opened his own secret accounts for his paycheck to be deposited into. He's so angry and venomous with me, but to the kids and his friends he is Mr. Life of the Party and SuperGreatGuy. And I don't even know what I did to make him hate me so much (I just got old, I guess).

Hugs to you. I know exactly what you're going through. Why do they get such satisfaction from trying to destroy the only people in the world who love and support them?  (I'm going to see a lawyer on Monday.)