Is there a way to make my x see how selfish / childish and hurtful her behaviours have been ? Her lack of empathy and self introspection is flabbergasting .
I tried many times throughout the 10 years my dBPD ex-wife and I were together. It never really accomplished anything. In moments of clarity, she could acknowledge small things. That was it though.
Two years into DBT, however, she's beginning to develop the ability to process things (she actually acknowledges the role her actions have played in our separation and pending divorce). She recognizes the things she's done and actively tries to avoid repeating such behaviors. It doesn't always work (I've dealt with a few disregulations during limited contact), but she's learning. Shame the process started too late to save our relationship, but I'll be happy for her if she continues to progress as the years go by.