I am finally DONE

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This is it for me.  No more "undecided".  It is decided.  I am done with the POS.  He has just killed my love for him completely.  My love for him really just died today.  Just like that.  Dead. 

I am too upset to go into details, but his fantasy girl hit town again a few days ago and they've been playing their "Let's see how much we can hurt Perdita" game to perfection.  So so much has come to light.  Things I can't believe.  I've been painted black.  Pitch black. Like I am nothing but trash.  I can't believe I loved this pathetic excuse for a man for as long as I did.  I can't believe someone I've been so good to has been this cruel to me and without even a thought or care about what it is doing to me.  I see him now as the devil himself. 

Everyone who's read my posts know that the issues have run deep and mostly involving another woman.  You'd know how much I've been through, how much pain.  How much I kept hoping and trying to keep the faith.  It is over for me now.  I'm really DONE.  Completely DONE.  I deserve a ___ load better than this.  All I want now is this person and his scummy "friends" out of my life.

Sorry.  Know I'm rambling.  I just can't believe how wicked people can be to people that are good to them. 

I will probably post on the Leaving board from now on.  I'd prefer to just leave it all behind me including this board, but I know the sick ass has much more cruelty in store for me and I need the support I will get here.

We are all too good to still be "undecided".  Seriously people, don't make my mistake a day longer than you have to.  LEAVE.

[Perdita]

This is it for me.  No more "undecided".  It is decided.  I am done with the POS.  He has just killed my love for him completely.  My love for him really just died today.  Just like that.  Dead. 

I am too upset to go into details, but his fantasy girl hit town again a few days ago and they've been playing their "Let's see how much we can hurt Perdita" game to perfection.  So so much has come to light.  Things I can't believe.  I've been painted black.  Pitch black. Like I am nothing but trash.  I can't believe I loved this pathetic excuse for a man for as long as I did.  I can't believe someone I've been so good to has been this cruel to me and without even a thought or care about what it is doing to me.  I see him now as the devil himself. 

Everyone who's read my posts know that the issues have run deep and mostly involving another woman.  You'd know how much I've been through, how much pain.  How much I kept hoping and trying to keep the faith.  It is over for me now.  I'm really DONE.  Completely DONE.  I deserve a ___ load better than this.  All I want now is this person and his scummy "friends" out of my life.

Sorry.  Know I'm rambling.  I just can't believe how wicked people can be to people that are good to them. 

I will probably post on the Leaving board from now on.  I'd prefer to just leave it all behind me including this board, but I know the sick ass has much more cruelty in store for me and I need the support I will get here.

We are all too good to still be "undecided".  Seriously people, don't make my mistake a day longer than you have to.  LEAVE.

[Samuel S.]

Perdita, I am so very sorry for all of the hardship that he and that other woman have put you through! Indeed, you do deserve a whole lot better than what you were given! I support you 100% for leaving him! I would suggest you journal, exercise, take a trip, get a massage, post more on this website, shout, hit a wall or your bed with a pillow, anything that will release all of your hurt, anger, frustration, and yes even your grief so that you can begin to replenish your beautiful self! Take care, my friend!

[Shankz]

i would say, congrats on your new beginning. you deserve a new life

[merlin4926]

Perdita I was where you are now.  That feeling of being totally done is very powerful so use it to get through this difficult time.  I know each situation is v diff but my ex was also playing me off against another woman.  After two yrs of using me he was totally shocked when i called a halt to it.  Well done and I wish you well for the future xxx

[Perdita]

Perdita, I am so very sorry for all of the hardship that he and that other woman have put you through! Indeed, you do deserve a whole lot better than what you were given! I support you 100% for leaving him!

Thank you, Samuel.  I know how much hardship you are going through too.  It is never too late for us to try and turn it around and be free of these emotional vampires.  I do hope that you will join me on the Leaving board soon although I realize there are financial concerns before than can happen for you.  I really believe that you can do it though.  Stay focused on the happy future that you too deserve.

I would suggest you journal, exercise, take a trip, get a massage, post more on this website, shout, hit a wall or your bed with a pillow, anything that will release all of your hurt, anger, frustration, and yes even your grief so that you can begin to replenish your beautiful self! Take care, my friend!

I am planning a short trip.  Just need a change of scenery.  Am going to get back to my old hobbies and the things that brought me joy before I got involved with him. 

[Perdita]

i would say, congrats on your new beginning. you deserve a new life

Thank you, Shankz.

[Perdita]

Perdita I was where you are now.  That feeling of being totally done is very powerful so use it to get through this difficult time.

It really is incredibly powerful!   

I know each situation is v diff but my ex was also playing me off against another woman.  After two yrs of using me he was totally shocked when i called a halt to it.  Well done and I wish you well for the future xxx

Thank you, Merlin.  Mine also played me off against another woman for 2 years.  Mercilessly so.  It has been nothing less than emotional and mental torture for me and has affected my health and, of course, my self-esteem.  The biggest worry I have now when I think about the future is that I will probably never trust anyone again in any capacity.  The walls of defence are up big time around my heart now. 

I dumped him on Tuesday night via e-mail.  Yet he send me an e-mail yesterday dumping me.  Hello? 

[parisian]

Hi Perdita. Sounds like it is a relief for you having now decided.

I hope you can dis-entangle from the relationship without too much difficulty, and get through the next few months looking after you. Take care.

[Perdita]

Hi Perdita. Sounds like it is a relief for you having now decided.

I hope you can dis-entangle from the relationship without too much difficulty, and get through the next few months looking after you. Take care.

Thank you for the support, Parisian.  I am getting ready to go out in a bit to get a new cell number.  I want to put this nightmare chapter in my life behind me. 

[patientandclear]

His email dumping you: he's trying to regain control. I suppose you see that but just wanted to say it. "You can't fire me cuz I quit" kinda thing.

A year ago my sometimes beautiful sometimes exploitative r/ship blew up over my ex playing me off with another woman (theme of this thread). Like Merlin said, I'm sure he was shocked I did anything about it. I guess he read me as an unconditional love person despite things I'd said to the contrary. Anyway, he was like "have a nice life" and I was like "OK I will thanks."

A few months later he'd tanked his thing with the new(er) woman and he reached out. I didn't taken him back no questions asked. I asked if anything meaningful had changed and if not, no, didn't want to reconnect.

He never answered, which was not his past pattern. It's his way, I think, of being in control. Since control is why he destroyed our lovely thing in the first place (as well as many prior r/ships), it was paramount that he be the one to reject me.

That's OK. He can have it.

Congratulations. Very proud of you. It gets tough after the initial flare of certainty, so don't be surprised if there's a trough coming up for you, but that doesn't mean this is the wrong choice. When you write about the effect of this r/ship on you, I'm sure it's the right choice.

[Samuel S.]

During the holiday season, I saw 2 movies that I believe can help you, Perdita, and the rest of us nonBPDs. The first one is "Big Eyes", a true history of Margaret Keane who was an artist who was manipulated by her jerk husband. The second one is "Wild", a true history of Cheryl Strayed who had to overcome many obstacles in her life by hiking an amazing amount of miles in the western United States. If you like movies and if you are so inclined, I would wholeheartedly suggest you see both of these movies to deal with not only their emotions, but yours as well. Although I am a guy, I became teary-eyed through both of these movies, and I suspect you might do the same.

No matter what you do now, we all applaud you for being brave and for taking care of yourself. 

[Perdita]

His email dumping you: he's trying to regain control. I suppose you see that but just wanted to say it. "You can't fire me cuz I quit" kinda thing.

That's what I figure too.  Either that or he didn't take me dumping him seriously or was too high again to remember that I dumped him!

A year ago my sometimes beautiful sometimes exploitative r/ship blew up over my ex playing me off with another woman (theme of this thread). Like Merlin said, I'm sure he was shocked I did anything about it. I guess he read me as an unconditional love person despite things I'd said to the contrary. Anyway, he was like "have a nice life" and I was like "OK I will thanks."  

Mine is playing the big hero to the other woman.  Protecting the poor lil thing from big mean ole me for asking her staright out if she had gone away from him.  I guess I have served my purpose in his life through all this.  It is bound to all blow up in his face one day.  

A few months later he'd tanked his thing with the new(er) woman and he reached out. I didn't taken him back no questions asked. I asked if anything meaningful had changed and if not, no, didn't want to reconnect.

Despite the horrible ending, I predict this scenario will happen with my situation too.  Now that I am no longer around to demonize they will have to face the reality about each other and it won't be sweet.  I hope that when he eventually reaches out that I will ignore him or maybe respond only to tell him I am in a loving r/s and don't want contact with him.  I have a feeling I will be hearing from him around Easter.  

He never answered, which was not his past pattern. It's his way, I think, of being in control. Since control is why he destroyed our lovely thing in the first place (as well as many prior r/ships), it was paramount that he be the one to reject me.

Control is always huge with them.  Everything was always about him and what he wanted and the handful of times when it was about me he would make it clear that he hated it.  Would literally stand there with this rediculously over-the-top pained expression on his face and holding his head as if he was having an aneurysm.  One way or the other he made sure I wasn't able to fully enjoy myself because I had to worry about the 5 yr old in the body of a grown man.

That's OK. He can have it.

Like you said, your one destroyed a lovely thing.  Same as mine and everyone else here.  That's the thing to remember.  They will always destroy their own happiness.  I guess that truly is the best revenge to know this as we pick up the pieces of our life and heart.

Congratulations. Very proud of you. It gets tough after the initial flare of certainty, so don't be surprised if there's a trough coming up for you, but that doesn't mean this is the wrong choice. When you write about the effect of this r/ship on you, I'm sure it's the right choice.

Thank you, Patient and Clear.  I know it is the right choice.  I can't be with someone so cruel anymore.  Now that I am out of it and planning a new life I can see what a blessing it is to be away from him.  I should have known by his choice of friends that this guy was trouble.  Far too many heavy drinkers and drug users.  Not to mention the cheaters and how much their activities amused him.

[Perdita]

Thank you Samuel!  Always appreciate your support and encouragement! 

I will try to get those movies as I am in a movie watching kind of mood since losing 75kg of stupid!  I rarely got to watch movies during the time we were together because his attention span is very short and 30 minutes into it he would need "a break".

[parisian]

[quote

I rarely got to watch movies during the time we were together because his attention span is very short and 30 minutes into it he would need "a break".[/quote]
After it's over (although with BPD it's NEVER quite over... .) one of the things we can do to help ourselves move forward, is to enjoy or do the things they didn't like . Like get uninterrupted sleep for a whole night .

Perdita I hope you enjoy going to the movies lots now

[Perdita]

After it's over (although with BPD it's NEVER quite over... .) one of the things we can do to help ourselves move forward, is to enjoy or do the things they didn't like . Like get uninterrupted sleep for a whole night .

That's a great way to put it.

Perdita I hope you enjoy going to the movies lots now

I'm going to the movies on Wednesday.  Never went in the years we were together.  Just movies at home because he could stop those when he wanted to.