That don't impress me much

[Trog]

One of the things I find very strange about my ex since we split are her motivations for doing things, seemingly trying to manipulate me into one behaviour but just producing the opposite reaction.

She thinks (I think she thinks!) telling me that x,y,z want to sleep with her, that this will motivate me into jealousy, it just makes me think she's been putting it about flirting. It doesn't make me think more of her but less.

She thinks bragging about her prowess at school, which was 25 years ago, will make me believe she is super intelligent, it makes me think she's got some strange relationship problems from the past.

It seems, since we split up, every thing she says is bringing about revulsion in me whereas I *think* she thinks it will make me want her.

Did your BPDex used to try to impress you? Did it work?

[Tibbles]

I found the same too Trog. Mine used to over do everything and point out he was trying to impress me. Looking for positive feedback I guess. Inside I was thinking this is too much, its unbalanced and no need for this. This is not a balanced approach. It made me more wary and cautious as I saw what he was doing as red flags. I guess he was always unbalanced but it took moving away to really see how much.

[Rise]

I think sometimes the need to impress us also comes from the need to convince themselves of their own value. It's a sad thing when you have to convince others of your value, just so you can feel that way about yourself.

[fromheeltoheal]

I think sometimes the need to impress us also comes from the need to convince themselves of their own value. It's a sad thing when you have to convince others of your value, just so you can feel that way about yourself.

Exactly, as a means to attach and as a way to be accepted by whomever, and therefore externally validated, and the more fictional and extreme it is, the more it is needed and wanted.  It can be a compliment too, since someone who is trying to impress us is trying to raise themselves up to what they perceive as our level.

[Infared]

One of the things I find very strange about my ex since we split are her motivations for doing things, seemingly trying to manipulate me into one behaviour but just producing the opposite reaction.

She thinks (I think she thinks!) telling me that x,y,z want to sleep with her, that this will motivate me into jealousy, it just makes me think she's been putting it about flirting. It doesn't make me think more of her but less.

She thinks bragging about her prowess at school, which was 25 years ago, will make me believe she is super intelligent, it makes me think she's got some strange relationship problems from the past.

It seems, since we split up, every thing she says is bringing about revulsion in me whereas I *think* she thinks it will make me want her.

Did your BPDex used to try to impress you? Did it work?

Well you have a very insecure, controlling person who is attempting to manipulate you with fear-inducing threats. There is no love there and you see right through that... .no wonder you are full of revulsion. Pat yourself on the back for loving you!

[Dutched]

I think sometimes the need to impress us also comes from the need to convince themselves of their own value. It's a sad thing when you have to convince others of your value, just so you can feel that way about yourself.

Exactly, as a means to attach and as a way to be accepted by whomever, and therefore externally validated, and the more fictional and extreme it is, the more it is needed and wanted.  It can be a compliment too, since someone who is trying to impress us is trying to raise themselves up to what they perceive as our level.

So well said by both of you! Chapeau!