latest co parent counselor meeting.

[david]

It was supposed to be last Monday but ex called and canceled because she was sick. That was not true and I pointed that out at the meeting. We went to court the Friday before and the counselor wanted to know what happened. Explained that briefly.

Counselor then took charge and decided we needed to address issues that have been brought up in the previous meetings. He mentioned several things all of which I had concerns about. Ex really hasn't had any concerns so that was easy for the counselor.

We spent the next 45 minutes coming to one agreement. I am buying S16 a landline for his room at her place and she will allow it. He already has the connection so all he needs is the phone. The house phone at ex's, for some reason  , can never be found and it can take weeks for it to turn up again. The counselor "got it" so he wouldn't let the topic go until it was resolved. I looked directly at ex three times and asked her if it was okay. She made some lame excuse and then I asked again with a solution to her excuse. She ran out of excuses or the counselor ran out of patience and interjected that he thought my proposal was reasonable and wanted to know if ex would agree. She agreed.

We ran out of time but it was very telling. Ex works in a hospital and the counselor works there too. They do cross each others path during the course of a workday. Not often but it does happen. At first I was hesitant to agree to use him because of that. However my atty insisted he was good and that wouldn't sway him. Atty said he used him many times before and thought he was always professional and unbiased. He actually thought he was the best choice out of everyone he recommended.

Well, I am getting the impression that this was a very good move because ex is controlling her anger because she is afraid that it will get back to her workplace. Appearances are pretty much all that matters to her. I suspect she is in a bind right now and doesn't know what to do. If this continues she will explode within the next two meetings.

The one complaint ex kept bringing up about the phone is that I should just call her cell when I want to talk to the boys. She said I used to do that all the time when she first left. I explained that during the first three years I was accused of physical, verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse on a regular basis. I was accused of physically abusing our youngest son and ex actually took him to the pediatrician. Nothing came of it but she did acknowledge doing it. I went on that I had three protection orders and an assault charge filed against me back then too. After I got out of jail I purchased an audio and a video recorder. That was four years ago. I let ex know what I did and since that time I haven't had a single allegation of anything. I only communicate through email so anything I said to ex in the last four years is in an email. The counselor actually told ex he thought I was being reasonable considering everything I said.

[whirlpoollife]

In the beginning , 2 yrs now, my kids phone would end up missing. x2bh would tell me too to use his phone to talk to the kids, why?... .so he could still be in control, and record our conversation.

I don't know how you go though these co parenting meetings, more power to you. 

[david]

I go to the meetings because they are court ordered. I expect very little to be accomplished. This was our 4th meeting and the only time anything was resolved. All that for getting a way to talk to our boys when they are with her.

I have never restricted the boys from using the phone to talk to their mom. I mentioned that and ex actually agreed. I notice that if I use a certain tone when I speak it changes how she responds. I don't think she is actually processing what I am saying. I don't know if that makes sense but I can't think of another way to explain it.

[livednlearned]

How will you pay for the landline? Sorry, just trying to imagine how this will go, considering she doesn't want you to contact the boys while they are with her. Do you mean it's just a separate phone, not a separate number? Or is this a dedicated line that only he will use.

[david]

Yea it's just another phone with the same house number. From what I can gather she hides the phone when she gets angry at me about something or angry at the kids.

The funny thing is when they are with me the don't call her. When she calls I used to tell them and let them call her back. They didn't call back so now I call her number and hand the phone to them telling them their mom called.

[livednlearned]

I wonder if the landline phone will go missing.

[david]

I am getting a landline phone with a cord to eliminate the excuse that the boys left the phone off the charger. If it goes missing then there is only one conclusion that can be made.

I actually have an old Ma Bell dial phone. I assume you are mature enough to remember those. I thought of giving him that but it is just a phone and I am getting one with caller id and an answering machine.

[david]

S16 actually has an IPhone his mother got him but she turned it off a few months after she got it for him because "he is disrespectful". Translation, he never called her and never answered it when she called. He actually got a ring tone for her number. It would make a load emergency type noise and say , "warning, warning , you are about to be asked questions that have no correct answer". The first time I heard it I had to walk out of the room because I was going to laugh.

I plan on helping him get that turned back on when I can.

[Nope]

He actually got a ring tone for her number. It would make a load emergency type noise and say , "warning, warning , you are about to be asked questions that have no correct answer". The first time I heard it I had to walk out of the room because I was going to laugh.

Reading this made me actually laugh. I have no idea how you got out of the room before laughing. If one on my DH's kids did that I would feel incredibly relieved to know they "got it" and were going to be ok. Also, having such a light attitude about the craziness is a gift.

[Panda39]

S16 actually has an IPhone his mother got him but she turned it off a few months after she got it for him because "he is disrespectful". Translation, he never called her and never answered it when she called. He actually got a ring tone for her number. It would make a load emergency type noise and say , "warning, warning , you are about to be asked questions that have no correct answer". The first time I heard it I had to walk out of the room because I was going to laugh.

I plan on helping him get that turned back on when I can.

Same thing is going on with my SO's daughters, their mom has painted them black and is now disconnecting phone service to the cell phones she bought them because she must have 24 hour round the clock access to speak to her children... .to the point of waking them up and texting during school   She uses the phones as tools to punish, to bribe, to snoop, to reward, to harrass and sometimes to actually communicate something meaningful.

My SO's brother has the Wicked Witch theme music from the Wizard of Oz for his uBPDxSIL's ring tone

[Waddams]

My SO's brother has the Wicked Witch theme music from the Wizard of Oz for his uBPDxSIL's ring tone

I might need to plagiarize this idea.