Latest update

[heronbird]

Hello there,

I haven't been on for a long while, just got busy really. So many other things going on.

You may remember about 2 years ago, my BPDd met a druggy bf. We didn't like him, she wouldn't/couldn't listen to us. Decided to get her own place to live, she let him move in even though it was only small for one person. He was homeless and had nothing.

They decided to get married, they booked it a few times but never did it because they couldn't afford it. Its only about £100.

But one day, they just about managed to find the money at the last minute and they did it.

Then they decided to have a baby. While dd was pregnant, she got a two bedroom flat, they done it up and made it home.

Baby was born in June 18 months ago. D had a major breakdown two weeks after and I got baby. But new husband didn't like it.

He was ever so possessive over new baby, even arguing with dd saying its his turn to hold him, he wouldn't stop telling my dd what to do. ":)on't hold bottle like that, don't feed him like that, make sure he has hat on in house, make sure you hold him properly," etc

Dd got worse, after a month started drugs and alchol. Dh was not supportive, went to work every day until 7pm, dd was lonely but he wouldn't come home and support her.

I was told by Social services that we would be getting the baby living with us from now on, he was 3 months old by now. Dad has a criminal record and no supportive family.

We went for the meeting where I thought I was getting baby but the dad fought for him. He got him. That was fine, I was starting to worry about having a baby for the next 20 years anyway. I was a bit sad. Also glad.

Anyway, to cut long story, her dh said he was divorcing her and giving up work, he will be a stay at home dad.

So dd lost home, dh and baby all in one day. She was admitted into hospital and didn't see anyone for 4 months not even  baby, she couldn't cope with that.

Fast forward a year now, she is now in a specialist unit doing DBT. She is so much better. She still has a long way to go but she has learnt so much.

The dad gave us baby for about 3 months to childmind while he worked back in April, then one day we fell out because I dared to ask for the baby for an hour more so we could take him to hospital to see his mummy. The Dad wouldn't budge, so now he hates us.

Hes moved far away, 3 hour drive. The hospital take dd to see baby every two weeks, silly dad insists on being there and is being horrible to dd. he wouldn't let her play with her baby the last two times.

What a mess. Its all so very sad.

I don't see baby anymore, I hope it will change eventually. We never had any legal representation for dd, its so expensive and we didn't feel it was right to pay for her, it was her mistake not ours. She needs to learn, I know she does not but I didn't feel it was right.

She misses him so much, she knows she could never bring him up, but she would like to take him to the park and stuff.

She is now like a different person, she has been good for about 5 months now, she starts part time college tomorrow, she comes home every weekend by train, she is eating healthy for the first time ever, exercising every day. I feel like she is so different. She tries so hard to live right, no lying etc.

I feel this is the real her, that BPD comes and robs her every now and again.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[llbee814]

Glad to see an update from you, heronbird.  You sound very good, despite the challenges with the grandbaby.  That has to be so difficult for you and your daughter.  It is great to hear how much your dd has improved... .you must be so very proud of her progress.  I wish you both well and will hope for a better situation with the baby.    lorilee

[Kwamina]

Hi heronbird

Thanks for providing us with this update!

There are some difficult things going on but let me first focus on the positives:

Fast forward a year now, she is now in a specialist unit doing DBT. She is so much better. She still has a long way to go but she has learnt so much.

She is now like a different person, she has been good for about 5 months now, she starts part time college tomorrow, she comes home every weekend by train, she is eating healthy for the first time ever, exercising every day. I feel like she is so different. She tries so hard to live right, no lying etc.

I feel this is the real her, that BPD comes and robs her every now and again.

This is fantastic news! I am very happy that your daughter is doing better. BPD is such a challenging disorder so I am very pleased that your daughter has committed to working on her issues through DBT.

I am sorry that the father of her child is behaving the way he is though. This is a difficult reality to accept but it is what it is... .for now at least. Hopefully things will change in the future. Are there any other family-members involved who do have access to the baby? Is the family of the baby's father in the picture?

[qcarolr]

Hi Heronbird,

You have been in my thoughts often over the many months. It is so good to get this update from you. What a great thing that your DD accepted the treatment offered, and that it has worked so well for her. It is even working under the distress around her little boy.

You post sounds like things are OK with you. Please keep us posted on how your DD is doing in college when you can.

qcr

[heronbird]

Hi,

nice to hear from you.

I must just share with you, she was not committed to DBT. They make them do it. The girls in the unit are all sectioned so that they do therapy.

Yet for years I was told, you cant make them do therapy. This place does. If she does not go to a class there are consequences. She missed one at the beginning but then she got her consequence. She never did it again. That was about 9 months ago.

If she is crying, they come and support her. They are really helping her, she does loads of mindfulness, she hated that at the beginning but now she does it if she needs it, instead of self harm or drinking.

She started college yesterday, its only once a week but its a brilliant start.

She was upset recently, something unfair happened in the hospital, so she thought she wouldn't get up in the morning, she wouldn't go to groups, she was just going to have  a relaxing day. Then she realised if she did that it would spiral, then she wouldn't get dressed all day, she wouldn't go to the gym then she wouldn't eat, then she would get depressed and go down again.

So she made herself get up, shower and go to DBT.

She has learnt things like that in there too, I am so pleased. Her self esteem has gone up  , she is working on being more assertive, she is trying so much to be honest. To me, this is the real her.

Lets hope it stays. DBT is working so far.