I started catching her in lies...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I started catching her in lies and her actions not speaking louder than words. So I started angrily confronting her about it. Of course that didn't help. So one day she pretended to be fine and moved out while I was at work taking our baby with her. Not a word since then.

[hurting300]

I started catching her in lies and her actions not speaking louder than words. So I started angrily confronting her about it. Of course that didn't help. So one day she pretended to be fine and moved out while I was at work taking our baby with her. Not a word since then.

[Skip]

Did she run away from your anger/conflict? 

[Tim300]

Mine also seemed to discard me when I caught on.  But there are so many variables at play in these relationships that it's difficult to draw conclusions about what caused what.

[SlyQQ]

Many BPD s thrive on conflict she ran away from her lies most of them do in the end.

[hurting300]

Did she run away from your anger/conflict? 

oh yes I'm sure. It's like she pushed me until I popped. And when I did  it's as if she got worse. I always tried to remain calm but the calm I was the more worse she got. I regret raising my voice. I just had no idea about mental illness. Had i known I would have bailed. But raised our child.

[hurting300]

Many BPD s thrive on conflict she ran away from her lies

most of them do in the end.

so true. They can't seem to stop.

[Tim300]

Many BPD s thrive on conflict

The pwBPD in my life seemed to always be involved in some conflict.  They seemed to love fighting.  Total opposite of me, ha.

[hurting300]

Mine rarely raised her voice. She was more I'll stab you in the back kinda gal.

[SlyQQ]

Many BPD use emotional turmoil physical an mental to hide the hole in there souls they can be addicted to the rush of it much like a soldier returning from war it can help replace or may be replaced by other addictions to help them cope fufilling this need in them will eventually be turned back on you its all catch 22 ( ignoring it may lead to drug or them seeking someone else ) it is one of the most difficult things to adress / heal ( read sought out ) in BPD

[glaciercats]

It's like they love emotional turmoil and strive for it daily.  They make us become horrible monsters just so they can tell us how horrible we are.  It doesn't matter if you have proof of their lies right in front of their faces they will still deny deny deny. 

[hurting300]

It's like they love emotional turmoil and strive for it daily.  They make us become horrible monsters just so they can tell us how horrible we are.  It doesn't matter if you have proof of their lies right in front of their faces they will still deny deny deny. 

or they deflect. You'll never be right during a BPD fight.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

Did she run away from your anger/conflict? 

oh yes I'm sure. It's like she pushed me until I popped. And when I did  it's as if she got worse. I always tried to remain calm but the calm I was the more worse she got. I regret raising my voice. I just had no idea about mental illness. Had i known I would have bailed. But raised our child.

Funny you say this because I would often ask my X, are you trying to push me over the edge?  Are  you trying to push me to the point where I break up with you?  Are you unhappy with me so you just keep doing an over abundance of small petty things because you think I'm just going to throw in the towel?

I don't think I gave her the reaction she wanted.  I wasn't one to raise my voice often. If I was angry I got quiet and sometimes sarcastic.  Never used curse words or called her names, that isn't who I am.  Ironically enough, I was always more hurt than angry.  I felt the things she would do were just completely disheartening.  I took them personal.  Example, I was working my ass off and she would blow her money on make up. 

I think she enjoyed the turmoil because of the making up.  We didn't fight a whole lot but we tended to bicker.  I'm not entirely sure.  I thought I knew who she was but clearly... .that was a lie;-)

[hurting300]

Did she run away from your anger/conflict? 

oh yes I'm sure. It's like she pushed me until I popped. And when I did  it's as if she got worse. I always tried to remain calm but the calm I was the more worse she got. I regret raising my voice. I just had no idea about mental illness. Had i known I would have bailed. But raised our child.

Funny you say this because I would often ask my X, are you trying to push me over the edge?  Are  you trying to push me to the point where I break up with you?  Are you unhappy with me so you just keep doing an over abundance of small petty things because you think I'm just going to throw in the towel?

I don't think I gave her the reaction she wanted.  I wasn't one to raise my voice often. If I was angry I got quiet and sometimes sarcastic.  Never used curse words or called her names, that isn't who I am.  Ironically enough, I was always more hurt than angry.  I felt the things she would do were just completely disheartening.  I took them personal.  Example, I was working my ass off and she would blow her money on make up. 

I think she enjoyed the turmoil because of the making up.  We didn't fight a whole lot but we tended to bicker.  I'm not entirely sure.  I thought I knew who she was but clearly... .that was a lie;-)

Abuse is never ok. And repeatedly lying to someone your suppose to love is emotional abuse at its finest. I'm glad my anger ran her off. I miss my child but we have served them and gearing up for court.

[hope2727]

Abuse is never ok. And repeatedly lying to someone your suppose to love is emotional abuse at its finest.

Thank you. Truer words have never been spoken. I am so sorry you are enduring this. Please keep your chin up. There is a great site on abuse I have found very helpful.

www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/The_Con/insincerity.html

I found many great concepts clearly explained on this site. I hope it can help others the way it has helped me.

[hurting300]

Abuse is never ok. And repeatedly lying to someone your suppose to love is emotional abuse at its finest.

Thank you. Truer words have never been spoken. I am so sorry you are enduring this. Please keep your chin up. There is a great site on abuse I have found very helpful.

www.abuseandrelationships.org/Content/The_Con/insincerity.html

I found many great concepts clearly explained on this site. I hope it can help others the way it has helped me.

I'm not excusing my behaviour at all... I shouldn't have gotten so mad at her. I should have just left.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

 I'm not excusing my behaviour at all... I shouldn't have gotten so mad at her. I should have just left. [/quote]
It's astounding how they paralyze us, like we have transmogrified to exist in an alternate reality while they are in our lives. If we want to leave, we can't, until it is too late and we are damaged emotioanlly, if not physically.

My exgf developed her talent, it was so mesmerizing, the things she said, promised, all in a down to earth, rarely emotional way.  

Her smile did me in... .:'(

[JRT]

Mine left all of a sudden as well and I have not spoke with her since (3.5 months)... .I caught her in what were minor lies that didn't really mean anything... .but she had just moved in and we were planning our wedding... .I suspect that part of what was going on is that once we combined finances and other things, that there were lies that were going to be exposed... .

[hurting300]

Mine left all of a sudden as well and I have not spoke with her since (3.5 months)... .I caught her in what were minor lies that didn't really mean anything... .but she had just moved in and we were planning our wedding... .I suspect that part of what was going on is that once we combined finances and other things, that there were lies that were going to be exposed... .

mine disappeared when I started confronting her about lies. And boy did I confront

[JRT]

Mine left all of a sudden as well and I have not spoke with her since (3.5 months)... .I caught her in what were minor lies that didn't really mean anything... .but she had just moved in and we were planning our wedding... .I suspect that part of what was going on is that once we combined finances and other things, that there were lies that were going to be exposed... .

mine disappeared when I started confronting her about lies. And boy did I confront

What kind of lies was she telling?

[hurting300]

Mine left all of a sudden as well and I have not spoke with her since (3.5 months)... .I caught her in what were minor lies that didn't really mean anything... .but she had just moved in and we were planning our wedding... .I suspect that part of what was going on is that once we combined finances and other things, that there were lies that were going to be exposed... .

mine disappeared when I started confronting her about lies. And boy did I confront

What kind of lies was she telling?

basically telling me she wasn't talking to other guys. Now don't get me wrong. I don't care if my girlfriend has a few guy friends but when you do it behind my back and talk trash about me then it gets real. Once she lied about seeing one of her guy friends and after I found out she did in fact see him then told him I wasn't taking care of her or the baby just so she could get money from him. Needless to say the trust was gone at that point. Then she claims she hated one of her exes, but guess who she ran too? So yeah... .Lies lies and more Lies. But she is the victim, I must not forget that.

[JRT]

unacceptable

I wonder if the lies are strictly related to cheating? It sure seems like that.

[Heldfast]

Yeah my fiancée left me and was running to her ex too within two weeks. Would have been sooner if he'd been available. Flew all the way across country to do it. Also I caught her as she started getting random texts from a secret admirer, so she was flirty with someone. She said she was leaving to be a strong independent and find her identity. Lies.

[Skip]

And I won't lie, she had been letting the baby stay with her grandmother for weeks at a time, so she could find a job. That didn't make sense. Oh, she never did find a job. So I blew up two days before that. I told her to get a Damn job, bring our baby home and slack off the excuses and lying or your out  then she disappeared. I've not heard one word.

What does "blowing up" mean?

I started catching her in lies and her actions not speaking louder than words. So I started angrily confronting her about it. Of course that didn't help. So one day she pretended to be fine and moved out while I was at work taking our baby with her. Not a word since then.

Going back to my question earlier... .

Did she run away from your anger/conflict?  

You said she was passive - not one to rage.

hurting300, the reason I'm asking this is that you are almost 800 posts and 9 months in and you are mostly ruminating and angry... .mostly stage 1 of the 5 steps of detachment in the right margin ----------->

Don't you want to start doing the postmortem and understanding what really happened here?

Well on April 2nd she simply disappeared... the night before she left was perfect. We had dinner we talked about marriage and more kids, she had sex with me twice. The next morning when I got up for work she followed me to the shower and talk to me while I was taking a shower she packed my lunch for the day we text until noon time after that no response at all I got home she had taken her clothes and left a few things there that I thought she would have taken. She even washed and folded my clothes before she left. She has since the activated her facebook changed her phone number and I have not heard one peep out of her since April 2nd.

Did she impulsively and unexpectedly moveout (with no job or money) and go into hiding for 9 months for no reason? That's not easy to do. Was this a planned exit. Who helped her?

Why did you all decide not to list you as the father on the birth certificate? Why was the baby kept away for such long periods of time?

The romantic involvement the night before - cleaning the house before she left - washing your closes - driving by the house - clearly she was "torn" about leaving.

There was a lot going on here.

I know this is hard.  I know you really loved her. I know breaking this down will be painful.

It's part of healing.

[hurting300]

Blowing up may have been an exaggeration. I started checking her out. Nothing added up, when confronted she had excuses that made no sense. And does she really need a job to disappear? Or another man she's played the victim with. She told me she needed to find a job and put herself back together that's why she let the baby stay with the grandmother. She admitted she has vanished on men before. I know i could have handled myself better towards the end but it's hard to grasp when you love someone how they could be totally different than what they claimed they were. She is an evil person. Too many people are coming forward now that court is coming up. I'm needing to heal and believe me skip, I've replayed it a thousand times. I just hooked up with a professional con artist. The way she disappeared made me think it was sudden. Why would a normal thinking woman make love to her abuser and clean his house then vanish... .Nothing makes sense. 

[Skip]

I just hooked up with a professional con artist.

That's the long and short of it?

[hurting300]

I just hooked up with a professional con artist.

That's the long and short of it?

I was told by a psychologist that my attorney's hired that she is a sociopath. We were able to get records because she left so much paper work at my house... then the other clinical social Worker said "to me she is BPD or a con artist" the profiler told us my ex has a dangerously high chance at violence due to the fact of her changing her name from town to town. Skip if you only knew what we know. I'm honestly afraid to put this out here. You just have no clue what we're dealing with.

[SlyQQ]

I get it she has obviously done this sought of thing before an planned it for some time I was in the same situation except mine was perhaps better at hiding her feelins/ plans it is gobsmacking how two faced people with BPD can be Running away to somewhere where no one knows them is common too it lets them start the same thing from scratch cleaning the house is interesting though it indicates some oppertunity she may have been waiting for suddenly cropped up an she bolted ( it is possible she felt ashamed of her actions an cleaning had some psychological signifigance ) there seems to be much your not saying but i know full how they can lay there plans without even a slight hint of provocation other than not doing exactly what they want how long do you think she had been planning this from day 1 ( they often know how it will end and start planniing contingencies mine did it for years! ) 

[hurting300]

I get it she has obviously done this sought of thing before an planned

it for some time I was in the same situation except mine was perhaps

better at hiding her feelins/ plans it is gobsmacking how two faced

people with BPD can be

Running away to somewhere where no one knows them is common too it lets them start the same thing from scratch

cleaning the house is interesting though

it indicates some oppertunity she may have been waiting for suddenly cropped up an she bolted

( it is possible she felt ashamed of her actions an cleaning had some psychological signifigance )

there seems to be much your not saying but i know full how they can lay there plans without

even a slight hint of provocation other than not doing exactly what they want how long do you think she had been planning this

from day 1 ( they often know how it will end and start planniing contingencies mine did it for years! )

thank you for understanding. She literally told me "hurting300 you get treated better than most" She also admitted to torturing her ex... he committed suicide, when I ask her how he died she said, well he had a bad diet and ate to much pizza. I later found out what happened. She is dangerous. I have no clue what happened to her.

[SlyQQ]

I am the only surviving long term partner of my ex last one was a suicide other two fell into drugs an an early death ( dont know how many others there may have been i was lucky her carefully laid plans became unravelled hang in there

[hurting300]

I am the only surviving long term partner of my ex last one was a suicide

other two fell into drugs an an early death ( dont know

how many others there may have been i was lucky her carefully laid plans became unravelled

hang in there

I'm not a stupid man . I knew what she was doing but let it slide. Good luck to you also.

[SlyQQ]

People tell me how smart i am sometimes I laugh an shake my head an say it must be because of all the stupid mistakes i've made 

[hurting300]

Yes we can definitely learn.