What would you say to your replacement?

[Shibuya]

Just a month ago I reached out to me replacement. I loved my exBPDgf (Or loved the thought of having a happy life with her). I've known all her exes and her very well that I saw both sides of everyones stories. When I finally became the rescuer, I thought I had all the information to make things work, but I found out the hard way, just like everyone was warning me. I ignored them and became codependant until I had enough.

I said to my replacement: "It's nice to meet you, I just wanted to reach out to you to let you know that I'm happy that you found her. Shes sweet, beautiful and charming, but you are now just getting the best part of her. Keep doing what you're doing to make her happy. If you ever feel emotionally, physically abused, confused and you witness large amounts of alcohol consumption ( Stay away from alcohol as much as you can!) feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or concerns. I'm not here to ruin whatever you guys have started, I just wanted to reach out to you because I had to go through lots of therapy just to try to make our relationship to work and I didnt want it to happen to anyone ever again. I hope everything works out with you guys and I wish you guys the best, take care of yourself"

The replacement replied and was quite upset saying it was insulting and that my failures in life were a reflection of my decisions. I lost respect for him when he said ":)on't worry about me Bro!"

Now heres the thing that bothers me often. This guy has more money than me, very successful and loves the same things as my exBPDgf. I constantly wonder if she changed her crazy ways for my replacement since they're alike and seem very happy together. Only time can tell. They are in the honeymoon phase now, so I guess im waiting until they break up to validate what Ive been trying so hard to fix.

[JRT]

Just a month ago I reached out to me replacement. I loved my exBPDgf (Or loved the thought of having a happy life with her). I've known all her exes and her very well that I saw both sides of everyones stories. When I finally became the rescuer, I thought I had all the information to make things work, but I found out the hard way, just like everyone was warning me. I ignored them and became codependant until I had enough.

I said to my replacement: "It's nice to meet you, I just wanted to reach out to you to let you know that I'm happy that you found her. Shes sweet, beautiful and charming, but you are now just getting the best part of her. Keep doing what you're doing to make her happy. If you ever feel emotionally, physically abused, confused and you witness large amounts of alcohol consumption ( Stay away from alcohol as much as you can!) feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or concerns. I'm not here to ruin whatever you guys have started, I just wanted to reach out to you because I had to go through lots of therapy just to try to make our relationship to work and I didnt want it to happen to anyone ever again. I hope everything works out with you guys and I wish you guys the best, take care of yourself"

The replacement replied and was quite upset saying it was insulting and that my failures in life were a reflection of my decisions. I lost respect for him when he said ":)on't worry about me Bro!"

Now heres the thing that bothers me often. This guy has more money than me, very successful and loves the same things as my exBPDgf. I constantly wonder if she changed her crazy ways for my replacement since they're alike and seem very happy together. Only time can tell. They are in the honeymoon phase now, so I guess im waiting until they break up to validate what Ive been trying so hard to fix.

We are here to support one another here but I have to tell ya', having told him that, you are very lucky that he didn't attack you.

[HappyNihilist]

I don't know anything about my replacement, or even honestly if I still have one, although I can't imagine that he's actually single. I know he was dating someone a few months ago, because he made a point of contacting me to tell me, but it's not been discussed since.

I can't imagine what I would tell her that would make any sort of difference. And he's very self-aware and open about his issues, so if she's not going to listen to him, then I don't know why she would listen to me.

I want him to be happy, and maybe one day he'll find a woman with whom he can achieve at least some measure of peace and happiness. I don't think it would be fair of me to try to step in the middle of that.

That however is just who is given the "boyfriend" title. The BPDx can not be with one person and most surely has casual sexual affairs. Those affairs are reserved for the guys not so good hearted guys who she knows would never entertain the thought of settling down with her and her million kids.

My exBPDbf is the same way. Girlfriends (and wives) are the good-hearted gals. There's also a stable of casual sex partners, ongoing through all the serious relationships. But casual sex partners never become girlfriends, and vice versa.

[SlyQQ]

hope you live

[Infared]

Just a month ago I reached out to me replacement. I loved my exBPDgf (Or loved the thought of having a happy life with her). I've known all her exes and her very well that I saw both sides of everyones stories. When I finally became the rescuer, I thought I had all the information to make things work, but I found out the hard way, just like everyone was warning me. I ignored them and became codependant until I had enough.

I said to my replacement: "It's nice to meet you, I just wanted to reach out to you to let you know that I'm happy that you found her. Shes sweet, beautiful and charming, but you are now just getting the best part of her. Keep doing what you're doing to make her happy. If you ever feel emotionally, physically abused, confused and you witness large amounts of alcohol consumption ( Stay away from alcohol as much as you can!) feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or concerns. I'm not here to ruin whatever you guys have started, I just wanted to reach out to you because I had to go through lots of therapy just to try to make our relationship to work and I didnt want it to happen to anyone ever again. I hope everything works out with you guys and I wish you guys the best, take care of yourself"

The replacement replied and was quite upset saying it was insulting and that my failures in life were a reflection of my decisions. I lost respect for him when he said ":)on't worry about me Bro!"

Now heres the thing that bothers me often. This guy has more money than me, very successful and loves the same things as my exBPDgf. I constantly wonder if she changed her crazy ways for my replacement since they're alike and seem very happy together. Only time can tell. They are in the honeymoon phase now, so I guess im waiting until they break up to validate what Ive been trying so hard to fix.

We are here to support one another here but I have to tell ya', having told him that, you are very lucky that he didn't attack you.

I feel That it was totally inappropriate for Shibuyah a to contact his replacement and say the things he said. Very unhealthy. There just is no point to interactions like these and it shows that the person making contact is not healthy. Nothing good can come of that. It's just my opinion... .and I thought that I would express it.

[Perfidy]

Response to question posted. Good luck with that. Lol! WOW! High five bro. Did you like sloppy seconds? Buy me a beer. Don't whine.

[mywifecrazy]

Well I actually did have a discussion (one sided) with my replacement. My situation is that I was married 18yrs and my replacement was a family friend (or so I thought) who also happened to be my neighbor from across the street.

Long story short I went over to see him to discuss how him and my X were hurting my kids.  I did most of the talking. After I mentioned how they are hurting my kids I took the opportunity to warn him about my X and her lying about being abused by me and her family. I even warned him that she said the same exact things to me 20yrs ago about her then boyfriend. I could tell it was falling on deaf ears just by the look of disgust he was giving me (he's in the FOG). I told him he was warned and that's the last I'll ever talk to him again.

When I left it hit me that I seen that look of disgust before... .It was the look I had 20 years earlier when my X's boyfriend approached us in a bar. I remember thinking what a loser, he beats on his girlfriend then has the nerve to stalk us and tell me to leave her alone so she can make up her mind. I'll also never forget that look of bewilderment the old boyfriend had. He was obviously in shock at the sudden turn of events that my X had put him through and he was now finding out that she was telling horrible lies about him and was running around with me. No doubt my replacement must have seen that look in me.

I'm actually glad I did speak to my replacement. He was a family friend so its a different dynamic than most here. I felt good telling him he should be ashamed of betraying me as a friend. I was nothing but good to him and his kids. I told him that he knew me and that he should have come to me when my X approached him with these lies. I'm also glad I got to stick up for my X's family as they have been nothing but supportive of me and even stood up for me to clear lies that were told about me to others.

I just wish I would have added one more thing when I talked to him... ."Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for getting me off the Hook and out of the FOG! And here's a link to BPD Family... .You're going to need it someday. I only hope for your sake that day comes soon for you my Old Friend".

MWC... .

[nowwhatz]

Pity. No replacement yet this time. I wouldn't say anything just feel sorry for the poor guy.

[SlyQQ]

I too talked to my first replacement The first time i heard his voice when my ex had rang me to try an exort money from me he called out threats including that of putting a hit man on me ( I was a little worried as at that stage i only new he had been a collector for a bikie gang at one stage I later discovered he had a broken leg an a bypass  

He rang me about two months after that a shattered man he said he hadnt slept for three days and was worried she would stab him After he had related his story i asked him if he didnt think something was up with the stories she had been telling him he said he took her face value ( sigh ) she had swollowed a bottle of pills smashed glasses across the floor and walked over them and was currently in hospital she had slashed her arms 13 stitches about a month before an after that he had taken an avo out against himself because he had strangled her before hand ( it was indirectly because of the first phone loong story )

anyway she was in hospital I helped him because she was the mother of our son and i was caring for her two girls ( an still am ) while she was crazy thought i had a breather an her brother and father tried to get her commited while she was in hospital she released herself because they couldnt nhold her an she tracked him down he rang me again this time to tell me she tried to run him over yada yada anyway got him out of there with help of exs brother when she discovered he left she said he'll be back amazingly two weeks later he was finally heard from mediator who negotiated a nc breakup between them that the last thing he said to him was "thank God I escaped " so its not all wine an roses for the replacement 

[love4meNOTu]

Just "Thank you".

It's because of her that I was able to get him to agree to the divorce terms without a hitch.

I'm sure he was focused on her financially and emotionally... so again I'm thankful.

Married for 16 months to that man was some of the worst moments of my life, it's over now... over year has passed and I'm so much better off.

I'm with a man so different, so wonderful. I can't believe the rock bottom I was at and where I'm at now.

Thank you God.

L

[HostNoMore]

As emotionally difficult as it was to get through the recovery process, I made it!

As for my replacement, I would say a huge thank you to him from the bottom of my  for distracting her so well while I healed.  I have no clue what is going on with my exBPDgf, and I like it that way.  Whatever is going on in her life, I'm sure it's appalling.  It's amazing how the passage of time gets you through this. 

For anyone out there just starting out on their journey or doubting themselves there is a better place waiting for you just keep the faith and stay on the path you're traveling.